To ask how perimenopause/menopause has changed/is changing you emotionally

[Kitchendisco21]

This might be a difficult one to pin down but I really feel like perimenopause is like going through puberty backwards- it’s incredibly challenging and I find myself questioning everything in my life- people, jobs, my relationship with DP, what I really want, who I really am. It feels quite shocking at times.

Aibu to ask how perimenopause/ menopause is changing you?

I wonder (and I am this age) whether some of this is just a getting older and wiser and women realising fuck the patriarchy? There are so many themes in common (like stopping giving so much of a shit what people say, going after what you want for a change, not doing what is expected of us etc) - women, especially mothers, are socialised to put themselves last, and then we grow older and wiser and think well fuck this. So a lot of this is actually a good thing, if slightly disconcerting when it happens.

Obviously not relevant for things like hot flushes and physical symptoms - and I don't mean to diminish in any way the "seriousness" of people's feelings, but some of this should be positively encouraged, I feel.

I wonder (and I am this age) whether some of this is just a getting older and wiser and women realising fuck the patriarchy?

This in spades.

I agree - I reached the IDGAF frame of mind a few years ago - I've hit perimenopause in the last few months. I think that is about getting older. The confidence too - I think comes with age.

I also haven't noticed the lack of caring/nurturing that Caitlin Moran talks about - but I still have a young child who needs all of that stuff, I think if I only had teens, that might be the case, which is probably more to do with the teens than the oestrogen.

I read that you loose tue nurturing hormones around menopause, that's why you are sick of looking after everyone else. You've just not got it in you anymore. I feel like this, though its an uphill struggle. Looking after everyone else bar me is ingrained in me. Its like my default setting, going round Asda with a trolley and filling it with stuff everyone else likes, then realising I've got nothing for my dinner. I like simple boring easy food. But i buy better stuff for everyone else. I dont think about me. So im fat and unheathy, as i just want cheese on toast once ive bought, brought home, put away, froze, unfroze, brought out, cooked and plated up everyone else's. After that i simply can't be arsed with me. And ive nibbled and tried and tasted all day long and im not that hungry anyway.

And im resentful dh never bothers that im eating cheese on toast for dinner again, whereas if he hasn't got a decent meal i feel bad..
Im a fucking idiot but i honestly dont know how it happened

I’m 50’( tomorrow!) and been on HRT for almost 2 years. Still peri. Have just increased my dose as suffer so badly with anxiety, I worry about everything. My 2 children both recently left home and I am finding it so hard. I not only miss them but yearn for the times when they were still little. My confidence is rock bottom which isn’t great as I’m going for promotion at work and to get it is all about ‘selling yourself’ .
I don’t seem to enjoy life very much despite doing all the right things, ie I eat healthily and exercise

Happy birthday for tomorrow @OverByYer! 🎉🎂🥂🍾

@SirChenjins Promethazine (Phenergan or Sominex brand names) is the only antihistamine that helps me sleep. All the others like Nytol didn't work. It's the active ingredient in Night Nurse without all the other crap; can get from pharmacy without prescription. Go easy at first and see how you feel; I take it early – about an hour or hour and half before I want to fall asleep as can leave you drowsy in the AM when you're not used to it. Not sleeping is the WORST. If all else fails ask GP for some zopiclone to take occasionally when desperate. Can help get sleep back on track.

In case it’s of use to anyone else, if you have a health insurance policy with Vitality you get free access to the Peppy app which enables you to chat with menopause practioners and access their web chats and other resources.

[quote Gonnagetgoing]@SirChenjins

I bought the magnesium cream (Better You) from Holland and Barrett. I heard someone post on MN or elsewhere re arms - but soles of feet usually good for absorption. There’s a lavender and magnesium balm I think Sweet Bee online do that. Antihistamine any will do just ensure it’s the drowsy sort. Funnily enough years ago I was speaking to a GP re insomnia and they suggested a drowsy antihistamine tablet.[/quote]
Sorry, I’ve just seen your post - thanks for the suggestions

[quote mowly77]@SirChenjins Promethazine (Phenergan or Sominex brand names) is the only antihistamine that helps me sleep. All the others like Nytol didn't work. It's the active ingredient in Night Nurse without all the other crap; can get from pharmacy without prescription. Go easy at first and see how you feel; I take it early – about an hour or hour and half before I want to fall asleep as can leave you drowsy in the AM when you're not used to it. Not sleeping is the WORST. If all else fails ask GP for some zopiclone to take occasionally when desperate. Can help get sleep back on track.[/quote]
Thanks @mowly77 - I’ll go tomorrow and get some. It really is the worst, isn’t it?

I feel like I might be peri but im 42 I dont want to go to the doctors though. I wake in the night and can't sleep, I cant tolerate alcohol as much, I cant be arsed most of the time, I've fallen out with my family over nothing much...I feel crap.. 😕

Great thread. Im 48. Low energy some days. Not sure if Im suited to hrt as seem to be prone to complex ovarian cysts. Coil in at present. Sleep hit and miss

Overbyyer Happy Birthday

Had my telephone chat with the “women’s health” specialist at my GP surgery this morning. Pleasantly surprised that she didn’t try and tell me I was too young (just turned 40) or imagining things.

She’s ordering a raft of blood tests for me and wants me to think about having a mirena coil fitted, then once they’ve got the results we can talk about managing symptoms and possible HRT if they think it’s needed.

Menopause has being quite disconcerting for me. I’ve always been such a soft person and put everyone’s needs ahead of mine. I realise now that I didn't do anything much for myself. The scales have fallen from my eyes and I’m seeing clearly how I’ve been ‘put upon’ for years by some people close to me who had no trouble putting themselves first. I’ve put up with such bad behaviour from my family.

Not sure what to do with my new-found clarity. It feels like I’m at a cross roads. I feel quite calm and like I can see everything so clearly now but it’s not a great feeling at all.

It’s like I could literally say fuck it to a sizeable amount of people and walk away.

Thats how I feel @dontbekatty. The problem is everyone else thinks I'm in the wrong!

Dontbekatty; same. I have zero tolerance for bs now! It was take take with mums. Never return a favour. I suit myself now. Maybe when we older we just have better boundaries !

@Snooper22 - Yeah, same here. I think unfortunately, because I allowed everyone’s needs to go ahead of mine, it’s hard for others to accept now my change of outlook.
Or that I might be pissed off with serving others. Or that I might have an opinion on anything.

Basically it’s my own (or my fucking estrogens) fault. I think Mother Nature must be a bloke

I'm 46 and had a breakdown and tried to commit suicide this year. Go upper the antidepressant I was on and gave me sleeping tablets. Zero help from mental health team as told I don't meet the criteria and it's just stress from my divorce.
My mum and grandmother both also had breakdowns during peri stage but no-one will listen to me so I have given up trying.

Should say gp

I'm 50, and started HRT a couple of years ago. It's definitely helped my anxiety - before HRT I was having panic attacks.

Menopace tablets stopped me getting "the rage".

Gynaecologist put me on progesterone pill which has made me calmer.

But my brain fog is no better. Awful memory, word loss, foggy thinking. I'm a writer and it's starting to affect my work.

Does ANYTHING help right brain fog? I've read about Heights vitamins being great for memory, etc - anyone tried them?

The night dreads are the worst, for me.

Just as I am drifting off into a lovely sleep... BAM! ... I suddenly feel sick at the thought that loved ones might die or I might lose my job or health, or even something daft like a trivial moment in the day plays out with a horrific consequence (e.g. the dog spotting a hare in a field but coming back when I called suddenly plays out in my mind like 'what if' he ran after the hare across the motorway a mile away and was hit by a truck). My heart races and I become paralysed with fear at whatever has occupised my mind. It feels like it takes superhuman strength to regain control of my thoughts and settle myself again. Sometime I fail and am awake for several hours worrying about everything. Sometimes I can feel my mind actively seeking something to latch onto to worry about and have to stop it.

I also have the stupid brain fog and lack of motivation to do anything - which was also unheard of for me until a couple of years ago; I was always driven and proactive and quick thinking.

None of this is me. I have always been known and the joyful optimist among my friends and family. I don't recognise this version of me.

That’s awful @MrsBerthaRochester and I would think sadly not unheard of for women of our age to be dismissed. We know our own bodies and have been dealing with the cycle of hormones all our lives. I hope you can get somewhere with the gp and get relief.
In the meantime you can feel assured that there’s a lot of us out there that understand the upheaval that menopause and peri can cause Good luck.

Its the brain fog and lack of motivation for me too but I dont think I'm depressed and I dont want the Dr to say take anti depression pills or go on the pill. I was thinking of taking st John's wort but not sure if I'm just wasting money.