To ask how perimenopause/menopause has changed/is changing you emotionally

[Kitchendisco21]

This might be a difficult one to pin down but I really feel like perimenopause is like going through puberty backwards- it’s incredibly challenging and I find myself questioning everything in my life- people, jobs, my relationship with DP, what I really want, who I really am. It feels quite shocking at times.

Aibu to ask how perimenopause/ menopause is changing you?

@julieca

Yes some women have very easy menopause. Ask your mum what hers was like. You tend to have the same.

I’ve heard this before, but I can’t ask my mum as she died at 44 and my granny had a hysterectomy at 48. So I’ll have nothing to compare to.

@Divebar2021

As a younger woman I investigated (as a police officer) a case of assault. An older lady was walking in a car park and this kid in a parked car stuck her tongue out at her. The woman opened the car door, leaned in and slapped the girl around the face. She’d never been in trouble with the police before and I couldn’t understand it. Nowadays when I’m not feeling tearful I also feel like slapping people.

This will be me, any day now. It made me literally LOL, so thank you!

Am I the only one that has found some of this beneficial? I am 46 and luckily haven’t had too many bad symptoms yet but the loss of nurturing and just not caring a lot of stuff has actually helped me. I have been able to let go of the guilt about balancing my life and taking care of everyone and prioritize myself for once. If I have to work late, fine. No guilt about taking a yoga class on the weekend instead of spending time with my kids. Of course it helps that they are teens and pretty independent! I am just better able to compartmentalize my life much like men do which is something I could never do before, I was always trying to take on everything and having tremendous guilt about being a bad parent, bad housekeeper, bad employee. I also don’t feel guilt at spending money on myself anymore. Sometimes I’m not sure what DH makes of all of this but I don’t really care about that either!

This is such a useful thread, and I can relate so much to it. Makes me realise that it's time I saw the doctor and get some help

Always worth repeating - Vagifem for vaginal dryness/atrophy.

Yes some women have very easy menopause. Ask your mum what hers was like. You tend to have the same

According to my Mother she had a very easy menopause, if you ask the rest of us who had to live with her at that time, we will probably disagree.

So far I have the anxiety, occasional uncharateristic rage, a high level of just can't be arsedness and apathy, brain fog which feeds the anxiety as I am always double checking stuff, questioning myself and not being able to recall well known facts on demand. The facts are still there, its just recalling them is like looking for something in the drawer of doom in the kitchen

Has been so helpful reading this, realising I am not alone and so many of us are going through this. I am 46. I honestly think I have been experience peri-menopause since around the age of 37. In my early teens (around puberty) I suffered from severe anxiety and it went away in my later teens (after I had started my periods and hormones had started to settled down). It suddenly came back in my late thirties with a vengeance.

Since then I have noticed so many symptoms. RAGE. Going from being quite serene to throwing things within seconds. In dryer weather my eyes stream constantly. Brain fog. Wondering i have early onset Dementia. Migraines either before or at the end of my period. Last for days. Unexplained weight gain, mainly around my stomach.

I have been taking DIM-plus that I think helps. Also magnesium. Thinking of asking for HRT.

Did anyone get unpleasant side effects from HRT. I could not take the combined pill because it gave me extremely high blood pressure so wonder If I would experience same issues.

I'm 43, didn't realise peri constitutes two years without a period until you're over 45 pp!

My cycle went haywire about a year ago but haven't had a period for about five months. I get anxiety thinking of having one now and having to start the count all over again! Stuffed most of my sanitary towel stash under the pasta in DC's harvest food bank donation . Deep down it feels I'm done, so I'd be annoyed to be proved wrong.

@BackyardBird the levels of hormones in HRT are much lower than in the pill so it might be worth giving it a go. I had to try a couple of pills before I found one that suited me. The mirena might have been worth a go to. sister had terrible hormone issues but the mirena suited her.

I haven't had many bad physical symptoms, which I'm grateful for.
But i identify so much with the emotional symptoms so many posters have described. I want to seize the day and be grateful I'm here and healthy, but instead I'm down and worrying a lot and resentful of too much. I need to count my blessings but i seem to have a dark cloud on my shoulder that stops me. And no amount of cbt, therapy, etc stops it.

If anyone is interested there is a US based “women’s health practitioner” called Cynthia Thurlow who has a YouTube channel. I started following her just over a year ago as I was getting into intermittent fasting but she talks a lot about menopause and women’s health in general.

She’s got loads of videos if you want to follow her on YouTube and also has a podcast called Everyday Wellness.

This is a useful intro video as a summary of what she talks about:

[quote Justcannotbearsed]@BackyardBird the levels of hormones in HRT are much lower than in the pill so it might be worth giving it a go. I had to try a couple of pills before I found one that suited me. The mirena might have been worth a go to. sister had terrible hormone issues but the mirena suited her.[/quote]
Thank you @Justcannotbearsed I will have to bit the bullet and make an appointment with the GP I think...

Thankyou for starting this thread. So reassuring .I'm now on oral HRT after 2 lots of failed patches and seems to be helping.x

If anyone is suffering with insomnia after trying magnesium liquid (didn't work), I tried magnesium cream last night on lower arms, soles of feet and also an antihistimane as good to help sleep and slept better.

@Chunkymenrock

I get dry eyes too. Never had that before. Having to use eye drops a lot now.

You can use an eye mask or I think omega or sea buckthorn tablets - I take omega 7 sea buckthorn capsules now.

This thread is so reassuring. I'm late 30s and I think I began peri 35/36. It seems to be ramping up though. I have no kids and I was barely nurturing in the first place - now it has totally gone! Periods hurt a lot, brain fog, night sweats, shedding hair, so many fucking chin hairs which I hate and such bad joint pain (already arthritic so it's just worse). Nice fat tum going on as well, plus loads of spots. I know my mum took about 18 years to get through to menopause proper and I really CBA with that.

@Gonnagetgoing

If anyone is suffering with insomnia after trying magnesium liquid (didn't work), I tried magnesium cream last night on lower arms, soles of feet and also an antihistimane as good to help sleep and slept better.

After another sleepless night I will try anything! Where did you buy the magnesium cream and why your arms and soles of your feet? Also - which antihistamine?

@Octopus37
I'm having feelings of regret too - my degree and career, always putting off or altering what I wanted to accommodate others. I put off more than one fantastic opportunity so that I could stay with one rather unsuitable boyfriend. I chose the university my friend was going to so I wouldn't be going alone (she dropped out and my course was shit when I'd had offers from great universities). I never thought of myself as someone who constantly lived to please others but clearly I have been all along.

Now I've turned into someone who literally can't bring myself to be a doormat for everyone else anymore. I'm not going to go out of my way to put everyone else first, be the nurturing one that thinks of and provides for everyone else's needs, the nester who keeps the house all spick and span and organises everything to do with the family/kids. They are great qualities that everyone loves but I'm just so sick of it!

On the one hand it feels liberating, on the other, I wouldn't be surprised if my husband left me (for a younger, more enthusiastic model) and my kids thought I was now just a silly old bat. And that's partly because I've never stood up for myself or made them do their fair share before!

I'm trying to take the opportunity to reflect properly and turn all the bitterness into an action plan. Well, I would if I could organise my fucking thoughts for one blasted minute!

@BobbinThreadbare123

This thread is so reassuring. I'm late 30s and I think I began peri 35/36. It seems to be ramping up though. I have no kids and I was barely nurturing in the first place - now it has totally gone! Periods hurt a lot, brain fog, night sweats, shedding hair, so many fucking chin hairs which I hate and such bad joint pain (already arthritic so it's just worse). Nice fat tum going on as well, plus loads of spots. I know my mum took about 18 years to get through to menopause proper and I really CBA with that.

It is interesting you say that, I don't have kids either. It used to be problem for me, but since all these peri-menopause systems started i am not bothered by that at all.

@SirChenjins

I bought the magnesium cream (Better You) from Holland and Barrett. I heard someone post on MN or elsewhere re arms - but soles of feet usually good for absorption. There’s a lavender and magnesium balm I think Sweet Bee online do that. Antihistamine any will do just ensure it’s the drowsy sort. Funnily enough years ago I was speaking to a GP re insomnia and they suggested a drowsy antihistamine tablet.

Thank you for the Magnesium cream recommendation. I’ve just placed an order.

I'm 47 and questioning my whole life this has come at the same time as both my kids leaving home , I'm a single parent . This and a significant family loss makes me feel like I'm 17 again !

I am looking at making a big life change new place new job .I think I've made a decision and then change my mind and loathe myself for it.

On the other hand some days I feel like I can take on the world and like not giving a shit . Then I get tired !

I thought it was just me and the nurturing thing , I'm glad my kids are adults I love them dearly but don't want to take care of anyone .

I'm questioning lots of my life whether I've done anything useful , I'm thinking back a lot to my childhood , which I've had counselling before and thought I'd dealt with it but a lot of the feelings have come back .

Perhaps as my childhood was insecure and very ambivalent and odd in the extreme, my mind is making parallels to then.
It's quite cathartic writing this and reading whatever everyone else has to say .

On the other hand some days I feel like I can take on the world and like not giving a shit . Then I get tired !

This is me exactly.

I don't think I've changed at all, mind you I only had heavy periods and the rate hot flush until my periods finally stopped. Now I feel fine.

It really is like going through puberty in reverse and I suppose bittersweet as there is no real promise at the end, life is unwinding not opening up.

I take hope in the knowledge that most 'post' menopausal woman I know seem pretty happy and content with life. The promise of youth is replaced with a sense of content and acceptance, with yourself and life generally.