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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To just be utterly done with driving

127 replies

Iusedtobecarmen · 31/10/2021 14:49

Posted about my driving anxiety before
Late learner

Never really enjoyed it. Passed 2 years ago and I've been a very limited driver since really.
I've had CBT, even a bit of hypnotherapy.
Gradually I've gained a bit of confidence.

Driving a a bit more without the usual overthinking .
Friday I was quite chuffed as I did quite a few errandsSmile
In the past I've scraped the car reversing and parking by my house
Scratched it on the gate and wall.
Nothing major just cosmetic.
This was probably a year ago.
I'd got over that.

Yesterday I reversed off the drive(I'm never normally in this position tbh) it was torrential rain and dark. Dh car was parked a little bit over the drive. He said plenty of room to get out.
I shouldnt have attempted it as I had to reverse at a funny angle.
I felt a slight bump as I pranged his car.
His car is fine but mine has a dent.
I could weep.
My car is small and should be a doddle to manoeuvre. It was perfect when I bought it. Now its got scratches and a dent.
DH looked at me like I'd run someone over. Which really has not helped one bit. Also not helped that he is a super confident and very experienced driver.
I feel like just calling it a day.
Half if me thinks I need more lessons. But I'm so bloody busy. I had loads whilst learning. I felt all I needed was practice not more teaching. I had some refresher lessons when I passed as well.
Most people don't have extra lessons do they?they just get straight out and drive!!

I messaged my friend this morning who said it's no big deal everyone has bumps.
Please be kind. I'm feeling fragile

OP posts:
VampireVicki · 31/10/2021 14:51

Honestly, it's no big deal.

However, if you decide you don't want to drive then don't. It's not for everyone.

OhMyfanwy · 31/10/2021 14:56

honestly , keep going , we've all been there

Ilikewinter · 31/10/2021 14:57

Are you confident when you are driving on the road? , if not then you should quit.

FionnulaTheCooler · 31/10/2021 14:59

Maybe get some reversing sensors fitted on your car, might help your confidence when manouvering?

Receptionclass · 31/10/2021 14:59

Many people have bumps and scrapes in the first few years. The key to gaining more confidence is to drive more, not less. Don't give up.

Viviennemary · 31/10/2021 15:01

Next time its dark or bad weather and you don't want to drive then don't. Typical man downplaying problems. You'll be sorry you quit.

SweetBabyCheeses99 · 31/10/2021 15:02

It sounds to me like you were lucky to pass at all and that you’re perhaps just not blessed with any spatial awareness. That’s fine, it’s not for everyone. I think you’d be better off giving up as if you crash into strangers cars then it’s going to start getting expensive!

BluebelllsRosesDaffodills · 31/10/2021 15:03

Don’t worry, I scratched my car on a width restriction on within a year of passing.
I didn’t pass until mid 20’s, so not a teen.
Seven years later, I’ve just done my C1 licence to drive a van.

Please don’t give up, sorry your DH is not more supportive.

Original poster
Iusedtobecarmen · 31/10/2021 15:04

Thank you.
My initial thought was lots of people have bumps, even worse than mine.
I think what crushed me was DH face. I suppose I felt embarrassed.
He has been supportive of me driving, but without him realising he has quite often made me feel shit. Commenting how I've parked for example. I don't take criticism well. Particularly as I suppose I know I'm not very good.
A while ago too we had a row and he basically berated me for not being able to take DC anywhere too far.
Although he was right, it hurt
He apologised after but it adds to my anxiety, just how limited I am.
I wont ever drive with him in the car as one , even well intentioned comment would be it.
I keep thinking perhaps I should try some advanced lessons. You can never learn too much can you.
I also think I just want to do it, n ou t fork out more cash
Also a couple of years after passing I feel I've missed the boat

OP posts:
Original poster
Iusedtobecarmen · 31/10/2021 15:05

I should have gone with my instincts

OP posts:
Original poster
Iusedtobecarmen · 31/10/2021 15:06

Sorry last post was addressed to vivienne

OP posts:
MildRose · 31/10/2021 15:06

No big deal at all! I remember bumping a woman's car in a car park when I had just passed. I was so upset about it. I was heavily pregnant and already had one little dc with me. The woman did not give a shit at all. Just said she couldn't even tell which bump was me as there was so many on hers already Halloween Grin

You could maybe look at getting something to help with reversing though. One of those camera thingies maybe?

Original poster
Iusedtobecarmen · 31/10/2021 15:08

@SweetBabyCheeses99

It sounds to me like you were lucky to pass at all and that you’re perhaps just not blessed with any spatial awareness. That’s fine, it’s not for everyone. I think you’d be better off giving up as if you crash into strangers cars then it’s going to start getting expensive!
I think was less careful as it was my drive( same with the other scrapes) I am super careful in public parking In fact I normally park well away from anyone. But thanks for the negative vibe
OP posts:
DramaLlamadodah · 31/10/2021 15:09

I’m in much the same position as you.

I have been driving two years but as I use a wheelchair I have to drive an estate. I do have rear view sensor/camera which helps confidence massively.

Saying that I did reverse into neighbours car and damaged corner of bumper and rear light. But that’s all I’ve done so far. (More luck then judgement I reckon!).

I was really really nervous when I first passed my test. So I did all the stuff the first week I knew I would freak out about, the stuff I knew I would talk myself out of doing if I didn’t just get on with it ASAP. So- Multi-storey car parks. Single track country lanes. Motorways. Think that helped a bit. But I still worry. And if I go somewhere new I tend to sleep badly the night before fretting over it.

Spend the money get yourself a rear view camera and keep at it. Anything you think will help is a worthwhile investment

Santastuckincustoms · 31/10/2021 15:09

You just need practice and the only way you'll get that is by driving as much as possible. If I were you I'd get sensors and cameras, the latter in particular are amazing, if needs be get a new car if you can.

Don't quit. I know so many older women who spend their lives having to wait for their husbands to go anywhere, it becomes a real problem.

MegBusset · 31/10/2021 15:10

I too was a late driver and really suffered with nerves for the first couple of years.

I think if you stop now it will be much much harder to start again. So if you do want to carry on then have a think about what will give you that confidence - extra lessons may help, rear and front sensors definitely will!

If you currently drive a manual consider switching to an automatic, SO much easier and you can concentrate more on the actual driving.

Whatever you do, do it for yourself though and not your arse of a DH.

FinallyHere · 31/10/2021 15:10

Many people have bumps and scrapes in the first few years

Cough, cough.

My Mercedes, 137,000 miles on the clock, built like a tank, is serviced annually. I have a standing order with the garage to arrange to have the paintwork touched up each year too.

Simples. The trick is not to see it as a failure, rather just what happens. And ignore any facial expressions that might suggest otherwise. Your car, your rules.

Oh, just one advanced drivers tip.

Get into the habit of reversing onto the drive so you are ready to go when you next get in the car.

Ohmygodyesthatsit · 31/10/2021 15:11

I dont think your dh sounds in the least but supportive, i think he sounds like he is really knocking your confidence.
A prang is no big deal if he is such an amazing driver why was he parked over the drive?
Dont give up keep going you will get better and so what if you only drive locally there is no law that says you have to go on long drives.

MolkosTeenageAngst · 31/10/2021 15:12

I learnt to drive 2 years ago and my car is a mess from bumps and scrapes! I’ve never had a crash when driving out and about but lots of minor bumps when manoeuvring and especially when reversing. It’s a tight squeeze to get into my drive with high fences either side and it’s almost pitch black in the dark with no street lights and I have bumped my fence countless times reversing (car has no sensors) in. My car is covered in dents and scrapes, one wing mirror is taped on, the plastic casing of one of the tail lights is cracked as is the number plate. The car was pristine when I got it 🙈 It’s not ideal but i admit my special awareness is poor and especially when going backwards, I am fine when driving out and about and never made a dangerous mistake so I have just given up worrying about minor cosmetic damage. My manouvering has definitely got better over the last 2 years so I’m hoping that will continue and that in a few years when I’m a bit more confident I will be able to replace my bashed up car with one which I won’t bump as much!

Bloodybridget · 31/10/2021 15:12

I had several bumps and scrapes in my first few years as a driver, nothing serious, no-one hurt, but I carried on, gained confidence and experience, and now I'm a good driver and enjoy it. It's such a useful skill, don't give up, OP.

kwiksavenofrillsusername · 31/10/2021 15:13

I was a late learner too and hated driving for at least the first year. I also had a couple of really silly prangs, which ruined my confidence. I ended up getting a job that had a long commute, so ended up having to drive daily and drive on roads I’d previously avoided. While I hated it at first, it was great for my confidence and I eventually just got behind the wheel without thinking about it. I think you should try and drive daily and go some different routes. Practice as much as you can. I think you’d regret giving up.

Bebabelouba · 31/10/2021 15:13

I used to be like you Op.
The best advice someone gave me was to go at my own pace.
In the situation you mention I would have asked DH to reverse the car.
Imo people are far to gung-ho about driving and the potential implications.

DramaLlamadodah · 31/10/2021 15:14

I also gave myself a talking to out loud. You got this you can do this etc etc (feel like a right donut but it helps somehow!)

Iwantamarshmallowman · 31/10/2021 15:15

Please don't be mad at yourself or think its just you. I'm in a similar boat.
I passed in March 2020 in my late 30's (it took me two years of lessons in an automatic.) I had extra lessons after I passed and I had some more after lockdown. I don't drive on the motorway without DH. I don't like to drive unaccompanied unless I know the route well. I dented the car hitting our fence I've scraped my wheels on the curb and I've hit dh's car trying to reverse onto the drive. I still get myself into a Pickle now and then but driving is a huge achievement and you should just go at your own pace.
You don't have to use the car all the time but please don't give up compleatly you worked so hard to get where you are today.

Fraine · 31/10/2021 15:15

I’m a bloody amazing driver now yet my car had sooo many prangs at first.

Never give up, never ignore your instincts and never give a shit what anyone else thinks. Take your time.

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