To just be utterly done with driving

[Iusedtobecarmen]

Posted about my driving anxiety before
Late learner

Never really enjoyed it. Passed 2 years ago and I've been a very limited driver since really.
I've had CBT, even a bit of hypnotherapy.
Gradually I've gained a bit of confidence.

Driving a a bit more without the usual overthinking .
Friday I was quite chuffed as I did quite a few errands
In the past I've scraped the car reversing and parking by my house
Scratched it on the gate and wall.
Nothing major just cosmetic.
This was probably a year ago.
I'd got over that.

Yesterday I reversed off the drive(I'm never normally in this position tbh) it was torrential rain and dark. Dh car was parked a little bit over the drive. He said plenty of room to get out.
I shouldnt have attempted it as I had to reverse at a funny angle.
I felt a slight bump as I pranged his car.
His car is fine but mine has a dent.
I could weep.
My car is small and should be a doddle to manoeuvre. It was perfect when I bought it. Now its got scratches and a dent.
DH looked at me like I'd run someone over. Which really has not helped one bit. Also not helped that he is a super confident and very experienced driver.
I feel like just calling it a day.
Half if me thinks I need more lessons. But I'm so bloody busy. I had loads whilst learning. I felt all I needed was practice not more teaching. I had some refresher lessons when I passed as well.
Most people don't have extra lessons do they?they just get straight out and drive!!

I messaged my friend this morning who said it's no big deal everyone has bumps.
Please be kind. I'm feeling fragile

@Thefartingsofaofdenmarkstreet

Why do MN driving threads always bring out such utter cunts?

I agree with others OP that the best way to overcome it is to just keep doing it and keep practising. I know this from experience, the more you don't do it the worse it gets.

But maybe doing it a long way from other road users! I for one don't want to be an unwitting guinea-pig for her poor driving. I can perfectly sympathise with her OH not wanting her to drive his car.

How the fuck is driving comparable to brain surgery? Honestly the crap that people come out with on these threads!

All drivers make mistakes at some point, even the really good ones. Because they are human, not robots.

Also a late passer. I have had to go get my husband to move my car closer to the curb as I couldn't work out how to straighten my car up loads. Drove to local woods recently and had to straighten up 3 times til I didn't look like I parked like a dick (biggest worry was getting attacked incase the last cc footage was my bad parking) I park away from people when possible. I never reverse in and have cameras on my car. I have no spacial awareness. My old car I scraped twice parking. My new car I just don't park in tight places (I drive a tiny car too) If I don't know what the parking situation is like in a new place I proper stress and have to do a trial run. There are still some places I refuse to drive as I don't like the lay out of the roads. I wouldn't worry too much! x

I have been you! Have been driving 30 years now and I would say - 1) ignore your DH. He might be a natural at driving but some of us aren't and I bet there are things you find easy that he struggles with. And 2) ignore everyone else. Don't be panicked by anyone wanting you to drive faster, reverse faster. Take your time.
You can choose not to drive at night or on motorways, whatever. But keep going, on your own terms.

I had to get my dh who is a hgv driver to park the car at the hospital when he only had one arm due to a broken collar bone as it was the only space and it was really tight as the other car had parked over the line

Ive had my licence 14 years.DH is also a natural.... its annoying isn't it. I hit a telegraph pole 2 weeks after passing my tests, as turned the wheel before and after the junction. I scraped it in a multistory and wrote off another at junction. I blew up an engine by not topping up the oil. And 5 years ago a lady drove into the back of me whilst stoppedat some lights. I thought I was done with my bad car luck. 2 weeks ago DH bought me a SUV for my birthday.. we have a baby and 2 spaniels we take out alot so needed more space... he bought me an automatic.it took getting use to.. went to move his manual BMW last week and I crashed it into the house getting my pedals Confused after driving the auto.... I cried for 3 days. In my defence my baby wakes 8x a night and has down for 5 months. I'm exhausted.ive chalked it up as experience. But know I'm not the best driver. What I'm saying is I sympathise...but keep going.

It's frightening the amount of bad drivers celebrating their bumps and scrapes. My car is full of marks from bad drivers bashing their doors against it in the car park. My wing mirror was knocked off outside my house. It's no wonder insurance is astronomical paying for all these accidents.

Don't give up and I say that as someone who driving didn't come easily.

I was bad, brutal even, in the beginning and even though I passed my test, I was still not very confident and was over thinking every move.

My mum (not my dad, brother or partner) decided that I need some practice.

Every weekend she would do something different.
First weekend it was in & our of a right driver way, then parking, then parallel parking. I don't remember them much but I do remember the weekend where she drove me to a stretch of road with multiple roundabouts in a row on a quiet Sunday morning and meet me repeat them for about 3 hours getting off at different exits until I got all the lanes right etc.

Sometimes all you need is someone to gi witbyou to built up your confidence and practice when not under pressure. The 3 men in my life all the time mocked my driving and even though it was light hearted it really led me to doubt myself.

Still with it, practice, practice. I had multiple minor scrapes before my mum intervened but zero since.

My cars have had loads of bumps and scratches over the years and OP, my dad has been driving for five decades and is a brilliant and extremely confident driver and my mum still criticises his parking all the time Don't take it to heart. My mum has also been driving for decades and although she's great at parking and is also very confident, she has had no end of dents and bad scratches and even a few accidents over the years. And I took refresher lessons when I had a big gap between passing my license and getting a new car.

Honestly, what you describe is no big deal. It happens to us all!

I’ve been driving since I was 16.

At 36, as I was trying to back out of my garage, on the coldest day (-20), I wasn’t paying attention and hit the garage door.

Bam crack

Stuck in garage

Daughter late to school

Husband furious.

I was lucky the car was fine, abs the garage door people took pity on me, and only had to replace bottom panel.

So $250 (cad) later, o have 3 black wood panels and 1 white vinyl one.

I can laugh now.

Do not give up

"If you're not a confident driver then you're a dangerous one, both to yourself and, more importantly, to other road users"

Things like this don't even make sense. So people should pass their test and be as confident as a driver with 20+ years experience?

Sorry but if that were the case they wouldn't offer refresher lessons, lessons for people after accidents, advanced driver courses etc. It's well recognised that the learning doesn't stop once you pass your driving test, it just means that you have demonstrated that you understand the rules of the road to be safe at a minimum level. The real learning starts when you're having to navigate situations on your own.

Some of the posts on this thread are just ridiculous and way over exaggerated.

Others are right. Do not give up. Ignore your judgemental DH. So what if he’s a better driver. You are an average driver who can only get better with practice. Keep reminding him of the many tasks you excel at that he can’t do.
He caused the accident with his crap directions. He was just too lazy to move his car. Do not trust him to direct you again. If it’s so easy to move your car let him crack on and do it. Do not allow him to bully you into making difficult manoeuvres again.
If he starts being a back seat driver when you’re driving (in credible dangerous and distracting for you) give him one clear warning to desist and if he continues, stop the car, tell him to get out and walk home.

I'm also amazed by the posters minimising bad driving.

I'm not a brilliant driver either but I don't habitually prang others or have constant minor accidents like some of you seem to. It's upsetting if you park your car and you come back to find some cunt has knocked the wing mirror off or dented the door and then scarpered.

I agree with extra lessons or a Pass Plus or even better, getting an automatic with parking sensors which was a game changer for me.

Is your car manual or automatic? I know this won’t help with reversing but having an automatic just made things SO much easier for me. Meant I could just concentrate on the road and not have to worry about gears & hill starts etc.
I was such an anxious driver and now 4 years later I’m absolutely fine x

@THisbackwithavengeance

I'm also amazed by the posters minimising bad driving.

I'm not a brilliant driver either but I don't habitually prang others or have constant minor accidents like some of you seem to. It's upsetting if you park your car and you come back to find some cunt has knocked the wing mirror off or dented the door and then scarpered.

I agree with extra lessons or a Pass Plus or even better, getting an automatic with parking sensors which was a game changer for me.

Again, people aren't talking about smashed wing mirrors and destroying other peoples cars and driving off

They're talking about bumping your wheels on the curb when you park or forgetting you've left the wheelie bin on the drive and knocking it when you park, or maybe hitting the curb when you do a 3 point turn and scuffing your tyres.

Iusedtobecarmen it happens. DH has been driving for nearly 30 years including large vans, has driven all over the world, very confident and competent and he managed to put a huge scrape into the side of our campervan on the trolley bay in a supermarket car park.

Really well done for persevering thus far, you are gaining confidence, this is just a small setback.

I was a nervous driver for ages after I passed my test. My car was covered in bumps and scrapes. Looking back, I realise that, for most of us, the time after you pass your test is the time you really learn how to drive. Ive seen the same now with DD too. Once it 'clicks' you will be off and, if anything like me and my DD, will love driving!

@Ilikewinter

Are you confident when you are driving on the road? , if not then you should quit.

No you bloody shouldn't. You should practice as much as possible, with someone in the car with you.

What horrible advice to give to someone who's obviously struggling.

Well yes, if I'd done something as serious as that I'd be definitely having a major rethink.
I guess what I'm asking is that damaging your own car on your own drive or hitting your own wall is it a worry?
I feel I have been careless the times that I have scraped my car because there is no one around.
I am more vigilant in a car park etc and I would no way park my car in a difficult spot or if it was difficult and in the conditions it was on the my drive I doubt I'd attempt it.

Well yes, this always puzzles me.
How many people are super confident drivers when they pass? I expect many are nervous/limited. So should you give up on that grounds?
I think people who maybe learned early or were around cars a lot, ike my DH ,who used to practice with his dad as soon as possible, familiar with cars. Got one the minute he hit17 . Of course hes a super confident driver- hes been doing it 30 years.
Not 2 like me
And my 2 years, have, until like 6 months ago, been VERY limited.
First year i dont think I even did 1000miles
Now I'm pushing myself more but it's still a struggle.
I still google everything and put the sat navigation on and these are still short journeys(less than 10 miles).
Its crazy as journies that ive done for years as a passenger or on public transport now seem very complicated as a driver.

Sorry was meant to quote above but it didnt work

You need to drive more OP, make sure you drive every day, and build up to longer journeys you will soon get more confident.

I wouldn’t be surprised if you find you are better than what you think.

Precisely. People come out with these maxims like “a nervous driver is a dangerous driver” as though they’re gospel. Only if that anxiety translates into poor driving. It didn’t in my case - I wouldn’t drive many places on my own because I wasn’t confident until I got a new job and had to. Had a free refresher with the AA and the instructor told me I was a good driver and he would see me on the motorway. Those comments were an absolute game changer for me. I wasn’t dangerous before or after because what I was doing in the car didn’t change, but I was happier to drive after. I wasn’t dreading it.

Some of the comments on here are frankly ridiculous. No driving instructor or authority on driving would ever suggest you can simply decide never to cause an accident. With the best will in the world, nobody can. However, if you are conscientious and aware and learn from mistakes you reduce the chances of a serious accident hugely. As for lumping together anyone who has scraped their car with people who smash into other people’s vehicles and drive off or hit pedestrians is mad. There is a yawning gap between perfect drivers (who, despite some comments here, don’t actually exist) and wilfully dangerous drivers.

How many people are super confident drivers when they pass?

To be fair, op, the critical posters don’t want super confidence too! And I think they’re right on that score. But that healthy balance between anxiety (precisely borne of the fact that driving is a big responsibility) and supreme confidence only comes with experience.

If I were you, I’d go for extra lessons and - unless your instructor highlights that you are dangerous, which I doubt - drive without your dh to get your confidence up.

I feel like you posted last year about parking very far away from shops in car parks and the like and wanting to practice parking?

Maybe you could find your old instructor (or a new one) and get an hour session booked in a week or something to keep practising your manoeuvres?

With regards to using your SatNav. Why? Do you not know the routes to local places in your mind? I would say surely that is more of a distraction than an aid on roads you should already be familiar with.

Longer term if this is a situation that is seriously stressing you out and harming your quality of life, maybe it will be best to give it up. The money saved on your car (insurance, road tax, petrol, any monthly payments etc) you could probably use on taxis. You might even be better off financially if you don't actually make that many journeys.