To just be utterly done with driving

[Iusedtobecarmen]

Posted about my driving anxiety before
Late learner

Never really enjoyed it. Passed 2 years ago and I've been a very limited driver since really.
I've had CBT, even a bit of hypnotherapy.
Gradually I've gained a bit of confidence.

Driving a a bit more without the usual overthinking .
Friday I was quite chuffed as I did quite a few errands
In the past I've scraped the car reversing and parking by my house
Scratched it on the gate and wall.
Nothing major just cosmetic.
This was probably a year ago.
I'd got over that.

Yesterday I reversed off the drive(I'm never normally in this position tbh) it was torrential rain and dark. Dh car was parked a little bit over the drive. He said plenty of room to get out.
I shouldnt have attempted it as I had to reverse at a funny angle.
I felt a slight bump as I pranged his car.
His car is fine but mine has a dent.
I could weep.
My car is small and should be a doddle to manoeuvre. It was perfect when I bought it. Now its got scratches and a dent.
DH looked at me like I'd run someone over. Which really has not helped one bit. Also not helped that he is a super confident and very experienced driver.
I feel like just calling it a day.
Half if me thinks I need more lessons. But I'm so bloody busy. I had loads whilst learning. I felt all I needed was practice not more teaching. I had some refresher lessons when I passed as well.
Most people don't have extra lessons do they?they just get straight out and drive!!

I messaged my friend this morning who said it's no big deal everyone has bumps.
Please be kind. I'm feeling fragile

You can’t just pack it in. Especially with having dc, you need to be able to take them places. It’s not fair for all the driving responsibility to be on your dh either.

Get cbt, meditate, do what you need to do.

Honestly, 2 years, you’re still newish , I would say.

Can you swap to an auto, less to do in operating the car. It might help reduce your anxiety.

Don’t quit though

I gave up... its allowed.

The money I save through not having a car/insurance/servicing/tyres/mot/tax/etc pays for a heck of a lot of buses and taxis.

It's really not a big deal. Please keep going, it does gradually get easier the more if it you do.

The old saying that you learn to drive AFTER you pass your test is so very true!!
Dont let your husband or anyone else put you off.. unless they have got hgv or psv or similar on their licences they are only as qualified to drive as you are...
The only difference is experience which gives confidence...
I would suggest you get out there and drive as often as you can... taking a different route as often as you can.. different challenges and conditions.
When possible and its quiet, use the far corners of big supermarket car parks to practice your reversing... in and out of parking spaces... three point turns, forward and backwards into the boxes..
DO NOT GIVE UP!!!

Learning experience

I know how you feel. I've never scratched a car because I am so stressed about it. I've been driving 8 years. It gets better. The school run has toughened me up.

Scratches are good they teach you where the car is

Husband could be kinder

Have you tried doing an intense driving course

Are your mirrors in the right place to see? You can drop them to check wheel arches etc as you reverse

G XX

Oh op, please don't give up. You've just scraped your car here and there, it really is no biggy. I think it sounds like you find manoeuvres tricky so I would definitely take lessons.

Im one of those not very natural drivers but recently I've been forcing myself to take unknown routes and attempt motorways. I don't want to have this limitation and total dependance on my husband for longer drives - I want to be able to go alone and take the dc without him if he's working or whatever.

And all husbands are critical of driving , it's an essential part of their role I've got my husband to give me motorway lessons and half way through I'm fuming and telling him to shut up (to which he does and then I'm like ok quick now what shall I do)

I have been driving over 30 years and have lived in my current house for 23 years. Last week I had to get out of the car to check how much space I had when reversing on my drive. I just couldn’t judge it. Hopefully this is just a temporary blip for me.

Keep going. I actually love driving most of the time and I certainly appreciate the time it saves me and the convenience.

People who just shrug off accidents, hit bins, walls, other cars, garage doors and so on are exactly the sort of people that have put DP off ever driving again - because of their overconfidence; if they can't manage to manoeuvre a vehicle safely at 5mph, the last thing anybody needed was for them to not be able to judge how close they are to cars in the other lane at 60 (and for a lot of them, 85) mph.

But my opinion isn't going to change anybody's mind, so I guess it'll remain safer to not go on the road whilst they're around.

As my dh said on the several occasions I’ve scraped the car
‘It’s just a hunk of metal, as long as you’re ok and nobody is hurt then don’t worry. That what insurance is for.’

How much do you think it’s about your own confidence in your driving and much is it about your feelings about your DH’s opinion of your driving skills?
Reading between the lines a bit, it does seem as though a lot of your insecurities are attached to his view of you, rather than your own.
You seem to be saying that your confidence was increasing and you were starting to feel proud of yourself. If you both cars were undented and you hadn’t needed to tell DH, how shaken would you be?
Perhaps you know your driving is getting better all the time and you’re just feeling self-conscious, which can happen to any of us with any type of mistake.
If you’re just feeling a bit foolish, because that’s how he’s made you feel, then don’t give up.

Most people don't have extra lessons do they?they just get straight out and drive!!

They don’t. But they absolutely should. One of the things that kept my driving skills sharp was driving regularly with my dad, who was a driving instructor for all of his working life and also taught driving examiners. He would pick up on bad habits and much as it irritated me it was good for my driving skills.

Book yourself on a refresher course, there’s no shame in that if it is what you need. Some people struggle with special awareness.

Also, get your eyes tested, as sometimes there can be an issue where you need glasses just for driving.

My partner wasn't supportive when I started taking lessons and would correct me all the time. When I checked with my instructor on some of the things he had been saying to me, like 'your not holding the steering wheel right' he told me to ignore him. I passed on my 4th attempt, nerves kept getting the better of me. My parking can still be alittle crap if I over think it and I have been known to carry on and find an easier spot. But for all the times I have felt deflated I've carried on and my advice would be you must as well. Everytime you park well or do a new route literally shout out yay I did it in the car and trust me you will start having more faith in yourself. Laugh when your parking is shocking and actually watch others and realise your not alone. I still need to work on my confidence of new routes but I'm so glad I carried on.

I don't know anyone who's never had a minor prang in their car, whether they're a new driver or have been driving for years.

I reversed into a wheelie bin last week.
DH reversed into our garage door not long ago, and tried to blame it on me until he realised the massive dent lined up perfectly with the back of his van
I've bumped wing mirrors on walls and scraped alloys on kerbs.

Honestly, it's no big deal. Nobody is perfect and as long as no-one was hurt, it really doesn't matter if your car has a few scratches and dents on the paintwork.

I also park 10x worse when I'm being watched! I can parallel park perfectly on a deserted street, but put someone in the car with me and it takes me about six attempts

Your husband is an unsupportive twat, ignore him. Keep going, practice makes things easier. Advanced driving lessons may help your confidence and lessen your anxiety. Also, get an automatic, it's one less thing to think about.

I really don’t agree with the (thankfully few) posters who are horrified at people admitting to prangs and minor mishaps. No driver, however experienced, can guarantee that they will never make a mistake, and new drivers are almost guaranteed to have a couple of incidents.

It doesn’t mean we don’t care or aren’t upset when it happens - that is the difference between good and bad driving - but it is something you have to accept. Accepting it is not overconfidence, although if course there are dangerously overconfident drivers too. I had a few scrapes in my first couple of years and one pretty scary incident. I ended up doing a few advanced lessons and the advice from the aa was pretty much the same as it is on here - it happens and you keep going, learning from it. My instructor had a few tales of his own.

The comparison with motorway driving in particular really doesn’t work. On a motorway there is bags of space around everyone - unless you’re driving really badly - and it’s actually pretty easy. Driving and manoeuvring in very close proximity to other vehicles in a car park is much more likely to result in contact. My car has a few weird dents that are a mystery to me and I have to conclude were made by other drivers in car parks or on the street. I certainly haven’t had anyone bash into me on a motorway and think I’d be aware if it had happened.

So, yes, the message that drivers are either perfect or irresponsible menaces on the road is not helpful. However, because we simply cannot guarantee never having an accident I respect the decision of people who say they aren’t comfortable with that and don’t drive as a result. I saw a police TV documentary once that said driving is pretty much the only common activity where a well-intentioned law-abiding person can make a mistake that ends up in serious criminal action. Drivers must be aware of that.

Busy at the min with Halloween related stuff!!
Will read all properly in a bit

Contact AIM amd do an advanced drivers course

Don't quit driving it can open up so many doors with things like jobs and much more freedom to get out and about.

Don't be hard on yourself just try to build up your confidence, new drivers only become confident and experienced with time!

@NeverDropYourMooncup

People who just shrug off accidents, hit bins, walls, other cars, garage doors and so on are exactly the sort of people that have put DP off ever driving again - because of their overconfidence; if they can't manage to manoeuvre a vehicle safely at 5mph, the last thing anybody needed was for them to not be able to judge how close they are to cars in the other lane at 60 (and for a lot of them, 85) mph.

But my opinion isn't going to change anybody's mind, so I guess it'll remain safer to not go on the road whilst they're around.

I'm so glad to read your response, i sitting here reading all the 'oh it's totally normal to have bumps and scrapes' - I really don't think it is. I was a late learner, I'm on my second car and the only scrape I've had was when someone dinged my car door with their shopping trolley.

And I'm sitting here at the poster who has admitted to having an arrangement with the garage to have her paintwork touched up every year!

I am actually trying to get my act together, to drive my car again, but for the reasons,that I haven't driven it since the first lock down last year. I stopped going to my usual little places, I am in my seventies,and use to just go to a few shops a couple of miles away, and to a few garden centres, as I am a keen gardener., and generally just tootle around locally.

I parked my car up, round at my sons house, as he has plenty of space for parking at his old farmhouse, and also the car is undercover in an out building. My car is up to date now, with mot and all other stuff, and My my Sons lodger has been starting the car up at times, and general maintainance etc. . But now I keep feeling anxious, about going out on the roads now. with so many loony drivers about, those that still drive while on phones, those who are chancers, and drive like maniacs etc.

Only a few days ago, someone fairly local, was copped by the police, as he had driven off the road, and into a tree, whilst high on drugs and alcohol, this was on a little country road, which there are a lot of where I live. So I need to go forth now, and get in my car again.!

I am an excellent driver🙄😁 but boy have i scratched and scraped my cars😙

I wouldn't drive a brand new car for ANYTHING.

Couldn't be doing with the stress.

I always buy black cars and husband is a pro with the touch up paint.

Try not to beat yourself up, just remind yourself to take your time, I still do that.

Driving in bad weather is tough.

Most people don't have extra lessons do they?they just get straight out and drive!!

More than you would think. I used to be just like you. It took me loads of lessons and 3 different instructors before I passed. Though TBF I later realised the first two were not very good and I only made proper progress with the last one.

After passing I got very little practice as I didn't have or need a car. I married DH and he did most of the driving though I was named on the insurance. Eventually I was so out of practice and nervous I dreaded being behind the wheel.

Finally I took refresher lessons. The instructor assured me this was very normal and he got asked for this a lot. It helped my confidence and after four lessons I could drive by myself again. What really helped though was that immediately after finishing the refreshers, DH had to work away from home for a few months so I had to drive myself about.

It really is just practice. Don't give up. FWIW I am still rubbish at reversing but it doesn't seem to cause too many problems

@NeverDropYourMooncup

People who just shrug off accidents, hit bins, walls, other cars, garage doors and so on are exactly the sort of people that have put DP off ever driving again - because of their overconfidence; if they can't manage to manoeuvre a vehicle safely at 5mph, the last thing anybody needed was for them to not be able to judge how close they are to cars in the other lane at 60 (and for a lot of them, 85) mph.

But my opinion isn't going to change anybody's mind, so I guess it'll remain safer to not go on the road whilst they're around.

When people shrug off minor accidents like that, they do it because really, hitting a wheelie big is nothing to get stressed out about in the grand scheme of things and what is berating someone about it actually going to achieve in the long-term?

I mean, nobody is hurt, the wheelie bin isn't damaged so really, does it matter in the grand scheme of things?

And I'm sitting here shock at the poster who has admitted to having an arrangement with the garage to have her paintwork touched up every year!

In very rural areas, scratched paintwork from having to squeeze along narrow country roads is actually very, very common. I live somewhere where plenty of roads only have room for one car and the only way to pass each other is to turn your wing mirrors in and squeeze along the hedgerows

There are lots of people round here who refuse to reverse or pull in on country lanes because they don't want to scratch their cars.

In very rural areas, scratched paintwork from having to squeeze along narrow country roads is actually very, very common.

Not even very rural. There are quite a few roads down our way where bushes scratch your car.