To just be utterly done with driving

[Iusedtobecarmen]

Posted about my driving anxiety before
Late learner

Never really enjoyed it. Passed 2 years ago and I've been a very limited driver since really.
I've had CBT, even a bit of hypnotherapy.
Gradually I've gained a bit of confidence.

Driving a a bit more without the usual overthinking .
Friday I was quite chuffed as I did quite a few errands
In the past I've scraped the car reversing and parking by my house
Scratched it on the gate and wall.
Nothing major just cosmetic.
This was probably a year ago.
I'd got over that.

Yesterday I reversed off the drive(I'm never normally in this position tbh) it was torrential rain and dark. Dh car was parked a little bit over the drive. He said plenty of room to get out.
I shouldnt have attempted it as I had to reverse at a funny angle.
I felt a slight bump as I pranged his car.
His car is fine but mine has a dent.
I could weep.
My car is small and should be a doddle to manoeuvre. It was perfect when I bought it. Now its got scratches and a dent.
DH looked at me like I'd run someone over. Which really has not helped one bit. Also not helped that he is a super confident and very experienced driver.
I feel like just calling it a day.
Half if me thinks I need more lessons. But I'm so bloody busy. I had loads whilst learning. I felt all I needed was practice not more teaching. I had some refresher lessons when I passed as well.
Most people don't have extra lessons do they?they just get straight out and drive!!

I messaged my friend this morning who said it's no big deal everyone has bumps.
Please be kind. I'm feeling fragile

It probably was me.
This has taken up so much headspace the past couple of years.
I suppose even though 2 years isnt a long time to be driving, it feels like I've only just properly got started really.
As,without a doubt, the first year was wasted.
I dont use the sat nav say for a trip to Tesco, but other familarish routes I do. I think maybe I'm worried about a diversion.
And its hard to explain, but its different driving to walking . I need to know lanes, road markings. And although I always thought once you knew the highway code and what signs and markings meant they would all be the same, but they are not.
There are complicated roundabouts and traffic lights that seemed simple as a passenger!!

I would ever drive with my DP. Absolutely not an option. I've never had him in the car with me. And I wont, not the way I feel.
But i do agree that it would be helpful to have someone in the car with me. I've never driven with anyone apart from DC!!
Except for when I had some extra lessons approx 6 months after passing.

Back then I was very unfamiliar with my car in general and worried about everything. I'm not like that now so much and I'm familiar with how my car feels.

Half of me thinks I should book some sort of course to gain skills and get an honest opinion. The other half thinks I should just keep chipping away at the practice like most people do.

I'm loathe to spend more time and money.

All this is my own fault, as really by now I should be further along than I am. I do drive daily but its never anywhere significant.
I really like to go and see a sibling in the coming week. It's a 40 ish mile journey. I wouldn't obviously use the motorway but I could do A roads. I've googled the route to death and my original anxiety and stomach churning came back
Driving has not been what I expected and I think this bump ive had has made me mad with myself and I think DHs reaction has actually a bit of a home truth that I'm a bit clueless.

I dont want to be a dithering middle aged woman. I know and accept my limits but I'd like to be at least half competent!!!