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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Breastfeeding in public

429 replies

Allthingsfloralandpatterned88 · 31/10/2021 02:52

So I'm sitting in the corner of a reasonably busy cafe with DS (3 months) and he starts wailing. I realise I am wearing a dress that isn't amazing for nursing as I have to hike my boob over the top as opposed to opening it at the side. But I do this and latch him on.

However DM who I am with starts shrieking "darling you can't do that" and trys to stop me. She then keeps trying to drape things over my boob and DS's head which means he then loses his latch and I get flustered.

She is great with DS and a big help but she has done this a few times before/ suggested I find a quiet room etc. Is this a generational thing? I've been quite happy feeding in public but she makes me feel like a kind of mad hippy! I now am starting to feel self conscious for feeding in public around her and its making me more anxious about feeding in public in general. I kind of feel as though I should stick to my guns because I don't feel like I should always have to leave the room/ try and find somewhere in private when I'm out and about. Early motherhood is hard enough as it is!

OP posts:
TheKeatingFive · 31/10/2021 21:17

He wanted to use it straight away but was in a cafe. Would you expect him to go to the loos or do it in public. Of course not the latter.

A know this might come as news to you, but the primary function of breasts is not sexual. Comparing them to arms or hands is more apt than comparing them to penises.

Somethingsnappy · 31/10/2021 21:17

I did wonder how long it would take before someone compared breastfeeding in public to getting one's genitalia out in public. Or the old chestnut of comparing it to urinating etc. I hoped it wouldn't happen, since this is Mumsnet and not the Daily Mail, but heyho...

AlmostAlwyn · 31/10/2021 21:18

@Yogaandcocoa

around 50% of the population have a pe is too. Would seeing that make you uncomfortable over a morning bagel? Probably not so that's not really the point is it.
Seriously? You're comparing breastfeeding to exposing genitals now? Hmm

And let's just let "putting on a show" slide without comment, shall we?

Justheretoaskaquestion91 · 31/10/2021 21:19

Anyone else humming “flippity floppity floo” along to the tune of “bibbidi boppity boo”? Just me? I promise I’m sober this thread is really tickling me.

Anyone else amazed at the things their breasts can do to feed? I managed to thread mine over the top of a v high necked jumper today. Probably deserve some sort of award.

TheKeatingFive · 31/10/2021 21:19

I did wonder how long it would take before someone compared breastfeeding in public to getting one's genitalia out in public.

Oh they always get there in the end

EdgeOfTheSky · 31/10/2021 21:19

OP; feed your baby with pride, and relax.

The generational thing: the original so-called ‘earth mothers’ are your Mum’s generation or older. The women who sought and fought to reclaim breast feeding from the commercial pressure of the formula manufacturers were older than your Mum.

Plenty of young people see breasts as primarily sexual.

Anyway, we all know that it is possible to get a baby latched on and be feeding with nothing other than the baby’s head visible.

And so what? FFS, we have Naked Attraction on prime time TV! A glimpse of breast will not kill anyone.

Relax and feed your baby Smile

TheKeatingFive · 31/10/2021 21:21

I think some women do not try to be discreet and resent anyone thinking they should be.

Are these the mums at baby groups you were talking about earlier? Or some other mums?

Justheretoaskaquestion91 · 31/10/2021 21:22

I think some women do not try to be discreet and resent anyone thinking they should be

I try to be discreet when feeding but I also resent people who think I should be. I want to be considerate but I also don’t think I should HAVE to be because what i am doing isn’t wrong and it isn’t shameful and I certainly don’t deserve to be judged or made to feel uncomfortable whilst doing it

NiceGerbil · 31/10/2021 21:22

[quote Yogaandcocoa]@NiceGerbil reminds me of the recent thread about the woman who was using two parking spaces changing her baby on the backseat and delighted in deliberately taking longer when someone made it known they want the space.[/quote]
Using two parking spaces is equivalent to men wanking their cocks at women/ girls around the place?

Well that's a very interesting perspective.

Do you want parking over two spaces made illegal with similar penalties, or indecent exposure legalised?

Or something else?

Somethingsnappy · 31/10/2021 21:23

@Marvellousmssness. Ah yes, God forbid a woman should be allowed to feed her baby in public if her breasts aren't up to scratch or beautiful enough for onlookers...

hotmeatymilk · 31/10/2021 21:27

I think some women do not try to be discreet and resent anyone thinking they should be
I never tried to be discreet: I tried to feed my baby.

It’s bloody hard at times, especially the beginning, especially with a tongue tie, especially with mastitis, especially when you’ve got massive fucking tits to start with let alone when engorged, especially with a colicky goblin baby. “Discreet” was about 10,000 places down the list of things I gave a shit about when trying to feed.

Somethingsnappy · 31/10/2021 21:30

@hotmeatymilk

Sorry can someone explain to me exactly what performance breastfeeding is and give a real life example please? I think you recite Shakespeare while doing it. Or some sort of interpretive dance. Maybe exposing and squirting with the non-feeding tit?

Who knows. I’ve never seen anyone WHIP or FLOP or WHAP a GARGANTUAN BOSOM out then stare aggressively round the room instead of latching their baby on, the way anecdotal women in these threads always seem to. And I live in Brighton.

Grin love this post and your username!
AlmostAlwyn · 31/10/2021 21:30

EVERYONE STOP SAYING DISCREET

TheKeatingFive · 31/10/2021 21:31

And I live in Brighton

😂

Somethingsnappy · 31/10/2021 21:31

@hotmeatymilk. Although your username may be a bit triggering for some on this thread ... Wink

hotmeatymilk · 31/10/2021 21:33

@Somethingsnappy Haaaa! Nothing to do with breastfeeding! But absolutely going to steal from this thread for my next name change. floppingdiscreetly has a nice ring to it

Somethingsnappy · 31/10/2021 21:35

@hotmeatymilk. Oh please please do that Grin

Justgettingbye · 31/10/2021 21:36

@LittleDandelionClock

As I sat on a train a few weeks back a woman plonked herself down opposite me, whipped her big floppy tit out right in front of my face & started to breast feed.

I bet a million pounds - well I would if I had it - that this woman breastfeeding her baby happened NOTHING like this description! Wink

Was this Ashley James by any chance she is always posting pictures on Instagram of her whole tit out and joking about making everyone feel uncomfortable
NiceGerbil · 31/10/2021 21:39

These threads are really awful

Irl many women looking for info for first baby read all this stuff and can have a really negative effect. Gives the idea that it's a thing with a high risk of drawing pointed disapproval, glares, comments, hostility. Etc.

It's a stressful enough thing for many in the first place as it's virtually still not common. A thing that all first time mothers have to get the hang of.

Reading this sort of stuff. Is the intention from the women who talk about performances, flopping breasts, no need for anyone to see anything etc etc. To make women reading who are Pg think twice?

Just out of interest.

I read threads like this before DD1 and they meant I avoided doing a lot of stuff.

To anyone reading. With dd2 I was more relaxed and I got zero negative. Not even a hint of anything.

I did get a few smiles though!

And the whole discreet thing. My friends with smaller boobs could. With big breasts it's a different ball game.

And yeah yeah come and say whatever this is for women reading who are.. sounds more trouble than it's worth.

DD2 is 12 now so will be hard to hit a nerve but I'm sure some will try!

And no it wouldn't have been equality for DH to get his cock out and have a wank next to me while I fed DD. That's to the poster who seems over invested with arguing for more dicks on show. (As if girls and women don't get shown enough already🙄).

AveryGoodlay · 31/10/2021 21:43

Thank you PPs for explaining performance breastfeeding Grin I'd love to know where all the posters had encountered these women! I've never seen anyone make a fuss whilst breastfeeding other than maybe a couple of people faffing with covers and their babies trying to pull them off!

AlmostAlwyn · 31/10/2021 21:45

@NiceGerbil "DD2 is 12 now so will be hard to hit a nerve"

You've got to be tough if you're performance breastfeeding a 12 year old WinkGrin

squee123 · 31/10/2021 21:47

I'm still merrily popping a boob out of "nornal" clothing to feed my 18 month old when required. Not often mind you these days, but it doesn't even occur to me to worry about what other people think when I do.

I'm not going to stop feeding my child in an evolutionarily appropriate manner because society fetishises breasts. If people don't like it they're welcome to avert their gaze.

I'm quite heartened by the fact I've not had a single negative comment the whole time. Perhaps I look too scary Grin

PfizerMinnelli · 31/10/2021 21:48

@Yogaandcocoa

My baby had a tongue tie til he was 2 months old *@PfizerMinnelli* These are just excuses. Of course there may be days where it's difficult to consider clothing but not most of the time and if it's that hard you would probably not be going out. Other PPs have made the point that they can do what they lie and don't care of others are uncomfortable.
Sorry to hear of your baby's difficulties. Did they have the frenulum cut in the end?

You'll have experienced making the nipple area softer before feeding and sort of expressing as the baby fed? And using non conventional holds? Not fun is it? Doing it through the night too. And coping with older children as well.

I defend the right of any woman to feed her baby in whatever way she needs to, and yes, their needs trump those of people who could choose not to look.

AlmostAlwyn · 31/10/2021 21:48

@hotmeatymilk

Sorry can someone explain to me exactly what performance breastfeeding is and give a real life example please? I think you recite Shakespeare while doing it. Or some sort of interpretive dance. Maybe exposing and squirting with the non-feeding tit?

Who knows. I’ve never seen anyone WHIP or FLOP or WHAP a GARGANTUAN BOSOM out then stare aggressively round the room instead of latching their baby on, the way anecdotal women in these threads always seem to. And I live in Brighton.

Grin at this. I think I'll try some interpretive dance the next time I'm feeding my 18 month old for my public. Hope I get good reviews.
Somethingsnappy · 31/10/2021 21:52

@AveryGoodlay. Absolutely! It's the babies who are the performance breastfeeders, not the mothers. Even if I try to be 'discreet', my 10 month old pulls at the fabric that's covering me with one hand, whilst slapping my breast with the other, and then coming off momentarily to laugh at the sound it makes. And there we have it... A performance breastfeeder.