Breastfeeding in public

[Allthingsfloralandpatterned88]

So I'm sitting in the corner of a reasonably busy cafe with DS (3 months) and he starts wailing. I realise I am wearing a dress that isn't amazing for nursing as I have to hike my boob over the top as opposed to opening it at the side. But I do this and latch him on.

However DM who I am with starts shrieking "darling you can't do that" and trys to stop me. She then keeps trying to drape things over my boob and DS's head which means he then loses his latch and I get flustered.

She is great with DS and a big help but she has done this a few times before/ suggested I find a quiet room etc. Is this a generational thing? I've been quite happy feeding in public but she makes me feel like a kind of mad hippy! I now am starting to feel self conscious for feeding in public around her and its making me more anxious about feeding in public in general. I kind of feel as though I should stick to my guns because I don't feel like I should always have to leave the room/ try and find somewhere in private when I'm out and about. Early motherhood is hard enough as it is!

@Somethingsnappy Totally agree! My 2yo daughter likes to try and pull at my top whilst saying "boobies" (a word she has learned from her older brother who is at an age where he finds words like that hilarious as he's grown up with the correct names for all body parts). Maybe I'll ask her to do some pre-feed interpretive dance or maybe a nice poem or something. She may as well make a proper performance of it!

@Luckyelephant1

It’s funny, when I was pregnant I thought I’d always be really discreet when breastfeeding in public with lots of covering up with muslins and maybe trying to find a more private place if possible.

The reality is, when you’ve got a hungry crying baby and need to navigate holding them as well as unbuttoning/hoiking up your top and moving your bra aside, you don’t give a shit, you are literally focussed on giving them food ASAP. I don’t whip my tit out and wave it all over the place shouting ‘look at me, I’m breastfeeding!’ but equally if someone happens to catch a glimpse while I’m getting my baby to latch, I couldn’t care less and I’m never going to apologise for it.

Besides the point, but if your child is old enough to unbutton your shirt, they're old enough to eat food anyway.

Back on track- yes, even dealing with a fussing baby, your priority is not being discreet. However, it's not so hard to pull your child Close to you and get the boob from underneath the if possible

[quote AlmostAlwyn]@NiceGerbil "DD2 is 12 now so will be hard to hit a nerve"

You've got to be tough if you're performance breastfeeding a 12 year old [/quote]
Ha! I think she might look askance at that

I did have really bad pnd / anxiety with both which sadly went on for years.

BF the girls was for me really good as it meant I was holding them cuddling eye contact etc a lot from newborn. As my general state was stare at wall blankly feeling totally... Detached and numb. It meant that they got that. If FF then DH would have done it when not at work and losing such a lot of that holding cuddling etc I think would have been not great for them or me tbh.

I often wonder how many who squick at this react the same to other female mammals feeding their infants.

Have to turn over when a newborn giraffe, chimp or pig suckles.

Freak out driving past fields with lambs and their mums.

Scream in the dairy section of the supermarket.

I once had a go at milking a cow and then we drank the milk fresh. OMG OMG OMG!!! The horror!

@IHateCoronavirus

As soon as she starts to eat throw a blanket over her head. She’ll get the message. The most offensive tits are the ones complaining, not the ones nourishing a child.

Best comment.

@imagen what has whether a child is old enough to have food got to do with anything? The NHS and the WHO recommend breastfeeding to two years or beyond. That's quite a big crossover if you introduce solids at the recommended 6 months.

if your child is old enough to unbutton your shirt, they're old enough to eat food anyway
Ah, you give yourself away with this. Children need milk up to age 5 at least, they really don't bounce from breast milk at 6 months onto meat and 3 veg meals that are sufficient to meet all of their dietary needs. It's fine that you don't understand the emotional nor physical needs of breastfeeding babies, but just drop the attitude, it's unnecessary.

My mum kept going on about me stopping from 6 months. She's a fucking doctor!

Is that you mum?!

If say theirs I had to banish myself into my old bedroom. Replete with the peach colour I painted it at 13 while listening to 3 feet high and rising on a loop, and all the cat ornaments she insisted I enjoyed collecting

@imagen I meant ME juggling unbuttoning my top while holding the baby, not the baby themselves unbuttoning my top.

If a man is old enough to undo his own flies, he's to old to wank in cafes for the sake of equality

And also I do hold my baby close and try to avoid flashing anyone. But if it happens, it happens and I’m not going to faff around trying to cover up with a muslin when my hands are already full tbh. Once baby has latched no one can see anything anyway unless they are standing right over me.

I fed mine I'm public all the time, but you have learned a lessons - wear separates!

I don’t want to wear a vest underneath my top so I can pull my top up because I dislike wearing layers, and I don’t want to expose my stretch marked tummy either so I prefer “flopping” a breast out of the top. Don’t see why I need to be dictated to what to wear.

Also lol at the poster who doesn’t understand feeding for comfort/nutrients past the age of 6 months

Love the comment about freaking out st other mammals feeding

I also don't want to wear two tops! I always found pulling up more uncomfortable and baby got annoyed with jumper getting in her face. My preferred combination was a cardigan and a tshirt that was stretchy enough to pull down. If it was cold, I would be able to keep the top couple of buttons on the cardigan done up, so perhaps this might have provided the requisite discretion, but if it's hot, no way am I wearing two tops just to make my life harder (and more sweaty!).

Definitely think it could be a generational thing. The most uncomfortable I ever felt was in M&S cafe where the demographic tended to be the over-60s. I swear I could hear the collective "not in my day". Tbf though, my DM and her pals did all breast feed - I can't recall what they did when out and about though..

No it bloody well isn't a generational thing @GinJeanie.

Bore off with your ageism

I am old!! 😊

What I mean by that is I should know better...

@GinJeanie

Definitely think it could be a generational thing. The most uncomfortable I ever felt was in M&S cafe where the demographic tended to be the over-60s. I swear I could hear the collective "not in my day". Tbf though, my DM and her pals did all breast feed - I can't recall what they did when out and about though..

LOL, of course you can’t recall, you are the baby!

I am early / mid 60s.

The NCT was at it’s height, we fed here, there snd everywhere. We had grown up with Sheila Kitzinger, in the slipstream of a generation of feminist hippies before us.

Assuming that O-60s are clutching their Tatty Devine / Vivienne Westwood necklaces without actual evidence that they are doing so might just be a bit of ageism !

Back on track- yes, even dealing with a fussing baby, your priority is not being discreet. However, it's not so hard to pull your child Close to you and get the boob from underneath the if possible
Sorry, you want me to use my baby as a breast shield and pull my boob out from underneath them? Are you OK?

I think if it makes a person uncomfortable to see breast feeding in public, then they should look away.

There's nothing more natural than a baby being breastfed.

@Yogaandcocoa

Why do some of you have an issue with others wanting BFing mums to be discreet? Is it a feminist thing? Is it genuinely that difficult for you?

I have mentioned above I am an EBF mum to a young baby. I want to feel comfortable feeding him whenever he is hungry snd mostly I do. If I don't it's usually in my head rather than anything anyone has done or said. However I do not see why doing so discreetly is an issue? Why is it only the BFing mum's convenience and sensitivity that matters.

PS I have huge boobs but I wouldn't expect others to want to see them. Why would they? And why should they turn away rather than the mother who knows she will be BFing just not where something that requires her to get her whole boob out.

It's not a "flash of boob" some of us are talking about, it's whole boob out for 10, 20 mins or more.

Oh no. How awful to see boobs out for 10 or 20 mins, or even more! Shocking!

It's interesting that the subject of penises has come up. We never had a page three erection, just tits. Men's lower halves couldn't be shown on television, but breasts could. Yet when they are slightly publicly in view being used for what they are designed for, some people have issues.
My DD breastfed 2015-2018, two babies, publicly and I was pleased that she had nothing but positive comments, especially from older to elderly people.

Why do some of you have an issue with others wanting BFing mums to be discreet? Is it a feminist thing? Is it genuinely that difficult for you?
To answer your questions in order:
My issue is that breastfeeding is for the benefit of babies and children, and anyone who has a problem with seeing it can solve that issue easily by looking away, versus the difficulties many of us have described on this thread. Breasts are for feeding, babies need to be fed (it’s pretty much vital), “discreet” doesn’t need to come into it.

Is it a feminist thing? Yes. But you can also not be a feminist and breastfeed! Or be a feminist ally and breastfeed! Feminism and breastfeeding are great, but you don’t have to do both or either. You can look away! (Though looking away from feminism is weird imo.)

Is it genuinely that difficult? Yes. But crucially, even if it were easy, I don’t think “being discreet” should be on any breastfeeding parent’s mind: they’re feeding a kid! Why not also let them chat to a friend, eat some cake, read a book, scroll on MN, fucking HYDRATE, instead of one-handedly faffing with muslins and buttons and covers and fussy babies?

My question back to you: why do you think women should prioritise your comfort (a want, easily resolved by not looking) over their breastfeeding (a need, not easily resolved by not doing it)?