Breastfeeding in public

[Allthingsfloralandpatterned88]

So I'm sitting in the corner of a reasonably busy cafe with DS (3 months) and he starts wailing. I realise I am wearing a dress that isn't amazing for nursing as I have to hike my boob over the top as opposed to opening it at the side. But I do this and latch him on.

However DM who I am with starts shrieking "darling you can't do that" and trys to stop me. She then keeps trying to drape things over my boob and DS's head which means he then loses his latch and I get flustered.

She is great with DS and a big help but she has done this a few times before/ suggested I find a quiet room etc. Is this a generational thing? I've been quite happy feeding in public but she makes me feel like a kind of mad hippy! I now am starting to feel self conscious for feeding in public around her and its making me more anxious about feeding in public in general. I kind of feel as though I should stick to my guns because I don't feel like I should always have to leave the room/ try and find somewhere in private when I'm out and about. Early motherhood is hard enough as it is!

@Yogaandcocoa. A man wanting to apply a cream treatment to his penis vs a woman using her breasts to feed her baby in public? Your posts are starting to scrape the barrel now....

That bloke in the news at the moment. Poor fella. Had a sudden urge to play a miniature guitar in his car. And he's in court!

Terrible.

Ha just remembered. DH got hole in crotch work trousers. Was for some reason sewing while wearing on sofa. Got called back. I said fgs don't do that in the van. Sitting there staring at crotch with hand going up and down!!!

Sadly lots of men don't have a loving wife to point these things out and are endlessly getting in trouble when they get an itch, need to apply cream, are looking for insects etc. It's terrible really.

Saying men getting cock out in cafe and rubbing cream is same as bf is... Very very silly

How is this relevant to feeding babies?

Because 50% of people have breasts and 50% have a penis.

It's not relevant. It was a non-point to start with.

@Justheretoaskaquestion91 you are coming across like a child or someone who does t know how to express themselves properly so I will not bother reading or replying to the full comment.

100% of people have areseholes. So why is it not ok to stand outside primary school gates bent over with cheeks spread. Eh. EH? ha gotcha.

Fucking women with babies always wanting special treatment pah.

I breastfed at a cafe and an elderly gentleman came over when done to say how happy he was that women felt comfortable doing that. I was discreet - I always wore a roomy top but I never went in for covering the baby too - it was obvious what I was doing but nothing on display, so to speak. No one ever made me feel uncomfortable.

Sorry can someone explain to me exactly what performance breastfeeding is and give a real life example please?

[quote Somethingsnappy]@Yogaandcocoa. A man wanting to apply a cream treatment to his penis vs a woman using her breasts to feed her baby in public? Your posts are starting to scrape the barrel now.... [/quote]
No I'm not sure saying the two are comparable. I'm making the point that the fact that almost 50% of adults have breasts is not relevant to the argument.

I don't need to convince you of anything and I do t intend to.

@Yogaandcocoa there’s a reason to breastfeed in public: small babies need to nurse regularly, and even with older ones nursing can often be the most effective way of calming them down.

There’s no equivalent reason for getting your dick out. If there is a strong reason someone needs to get their dick out, say there’s a stinging insect in their underpants or something, that would be reasonable behaviour too and not akin to exposing themselves for sexual gratification.

@AveryGoodlay literally just seems to mean not looking sufficiently ashamed

@NiceGerbil reminds me of the recent thread about the woman who was using two parking spaces changing her baby on the backseat and delighted in deliberately taking longer when someone made it known they want the space.

@Yogaandcocoa

I don’t mind coming across as a child (although I don’t think I am)😬
For some reason you seem to think that if you express a fairly contrarian view but you do it with a patronising and transparent “it’s just my opinion” or a “why won’t people politely accept my opinion”, it gives you some sort of moral high ground.

Your opinion is actually offensive and damaging to women. The idea of judging a mother for breastfeeding without covering up in a setting she ought to feel particularly comfortable is offensive and damaging to women. Good luck with your breastfeeding journey - you might change your mind if you continue feeding once your baby gets older and pulls off covers/hops on and off the breast like it’s doing some sort of milk rain dance!

You've missed my point @SparrowNest and it has become a red herring

I understand nursing a baby as I have a four month old I EBF

@SparrowNest I suspect you may be right!

@AveryGoodlay

I’m loathe to keep posting at the risk of “sounding like a child” for having an opposing view to another poster but I believe performance breastfeeding is basically breastfeeding without wearing some sort of sin-covering shroud. Particularly if you are feeding somewhere very audacious like a baby group in a park. That’s exceptionally performancey.

As I sat on a train a few weeks back a woman plonked herself down opposite me, whipped her big floppy tit out right in front of my face & started to breast feed.

I bet a million pounds - well I would if I had it - that this woman breastfeeding her baby happened NOTHING like this description!

PMSL at “floppy” to describe a breast

@NiceGerbil

100% of people have areseholes. So why is it not ok to stand outside primary school gates bent over with cheeks spread. Eh. EH? ha gotcha.

Fucking women with babies always wanting special treatment pah.

I know right. Fuckin' entitled yummies! Wanting special treatment, like wanting to be able to breastfeed her BABY when the baby needs it. Ewww, how grabby. How very dare she?

@Justheretoaskaquestion91

PMSL at “floppy” to describe a breast

Most titties are a bit 'floppy' to be fair.

Sorry can someone explain to me exactly what performance breastfeeding is and give a real life example please?
I think you recite Shakespeare while doing it. Or some sort of interpretive dance. Maybe exposing and squirting with the non-feeding tit?

Who knows. I’ve never seen anyone WHIP or FLOP or WHAP a GARGANTUAN BOSOM out then stare aggressively round the room instead of latching their baby on, the way anecdotal women in these threads always seem to. And I live in Brighton.

@hotmeatymilk I can imagine a woman who’d recently been criticised by some dickhead (or maybe even read a thread like this) might end up with a kind of determined, defiant look about them, but that’s not their fault. Nobody should have to anticipate, worry and steel themselves against public shaming just for feeding their baby.

*There is no need or requirement to try and “feed discretely”. Breast feeding is nothing to be ashamed of and breasts are not taboo.

Some people may find the sight of a breast discomforting. There might be someone else about who considers that elbows should be covered or knees. You just cannot pander to everyone’s beliefs. Around 50% of the adult population have breasts. Those who cannot handle the (beautiful) sight of a baby feeding should concentrate their efforts on worrying about breasts being used to sell cars and other inanimate items and marketed largely at men. *

The only difference is that those adds involve beautiful breast. Breastfeeding breasts arent exactly the same thing being engorged, veiny and with humongous nipples

Feeding discreetly seems like a nice thing to do. A considerate thing. Especially in a restaurant or something
I used to do that. Everyone happy and my baby fed. Win win situación of you ask me.

I

I know right. Fuckin' entitled yummies! Wanting special treatment, like wanting to be able to breastfeed her BABY when the baby needs it. Ewww, how grabby. How very dare she?

No one is saying mums shouldn't BF their babies. I BF in public. I choose to do it discreetly. I think some women do not try to be discreet and resent anyone thinking they should be.

Thank you for the discussion all.

Goodnight.

I breast fed all of mine, but never felt the need to flop my boob out. I always wore tops that that were discreet.

It’s funny, when I was pregnant I thought I’d always be really discreet when breastfeeding in public with lots of covering up with muslins and maybe trying to find a more private place if possible.

The reality is, when you’ve got a hungry crying baby and need to navigate holding them as well as unbuttoning/hoiking up your top and moving your bra aside, you don’t give a shit, you are literally focussed on giving them food ASAP. I don’t whip my tit out and wave it all over the place shouting ‘look at me, I’m breastfeeding!’ but equally if someone happens to catch a glimpse while I’m getting my baby to latch, I couldn’t care less and I’m never going to apologise for it.

@SparrowNest Good point! To be clear I also think it’s OK if someone does want to flop one out and performance feed. I believe there are no circumstances where it’s not OK to breastfeed.