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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to not want to have sex if I've not just showered

175 replies

MrsTweedy21 · 30/10/2021 23:24

Dh has just said he wouldnt be bothered if we didn't shower before sex. I wouldn't be comfortable being intimate if I hadn't. AIBU or is he?

OP posts:
FateHasRedesignedMost · 31/10/2021 13:30

A bidet or hose or just a jug of water and sensitive soap would solve the issue?

Mischance · 31/10/2021 13:32

You are washing off all the exciting pheromones which are there for a reason!

It does sound a bit obsessional to me - but each to his/her own.

Might be easier to just do it in the shower.

Chikapu · 31/10/2021 13:33

So you never just whip your kecks off and do it on the dining table when the mood grabs you?

Josette77 · 31/10/2021 13:36

Nope. I love sex and when I'm horny I am not about to shower first. I shower in the morning. I have been told I smell great and my partners have always been keen to go down on me. This reminds me of the ads to douche. Women think they smell bad.
I would rather shower after. When I'm all wet and messy. That makes more sense to me.

Chikapu · 31/10/2021 13:37

@QOD

God I’m with you op. We both shower every morning so no way would I go near a day old Willy My endless wee trips mean I’d definitely want to wash the tuppence Toilet roll remnants on the tongue must be most hideous I get a sweaty under belly and absolutely wouldn’t re wear knickers! No way would I get the kebab out without a bath or shower
I have literally no idea what I just read. Tuppence, kebab, toilet roll remnants? So many questions.
ErrolTheDragon · 31/10/2021 16:39

@Chikapu

So you never just whip your kecks off and do it on the dining table when the mood grabs you?
When you get to the OPs age, I suppose you'll be leaving a tube of lube next to the cruet?Grin

Ignore the YABUers, OP. If you feel sexier and find your DH more attractive when you're freshly washed, that's fine. Tbh I'd say the only thing that's unreasonable for an 'empty nester' indulging in daytime activities is the 'quick shower'. Try a nice bubble bath as warm-up next time.

Anonymous48 · 31/10/2021 16:52

@Marvellousmadness

I feel like the pp's that are ok with unshowered sex are talking about unshowered penetrative sex, not about oral sex. I hope....
I have never felt the need to shower right before sex or ask my husband to. We both shower daily, but the timing of that is unrelated to the timing of any sex that might happen. And sex often involves oral sex as well as PIV. My husband doesn't seem to have any issues and will sometimes initiate sex (yes, even oral) after I have been playing sport outside - getting very sweaty - and haven't yet showered.
whereisthekey · 31/10/2021 17:18

I wonder if this is the reason quite a lot of men aren't keen on giving women oral. I am genuinely surprised at how many people say they aren't bothered to wash down there first.

Anonymous48 · 31/10/2021 17:20

@whereisthekey

I wonder if this is the reason quite a lot of men aren't keen on giving women oral. I am genuinely surprised at how many people say they aren't bothered to wash down there first.
I've never come across one!
houseonthehill · 31/10/2021 17:24

It really isn't off-putting. Quite the reverse.

Chikapu · 31/10/2021 17:41

When you get to the OPs age, I suppose you'll be leaving a tube of lube next to the cruet?

I'm older than the OP, never needed lube and I have no idea what a cruet is.

LadyTiredWinterBottom2 · 31/10/2021 17:46

@Jiggyjigsaw l'm with you on this one

Not too fussed really l mean we shower every day anyway. We don't get that unclean during the day.

NothingSafe · 31/10/2021 17:49

@whereisthekey

I wonder if this is the reason quite a lot of men aren't keen on giving women oral. I am genuinely surprised at how many people say they aren't bothered to wash down there first.
Never come across a man who was remotely bothered (and they were all still very enthusiastic).

(And if I really wanted to horrify you, I'd tell you about the guy who specifically asked me not to shower...)

AveryGoodlay · 31/10/2021 22:07

And if I really wanted to horrify you, I'd tell you about the guy who specifically asked me not to shower... Are your names Josephine and Napoleon? Grin

Seriously though that isn't rare. My partner will ask me not to shower if I'm all hot and sweaty. People excrete pheromones which attract partners.

OP YANBU to do whatever you and your partner are comfortable with. If you want advice I'd say try and let go a bit. Try and be spontaneous once in a while.

Hopeisallineed · 31/10/2021 22:48

@whereisthekey I’ve slept with women, never been a problem.

Clementineapples · 01/11/2021 00:14

i wonder if this is the reason quite a lot of men aren't keen on giving women oral. I am genuinely surprised at how many people say they aren't bothered to wash down there first

Yet to meet a man who doesn’t like giving oral. You have a wash, put clean knickers on, wipe when you have a wee. What are you doing that makes you think it’s so gross down there?

Hawkins001 · 01/11/2021 00:38

I guess it depends on the person

Hawkins001 · 01/11/2021 00:39

For me it's up to the lady, I aim to please,

PooWillyNameChange · 01/11/2021 05:41

@Bumpsadaisie

Personally I find how my DH smells quite a turn on if he is not too clean.

If your partner smells sweaty it is exciting! The smell of sanex shower gel ... isn't.

Obviously I do like good overall hygiene and cleanliness but I'd prefer no shower beforehand.

Me too. Last night I jumped in the shower before we DTD just because I wanted my hair washed before an early start this morning. DH, who showers every morning, asked if he should have a quick one too. My answer was hell no! He’s a very clean person, I like a faint ‘him’ smell and am not worried about a smelly smell!
whereisthekey · 01/11/2021 07:04

@Clementineapples ive just had sex with quite a lot of women so know what's preferable..and it's washed.

meltingappointment · 01/11/2021 07:11

You have a wash, put clean knickers on, wipe when you have a wee. What are you doing that makes you think it’s so gross down there?

The wiping wee all over? Toilet paper remenants?

Hopeisallineed · 01/11/2021 07:28

I think if you want sex, you want sex. Part of the joy is spontaneity. That heat of the moment where you what to tip someone’s clothes off, stopping for a wash would kill that vibe for me…unless we jumped in shower together. That’s nice too but not every time and what if you are not near a shower? 😉

labazslovesliving · 01/11/2021 09:31

no unbridled moments of spontaneous passion for you then! do you buy your OH a diary with the selected dates highlighted for Christmas? loosen up throw your cares and knickers to the wind

Hadjab · 01/11/2021 13:42

@meltingappointment

You have a wash, put clean knickers on, wipe when you have a wee. What are you doing that makes you think it’s so gross down there?

The wiping wee all over? Toilet paper remenants?

How do you wipe wee all over? One good wipe, front to back, should suffice.
meltingappointment · 01/11/2021 13:48

How do you wipe wee all over? One good wipe, front to back, should suffice.

I meant you are wiping it on to your skin. There is little point in pretending that wiping piss with toilet roll removes it from your skin. It doesn't.