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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to not want to have sex if I've not just showered

175 replies

MrsTweedy21 · 30/10/2021 23:24

Dh has just said he wouldnt be bothered if we didn't shower before sex. I wouldn't be comfortable being intimate if I hadn't. AIBU or is he?

OP posts:
Moooning · 31/10/2021 08:21

What about when you have a big marathon fuck fest, fall asleep and then wake each other up with more sex?

CelebrateAndDream · 31/10/2021 08:28

Girl...you've missed out on SO much sexy time 😉😂😉

furbabymama87 · 31/10/2021 08:31

It wouldn't bother me as long as he had been showered that morning at least. He doesn't need to shower directly beforehand. My husband has a shower every morning and doesn't smell. If he didn't wash regularly, I wouldn't go near him until he was clean.

Comtesse · 31/10/2021 09:02

Yabu

Hopeisallineed · 31/10/2021 09:36

I’m sorry but in all my 40 plus years, I’ve never had toilet roll remnants left on my ‘tuppence’. What are you doing, scrubbing it with paper? Actually, forget that. I don’t want to know! 😉

whereisthekey · 31/10/2021 10:26

@Hopeisallineed you likely wouldn't know.. I've commonly fond it on women.. bits of loo roll easily disintegrate when wiping .
I don't point it out to the person I'm sleeping with though, but it is somewhat off-putting.

meltingappointment · 31/10/2021 10:28

Yeah, the toilet roll thing you wouldn't really notice unless you get up close with the vulva/vagina/fanny/whatever and it is more then a little off putting if you do come across it.

Gin4thewin4 · 31/10/2021 10:51

So you literally have to plan your sex around showering.........

Honestly that sounds miserable. Surely you shower daily anyway.....

thepeopleversuswork · 31/10/2021 10:56

There’s nothing wrong with this per se: you want what you want… but I have to say I would find this quite repressed and unsexy if someone had to bathe or shower every time before sex.

It takes all the fun and spontaneity out of it and also repressed behaviour is not sexy.

Extraonions · 31/10/2021 10:58

We have sex when we feel horny … and after 20 years together and a teenager in the house, I’m just delighted when myself and my partner want it at the same time.

(No shower required)

DameMaureen · 31/10/2021 10:58

Some of you seem to take a very long time to shower ( 15 mins ? ) and what's the issue with having two showers - before and after ? Are you on water rations ?

CandidaAlbicans2 · 31/10/2021 11:36

PIV sex I'd be fine with if I'd showered hours before and not sweated much, but not with oral. I'd want to rinse away the pee remnants first, but that doesn't mean I'd get in the shower, I'd just rinse over the toilet. Stale wee isn't a nice smell, and loo roll isn't gong to clean it off enough for my liking, and I'd be too self conscious to enjoy oral properly if I'd not had a quick freshen up.

Same goes for men. I appreciate if they freshen up before expecting a BJ, as although I wouldn't expect cheese dick after just a few hours, urine stinks when it gets trapped under a foreskin for a while 🤢

WildSottishLassie · 31/10/2021 11:43

Wouldn't say your being unreasonable if this has been part of your "routine"for so long now.

inmyslippers · 31/10/2021 11:45

There's no right or wrong when it comes to sex op. If that's what you need to feel comfort that's what you need

Tal45 · 31/10/2021 11:47

If sex always involves oral then I understand where you're coming from. If it doesn't then I don't get it at all.

WhatAShilohPitt · 31/10/2021 11:59

Some people on here have never sniffed an unpleasantly smelly fanny, knob or bum crack then. That can and does happen over the course of a day. OP if you don’t like that, and I don’t blame you, just have a quick wipe with a moist toilet wipe a couple of times a day so that you feel ready when something happens.

Dandy008 · 31/10/2021 12:14

If it involves oral, then yes, I can understand your POV. I would want to shower first too. Unless I’m not long out of the shower.

But if it’s a spontaneous quickie, then no, I wouldn’t shower. It would ruin the moment for me if we had to shower first.

Dandy008 · 31/10/2021 12:14

@WhatAShilohPitt

🤣🤣

Marvellousmadness · 31/10/2021 12:22

I feel like the pp's that are ok with unshowered sex are talking about unshowered penetrative sex, not about oral sex. I hope....

RacketeerRalph · 31/10/2021 12:30

@Marvellousmadness

I feel like the pp's that are ok with unshowered sex are talking about unshowered penetrative sex, not about oral sex. I hope....
Meh, as long as DH hasn't literally just been to the loo I don't mind. He keeps his penis clean and I've never tasted urine on him. I don't like receiving oral so that's not an issue.
houseonthehill · 31/10/2021 12:31

@Marvellousmadness

I feel like the pp's that are ok with unshowered sex are talking about unshowered penetrative sex, not about oral sex. I hope....
Nah.. unwashed sex is better no matter what you're doing.
NotMyCat · 31/10/2021 12:47

@houseonthehill until you go to give oral and realise the bloke stinks of urine... no thank you

aliensprig · 31/10/2021 12:47

One of my first boyfriends was a bearded gamer guy who basically never showered. He smelt like sweat, body spray and beer and it made me (quite literally) melt. Such a masculine smell. He came back from a long weekend festival once and I had to have him as soon as I saw him Blush All my friends thought he was disgusting Grin

stingofthebutterfly · 31/10/2021 13:02

Weird. It always does my head in when my husband wants sex and I've just got out of the shower. At least if I get in the shower afterwards, I can't smell what he's left in there for hours.

Gin4thewin4 · 31/10/2021 13:28

Kind of reminds me of the Handmaid's ceremony.

Sounds more like a ritual than actual intimate, exciting sex.