Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to not want to have sex if I've not just showered

175 replies

MrsTweedy21 · 30/10/2021 23:24

Dh has just said he wouldnt be bothered if we didn't shower before sex. I wouldn't be comfortable being intimate if I hadn't. AIBU or is he?

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 30/10/2021 23:50

Do you not appreciate that your husband probably loves your natural scent?

neededafart · 30/10/2021 23:52

What's the logistics to this ? Genuinely curious.

Do you feel in the mood then take turns to shower. Or only initiate after showering.

Is it more of a regular schedule kind of thing?

Mynameismargot · 30/10/2021 23:55

30+ years without spontaneous sex Shock You are missing out! I would find it a massive turn off if dh ran to shower before sex every time.

whereisthekey · 30/10/2021 23:55

PIV sex would be OK if you've showered that day..especially half a day. but oral sex absolutely I have to shower beforehand.

ErrolTheDragon · 30/10/2021 23:56

Neither of you is being unreasonable, you're just different on this.

WonderfulYou · 30/10/2021 23:56

I couldn’t think of anything worse than having to ‘schedule’ sex by having a shower first.

If I know I’m definitely having sex that night eg boyfriend coming over then I’ll shower before they arrive but it could still be a good couple hours before we actually have sex.

MissCruellaDeVil · 30/10/2021 23:57

How weird, surely it would ruin spontaneous sex?

Cryalot2 · 30/10/2021 23:58

Surely when you truly love one another something like that is unimportant. You would die for each other so why worry about that?
My dh has seen things I would rather not but down the lines of sickness and if we can there for each other then we can cope without a shower before fun. Though I like one afterwards.

But not sure when we last had fun.

PiesNotGuys · 30/10/2021 23:59

What about those times where you have sex more than once, do you have to shower twice? Or is it shower once before a session, as it were.

I’m not bothered about being freshly showered, as long as we are acceptable for everyday life we are acceptable for sex

Journeynotdestination · 31/10/2021 00:00

I just use a wet wipe on my parts if I get the chance beforehand! I don’t even always shower after, but I like feeling like I have his scent on me for a while.

BunNcheese · 31/10/2021 00:01

Context is needed. If you have showered in the morning and you have been at home or not done much I think it's fine. However a long day at work no I would absolutely shower.

HouseOfFire · 31/10/2021 00:01

@MrsPelligrinoPetrichor

Omg there are just some things you have to figure out yourself as an adult and this is one of them!
Exactly
polkadotpixie · 31/10/2021 00:04

I'm with you @MrsTweedy21, I always shower before sex (& after) and prefer DH to as well. Partly because I feel more confident if I'm freshly clean and partly because I'm very prone to UTIs and it helps reduce the likelihood of me getting one

Original poster
MrsTweedy21 · 31/10/2021 00:06

@neededafart

What's the logistics to this ? Genuinely curious.

Do you feel in the mood then take turns to shower. Or only initiate after showering.

Is it more of a regular schedule kind of thing?

We both tend to shower quickly before bed so night time sex isn't an issue. We now find ourselves with an 'empty nest' so have the opportunity to have sex whenever. It's at these time that I feel that I need a quick shower first
OP posts:
kittenkipping · 31/10/2021 00:08

It would not be okay for me. I rarely get spontaneity now, but early years? Falling through the door after a night out dancing - yes sweaty bars filled with people plus dancing for HOURS- and tearing the clothes from one another? It's heaven. In the kitchen together and kissing before getting carried away and sweeping everything from a table to do it? It's the recipe for the hottest sex. Ive teenagers now and yes live by sex by appointment. It's still very good after years of knowing what we both like, we can have great sex and fast every time. But spontaneous passion sex will ALWAYS be the most memorable and the best and pausing passion to shower? I couldn't settle for it.

All that said. It's not me having the sex. It's you. And your boundaries are acceptable. It's not my place to set yours or shame you for them. Sex is very very personal and more subjective than art. What's good for you and comfortable for you is best for you and don't ever feel pressured to do anything you don't want to

AveryGoodlay · 31/10/2021 00:08

Weird imo. I keep myself clean because I like to be clean. Therefore I could have sex whenever because I know I have good hygiene practices.

Nefelibata86 · 31/10/2021 00:10

Could it relate to your being together since you were young. Ie more time and less responsibilities to manage and then never got out of that rut, pardon the pun!

StrychnineInTheSandwiches · 31/10/2021 00:15

it's okay for sex to be grubby and sweaty

noblegreenk · 31/10/2021 00:17

I personally think it depends on the type of sex you're having. I don't like giving or receiving oral without being fairly fresh out of the shower first. But if we're having a quick shag without any bells and whistles I'm happy to do that unshowered.

Mermaidwaves · 31/10/2021 00:18

I had a FWB who I used to ask NOT to shower before sex Blush as I loved the smell of him so much! He smelt of incense and the woods, just marvelous! A shower would have spoilt that for me Grin

me4real · 31/10/2021 00:19

You do you.

Plenty of people shag without having a shower beforehand though. Think I've only happened to have just had a shower about twice in a long and 'industrious' sexual career. Smile

I don't like receiving oral though, so it's less of an issue. Definitely would've been nice if some of the guys had had a bit of a wash beforehand.

Allsorts1 · 31/10/2021 00:19

I usually do a hot flannel wash of my bits if I predict sexy time is imminent but I wouldn’t want a full shower, no. In fact as a PP said, that would probably annoy me as it’s a waste of a shower Grin

gofg · 31/10/2021 00:38

YABU - I would hate to live like that.

NumberTheory · 31/10/2021 00:40

@MrsPelligrinoPetrichor

Omg there are just some things you have to figure out yourself as an adult and this is one of them!
Yes! ^^This
Bellyups · 31/10/2021 00:41

Umm, it does sound a bit….’regimented’

Swipe left for the next trending thread