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Original poster

Friend threatening to tell her DD uni's that she drink drives

163 replies

waterwateronetothree · 30/10/2021 20:29

Friend's DD who is at uni was done for drink driving very recently, her mother is absolutely furious with her to the point she is threatening to tell her uni of her crime as she thinks her tutors would love to know and would appreciate the heads up that one of their students drink drives. Her DD has vowed to never speak to her mum again if she follows through with her threat.

What do you make of the situation?

OP posts:
tradition · 31/10/2021 06:48

@Aposterhasnoname

£10 says OP is the daughter.
Absolutely this! If you read the OP posts they are skewed in 'favour' of the daughter IMHO
onelittlefrog · 31/10/2021 06:53

The uni won't care. It's nothing to do with them, they will probably just be annoyed at an inconvenient and pointless phone call!

UniversalAunt · 31/10/2021 06:54

‘Friend's DD has said she will deny to the uni what she did if her Mum tells them‘

Ah now, lying about a conviction when asked by the Uni (employer etc) is another matter. It’s not the substance of the conviction, it’s the lie.

onelittlefrog · 31/10/2021 06:55

@Offmyfence

I too would be fuming that a child of mine had got this on their record, it will stay with her for a long time, quite rightly. But getting her kicked out of uni is a step too far IMO, their is no legal reason to inform them, so who made her mum the right to be informer.
She would not be kicked out of uni for this.

Why on earth would they care?

They have thousands of students and probably don't even know who she is, they are not going to talk to her about it and certainly won't kick her out. Uni isn't like school.

Evelyn52 · 31/10/2021 06:55

Can't see the uni giving a flying fuck tbh, let her report it, they'll do precisely nothing with the information.

rainbowstardrops · 31/10/2021 07:01

As much as I detest drink driving, I assume the DD has been dealt with by the police already and so I can't see any point in informing the university. The mother sounds awful tbh.

CovidCorvid · 31/10/2021 07:02

I’m a lecturer. For the majority of causes the academics would care. If I received such an email or phone call I’d ask the student if they were ok and direct them towards counselling to help them cope with having such an unsupportive parent.

godmum56 · 31/10/2021 07:03

@CovidCorvid

I’m a lecturer. For the majority of causes the academics would care. If I received such an email or phone call I’d ask the student if they were ok and direct them towards counselling to help them cope with having such an unsupportive parent.
this. The Mum sounds like a real nasty piece of work
TrufflyPig · 31/10/2021 07:05

Can't see the uni giving a flying fuck tbh

Lots of people saying this but they might actually care. Depends on the course.

Some professions require that you declare an criminal convictions, failure to do so may result in being unable to register with a professional body or might result in said body taking disciplinary action.

I distinctly remember my very first lecture: the head of school told us to see him personally if anyone had any criminal convictions as it may effect their ability to register upon graduation. A girl in my year had a conviction for driving without due care and attention, she was honest about it but had to go in person to London to register with the professional body (as opposed to standard online registration).

Offmyfence · 31/10/2021 07:05

@CovidCorvid

I’m a lecturer. For the majority of causes the academics would care. If I received such an email or phone call I’d ask the student if they were ok and direct them towards counselling to help them cope with having such an unsupportive parent.
Good for you, that's what would be best.
AperolWhore · 31/10/2021 07:18

What a horrible mum! Her child made a mistake and she should be supporting her to get help and deal with the issues that made her drink drive not try to ruin her life!

TrufflyPig · 31/10/2021 07:19

I also don't think we have enough information to declare the mother 'awful'.

It could be that this isn't the first time the daughter has driven drunk, just the first she was caught, she could be completely unremorseful and fully intends to do it again. If so her reaction is understandable.

If it was a one time thing and the daughter has been punished, shown remorse and does not intend to repeat the behaviour then her reaction is not reasonable.

We don't really know.

thebuswontfit · 31/10/2021 07:29

The mum sounds demented

No wonder the kid is a criminal

meltingappointment · 31/10/2021 07:33

friend thinks it's not fair that a place at a uni is being taken up by a criminal where they would have been people who applied to the course who did not get on the course.

Why are you friends with this person Confused

amsadandconfused · 31/10/2021 07:33

Friends DD is absolutely reckless but has hopefully been caught early enough that this will never happen again! Not sure why your friend is so hellbent in destroying her relationship with DD ! The Uni will not be interested.

meltingappointment · 31/10/2021 07:34

@TrufflyPig

I also don't think we have enough information to declare the mother 'awful'.

It could be that this isn't the first time the daughter has driven drunk, just the first she was caught, she could be completely unremorseful and fully intends to do it again. If so her reaction is understandable.

If it was a one time thing and the daughter has been punished, shown remorse and does not intend to repeat the behaviour then her reaction is not reasonable.

We don't really know.

Of course she is awful. She wants to tell tales on her own daughter to get her kicked out of university. How else would you describe that?

ThisIsStartingToBoreMe · 31/10/2021 07:41

With a mother like that i'm not surprised she drinks.

TrufflyPig · 31/10/2021 07:41

Of course she is awful. She wants to tell tales on her own daughter to get her kicked out of university. How else would you describe that?

As I said it MIGHT be reasonable if it's a repeated offense for which the DD shows no remorse, she could be recklessly endangering others on a regular basis. I wouldn't tolerate that and would probably do whatever it took to get her to stop.

My point is we don't know though do we. We only have (assuming OP is not actually the daughter) a third hand account of the story.

GrandmasCat · 31/10/2021 07:42

It is not that the university won’t care, they are not boarding schools responsible for children. They cannot help the DD either no matter how much they would like (unless she wants to) as the uni has to respect the fact DD is an adult able to make their own decisions and prepare to deal with the consequences.

Mum is deranged and taking the wrong approach, she is not only not sorting the issue, she is making it worse and driving her DD away. Now, if mum is sponsoring the car… there she can do something about.

CatonMat · 31/10/2021 07:43

Is the daughter still driving drunk?
Not that I would tell the university.
I'd report her to the police.

meltingappointment · 31/10/2021 07:45

@TrufflyPig

Of course she is awful. She wants to tell tales on her own daughter to get her kicked out of university. How else would you describe that?

As I said it MIGHT be reasonable if it's a repeated offense for which the DD shows no remorse, she could be recklessly endangering others on a regular basis. I wouldn't tolerate that and would probably do whatever it took to get her to stop.

My point is we don't know though do we. We only have (assuming OP is not actually the daughter) a third hand account of the story.

It's not remotely reasonable to try and get your child kicked out of university ffs.

OhMyfanwy · 31/10/2021 07:49

Jesus, stay away from them both

TrufflyPig · 31/10/2021 07:53

It's not remotely reasonable to try and get your child kicked out of university ffs.

No need for the swearing, we can engage reasonably. Surely the mother knows she won't actually get kicked out though (unless in circumstances I mentioned up thread). Perhaps she's doing it because the daughter refuses to get help with alcohol, she's told the daughter otherwise out of anger.

I honestly don't know how I would react if one of my kids did this, I'd be so angry and disappointed. Couldn't promise I would be reasonable in the heat of the moment.

Benjispruce5 · 31/10/2021 08:00

The student has made a massive mistake and hopefully learnt her lesson. The mother sounds deranged. I’d be furious with my DD but help her to come to terms with her mistake and encourage her to focus on her degree and succeed in life. Did they not get on before? Doesn’t sound like a good relationship.

prickferrari · 31/10/2021 08:03

Drink driving aside, the mum sounds abusive. The shaming is typical of parents who are more concerned about what strangers think than their child's mental well being. And at first glance I'm wondering if there is trauma.