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AIBU?

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Original poster

To not get DS4 bday present because of class party

147 replies

Olivegreenstrawberries · 30/10/2021 07:32

My son's birthday is mid December, this year he will have a class party. His class is 35 pupils so I guess about 25 to 35 will come. I'm already getting overwhelmed by the thought of that many presents, especially right before Xmas.
How long will it take for him to open them all?!

I'm thinking that there's no need for me to get him a present too for his birthday. Is that awful?

OP posts:
Liverbird77 · 30/10/2021 07:32

Why not specify no presents from randoms and get him something nice from you?

Lemonlemon88 · 30/10/2021 07:37

My DS birthday is also mid december. I have asked for no presents but a couple of people will probably still bring one. You might want to do this to make it a bit more manageable.

Terminallysleepdeprived · 30/10/2021 07:39

Yes you are unreasonable sorry.

A present doesn't have to be an item. It could be a trip somewhere he would like, theme park, theatre, museum etc.

You have chosen to do a class party so you cannot imo then punish your child by not getting him a gift

OhWifey · 30/10/2021 07:40

I put no presents on the invitation at that age. Some people ignored it but most didn't.

WholeClassKeptIn · 30/10/2021 07:41

So in the morning of his birthday he wouldnt wake up to any presents?

I think thats v unreasonable. He will think you don't care but his friends do! Even a few little presents.

Peanutmnm · 30/10/2021 07:41

We do a £5 in a card for our large class parties here. It's not possible to deal with 30 gifts.

TopCatsTopHat · 30/10/2021 07:41

I agree with terminally token gift that takes no space up is the way forward, even a trip to cinema would do it, doesn't have to be a thing.

erinaceus · 30/10/2021 07:43

How old is your DS? I think that makes a difference to how you handle this.

You are being unreasonable not to get him a gift yourself, unless the party is an "event"-type party (think paintballing or similar) and you could have a conversation about the party itself being the gift.

Suggesting no gifts (or a charity donation in lieu of gift) to the party guests and getting him a gift yourself makes mores sense than not getting him anything. I agree a gift does not have to be stuff and could be an event, outing or trip instead.

riotlady · 30/10/2021 07:43

A present from a classmate isn’t the same as a present from your mum

ANameChangeAgain · 30/10/2021 07:44

I understand why people say no presents, but to see their faces light up when they have the pile of gifts to open after the party is lovely. In reality most will be regifted or donated. We used to use birthdays as an excuse to buy practical gifts, such as new pjs, a nice outfit, even new underwear. It doesn't have to be plastic junk.

flowerycurtain · 30/10/2021 07:45

In our family you either get a big gift (bike etc) and small party (one or two friends for tea) or small gift (daughter got a poly pocket) and big party

regularbutpanickingabit · 30/10/2021 07:45

Totally unreasonable and pretty shit for him that you would even think that.

Your sex life was the reason he has a December birthday. Not his fault christmas is in the same month. It’s already pretty crap that he has all excitement and presents in one month of the year without being made to feel like they should be lumped together.

Your choice to say yes to a class party, too!

It would have been totally fine to give an option like big present and no party or smaller present and big party, of course. But no present? Crap.

flowerycurtain · 30/10/2021 07:45

Polly pocket. Not poly pocket. That would be a bit harsh!

Heronwatcher · 30/10/2021 07:46

Why don’t you ask the class fir a donation towards a present or a zoo membership? It can sound great getting 25-30 presents but many of them are likely to be either things that your son doesn’t actually like, or stuff like pens/ stickers/ books- great but probably not his dream present. Only you know what he would actually love.

SnarkyBag · 30/10/2021 07:47

Yeah that’s a bit shit, he’ll probably get a load of tat from the class party. He should have a gift to open from you.

nellyburt · 30/10/2021 07:49

Of course you don’t get him no presents.

THOSEcobwebsareDECOR · 30/10/2021 07:49

We have a roughly set amount for birthdays

If birthday child has a party then the cost comes from the set amount and what is left goes on presents. If there is no party they get it all on presents

londonrach · 30/10/2021 07:51

It's his birthday get him a present and don't be so mean!

Whinge · 30/10/2021 07:52

Not his fault christmas is in the same month. It’s already pretty crap that he has all excitement and presents in one month of the year without being made to feel like they should be lumped together

I agree. I can't believe someone would buy nothing just because of a class party. Surely the obvious answer is to buy fewer presents or an experience, rather than none at all? Confused

jeanne16 · 30/10/2021 07:53

I always find these threads saying ask for no presents really depressing. If a 4 year old can’t have the pleasure of ripping open lots of presents (even if it is tat), then what is the point of anything. I used to recycle some of the gifts after the event anyway.

They will have a handful of parties where they get lots of presents. Let them enjoy it.

HomeSliceKnowsBest · 30/10/2021 07:54

He will likely get 35 pieces if utter shite and nothing from his DP. How sad, poor kid.

Iggly · 30/10/2021 07:55

He may remember the birthday where his friends got him presents but his own mother didn’t 😂

SpidersAreShitheads · 30/10/2021 07:56

As you're getting overwhelmed by the thought of your DS getting lots of crappy small gifts from classmates you're not going to bother getting him a gift to open from you?

Sure, sounds fair.

He'll definitely be fine with his mum not bothering to get him anything and waking up to no gifts. Kids don't care about things like that at all.

😳

Amdone123 · 30/10/2021 07:57

Of course you have to get him a present.
I agree with pp. I didn't even know requesting no presents was a thing. My 6 year old granddaughter would have been so puzzled to not receive presents!!

Cattitudes · 30/10/2021 07:59

I would try to think of things that he loves and find presents which although not expensive show him that you know and understand him. His favourite food for example, my children are genuinely delighted with say a packet of salad sprinkles just for them to eat without me saying to make sure they don't eat them all. Admittedly they are older, but things you would usually say no to or only a little bit of. A toy which goes with his favourite game/ TV programme. If you tell us what he loves people can come up with some ideas. You don't need to spend loads, but what you give shows him that you know and understand him. At 4yrs you could probably split some of his Christmas presents so a couple of characters for his birthday, more characters and the house for Christmas.

In terms of opening presents just open 6 or 7 at a time from the party then produce more to open the next day.