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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not get DS4 bday present because of class party

147 replies

Olivegreenstrawberries · 30/10/2021 07:32

My son's birthday is mid December, this year he will have a class party. His class is 35 pupils so I guess about 25 to 35 will come. I'm already getting overwhelmed by the thought of that many presents, especially right before Xmas.
How long will it take for him to open them all?!

I'm thinking that there's no need for me to get him a present too for his birthday. Is that awful?

OP posts:
Lockdownbear · 30/10/2021 08:32

I don't get the logic people suggesting an experience gift. Does Class Party not count as an "experience"?

Op I'd probably get him a small gift £20-30, just so he has something to open, doesn't have to be expensive. But I wouldn't have him get up to nothing but a card.

Brefugee · 30/10/2021 08:33

that's a bit shitty. I'm a December kid and if my parents had done that, they would have had to do it for my (July) brother too. And that would be really shit.

December kids often get joint birthday/christmas presents too, so that just reduces it even more compared to siblings/friends.

Don't be that parent, OP

manywildhorses · 30/10/2021 08:33

We just had a class party for dc that cost over £500. As the party was so expensive we only got a few small presents to open on actual birthday. Plus balloons, presents from other family members etc to bulk it out. So she didn’t notice and still felt excited and loved.

If you have presents from other family you can put out you can get away with less but you still need to get something so he feels special.

Older dc birthday is on top of Christmas so I know how it feels but it’s not their fault and needs to be treated separately.

TrickOrTreat21x · 30/10/2021 08:35

Why wouldn't you give your child a present? It's not his fault he was born near Christmas that's shit planning on your part. Don't be cruel.

Ponytoyyy · 30/10/2021 08:36

Like other PP have suggested, if there’s nothing special he wants, don’t get him an object. How about tickets to something he’d love? A show? Cinema? Theme park? Or a magazine subscription?

Make it special though OP. It doesn’t need to be pricey or flashy, the stuff doesn’t count and won’t be remembered, but the feeling of being special will.

Jumpingintochristmas · 30/10/2021 08:38

@Heartdogs

The party is the present. Parties cost a fortune.
Very few children receive a party as a present. @Olivegreenstrawberries ask yourself would you be thinking as you are if his birthday was in July? We have a November and a December birthday but both are celebrated and budgeted for like the rest of the families.
Brefugee · 30/10/2021 08:38

also what is all this "tat" you're expecting? do you buy "tat" for the parties your children go to?

Myshitisreal · 30/10/2021 08:39

Please don't buy him salad sprinkles 🙏

wigornian · 30/10/2021 08:40

@jeanne16

I always find these threads saying ask for no presents really depressing. If a 4 year old can’t have the pleasure of ripping open lots of presents (even if it is tat), then what is the point of anything. I used to recycle some of the gifts after the event anyway.

They will have a handful of parties where they get lots of presents. Let them enjoy it.

Me too! DS is 13 now but when he was that age and having a party we never said "no presents" - effectively they also off set the cost as he usually got lovely thoughtful presents, books, games, model kits etc.
Claymorekick · 30/10/2021 08:41

It seems like you are penalising him for having a December birthday - if his birthday was in July, would you be thinking the same?

JustDanceAddict · 30/10/2021 08:41

From experience he’ll mainly get shite from the class party esp from randoms. We used to regift.
You def need to still get him
Presents, sorry.

nosyupnorth · 30/10/2021 08:41

YABVU

Why do some parents think it's acceptable to punish a child for being born in December/January by deciding they shouldn't have the same birthday celebrations as other children get simply because Christmas happens to be in a similar timeframe.

Dontjudgeme101 · 30/10/2021 08:42

That’s not fair op. You should buy him a present on his birthday. That’s cruel if you don’t!

Claymorekick · 30/10/2021 08:42

@Myshitisreal

Please don't buy him salad sprinkles 🙏
I don't even know what salad sprinkles are but can imagine - how is that even a birthday treat Confused
ToastieSnowy · 30/10/2021 08:44

Would you do that if he was born in any month other than December? Not fair in him. Same principle as doubling up birthday/Christmas presents because it’s cheaper.

My DS’s birthday is a few days before Christmas, when he was young I would have his class party at the end November or first weekend of December so I could separate the two. He’d have class party and their presents on that day. His presents from me on his birthday and then Christmas.

I didn’t put up Christmas decorations until after the party so the house show his birthday, also the more near Christmas the less likely kids can make it, plus to separate out the presents from being a tonne in a few dats, and so DS knew his birthday was important.

Too late for you this year but an idea for you next year.

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 30/10/2021 08:45

This can't be real
Class party tat presents don't replace a gift from mum/parents!!

MagicalFish · 30/10/2021 08:45

@flowerycurtain

In our family you either get a big gift (bike etc) and small party (one or two friends for tea) or small gift (daughter got a poly pocket) and big party
This is what we do.
CloseYourEyesAndSee · 30/10/2021 08:46

@Heartdogs

The party is the present. Parties cost a fortune.
No it bloody isn't
ThirdElephant · 30/10/2021 08:48

YABU. A four year old should have something to open when he wakes up on his birthday, IMO.

TravelLost · 30/10/2021 08:48

I think you have no idea if the poor quality the present form the class party will be.
It will be only cheap generic tat that he will nit care one not about (and is lie,ou to end up in the bin after a couple of days).

@Olivegreenstrawberries have a class party. But remember that a proper party at home with you/family will even more appreciated . And so will thoughtful gifts that you can get him (vs the regifted stuff he’ll get from the class)

Hillary17 · 30/10/2021 08:52

Sorry but yes you need to get him a present! Imagine him going to school the next day and being asked what his parents got him! Even just a couple of small bits. You can’t rely on birthday party presents to not be naff!!

AmazingBouncingFerret · 30/10/2021 08:53

I have two children born in December. Always, always throw the party a week before actual birthday. And of course you buy your child a present, you’ll find you won’t have as many attendees due to it being so near Christmas and you’ll definitely find yourself with handy ready bought re-gifts!
To avoid an overdose on wrapped presents, as they got older we started to buy an experience for their birthday gift. Swimming with sharks, zoo keeper for the day, karting, and dirt bike riding for examples.

YetAnotherSpartacus · 30/10/2021 08:53

*that's a bit shitty. I'm a December kid and if my parents had done that, they would have had to do it for my (July) brother too. And that would be really shit.

December kids often get joint birthday/Christmas presents too, so that just reduces it even more compared to siblings/friends*

Or no one turns up to parties because of Christmas events or because parents can't be bothered and are too busy preparing for Christmas or gifts are token and crap because everyone is focusing on Christmas and does not have the energy or cash to pay for birthday presents.

He should be treated as if his birthday was in July.

Blondeshavemorefun · 30/10/2021 08:56

Wow

Your poor ds. As others said it’s not his fault his birthday is near Xmas

Never understood those who have a class party but say no pressies

It’s your child’s birthday

Let him have pressie from friends and you

He gets 2 days close together for pressies. Then nothing for a year

ghejxodn · 30/10/2021 08:58

I honestly think that it's terrible not to get your DS a present! Yes his classmates are likely to buy him a gift but these will be small gifts of things that he wouldn't have necessarily chosen or picked. It's quite normal to have a party and a few gifts from your parents!! No matter when your birthday is!