Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not get DS4 bday present because of class party

147 replies

Olivegreenstrawberries · 30/10/2021 07:32

My son's birthday is mid December, this year he will have a class party. His class is 35 pupils so I guess about 25 to 35 will come. I'm already getting overwhelmed by the thought of that many presents, especially right before Xmas.
How long will it take for him to open them all?!

I'm thinking that there's no need for me to get him a present too for his birthday. Is that awful?

OP posts:
ThirdElephant · 30/10/2021 08:59

@Blondeshavemorefun

Wow

Your poor ds. As others said it’s not his fault his birthday is near Xmas

Never understood those who have a class party but say no pressies

It’s your child’s birthday

Let him have pressie from friends and you

He gets 2 days close together for pressies. Then nothing for a year

A bit rough, isn't it? Everyone else gets two but you only get one because your two happen to come close together.

Unless you have a half-birthday in the summer too, OP? I think I'd do that if I had a December born.

DeepaBeesKit · 30/10/2021 08:59

The class party presents will be mostly be inexpensive tokens

ThinWomansBrain · 30/10/2021 09:00

poor child will have enough 'doubled up' single gifts throughout his life - it's really unfair of you to do it too as his parents - definitely a gift from you, however small.

GirlWithAGuitar · 30/10/2021 09:01

Presents from classmates aren’t usually something a child has desperately been wanting so I think you should get him some things he wants.

TheMoth · 30/10/2021 09:01

We've always done party or big present. The big party phase doesn't last long. At least at 4, even a cheap present is amazing to a kid. Think ds got a spiderman and costume at that age. Plus class party and home decorated cake(that phase didn't last long either).

Just wait until their present costs stupid money and doesn't even exist off screen.

GirlWithAGuitar · 30/10/2021 09:04

Just wait until their present costs stupid money and doesn't even exist off screen.

Ha. This is currently my world. 😂

userg5647 · 30/10/2021 09:04

We have a budget for birthday and party, depending how big the the party is determines how big the present will be, so it usually wouldn't be something very big if we're doing a party. However, DS is also a December baby and I wouldn't dream of limiting his presents based on Christmas etc, that's asking for a complex, especially if he has siblings with non December birthdays!

Newmumatlast · 30/10/2021 09:05

Yabu to get nothing but not unreasonable to get less than you might ordinarily and instead put some money in an account for him for his future. That way you're spending the same, he still gets a gift, and also the class ones.

Re being overwhelmed about gifts, you could either say no gifts or ask that they donate to a local santa gift drive for charity or just have a massive clear out of your son's toys for charity before the party. You may want to do this for xmas too anyway

yikesanotherbooboo · 30/10/2021 09:05

These years go past very quickly. Put yourself in his shoes:

stingofthebutterfly · 30/10/2021 09:06

Get him a present.

And isn't it illegal to have 35 pupils in an infant class?

853ax · 30/10/2021 09:07

I find for small children the excitement of parties is present. Both as giver and receiver.
I usually take my children to toy shop pick present. Sometimes they pick big thing other times has been small box Pokémon cards.

ThirdElephant · 30/10/2021 09:10

@stingofthebutterfly

Get him a present.

And isn't it illegal to have 35 pupils in an infant class?

Depends how many adults you have, I presume.
SummerOrAutumn · 30/10/2021 09:12

Ime my DC always got cheap presents from their classmates and we never spent more than £5 on a present for their friends. So they never would be an acceptable replacement for the real presents from us.

Sarcobaleno · 30/10/2021 09:16

Say no presents or I've heard of asking everyone for £1 so the child can choose one thing from everyone.

You absolutely need to get your own child a present if you can afford it.

JKDinomum · 30/10/2021 09:20

Presents from friends will be a mix of tat they don't want or need, money to spend on something later, and if you're lucky, a few really good presents.

Presents from parents are things that are lovingly chosen for the child by the people who know them best, or things the child has specifically asked for.

The two are completely different. My kids always have and always will wake up to a pile of presents in the morning of their birthday. If they have a party too that is separate.

tigger1001 · 30/10/2021 09:21

@Blinkingheckythump

I think you're getting a bit of a rough ride here *@Olivegreenstrawberries*. I would personally get him something as I like to see my child's excitement at something I bought but also because there's no guarantee that anything he gets from the party he'd actually want or not already have. However I don't think there's anything wrong in saying to him your party is your present. And I really don't get people saying gift him an event, as if that's not exactly what a party is Hmm
I agree.

Parties are expensive. Nothing wrong with saying that the party is the gift.

whosaidtha · 30/10/2021 09:25

Would you not get him presents if his birthday was July? Poor little thing will have joint presents/less presents his whole life. Don't start so early. I know. I've got an Christmas birthday.

WeDidntMeanToGoToSea · 30/10/2021 09:25

Of course get him a present!

For the class party I would put on the invitation something like 'Please don't feel you have to bring a present, but if you would like to, please a book, sticker book, colouring book or pack of felt tips/crayons'. Those kinds of things can always be used (and if you get duplicates of books can easily be given away/passed on to someone else), plus they don't cost much. Or alternatively ask for no presents but there will be a piggy bank in a convenient place should anyone wish to put in a coin towards [annual ticket for local zoo/wildlife park or new scooter or something of that kind].

WeDidntMeanToGoToSea · 30/10/2021 09:28

(FTR presents from guests fine for a small party, but with 25+ attendees it's just going to get overwhelming/things aren't going to be looked at/appreciated properly. Actually tbh six children came to my dd's last party and even then the presents were opened and looked at very perfunctorily before they all got on with playing and it was difficult to remember who gave what. I made sure she remembered her manners btw!)

forrestgreen · 30/10/2021 09:31

Ask them to gift their favourite book. Or favourite dinosaur etc

Kuachui · 30/10/2021 09:35

yabu simply because presents from friends from school tend to just be crap little bits or cheaper kinds, which is fine but to have no decent presents isnt right....
he should be able to wake up to the toys he wants

Jconnais1chansonquivavsenerver · 30/10/2021 09:36

I'm thinking that there's no need for me to get him a present too for his birthday. Is that awful?
@Olivegreenstrawberries - yes, it is awful.

Bananarama21 · 30/10/2021 09:41

My dad was born on the 5th December his dm used to play this trick say because his birthday was close to Christmas he didn't need birthday presents so he didn't get them was different for his siblings. It was something that stayed with him and it was disgraceful behaviour to do that to a child, you cab limit the amount you get him for Christmas but don't be that parent that ruins a childs birthday it will send a clear message.

UltimateBugKilla · 30/10/2021 09:43

No, you absolutely have to get him a present, not all people will bring presents, he may get some cash, just cards and some wont get anything.

ballsdeep · 30/10/2021 09:46

Yes!!!! That is awful.