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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not get DS4 bday present because of class party

147 replies

Olivegreenstrawberries · 30/10/2021 07:32

My son's birthday is mid December, this year he will have a class party. His class is 35 pupils so I guess about 25 to 35 will come. I'm already getting overwhelmed by the thought of that many presents, especially right before Xmas.
How long will it take for him to open them all?!

I'm thinking that there's no need for me to get him a present too for his birthday. Is that awful?

OP posts:
PinkiOcelot · 30/10/2021 09:46

You can’t be serious surely?!!

Morgantowers · 30/10/2021 09:47

Sit with them whilst they open them and don’t let them open boxes until you’re sure you’re keeping them. Duplicate gifts, gifts you don’t think they’ll play with enough or even just toys you don’t like can all be regifted to other parties and at least one can go in the Christmas toy appeal.

Yes I think you do have to get them a present.

anonymousanne · 30/10/2021 09:47

I can kind of see how this would work with a smaller child, if you knew what gifts they were getting. My DS will be 1 near Xmas. We've had so many family members ask for suggestions for his bday and Xmas that I've completely run out of ideas now so we aren't getting him anything for either but he will get anything he needs in the year. But I don't think this would work when he's old enough to understand or if family members wanted to open all gifts with him so he wakes up to no gifts. I do think it's overwhelming though and no idea where all this stuff is going to go but it's all nice, quality gifts we would have chosen. You need to get a 4 year old something in my opinion. Surely it will all be cheap, plastic tat given?

ShoppingBasket · 30/10/2021 09:53

As a Christmas baby please don't join up Christmas and his birthday as reason not to get gifts. Us Christmas babies have no other time during the year for a celebration. You can always give him half the presents and donate the other half to a charity for Christmas.
Also, I think a present from your parents is more special, for instance with my son I know what character he likes so even useful things like pyjamas and underwear characters with a small toy. It doesn't have to be expensive as he is already getting a party.
They are only little once.

Hoppinggreen · 30/10/2021 09:53

I have 2DC with December birthdays so I feel your pain. One year they had a joint party and probably got around 30 presents each the week before Christmas. I remember sitting in the lounge surrounded by literal bin bags full of presents knowing that family gifts were still to come.
What I did was to put most of the craft type stuff away to bring out gradually throughout the year, donate any duplicates to the Sally Army present appeal and that cut it down quite a bit.
We did buy both dc presents from us too though
As they got older it got easier

hennaoj · 30/10/2021 09:53

Why on earth would you even think about not getting your child a present? I love giving mine their birthday presents. It's supposed to be fun.

StrawBeretMoose · 30/10/2021 09:58

Poor kid.
You want to give him the message that his birthday is less important than other people's just because of the timing?
You can but his birthday gifts now if you want. Your post doesn't mention any financial issues but even if money is tight, gifts don't have to be expensive, but they are a fairly standard way of celebrating a birthday and your son may wonder what he has done to not deserve any, and may not be able to articulate this.

Faultymain5 · 30/10/2021 09:59

As a December baby, that is sh*t. I have no other words.

NailsNeedDoing · 30/10/2021 10:00

It would be ok if you’d given your child a choice between a whole class party and a present he really wants, but you can’t tell him he’s getting a party and then tell him afterwards that that means he doesn’t get a present. That’s just mean.

Angel2702 · 30/10/2021 10:01

Very unreasonable, the little presents from classmates are lovely but aren’t the sort of presents they ask parents for. Imagine at that age waking up to no presents from parents.

Skysblue · 30/10/2021 10:02

A present is a way of saying “I love you.” Not giving a present says that you don’t.

If you’re feeling stingy maybe goce him a framed photo if family or a picture that you made for him. But not nothing!!

Plantstrees · 30/10/2021 10:04

I had a friend whose birthday was on Christmas Day. Her parents always celebrated her 'half birthdays' in the summer and had a party then as it seemed so unfair for her not to have a proper birthday celebration.

Stickyjamhands · 30/10/2021 10:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ladygindiva · 30/10/2021 10:08

Yabu. Get him a present! My twins were due Xmas day, came 3 weeks early thank god, but still have December birthdays but I wouldn't dream of penalising them in a way I don't their elder summer born sister x

bigdecisionstomake · 30/10/2021 10:31

When my kids were primary age we had a class agreement for big parties that all but the very closest friends taped £1 in the birthday card. That meant that they got around £20-£25 in cash to buy one decent present that they chose themselves plus one or two presents just from their very best friends.

This worked very well and saved us all lots of hassle and having houses filled with lots of cheap plastic tat for a number of years. It was the noughties though so maybe with inflation £2 each would be better.

bigdecisionstomake · 30/10/2021 10:32

Agree with PPs though - you do need to buy your child a present yourself.

Kitkat151 · 30/10/2021 10:37

You definately need to get him a present.....the majority of class presents will be Tat that you bin in the next Few weeks.....just specify no presents if you don’t want to be bothered with them

BubbleCoffee · 30/10/2021 10:41

100% say the presents from school friends will be 'tat' yet 0% would never give 'tat' as a present Grin

trappedsincesundaymorn · 30/10/2021 10:45

I'm thinking that there's no need for me to get him a present too for his birthday. Is that awful

Simple solution...less Christmas presents. If you were going to buy (for example), 4 Christmas gifts, set aside 3 gifts for Christmas and give the other for his birthday. Having Christmas being used as an excuse for not allowing a December child to have gifts from friends for their birthday and not having a present from their own parent is pretty shitty really.

godmum56 · 30/10/2021 10:46

this HAS to be lazy journalist syndrome. Who even considers not getting your child a birthday gift because its December and he is having a class party. Only only reason would be if you had agreed well ahead of time that his party would be his gift BECAUSE he wanted it and even then he should get a small something from you!
...and because YOU feel overwhelmed!! his birthday is NOT about you

CreepySpider · 30/10/2021 10:48

Lots of class parties here give one big present that the parents all contribute towards. Even if your school doesn’t do that, does your son really want 25+ small token gifts that may not be of interested compared to something more expensive from you that he actually wants?

Rollmopsrule · 30/10/2021 10:48

No presents requested for the child's party? That's so sad for them. That's part of the joy of having one when your younger. Why should they miss out because of the day its on?

Whitecushion · 30/10/2021 10:48

Only if you'd do the same in June!
My children had this rubbish attitude from their grandparents. No birthday presents because they'd already had presents for Christmas.
Their cousins with summer birthdays got slides and swings for the garden.

itsgettingwierd · 30/10/2021 10:50

Agree you cannot forgo a gift.

But it doesn't need to be an item.

It's panto season so a ticket for panto and voucher for dinner first and/or sweets etc it fine.

LindaLooky · 30/10/2021 10:51

Yeah like others have said, let him have his classmate gifts AND get him something from you too. December birthdays are a bit crap so try to make it even more special for him.