Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not get DS4 bday present because of class party

147 replies

Olivegreenstrawberries · 30/10/2021 07:32

My son's birthday is mid December, this year he will have a class party. His class is 35 pupils so I guess about 25 to 35 will come. I'm already getting overwhelmed by the thought of that many presents, especially right before Xmas.
How long will it take for him to open them all?!

I'm thinking that there's no need for me to get him a present too for his birthday. Is that awful?

OP posts:
Nuttymonkey · 30/10/2021 08:00

You could put on the invite, no presents please as Christmas is so close, or if you would like to, a voucher for xxxxx would be gratefuly received, thank you

OnceuponaRainbow18 · 30/10/2021 08:02

I would put no presents please in class invite and take the present from you to his party to open

User527294627 · 30/10/2021 08:03

Yeah, I think it’s pretty unreasonable not to get your own kid a birthday present.

LizzieBet14 · 30/10/2021 08:05

@jeanne16

I always find these threads saying ask for no presents really depressing. If a 4 year old can’t have the pleasure of ripping open lots of presents (even if it is tat), then what is the point of anything. I used to recycle some of the gifts after the event anyway.

They will have a handful of parties where they get lots of presents. Let them enjoy it.

I agree! I did a whole class party when my DS was 6 and I can still remember feeling ill at the sight of all the presents..... However he was delighted that his friends had brought presents for him.

We opened about 10 after the party and put the rest 'away until tomorrow'. Luckily he didn't ask again and I took the rest to the charity shop.

And yes I did get him a present from us too! Don't ruin the experience for him - just suck it up this year & do something different next year.

Chrispackhamspoodle · 30/10/2021 08:06

What?My kids loved having all those presents to open when they were little and had class parties.It was so much fun.I've read on here a lot thst it's always a lot if tat but that was never our experience. They got lots of lovely presents.Buy him a birthday present and let him have his 30 presents I say...life can be miserable enough!Re gift any you think he doesn't need.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 30/10/2021 08:06

Pls let you child get presents from their school mates- it’s nice and harmless- have a toy clear out after if you want/ donate etc

And yes op you have to get him a present still

anon12345678901 · 30/10/2021 08:07

You have to get your child a gift on his birthday. He's your child. Plus you don't know hat the classmates will get, I give money and so do most people I know as it's easy and will be used. He may not have as many presents as you think.

GeorgiaGirl52 · 30/10/2021 08:07

In our family, a big party WAS the present. 25 kids to feed and entertain and provide with party bags will be expensive. Also, he is only four years old - he doesn't have memories of previous birthdays with presents from parents.
I think you may have a good system in place for December birthdays.

Mummyoflittledragon · 30/10/2021 08:07

Yabvu to even think this.

Your ds doesn’t have to open all his presents from his friends the day he gets them. You can stagger them.

starrynight21 · 30/10/2021 08:09

Have the class party the week before his birthday. He gets to open all the class presents on that day, then on his actual birthday he has a family day with a proper present from you.

My DS was born on the 19th - we always had his friend party about a week before, then his family birthday on the 19th, and then ( and only then !) we decorated the house and put up the tree on the 20th so he'd have some separation of the two occasions. It always worked out fine.

As an experienced "Christmas Birthday" parent, I'd advise you to NEVER combine the school party with his birthday, and also NEVER to combine the birthday and Christmas.

icedcoffees · 30/10/2021 08:09

Hugely unreasonable.

Imaging being four and waking up on your birthday to no presents 🥺

MayorGundersonsDogRufus · 30/10/2021 08:10

I used to live in Spain where it was very common for everyone to chip in a few euros and get the birthday child a few more expensive presents rather than lots of tat. I loved that idea - it saved so much stress on both sides. Are you friendly with another school parent who could organize that for you?

Saoirse82 · 30/10/2021 08:11

So what would he be waking up to on his birthday? YABVU.

mintdream · 30/10/2021 08:12

Please don’t do this! He will remember that mum didn’t bother getting him even a small gift because he would be getting a pile of mostly tat from random classmates.

Some people have this attitude about Christmas too - won’t bother getting DC even a small gift as I’ll let the wider family buy all the gifts instead. It’s crap for the child that’s parents have this attitude.

Blinkingheckythump · 30/10/2021 08:13

I think you're getting a bit of a rough ride here @Olivegreenstrawberries. I would personally get him something as I like to see my child's excitement at something I bought but also because there's no guarantee that anything he gets from the party he'd actually want or not already have. However I don't think there's anything wrong in saying to him your party is your present. And I really don't get people saying gift him an event, as if that's not exactly what a party is Hmm

Cantstopthewaves · 30/10/2021 08:13

I think for Birthday party near Christmas you're being optimistic with predicting 25-35 attendees.
I know of families who wouldn't attend due to not wanting to spend on gifts for your dc so close to Christmas due to finances or who may be away visiting family on the day of the party etc. In a class of 35 there's always those kids who never get to go to parties too as their parents can't be done with it and with winter bugs going around there'll be children/parents who are sick.
Regarding gifts I would definitely buy something he would like.
As I've said, there's no guarantee he'll be overloaded with gifts.

Cantstopthewaves · 30/10/2021 08:15

There's also those who have rspv'ed yet just can't be bothered to attend on the day or who decide to do/go elsewhere.

SuperSange · 30/10/2021 08:17

We used to give him a party for his birthday. With all of the other gifts they hat, the party was our present to him. He loves a party, so why not?

Eileen101 · 30/10/2021 08:18

Definitely not, put no gifts please on the invitations! Saves on tat too ;)

SuperSange · 30/10/2021 08:20

Just to add, sons birthday is 10 days before Christmas. There's so much stuff in the house already, or (I just remembered) for his fifth, if people asked what he might like, we said he was saving for something and if they wanted to, to stick a fiver in a card. He was over the moon with that.

Fernhilde · 30/10/2021 08:22

@Chrispackhamspoodle

What?My kids loved having all those presents to open when they were little and had class parties.It was so much fun.I've read on here a lot thst it's always a lot if tat but that was never our experience. They got lots of lovely presents.Buy him a birthday present and let him have his 30 presents I say...life can be miserable enough!Re gift any you think he doesn't need.
Totally agree. The poor kid.
Branleuse · 30/10/2021 08:27

if I paid for a big party for my children, they would be aware that thats their main present. After all, these parties can cost hundreds.
Saying that, id probably say please, no (or very small token ) presents. Just your company please.

Heartdogs · 30/10/2021 08:30

The party is the present. Parties cost a fortune.

Boysnme · 30/10/2021 08:32

Big party is a present here in our house. Child would only get a small one from us if it was a class party. Have the party before his birthday and keep some or all of the present for his actual birthday. Mine loved having a mountain of presents to open and at that age they loved all the tat!

icedcoffees · 30/10/2021 08:32

@Heartdogs

The party is the present. Parties cost a fortune.
They don't have to cost a fortune at all!

A party can be a friends round for tea and games, or renting the village hall for a couple of hours and providing cake and some crisps and sandwiches.

Swipe left for the next trending thread