To not know how anyone pissing does this?!

[YaImStruggling]

How the fuckity fuck do people get themselves back together after having a baby?

My son is 9 months old and I still look like a fat deflated pancake who's hair is scraped into a greasy bun 7 days a week on top of my spotty head.

I feel like I have no time to even remotely think about getting back to "me". How the fuck do people do it? I used to be slim, I was so happy with my body before pregnancy and birth. I want to lose weight but don't seem to have the time to make healthy meals, I want to make more effort with myself like my hair or makeup but literally WHEN. My son spends all day basically trying to kill himself with anything he can find so unless I throw on a coat when I've rolled out of bed and take him out for the day looking like shit then I spend all day chasing him round the house (just started crawling).

I absolutely love being a Mum but I am just horrified at how shit I look permanently at the moment but feel I have no time to do anything about it.

When do you start feeling like yourself again, or at least getting one minute to actually do something for you?

I have a husband but he works long hours so by the time he's home it's more like tea, bath, bed and crash.

Yet I go out and see other mums who look so put together with babies younger than DS. I don't understand what I'm doing wrong.

Going back to work helped as you're forced to look vaguely clean (unless you WFH).

9 months old is a tricky age when they're on the move and completely on a mission to bang their heads on anything and everything.

Definitely make use of a jumperoo / bouncer / playpen. Don't overfill the playpen with toys, get a little basket (or a washing up bowl, anything really) and fill it with toys and safe non-toys from around the house (think treasure basket) sit him next to it and just let him explore it. At one point, this used to keep DD entertained for up to half an hour.

Definitely yes to lots of pram walking for your fitness. Pop some headphones in, listen to a podcast, get a takeaway coffee and make it feel like a treat.

What do you think about permanent makeup? If done well it can give you an insta-groomed look.

Strap the baby in a highchair, walker, something else with toys. Put them in the bathroom when you shower.

Same for hair drying/make-up.

When cooking with my crawler I put him on a baby carrier on my back. Danced around and sung songs. He loved it. Gave him little bits to try along the way too.

Now is a bit harder. He runs (skipped walking). I have to lock us in the bathroom and resign to tidying away the contents of the cupboard when I get out the shower. Cooking is prep the night before and give a blast in microwave when he is eating his meals in high chair.

It’s hard because it’s all so new, on my 3rd now and he just watches me whilst I shower whilst pulling all the paper from toilet roll. All about picking your battles. Let them watch a little tv, put in a playpen, let them empty the bin whilst you dry your hair etc. Now when I just have the baby it’s a breeze (and he is a handful!) as I’m so used to having 3 to deal with.

I felt very like this after my first child.
I was a very girly girl, dresses, hair done, a little make up, heels.
After the birth I lived in leggins and baggy jumpers. Hair always in a ponytail or bun. Never wore make up. Flat shoes only.
After about a year, I was walking through town with him in his pram. Walked past a shop window and caught sight of myself in the reflection. I literally didn't recognise myself. I was horrified. The following month; I booked in at the hairdressers and had my waste-length hair chopped into a graduated bob. Went into Boots and bought a new mascara. I started eating less/more healthily and doing yoga at home. I went right through my wardrobe and chucked all the leggins and jumpers. Started trying on my girly clothes again. It was a long process. It was another 18 months before I caught sight of myself in a reflection and thought - "Ah! There I am!"
Small changes are the key - when your ready. It won't happen overnight but eventually; you find "you" again.

As a single mam I found it really hard, but a play pen helped me a lot!! I'd also have a bath to wash my hair when he was in bed, my ds woke up around 4 times a night until he was 3 yrs old and I had to go back to work when he was 5 mths old which was hard especially when I breastfed him to!! I had no help from family so finding a routine that worked for us was definitely the key.
Lots of walking can help with weightless, or put the little one in a play pen and put an exercise video on. Your ds will get used to being in there, just do 5 min at a time to start and build it up. It is really stressful when they cry, I felt like that to.
You'll get there op, just give it time and dont be to hard on yourself.

I feel you. I had an easy baby who's now almost one. I consciously made an effort for months but then fell pregnant when he was only six months old. Morning sickness was really bad and ever since then I've just existed in maternity leggings and oversized tshirts/hoodie. I'm determined to shave my legs next week.
Wish me luck 🙈

Mine were put in cot or playpen if I wanted to spend time primping.

I was much more put together with twin babies than I am now tbh!

@MummyMayo1988

I felt very like this after my first child. I was a very girly girl, dresses, hair done, a little make up, heels. After the birth I lived in leggins and baggy jumpers. Hair always in a ponytail or bun. Never wore make up. Flat shoes only. After about a year, I was walking through town with him in his pram. Walked past a shop window and caught sight of myself in the reflection. I literally didn't recognise myself. I was horrified. The following month; I booked in at the hairdressers and had my waste-length hair chopped into a graduated bob. Went into Boots and bought a new mascara. I started eating less/more healthily and doing yoga at home. I went right through my wardrobe and chucked all the leggins and jumpers. Started trying on my girly clothes again. It was a long process. It was another 18 months before I caught sight of myself in a reflection and thought - "Ah! There I am!" Small changes are the key - when your ready. It won't happen overnight but eventually; you find "you" again.

That's a lovely post.

Sorry that was a bit abrupt - distracted by tv!

I do feel for you, but you are allowed to put yourself first sometimes. So long as your son is safe, go and do what you need or want to do - if that’s spending half an hour doing your hair, then do it. Your mental health is much more important than being literally by your child’s side every second he is awake.

I lost weight by walking bloody everywhere (we didn’t have a car until the twins were three and by then had another baby!) and by doing the 30 Day Shred every few days. It’s on YouTube and is only 20 minutes so fairly easy to fit in.

I was warned by a midwife that it takes at least 2 years for your body to recover, and that turned out to be a very Conservative estimate - in fact it took going to exercise classes with child in the creche ad getting back into education, also with a creche on site - plus a lot of time spent with women who understood, and who encouraged me to take care of myself, go out and enjoy myself

@YaImStruggling

How the fuckity fuck do people get themselves back together after having a baby?

My son is 9 months old and I still look like a fat deflated pancake who's hair is scraped into a greasy bun 7 days a week on top of my spotty head.

I feel like I have no time to even remotely think about getting back to "me". How the fuck do people do it? I used to be slim, I was so happy with my body before pregnancy and birth. I want to lose weight but don't seem to have the time to make healthy meals, I want to make more effort with myself like my hair or makeup but literally WHEN. My son spends all day basically trying to kill himself with anything he can find so unless I throw on a coat when I've rolled out of bed and take him out for the day looking like shit then I spend all day chasing him round the house (just started crawling).

I absolutely love being a Mum but I am just horrified at how shit I look permanently at the moment but feel I have no time to do anything about it.

When do you start feeling like yourself again, or at least getting one minute to actually do something for you?

I have a husband but he works long hours so by the time he's home it's more like tea, bath, bed and crash.

Yet I go out and see other mums who look so put together with babies younger than DS. I don't understand what I'm doing wrong.

I had my baby 22 months ago and I've put on so much weight.

I feel undesirable!

I also feel like I'm not holding it together anywhere, working full time with a 22 month old. I feel like I'm not being a good mum, girlfriend or colleague.

I went to a play centre today, got chatting to another mum, her child is a few months younger than my son, but she's been on maternity leave ever since having her baby. When I asked what she was going to do about going back to work, she'd quit because her husband ran a business and could afford for her to do things and stay on mat leave.

I'm going back to work tomorrow after a week off, feeling like I don't have my sh*t down at the moment, and jealous because other people can afford to take extended maternity leave, when I spent mine stuck at home!

Tonight I cried on my fiance who just told me that I look for negatives in everything!!

I hope you're ok, and know that you aren't alone!!

DP works very long and sporadic shifts, I have an 8month DD so I totally empathise here! I also work from home and care for baby at the same time so I also have that to contend with too.

A lot of it is planning around baby. So we shower together in the morning. Get dressed together, then while she’s playing next to me on the bedroom floor (and trying to kill herself pulling herself up with the bed) I do face cream etc. These showers are just quick washes.

If I want to wash my hair/shave/pamper myself then that gets done at night after baby has gone down. As well as blow drying and straightening. I don’t really wear makeup as I focus on skincare so I don’t have any advice for that.

For weight I put on around 4 stone during pregnancy. I’ve only got about a stone left to lose to get to pre baby weight and can fit into most of my pre-baby stuff. I attribute this to making a ‘menu’ for every week, and buying healthy snacks. Greek yoghurt. Hummus and crudités. Whole wheat pasta. Whole wheat no sugar bread. No added sugar most of the time as I have a massive sweet tooth and will eat sugar for all meals and snacks. And walking every day to burn calories. My DD goes in the Walker or plays on the kitchen floor with toys and I talk to her whilst making meals

Don’t be so hard on yourself and don’t compare yourself to others.. you might think other people look so well but I bet they are experiencing the same as you.. as in it’s hard to look after young kids. I have a 3.5 year old and my youngest is 4months.. someone took a pic of us at a Halloween party at the weekend and I nearly died.. my face is so fat and puffy and oh my I look soo tired and feel I have aged 10 years in the last 4. I’m going to the gym tomorrow whether it kills me or not. Anyway the point is.. I could have ‘got myself together’ in between pregnancies but it’s not that easy. Now I know there won’t be a dc3 it feels a bit easier 🤣

I slap on concealer before i go out. When i go out everyone thinks i have it all together and a perfect life. A 3 yrs dd and a 1 year old dd. What no one knows is my health condition severe rheumatoid arthritis knee replacement at age 24 now 36. Bone erosion etc etc. i have a very slim physique always have and when pregnant i hardly put on weight other than a bump due to HG throughout 9 months.
Dont look at others because not everyone has their shit together even if they do look like they do. Most of the time i cant even play with my girls so enjoy your time and do what works for you xx

Can you not shower/face mask/body lotion in the evening before bed. Only needs take 20 mins. Maybe have a small wine or fancy tea while you do it? Will make you feel slightly more looked after? What sort of hair do you have? I have thick hair and find washing mine, blasting with hair dryer for five mins and applying some hair oil and putting in a plait means in the morning I take it out and it looks really good with no effort. Add a headband or in winter a beanie hat and you look like you’ve made an effort.

Clothes wise I find I can alternate black leggings with oversized sweater tops (love a tie dye oversized sweater) and a pair of ‘boyfriend’ jeans with a high-neck jumper (usually black jumper!) tucked in at the front and you look quite cute for everyday attire. Add some chunky trainers or platform converse. Never feel frumpy or fat like that.

If your skin is bad I’d try and pick up some duac or benzoyl. It takes seconds to smear some on at night and clears it up so we’ll. Ask at a pharmacy. It will be hormonal acne. Then you can do a literal 5 min makeup routine - concealer, powder, bronzer, mascara, eyebrow gel. I find I can literally be up and ready in 15-20 mins max by just keeping things minimal effort but knowing what works for me. One of my friends wore her hair in French braids for like 2 years after having her son but she always looked lovely. It was just quick and easy.

And don’t worry about your weight. Try and eat healthily to fuel yourself not to lose weight. And your DP might work long hours but I’d get him involved with cooking and kitchen cleanup every night. Consider doing something like Gousto 3 or 4 nights a week I have lost weight doing that.

Honestly, I don’t think you ever look as good as you did before you had children.

At least you still have your humour OP! Your post made me chuckle.

My wee one is 18 months and I actually weigh more now that I'm back at work because I'm sat down most of the day. When I was on mat leave I lost quite a lot of weight purely by walking so much. Walk everywhere if you can! I also used to shower at night, wash hair etc as I knew I wouldn't have a chance in the morning.

But other than that I still feel gross. I've been moping about all eve because DP took some photos of me earlier and they are hideous, I barely recognised myself. Ah well, at least our children think we're babes!

@RJnomore1

Playpen.

Might not be fashionable but it’s safe.

At lest gives you time to put foundation on and drink a cuppa.

This.

Playpen filled with toys and CBeebies playing in the background.

Just because you think you look like shit doesn't mean you do look like shit! You only see the image other people present of themselves on the outside and in the inside they're probably thinking the same! You're doing an amazing job looking after your baby and it is hard work and I can tell you now anyone who see's you in public or person doesn't think you look anywhere near as awful as you have made yourself believe! Xx

Another playpen fan here! Get baby used to it by using for short times to start with and putting new and exciting toys in. They don’t have to be expensive, just something to distract.

Put baby in playpen, TV or radio on or sing, and sit on the sofa and do some basic hair and make up. Even a bit of mascara and eyeliner can help a lot. Also, choose something ‘special’ and use it most days eg a nice moisturiser or a nice perfume. Even little things like that will make you feel better.

Also, try to get out for a walk with baby. They’re strapped in, it’s good exercise and it’s good for your mental health.

I’m sure you look absolutely fine by the way. Don’t put yourself down. X

Jumperoo. Will be the best thing that’s every happened to you.

I have a baby. I get dressed and do my make-up while dancing and singing songs either while she's in her cot, or while she's on my bed. I go in and out of the bathroom quickly i.e. doing mascara and then jumping out and saying peek-a-boo and that sort of thing. I don't do mega make-up - just foundation, mascara, fill in my eyebrows and lip balm. It takes about 5 minutes but it's enough for me to feel confident about being out and about. Mornings are our most joyful time. She's well rested and so am I - so we're in high spirits and getting dressed and ready for the day is full of giggles and silliness. I talk to her the whole time I'm getting ready, she has absolutely no idea what I'm saying but I'm making silly faces and using silly voices the whole time and she just laughs. I feel like the worlds funniest comedian with her which spurs me on, haha. After I'm dressed I get her dressed and it's the same thing.

My hair I'm not as good with but I clip it back into a semi-ponytail.

My baby goes to bed around 9pm and I have a bath or shower, and choose the clothes that I'm going to wear the next day. I don't shower in the morning, too much of a faff.

My best advice is prepare for tomorrow, today.

Kids are happiest when their parents are happy. So if putting your face on in a morning is going to make you feel happy and confident and more like yourself for the rest of the day then in the overall scheme it's worth 5-10 minutes of him whinging.

@RJnomore1

Playpen.

Might not be fashionable but it’s safe.

At lest gives you time to put foundation on and drink a cuppa.

yes. You need somewhere to be able to put the baby while you shower. playpen or in their cot with some toys, or ...

exercise is out and about - walking /running etc with the baby.

But my dh was a bit more helpful than yours