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Original poster

To not know how anyone pissing does this?!

238 replies

YaImStruggling · 29/10/2021 22:34

How the fuckity fuck do people get themselves back together after having a baby?

My son is 9 months old and I still look like a fat deflated pancake who's hair is scraped into a greasy bun 7 days a week on top of my spotty head.

I feel like I have no time to even remotely think about getting back to "me". How the fuck do people do it? I used to be slim, I was so happy with my body before pregnancy and birth. I want to lose weight but don't seem to have the time to make healthy meals, I want to make more effort with myself like my hair or makeup but literally WHEN. My son spends all day basically trying to kill himself with anything he can find so unless I throw on a coat when I've rolled out of bed and take him out for the day looking like shit then I spend all day chasing him round the house (just started crawling).

I absolutely love being a Mum but I am just horrified at how shit I look permanently at the moment but feel I have no time to do anything about it.

When do you start feeling like yourself again, or at least getting one minute to actually do something for you?

I have a husband but he works long hours so by the time he's home it's more like tea, bath, bed and crash.

Yet I go out and see other mums who look so put together with babies younger than DS. I don't understand what I'm doing wrong.

OP posts:
Exhausted5487 · 30/10/2021 09:12

My two were so different to one another. dd1 was very chilled and happy to entertain herself or be captivated by tv. Dd2 constantly wanted me to be with her, much more active and couldn't care less about tv. Babies are so individual so really understand where you're coming from. Like a pp said, I thinkntheres a big difference when you have (involved) family nearby - my friend was always so together and made it look easy but she had family over a few times a week so got a mental and physical rest compared to myself who had no support network nearby and a very ill husband at the time. If he will sit in front of a screen then go for it so you get a bit of time!

MilkRunningOutAgain · 30/10/2021 09:13

Agree with this thread entirely. My PFB is 19 and left home in September so I now have just 1 teenager at home. And within 2 weeks of him leaving, I had a hair cut and bought some clothes and started going swimming regularly - all of a sudden I have time. Part of the extended problem I had was him not passing his driving test until a week before leaving, and me taking him to lots of sports competitions/matches/training and his part time job. My remaining teenager doesn’t want driving around a lot! I am more interested in work and doing well, I have (whisper) energy! I’m missing him too, but not too much, feels like a new chapter. I love being a mum but I agree, there is not enough time. When mine were tiny, I carried them around the house with me and shut them in each room with me while I showered (and got out to stop them doing things quite often), got ready, cleaned up, cooked. Yes everything took a lot longer but there was all day to do stuff. And getting out, even if you look rubbish (& I usually did), is so important for you and the baby. I think you’re doing well!

BabyBunnyMama · 30/10/2021 09:17

Jumperoo + Hey Bear Sensory on TV for 15-20 mins while I got myself sorted in the morning. Gets easier the bigger they get when you can set them up with some toys/activity that will keep them occupied. My DD is 2.5 now and I find a snack and 15 minutes of cartoons is still the best way to get some time to myself when I need it.

WTFCanIDoAboutThis · 30/10/2021 09:17

I remember my mum saying to me "it took you nine months to create a baby, it'll take you nine months to get back to yourself". It didn't, it took about a year!

HPandTheNeverEndingBedtime · 30/10/2021 09:18

Dresses, I think dresses always make you look more put together than trousers and a top, add some thick tights (or leggings for crawling around the floor) and flat boots. Dorothy Perkins dresses used to go down to being quite cheap in their sale.

Crayfishforyou · 30/10/2021 09:18
Flowers My baby didn’t sleep day or night unless held so I got no time to myself in the day, or night. I started to feel myself again when dd was 18 months. I’d got my boobs back more or less back and everything seemed to be in a rough approximation of where it was before, give or take. The main thing that helped was dd started to sleep through the night and my mental capacity came back. Hang in there OP. It is tough tough tough.
Crayfishforyou · 30/10/2021 09:19

And the jumperoo was a fucking gift from heaven.

Sunshineandrainbow · 30/10/2021 09:20

One baby is in bed could you have bath or shower and wash hair. Nice face cream on etc. So when you wake the next day you are feeling clean.

MiloAndEddie · 30/10/2021 09:22

Get up in the morning and have a shower while they are in their cot. Chuck extra toys in if needs be. Don’t miss this or you’ll feel shit all day.
Put a stair gate up so he can roam about upstairs while you’re doing your make up or hair.
Get your haircut in the evening/weekend when your DH is home.
Stick the baby in the buggy and walk everywhere. It makes such a difference.

Finally, it’s ok to want to look nice or get your haircut etc, just because you’re a mum now doesn’t mean you shouldn’t care about this stuff and it doesn’t mean you care less about your DC

Afflecksbungalow · 30/10/2021 09:27

Cbeebies and lots of it Grin mind you I’ve regressed I got to a point where it was all going well and now she’s 18 months and it’s hard again…

ScamTheSchool · 30/10/2021 09:31

Surely 9 month old babies sleep a lot,
🤣🤣🤣
OP, they have easy babies! If I'd had DC2 first then I'd have had several peaceful hours a day to clean, dress, make healthy meals etc etc. But I didn't, I had DC1 first, so I know exactly how you feel! You are definitely not doing anything wrong and I wish I'd had someone to tell me that.

GraceandFrankie · 30/10/2021 09:36

I have a 7 month old who fusses whenever I leave him alone as well as a husband who works long hours. I either shower when he’s gone down for the night, or I stick a cartoon on for 15 minutes and leave him in his bouncer. Before he was born was I very much “no screen time for a couple of years” but now I have to do it maybe twice a week as it’s the only way I can shower during the day.

I then dry and style my hair in front of him, so either bring my dryer and straightener to living room, or bring him to bedroom, and I try and style my hair whilst giving him toys or singing songs to entertain him. Doesn’t always work but trying to look presentable at least is the only way I feel like me again.

Weight loss - that’s another challenge!

ineedaholidayandwine · 30/10/2021 09:38

I put mine in her swing chair/jumperoo/playpen when i needed a shower, get out and dried, have a cuddle and a play then back in she went so i could dry and straighten my birds nest of hair.
She'd occasionally grizzle but unless it was proper crying I'd leave her be. You need some time too.
Haven't really lost any weight though so can't help with that! Though walking her to and from school now is starting to have an effect

Benjispruce4 · 30/10/2021 09:39

I had two, 3 years. They’re 21 and 18 now. I presume you’ve made your home safe? Close bathroom door, baby on flor with toys, get in shower. Do same in bedroom. I used a playpen downstairs when I needed to leave the room etc.

ineedaholidayandwine · 30/10/2021 09:40

Oh and i still ensured i went to the hair dressers every month to get my roots done, i got a break and a refresh, she got one on one time with daddy

Cronezone · 30/10/2021 09:40

Breastfeeding did it for me

careerchangeperhaps · 30/10/2021 09:43

It's perfectly acceptable to leave your baby sat in his cot / a playpen / a travel cot for 5 mins while you have a shower. Put some safe toys / books in with him and he probably won't even notice you're not there. For younger babies, take the bouncy chair into the bathroom with you (we had a BabyBjorn bouncer that would contain my babies safely until they were about 1 and they were very happy to sit in it for a few mins watching the water splashing on the shower screen).

You can then dry and style it / put your makeup on in his room so he's safely contained in the cot but you're in sight and can chat to him.

Exercise - I managed to do short (10-20 mins) workout videos whilst my baby lay / sat on a mat nearby or - once they were more mobile - when they were napping. There are lots on You Tube. Go for a long walk with the buggy.

Food - batch cook at the weekend when your DP can watch the baby for a couple of hours, or when you cook in the week, double the quantity so you have a separate portion to freeze. Works well with meals like chilli, cottage pie, bolognese etc.

MrsJBaptiste · 30/10/2021 09:44

I used to wash my hair before bed and shower in the morning before DH went to work whether that was at 5am, 6am, 7am... I couldn't get back to the gym as much as I wanted as it didn't have a creche so would go a couple of times in the evening and walk every day with the buggy.

I lost the weight quite quickly as with a newborn there just sometimes isn't the time to eat! I was on the go all the time and would tidy and clean when the baby slept which was my 'thing' to make me feel better.

In the olden days (18 years ago!) most of us were back at work after 6 months so I wanted to be back to the old 'me' quite quickly and wanted to be put together for that but mostly for me.

Shehasadiamondinthesky · 30/10/2021 09:46

It takes concerted effort.
I was 21 when I had my DS - single mum so very body conscious, I lost the 4 stone I'd put on in one year by going on a 1200 calorie diet.
I had to go back to work when he was 6 weeks old (nursing) in the 1980's you didn't get a long maternity leave.
I had to look clean and professional so he'd go into something he couldn't escape from while I had a shower, did my hair and makeup.
He was a very good boy though, he probably sensed his mum was young and very inexperienced so he'd better co-operate.
It wasn't easy but its doable.
More than one child though I think I'd just have given up.

Iggly · 30/10/2021 09:47

My ds started walking at 9 months 🤪 so I basically baby/toddler proofed most of downstairs and stair gated off everything else. This meant he could roam around while I was doing stuff even though I couldn’t leave him for huge amounts of time. But I could at least get some bits done as he got older. But I spent most of the time out of the house.

I remember the first time I straightened my hair when he was a baby and realised it was a bigger deal than I’d made it in my head.

He hated play pens and being in the cot so giving him free reign worked much better.

PittaMyBread · 30/10/2021 09:50

@RJnomore1

Playpen.

Might not be fashionable but it’s safe.

At lest gives you time to put foundation on and drink a cuppa.

Yes this, I used to put mine in the travel cot or their cot with an iPad at a distance so she had some entertainment while I had a shower and did my make up (used the monitor so I could keep an eye). We called it baby prison hehe.

I made it a priority that I felt happy in myself as part of the day to day and this helped massively.

GoodGrief100 · 30/10/2021 09:54

I used to give mine old makeup brushes and makeup containers (so no makeup in them) and let her play with them - gave me just long enough to shove some makeup on before she got bored!

FateHasRedesignedMost · 30/10/2021 09:58

Routine and a travel cot! My DS wasn’t an easy baby, didn’t like being put down, but I got him into the routine of being in his travel cot watching c-beebies at the same time each morning while I had a quick shower.

I lost the baby weight quickly by breastfeeding and walking everywhere with him in the carrier.

Put outfits together the night before. Even if you’re staying in, put a clean set of lounge clothes ready. I wore tunics over leggings a lot with brown ankle boots and a matching brown coat to help look a bit put together instead of randomly grabbed it in a hurry. Nappy bag packed the day before, outfit for baby ready with a supply of spares packed.

I used to do make up and hair in the lounge mirror while DS watched from his travel cot or bouncer. Always at the same time so he knew how long I’d be. He loved watching the babyliss big hair thing, the way the hair wraps around it!

oviraptor21 · 30/10/2021 10:04

My playpen was like a toy emporium with all the most exciting toys in it .... toys and books which weren't allowed out of the playpen. So DCs were almost always very happy to go in there.

Benjispruce4 · 30/10/2021 10:04

From memory I put 2 st on in my first pregnancy, was 11lbs over after birth and that came off with breast feeding and walking daily (after first week or two) with the pram. By 5 months I felt more like me. I would encourage you to put your baby down somewhere safe , a little whinging is ok if he is fed, clean and safe. Be inventive with what he plays with. Mine loved pots and pans and wooden spoons on the floor.