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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not know how anyone pissing does this?!

238 replies

YaImStruggling · 29/10/2021 22:34

How the fuckity fuck do people get themselves back together after having a baby?

My son is 9 months old and I still look like a fat deflated pancake who's hair is scraped into a greasy bun 7 days a week on top of my spotty head.

I feel like I have no time to even remotely think about getting back to "me". How the fuck do people do it? I used to be slim, I was so happy with my body before pregnancy and birth. I want to lose weight but don't seem to have the time to make healthy meals, I want to make more effort with myself like my hair or makeup but literally WHEN. My son spends all day basically trying to kill himself with anything he can find so unless I throw on a coat when I've rolled out of bed and take him out for the day looking like shit then I spend all day chasing him round the house (just started crawling).

I absolutely love being a Mum but I am just horrified at how shit I look permanently at the moment but feel I have no time to do anything about it.

When do you start feeling like yourself again, or at least getting one minute to actually do something for you?

I have a husband but he works long hours so by the time he's home it's more like tea, bath, bed and crash.

Yet I go out and see other mums who look so put together with babies younger than DS. I don't understand what I'm doing wrong.

OP posts:
JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff · 30/10/2021 11:41

OP I have 3 y.5 and under incl twins and it is HARD.

So I would go for this - husband is around, no questions asked, for min 3 x 20 mins a day

-20 mins in morning to shower and get ready
-20 mins in evening to do a basic core workout (Yoga with Adriene type thing) as this is really essential to postpartum wellbeing
-20 mins some other time to go for a walk BY YOURSELF

Other than that, my rule when they were that age is to get out. Just do it. Out in the morning, go for a walk, go into town, to a National Trust property, library, a free museum, whatever. House gets less messy and you are out doing stuff. Afternoons can be in, but mornings are stimulating. Honestly, you will feel so much less shit.

JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff · 30/10/2021 11:42

Sorry shoulf reaf "I ha e 3 6.5y and under"

Mulhollandmagoo · 30/10/2021 11:47

Playpen with loads of toys in, or a jumperoo? Or a baby walker?

It's really hard when you have no time at all, and you do tend to leave yourself until last Flowers you will get there, mine is 2 and a half now and I think I might be finally getting it!

mistermagpie · 30/10/2021 12:18

@Afflecksbungalow

Cbeebies and lots of it Grin mind you I’ve regressed I got to a point where it was all going well and now she’s 18 months and it’s hard again…
Between 18 months and 2 years is a really tough stage. All of mine turned a corner when they were getting on for being 2, my daughter is 2 in a couple of weeks and she's much easier than she was a few months ago. When they start talking it's a game changer basically!
landroverplum · 30/10/2021 13:37

I bought a playpen and filled it with balls like the ones in the soft play centres the ones I cba to take my dc to
This worked a treat. Didn't magic me into losing weight but at least I could put makeup on to cover the hideous bags under my eyes from the constant survival mum mode.

Rosesareyellow · 30/10/2021 13:44

I want to make more effort with myself like my hair or makeup but literally WHEN.

It’s ok at 9 months to take a little time to yourself to do this - you don’t have to run around after your DS all day, pop him in his cot for 20 mins, give him some toys or a board book and do your hair.
It doesn’t have to be a full face of make up - a bit of mascara and eyebrow pencil to brighten yourself up. Takes 30 seconds.
Don’t aim to look like you did pre-baby. Just fine a new you that’s manageable and that you’re happy with.

Justheretoaskaquestion91 · 30/10/2021 13:49

I have the clingiest and grizzliest/early crawling early rolling babies and I always manage to be presentable because of a good tinted moisturiser and an eyebrow comb. That, being clean (although baths and showers only possible in evening when DH there in case they wake up or a 5 min stress power shower if I’m alone). I don’t think there’s a need to do anything special but if you have simple and clean clothes and manage to wash you probably look a lot better than you think you do. My babies always slept on me too and it’s amazing what you can do with a sleeping baby on you 😆

Re weight I gained loads both times and lost in 9 months by 1) walking and 2) limiting calorie intake/swapping meals for meal shakes once a day. Bit of willpower. It’s not nice but I like to be slim and it’s my own fault for all the crap I ate whilst pregnant 😬

hotmeatymilk · 30/10/2021 13:55

Sorry shoulf reaf "I ha e 3 6.5y and under
Yes that’s much clearer Grin

firstimemamma · 30/10/2021 15:51

@coodawoodashooda it was when he started sleeping through the night! Before then I was a mess!

ilovechocolate07 · 31/10/2021 17:37

My first was about 9m-1y when I got my shit together abd 2nd was about 10m. I did make a big effort and managed to lose weight, feel good, quite glam. They're now teens (one almost) and I've lost it again lol!

Iwouldgoouttonight73 · 31/10/2021 17:40

I’m still carrying baby weight. My youngest is now 15.

N0tfinished · 31/10/2021 17:55

I know it's a pain but I think its a really good idea to get yourself ready in the morning before your child is up. In my case when I was still on ML or was a SAHM I really tried to be washed & dressed before DH went to work. You're probably still in the stage of night wakings so that's a big ask but it always made me feel way better. Additionally you're more likely to agree to outings or meetups during the day if you're presentable.

I'm not talking full glam but clean hair, eyebrows done and dressed- the 'mum uniform' in my day was skinny jeans and Bretons. That was a lifesaver and I pretty much wore it for 5 years until my youngest started school. I'm sure there's a current version?

Yespresh · 31/10/2021 18:02

Childminder on a Friday.

HazelnutD · 31/10/2021 18:07

As previously said, get a playpen, second hand is fine, when you want to do something that means taking your eye off baby for a few minutes, pop him in there with some of his favourite toys and get on with whatever you need to be doing, whether it's going to the loo, I remember the days, sitting on the loo with kiddies knocking on the door or having to have them in there with me, we've all done it, no peace at all, or just to and wash your hair and put a bit of make up on. Playpens are brilliant, and I daresay some people will say you shouldn't be doing that, blow them, you need a few minutes to yourself sometimes every day or you will just go mental. Good luck.

Angie1403 · 31/10/2021 18:09

The thing I missed most during the early years was being able to go to the loo by myself! My DS had the baby roller thing (devastated skirting and paintwork but still great imo) and also the bouncy chair you hang in a door frame. When I went to the loo I either shut him in the room with me for safety sake and of course, privacy in case my mum popped in or something! I would let him sit in the empty bath with his toys if I was having a wash and drying my hair etc. travel cot was also useful as a short term playpen but it’s bulky too. All of the posters will have probably said very similar things but the only way to do ‘you’ stuff is to use the baby roller or similar. Good luck!

LilMum23 · 31/10/2021 18:12

I'm only 3 months post, but I know how you feel.
Breastfeeding has helped reduced my stomach quickly but its nowhere like it was before, and my ass and thighs are ridiculous. Yeah my boobs are bigger but not a massive improvement and they have slightly drooped 😆
I was a size 8/10 before pregnancy, now I'm a 12/14. It's horrible I have hardly any clothes that fit me but I really don't want to accept my new size and buy a new wardrobe I want to fit into my old clothes!
Washing my hair is a major task now as it's matts together when I wash it, so it's all scraped back in a ponytail. My skin is dry, I have a double chin and dark sunken eyes, I don't recognise myself in photos.
I've got an exercise bike - it was cheap off amazon so I'm hoping when my tail bone is fully healed just hopping on it for 20mins a day when baby is napping and do an at home spin class will help 🤞🤞
I doubt it will be a quick fix though.

But we gave birth. Our bodies did an amazing thing, so honestly I'm trying not to get too self conscious and 100% no dieting!! I'll eat what I damn want 😄

Toodlydoo · 31/10/2021 18:16

I’ve only just started properly tacking it now and my DD is 2 and just started nursery. It’s difficult when you have no childcare, during her naps I was too exhausted to move (older mum, that may be it).

But if I wasn’t going to exercise I decided at the very least I’d have a skincare routine of sorts (completely confined to a night routine lol but a bit of glycolic acid and some retinol). Then I started using olaplex once a week just to feel like I’m doing something. I always tried to fit in a shower during nap time, even if my hair was up and wet it just made me feel so much better.

The walk is a good idea, I would have done it but at that point we were in various lockdowns where I am and it’s bloody hot , no pavements and people drive like nutcases. Take some headphones and listen to a podcast.

Gilld69 · 31/10/2021 18:16

I used to get up an hour earlier and get ready when mine were little just for a bit of peace and get ready faster, I still do it when I have my GS Or I have to wait till nap time , its about finding what works for you, just enjoy your baby and if you get chance to brush your hair your winning xx

walkwalk · 31/10/2021 18:21

Haven't read the whole thread, but in case it's useful - since becoming a mum I changed my tactics from getting made up every day to things that you need to do less often, but last longer. For example tint lashes and brows on the weekend while DH could cover me for a bit. Microblading if you need it and can afford it. I Upped my skincare and worried less about foundation etc. It feels better this way as it always felt silly to me to stress about getting ready just to go to the park and stuff but I just didn't feel like myself if I didn't do anything.

marktayloruk · 31/10/2021 18:21

Some have the time and money to do.things like hiring trainers, going to gyms , and paying for childcare!

cherish123 · 31/10/2021 18:23

You probably look better than you think.

nopuppiesallowed · 31/10/2021 18:24

You have my sympathies, OP. My 1st 2 were 19 months apart (one didn't sleep) and like all new mums, I looked a wreck for months. All family were the other end of the country and my husband wasn't very keen on babies and following an all consuming career path. We moved to an old house 4 weeks before the 2nd one arrived. The kitchen had silver fish in the cupboards. Looking back, I'm amazedi emerged sane.....The playpen was brilliant. It honestly won't kill your child if you pop him in his cot or playpen while you do things for 10 minutes at a time. In fact, I think it helps train them to amuse themselves because they won't always be the centre of attention - particularly if you have a second one. Just chat to them so they feel that they have company and you'll be fine. Big hugs!

MadKittenWoman · 31/10/2021 18:26

Playpen, babygym, activity board, battery-operated swing, bouncer, bouncy chair. Get him used to entertaining himself for a while. It's really OK to let him winge for a bit if he can't. You need time for yourself.

Get DH to look after him more so you can spend some time out of the house alone or with friends. Get your hair cut and coloured and shop for new clothes and make-up. Don't eat crap and try to get to the gym.

RachelHasThoseInBurgundy · 31/10/2021 18:28

Well I can’t help with anything else but for years I sported the “hair scraped back in a bun” look. Finally this summer I had enough and cut my hair really short. (Not saying you should do it yourself- I was lucky it worked- go to a hair dresser) and now it’s is literally a wash and go style and it looks great. I run a comb through it after washing and it’s done! You should consider it. Talk to your hairdresser.

Sxxyfing · 31/10/2021 18:28

Mines 15 months and I've only just started to feel like myself again. My spots have just come back too yay Grin. I stopped BF at a year and that's when I started losing the baby weight and I can now get into some of my old clothes again. Just give it time and enjoy these moments with your baby as you'll never look back and care what you looked like xx