To not know how anyone pissing does this?!

[YaImStruggling]

How the fuckity fuck do people get themselves back together after having a baby?

My son is 9 months old and I still look like a fat deflated pancake who's hair is scraped into a greasy bun 7 days a week on top of my spotty head.

I feel like I have no time to even remotely think about getting back to "me". How the fuck do people do it? I used to be slim, I was so happy with my body before pregnancy and birth. I want to lose weight but don't seem to have the time to make healthy meals, I want to make more effort with myself like my hair or makeup but literally WHEN. My son spends all day basically trying to kill himself with anything he can find so unless I throw on a coat when I've rolled out of bed and take him out for the day looking like shit then I spend all day chasing him round the house (just started crawling).

I absolutely love being a Mum but I am just horrified at how shit I look permanently at the moment but feel I have no time to do anything about it.

When do you start feeling like yourself again, or at least getting one minute to actually do something for you?

I have a husband but he works long hours so by the time he's home it's more like tea, bath, bed and crash.

Yet I go out and see other mums who look so put together with babies younger than DS. I don't understand what I'm doing wrong.

Well, I had one, and a scant year later produced the second. Before I had the first, I was planning on changing the world. After the second, I thought I was doing well to get both legs shaved the same day, without running out of hot water. It took me until they started school, but with one, it would be easier. Regardless, there are many, many, many mums in the same case as you. You are not alone, and almost certainly not even in the minority!

Luck 😜
My DH had a full year off work when Dd2 was born. He did a lot of looking after her in the early days. I also have a large family who argued amongst themselves about who was having her for the day and sleepovers.

If your shower is over your bath, I found I could shower with my DD in a bath seat at the other end of the bath with some toys (and the plug in)... for ages I used baby shampoo as I was nervous anything else might accidentally splash into her eyes or otherwise be bad for her (which in hindsight may have been overkill!!), and I sang and danced my way through every shower to keep her amused (which was also the only way I got any washing up done), but it was sooo much better than no shower at all!

I never managed 'put together', but showering daily definitely helped me feel better... and it could take ages, which on mat leave was often a good thing!

Playpen and a sling. Neither are magical but free up your body and arms so you can shower, eat, etc. It gets better when they're old enough to talk and understand object permanence - until then, it's mostly about hardening your heart for 5-minute showers and leaving the bathroom door open.

I feel your pain,OP, my DH didn’t get home until 8/8:15when dad was little and I was studying so it was a battle to find time to take care of myself. No family around either.

As PP’s have suggested, I walked alot and also used a rocker and one of those play saucers to entertain DD. Walking regularly plus bf helped me lose weight and tone up. I did use a gym as well, although she caught so many bugs from their crèche that I gave up eventually! I learned to just leave DD playing while I did my hair, etc. Those extra 10 minutes made such a difference.

*DD not Dad!

@RJnomore1

Playpen.

Might not be fashionable but it’s safe.

At lest gives you time to put foundation on and drink a cuppa.

I second this. Your DS doesn't have to be free ranging all the time. Put his favorite toys in it and off you go. If he doesn't like it, he can whinge for a while, he'll be OK. Or put him in there with an ipad and something good to watch , he'll be fine. Or turn on the television and let him watch for half an hour while you do some nice things for yourself.

I managed by:

1. DH who accommodated his job to not work super long hours. Fortunate to be in tech where high salaries and flexibility go together. DH always around in the mornings for me to get a shower etc
2. Nap trained Dd at 6 months so she reliably napped for 2x 1.5 hours a day
3. Family nearby who occasionally babysat
4. PND, 9 months of insomnia and hyperthyroidism meant the weight fell right off but personally wouldn’t say I’d recommend any of that!
5. Have a cleaner
6. Was ok with her fussing some and she also has always been happy to be left in cot for 20-30 minutes (now 3), we have also always left her in her cot too for periods of time though so hard to say which was first.

I had a play pen when I had my first child, and he started to crawl about.I could move the play pen around, so could get on with jobs etc. After lunch time, I used to walk through the village with the pram, and down to the canal side, and by the railway line, to watch the trains go by with my son. Back home, in decent weather, I had the play pen outside, my son played happily in it,with his toys, plus,our dog sometimes went in the play pen, in this time,I could get on with my favourite gardening, as we had a large garden to deal with. I soon lost weight with all the exercise.

@Duckypoohs

Surely 9 month old babies sleep a lot, like pp said pop him down in a playpen if you need to do something. He's not going to expire in a whiff of smoke if not paid attention to for a few minutes.

If you are a gym type person, surely they have crèches? No idea.

I work in a leisure centre and our crèche has never reopened after lockdown. I used to put my kids in there and have a swim- it was a lifesaver.

New babies mean you are leaning over to breast feed, leaning over to pick them up, leaning over to put them down, leaning over to cuddle them to sleep.
End of this is rounded shoulders and that makes you look shorter and broader than you actually are. Look on youtube there are exercises, eg standing against a wall and straightening your back that will fix this. Also try to remember to stand straight as much as you can.

oh OP your post took me back to when my first was younger. My husband worked long hours and He was a total velcro baby and needed to be with me constantly. Sometimes I would put him to bed early just so I could have a break and some quiet time. These are a few things that I remember doing to get through this stage, maybe they may help you too.

Now that your son is moving around could you try and baby proof your home a bit so that if you do take your eyes off him for a second he can’t get into much trouble. We had cupboard locks and moved lots of breakables.

To shower I used to take his bouncy chair into the bathroom with me. It won’t be the most leisurely relaxing shower you ever have but at least you might get one and you’ll feel better for it.

I used to keep a box in my bedroom with a few toys which I used to rotate for when I was getting myself ready. He could pull himself up on the box and have a rummage. It won’t buy you hours but might give you enough time to dry your hair or put on a bit of make up.

When I was cooking or doing things in the kitchen I used to pull his high chair next to me and sit him in there with a few toys so that he could see me and see what was going on.

This stage is really difficult and I know everyone says it won’t last forever. They are right but when you’re in the thick of it it seems endless. It sounds like you are run ragged. Don’t be afraid to prioritise yourself a bit. ❤️

My friend always looks very very put together. I once arrived slightly early and sat in my car outside to wait rather than go in in case she wasnt ready.

She has julienne balcony doors off her room and they were open. All I could hear for 30 minutes was her baby wailing and her toddler asking her to play and her saying "no tommy you know mummy's doing her makeup".

Its choices. To me hair and makeup was never that important.

Your weight is a choice too though, it doesn't take time to eat less.

It's really hard. Mine are 4 and 2 now, each time I managed to loose my baby weight fairly quickly, but I'm now the same weight as when I started Slimming World each time after my pregnancies.

It's only recently that the eldest has started school and the youngest has two days a week in nursery that I've started getting regular haircuts and having my eyebrows tinted and waxed. I make the next appointment at the end of each appointment so I can't 'forget' to book in and leave it 6 months like usual.

I still look shit because I'm 2 stone overweight. I had a christening the other day and found a beautiful dress that I felt great in. I look huge next to the others in the photos, but at least I felt ok on the day.

Ive signed up to a healthy eating and fitness programme in the new year. Hoping it will help me address my binge eating issues and general self esteem. Ive started doing some of the 15 minute Joe Wicks workouts on YouTube, the sort where you workout for 30 seconds, rest for 30 seconds. The day after each workout hurt like hell when I started, I've only been doing it for a couple of weeks but it's already getting easier.

I might have missed this, but are you going back to work? I gave up work after my eldest was born and this is the first time in 4 years that I've had any regular time off. I wish I'd put them both in nursery just for a couple of mornings a week earlier on. I love my boys to bits and don't regret being a SAHM, but just knowing you have some regular free time that isn't dependent on asking a family member or friend to watch the kids is just brilliant.

I have 2 under 2 and my DH works long hours and shift work.

It F* sucks! I had no idea what I was letting myself in for and honestly if I could go back I would not do it again! That doesn’t mean I don’t love my children I deeply do but I don’t even recognise myself anymore. I have no time to do anything beyond meeting the kids basic needs and every day just feels sooooo hard. Even super simple easy things are now just so hard, painful and done to the soundtrack of one or both of them crying.

I have no quality of life and my physical/mental health has collapsed.

I feel you

I have an almost one year old. At six months I decided enough was enough, enrolled in joe wicks' body coach app and made time for myself. Baby has a morning nap and an afternoon nap so o used that time to do a workout and make food. I went to a hair salon to get a restyle on their late night, same for my nails, I go in the evening when my husband finishes work.

It’s important for them to learn to feel comfortable in their own company too and not be constantly entertained by an adult. It’s a well needed life skill.

Babies whinge, babies cry. If you’ve met all his basic needs go ahead and leave him for 5 whilst you make an effort for yourself.
If it’ll improve your mental health don’t ever make it seem like a bad thing!

I wish I learned this when my 2 were younger.

Someone said above, shower at night. I LOVE a grooming night. Get all my fave products out, hair mask, face mask, nails, body oils, clean pjs. Dry hair and style. So you wake up feeling fabulous. Then it’s just a quick wash, 2 min makeup, I just use a light foundation, eye crayon and lip gloss. Keep it simple but it makes a difference. At least a good hour walk a day with the baby in a buggy. Walk everywhere you can.

Mine wasn’t a sleeper either OP. I think he was on a 45 minute nap and 11 hours of sleep at that age, so you have my sympathy.

Get him on a bike seat so you can cycle everywhere.

Sometimes (often) you just need to put up with the whinging.

I can't function without a morning shower so they went in the bathroom with me. First baby I joined Buggyfit. Big age gap so wasn't dealing with two in nappies, and also wanted the first in school. Unfortunately lockdown meant they were both at home, but DH was WFH so I could do workout videos. Now I'm back at work also WFH so workout in my lunch break.

I use the baby pen & also tend to just plop mine down in whatever room I’m in, let him crawl around bathroom whilst you shower. Sit in high chair whilst you cook/ wash up. Iv 2 under two & it’s made me strict with afternoon naps, even if they just go in their cots for an hour so I get an hour alone. For me, iv felt more myself now youngest is over one & im back at work. Good luck OP, it’s so very hard

@Ifonlyidknownthen this is what I did.

I have 3 and still wake up an hour before then in the morning to do a 30 mins workout and then shower and get ready. Make sure you don’t fall into the rut of leggings and a baggy top. If you dress nicely, you’ll feel more confident. Make sure your clothes fit properly and your hair is done.

I used to do walks with the pram when mine were babies. It’s an easy way to get your exercise in. Make sure you’re drinking plenty of water to keep your skin hydrated, this will make a big difference!

Once you’ve fed baby and they’ve gone to sleep at night, do your skincare and moisturise and get some sleep yourself before the night feeds.

When ds was a year old I was back in my pre pregnancy clothes , that helped . He was a poor sleeper though and if I'm honest he was about 4 before I felt my old self again ! Sorry!
My ex dp was shit though so I'm sure if I'd had a supportive helpful partner pulling his weight it would have been a lot sooner

Get a playpen. Somewhere he can sit and be safe while you grab a shower, have a cup of tea and just take a breath. It gets easier

I still don’t feel I’m back to pre baby me but I made sure to still get my eyebrows done every other month or so. Didn’t have much help with childcare so went when DH was home.
Also, I have a fold away exercise bike
I would drag out during naps or once DD asleep for the night. Would
Go on that while watching tv. My tummy still isn’t as flat as it was but now I’m back to work so can claw back a few hours for me to get hair done etc. When DH was home on weekends or days off we would go for walks with pram or DD in baby carrier or backpack