To not want him to stay out for all matches

[Chocolateandsweets]

My husband and I have two children, a 1 year old and 2 year old. I work part time and he works full time, we are both free on weekends.
He has a season ticket for football and goes to a match on average once a fortnight. He usually stays out and drinks afterwards.
He does sometimes go to games during the week but he will just come home straight after those.
He also plays football on a Tuesday night.
Am I being unreasonable to not want him to stay out drinking after every Saturday match? (About every fortnight). I don't have family close by, and don't have many friends with children... I am just so burnt out that I could really do with him being there every weekend. I am not saying that I want him to miss matches, I am happy for him to go, but would prefer it if he just stayed for one drink after, rather than having a whole drinking session and coming back late.
Aibu?

Whenever I mention anything about him going out his response is always 'you can go out too, I am not stopping you' which is true, but I don't have places that I want to go by myself or friends to go places with. I want to do things as a family. I hate it, with two young children it is so hard to take them places by myself.

Also, he wants another baby.

has he had the season ticket a long time? you can't always just give them up and get them back again.

So it is a conversation you should have had pre children. The question is now: can you cope if you have equal time away?do you have the opportunity or hobby to do that?

Presumably it's every other week, so can you take the off week?

It is pretty selfish of him though

A lot of men think their part is pretty much done at conception. Apart from anything else having such young children, even if you did have friends and places to go wouldn't count for very much because it's just so much work already. You need to have frank words about it.

Don’t have another baby until you have a balance.

Do you have a car? Take the car out. Take a book, sit and read for hours. Let your husband have the kids for a day a few times, see how he thinks then.

Where would you be taking 2 young babies on a Saturday evening. If he is happy for you to have the same time then its not his fault if you won't take that time.

If he has a season ticket, and home games are every other week, maybe he can look after the kids when his team is playing away from home and you can spend the day doing something for yourself? When my wife went back to work and was working alternate Saturdays, that's how we managed. I saw less football, and more pre-school theatre with a 1yo. And quickly learned how much I didn't want my wife to be late home from work.

@sweeneytoddsrazor when he goes to matches he is out at about 10/11 and back when the kids are asleep. It isn't just the evening.

@andyindurham I feel guilty leaving him with the children. And I just want to do things as a family. In thr past year we have gone on 4 days out as a family (minus going for a walk around the block or to the shop).

@Chocolateandsweets

But you said you were only worried about the evening, he shouldn't be leaving so early there is no need of that, presumably it doesn't involve driving if he is staying out drinking

As long as you make sure you have one evening out every two weeks, with your friends while he looks after the dcs.

One night in 14 doesn't sound too bad.

@sweeneytoddsrazor oh sorry, I have just read my op. Spending the whole Saturday out... he gets a taxi there and back so he can drink.

Don't have another baby - he won't get any better. But you should take some time to yourself - I bet you're the main parent even when you're both actually there.

[quote Chocolateandsweets]@andyindurham I feel guilty leaving him with the children. And I just want to do things as a family. In thr past year we have gone on 4 days out as a family (minus going for a walk around the block or to the shop).[/quote]
Why do you feel guilty ? They're HIS children.
Do you think he's ever felt guilty for one minute ?
PS don't have another baby.

@MintJulia but then it is also every Tuesday night that he plays football.... he leaves at half 5 so I do tea, bath and bed by myself those nights too.

If he has a season ticket (as I do ) it's a very expensive move not to go to all matches.

Football is like a religion. I don't think it's unreasonable he has his own interests and goes to every match and go for drinks afterwards.

However you need to develop your social life too and it's ok for you to have these too

I honestly do not think he is unreasonable. He has said you can go out, and it is only once a fortnight he drinks with his mates.
I dont think you need to be together all the time. Have some me time while he babysits.

And you really can't complain when he's happy for you to do the same

@JSL52 I guess because I know how hard it is.
Sorry, I probably just sound very negative. I am just very tired and fed up. Every time i take them anywhere it is me with both of them by myself. It is so tiering. I genuinely don't know why he wants another, when he is looking after them he is just on his phone... and when I suggest days out he doesn't want to go, or says they are too young to go places.

Don't have another baby until you can take 2 out by your own or until your husband is willing to prioritise his family.

YANBU about him staying out every other Saturday, if he's out during times you could be doing family activities, but tbh there's not much you can do at 6pm after a football match on a Saturday.

@Jeschara when you out it like that I am probably complaining for no reason. I guess it is just because I don't have anything I want to do without thr children

Why exactly does he want another baby? It doesn’t sound like he likes raising the 2 he already has much?

2 toddlers is a lot of work. You’re definitely not BU asking him to spend more time with all of you. At the same time, you shouldn’t feel guilty about leaving them with him for a few hours and just going for a walk or to the cinema, or whatever your enjoy, on your own. If you can cope with tea, bath and bed alone, so can he. Isn’t he an adult?

I think he is being unreasonable because you have 2 young children, it's not forever for 1-2 years he can go watch the match and just stay out once per month drinking afterwards.

Have a good think and write down what leisure time you get - sat on your arse doing nothing or out alone versus what he gets. I think you'll soon realise why you are absolutely knackered.

No way have more when he doesn't do his share of hands on parenting.