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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want him to stay out for all matches

139 replies

Chocolateandsweets · 29/10/2021 20:27

My husband and I have two children, a 1 year old and 2 year old. I work part time and he works full time, we are both free on weekends.
He has a season ticket for football and goes to a match on average once a fortnight. He usually stays out and drinks afterwards.
He does sometimes go to games during the week but he will just come home straight after those.
He also plays football on a Tuesday night.
Am I being unreasonable to not want him to stay out drinking after every Saturday match? (About every fortnight). I don't have family close by, and don't have many friends with children... I am just so burnt out that I could really do with him being there every weekend. I am not saying that I want him to miss matches, I am happy for him to go, but would prefer it if he just stayed for one drink after, rather than having a whole drinking session and coming back late.
Aibu?

OP posts:
ImUninsultable · 30/10/2021 14:12

He's allowed to go out once a fortnight for a day.
It isnt his fault you dont have friends to do the same with.

You still get family days all the other weekend days together. And going to play football one night a week is fine. Why dont you join an exercise group for one night a week too?

You need a balance. You can say you need him there every day for every weekend. That isnt fair.

wouldthatbeworse · 30/10/2021 14:22

YANBU at all about the football. He can go for the big drinking session once a month/six weeks. BUT you need to think of yourself and something that is for you. Saturday afternoons can be for taking turns. Sundays can be family time. A 1 and 2 year old is exhausting . There’s nothing wrong with leaving them with DH for a couple of hours while you swim, walk, read a book, etc

JustLyra · 30/10/2021 16:36

@Chocolateandsweets

Thank you for all your replies. I will look into booking a day trip away in a hotel and have a day to myself. *@TimeForTeaAndG* *@womaninthelamp* you are right. I think if it was just the football it wouldn't bother me as much. I just feel so tired of doing everything. I clean the house, do all the washing, empty and load the dishwasher (he will unload the dishwasher if I am in a bad mood), prepare all the things for the children's nursery, make dinner every day, go downstairs early to make us both coffee while he has a lie in, do the food shop with both children. Just everything.
Do that and it’ll become very clear if the wrong date was indeed accidental or deliberate.

If he does anything to prevent you actually having the time to yourself it’s a massive red flag.

Original poster
Chocolateandsweets · 30/10/2021 21:18

I suggested we go on a walk tomorrow as a family. The response was "it is a ball ache". I then told him it is hard, but it is for the kids so they are not stuck in the house all day. Started a big argument, during it he called me a cunt, shit brains, and manipulative. Had enough.

OP posts:
Amdone123 · 30/10/2021 21:43

@Chocolateandsweets, that's awful, such abusive language. It seems like you're trying and you want this to work but he doesn't seem to even want to meet you halfway. I'm sorry you're going through this.
Have some time away from him for now emotionally - I know you can't put space between you physically. It will work out in the end for you, one way or another.

Crunchymum · 30/10/2021 22:04

Men like the OP's partner fuck me off.

Yes her offers her the same leisure time but he knows damn well she won't take him up on it (she doesn't have a family / friends network and she values time as a family unit)

Offering her the time is an empty gesture as he knows she won't take it.

It's actually quite manipulative.

@Chocolateandsweets ask him to have the kids so you can go an visit xyz for the weekend. His reaction will tell you all you need to know (he'll make every excuse going and you'll never, ever get your weekend away!!)

Do not have any more babies with this man.

Crunchymum · 30/10/2021 22:06

@Chocolateandsweets

I suggested we go on a walk tomorrow as a family. The response was "it is a ball ache". I then told him it is hard, but it is for the kids so they are not stuck in the house all day. Started a big argument, during it he called me a cunt, shit brains, and manipulative. Had enough.
OK so things have moved on a little.

It's time to start making an exit plan.

RandomMess · 30/10/2021 22:40

AngryAngryAngryAngryAngry

What a complete selfish arse he is

LittleOwl153 · 30/10/2021 22:51

I suggest you go for that walk by yourself OP. And make it a full day with a nice lunch stop somewhere.... it will give you time to get your head together. He does not give a shit about you and the kids are just trophies like the silverware at the football club... they look pretty but are for someone else to polish!

Theeyeballsinthesky · 31/10/2021 01:41

From your update OP you have a bigger problem than him going to football. He's a selfish arse who clearly has zero care fir you and wants to live his life as if he’s still single & without children

Sorry but I’d be seriously reconsidering whether you stay with him

girlmom21 · 31/10/2021 01:03

@Chocolateandsweets

I suggested we go on a walk tomorrow as a family. The response was "it is a ball ache". I then told him it is hard, but it is for the kids so they are not stuck in the house all day. Started a big argument, during it he called me a cunt, shit brains, and manipulative. Had enough.
It sounds like there's one shit brained cunt in your house, and it's not you
rainbowstardrops · 31/10/2021 06:33

I suggest you go for that walk by yourself OP. And make it a full day with a nice lunch stop somewhere.... it will give you time to get your head together. He does not give a shit about you and the kids are just trophies like the silverware at the football club... they look pretty but are for someone else to polish!

Absolutely this.

Brefugee · 31/10/2021 08:03

Blimey OP. Time to make the big decision, i think

Dishwashersaurous · 31/10/2021 09:21

OK. So he swore at you. I assume that this is not a one off occurrence.

This is not a normal relationship

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