To embrace getting older?

[donemeover]

I don't know why older people always talk to younger people as though they're jealous and wish they were young again.

Saying things like 'these are the best years of your life when you're young' isn't how I feel. Youth is full of ignorance and insecurity a lot of the time and uncertainty that I really didn't enjoy.

Getting older for me feels liberating, I've accomplished things and am proud of it that I couldn't have down when I was young. I have less test idiot men to content with approaching me as I get older, I am more confidence, I have less social anxiety, and I am frankly starting to give much less fucks about other people and what they think/how they receive me.

There are Many benefits to ageing, I don't see the majority of them as a massive disadvantage.

Also - I'm not fussed about when my days are over really and I die. I don't want to live forever!

Anyone else with me on this or am I weird?

Totally with you! I was an idiot at 18 and as much as Ive enjoyed myself I really like getting older and wiser! Wish I had my 18yo knees though.

35 is your prime.

That’s why it doesn’t sit right to say “life is actually alright, what’s the fuss about getting older?”….

It’s like being at the top of your game and saying “well I don’t know what the fuss is about, this is easy, doesn’t everyone find it easy?”

I’m only early/mid 40s but look back at just how lost I was at 35. And that was with a lovely marriage, two small children, house, career etc when I too thought I was full of youthful optimism…..

Soooo much has changed since then. I definitely give fewer fucks now, but honestly my heart breaks for the me in my 30s. I lost so much confidence, through various situations in those years, and haven’t yet got it back; and it feels much harder to get it back.

I think I give less of a shit due to apathy not because of strength. I like myself less. I don’t think I’m depressed but I definitely feel more cynical, less emotionally stable and my looks seem to be disintegrating at a rate of knotts.

So do I currently feel like the future is bright and that ageing should be embraced ? Dunno. I know there’s more good stuff to come but feel acutely aware that if the last few years are anything to go by, there’s more hardship and loss to come too (emotionally, and physically). My body will start letting me down. As might my mind.

So yeah maybe at 35 I too would’ve thought that “getting older isn’t as bad as people make out”…… But I am with the PPs who say “come back in a few years” because A LOT can change. The difference I see in my friends and peers from when we were 37 and now we’re 43 is remarkable… and that’s only 6 years.

There has definitely been a turning point during that time and the ageing process has cranked up a bit…

MrsSkylerWhite

If it helps, then, I and my friends in their 50s/60s say without exception that their lives just get better. I don’t know anyone who wishes they were in their 30s again.
There is a wonderful liberation that comes with age. Learning to live with that takes a little while but once you have there really is little better
The happiest, most fulfilled person I know is my 84 year old mother. She still discovers or does new things most weeks. That’s the trick, I think

I would trade so called wisdom for youth.
My late 20s were great. I had confidence, a great figure, energy, the ability to sleep and looked the best I have ever done and had more money coming in than now.

Life has just got harder and more painful

While I suspect I'd give many 35-year-olds a run for their money, what would my knees I give for that decade-ish back...

YABU. Come back later.

35

wish I was 35 again lol

Not weird at all and it seems that a lot
Of people haven't understood this thread going off their responses 🙄.

That’s because we are old and dismissed.

Also - I'm not fussed about when my days are over really and I die

FFS you are 35, you've got no idea of how you'll feel when this is an actual possibility / probability. I'm twice your age and it really is going to happen to me in the near future . It's horrible, really horrible, to know that you are no longer going to be alive sometime soon. And that your demise might well be accompanied by pain and distress, loss of control and loss of dignity . The prospect is horrible .

Your comment sounds so flippant ! Tell me again in 40 years time when you really are near to the end ... I doubt that you'll still be saying " I'm not fussed "

@donemeover

Also infertility so if one more fucker talks to me about not knowing anything about life and being goady, do one.

I really didn't want to get Ranty but don't comment on me if you know nothing about my life and assume because I'm young it's a bed full of roses.

Goady and classy as well. You’re quite the prize.

[quote donemeover]@Catsoutthebag id also love to know. I find it extremely patronising that age 35 isn't qualified to embrace getting older.
[/quote]
Its not

@Xmasbaby11

Well i felt like that at 35, but I'm 45 and life is harder work! I feel like I'm ageing fast!

2 Dc under 10, 1 with ASD, still v demanding
Mid life crisis with work, still decades to go, can't afford to retrain
All our parents in their 80s with various health problems
Perimenopausal and often irritable
Just generally tired all the time as all my energy goes on work, home, kids, parents v little for dh, myself, friends, hobbies

Plus I see how hard ageing is for our 80somethig parents. One with dementia, one lung problem, one going blind, the other depressed. It's no walk in the park getting old, at least only for very few people

I am of course grateful to have my lovely dh and dc and that my parents are still around and i am able to see / support them to some extent. But there's more stress in my life, not less.

This

Getting older sucks. I’m 54, can’t sleep, riddled with anxiety, on HRT. I am unseen and it’s not going to get better.
I am watching my elderly mother go through cancer scans, healing from a recent emergency hip Op. already lost my dad.
At 35 I didn’t have clue what was coming and what was coming isn’t great.
I’d love to be 35 again.

I'm 54 today (happy birthday me) and am absolutely loving my 50s. No debt, mortgage paid, kids grown up, no chance of pregnancy. I can do and say what I want and don't give a hoot what people think. I'm embracing the grey, wrinkles and flabby bits. Age is as much a state of mind as anything else.

Happy birthday @MingeofDeath

@MingeofDeath

I'm 54 today (happy birthday me) and am absolutely loving my 50s. No debt, mortgage paid, kids grown up, no chance of pregnancy. I can do and say what I want and don't give a hoot what people think. I'm embracing the grey, wrinkles and flabby bits. Age is as much a state of mind as anything else.

What about menopause? I've heard it is a nightmare

@BigButtons

Getting older sucks. I’m 54, can’t sleep, riddled with anxiety, on HRT. I am unseen and it’s not going to get better. I am watching my elderly mother go through cancer scans, healing from a recent emergency hip Op. already lost my dad. At 35 I didn’t have clue what was coming and what was coming isn’t great. I’d love to be 35 again.

This is it....reality

@MingeofDeath I disagree about it being as much a state of mind as anything.
I do agree that a positive state of mind matters, it really does, as well as being fit and active and eating healthily.
However physical things happen to be body, menopause being one of them and for many women it is an utterly miserable time and it can go on for years and years.
HRT helps but it isn’t a complete cure-all in my case. I am also dealing with my elderly unwell mother and my needy emotional teens.

OP 35 is young😄, you have confidence and youthful skin still. Come back in another 10years or more 🤣😍

I think every decade has it good and bad points. I'm mid forties and enjoying it so far. Being invisible is highly preferable to being constantly judged IMO.

I am going through the menopause now, at first the symptoms were horrible but HRT has sorted that out for me (I know it doesn't work for everyone). Getting older is not something that can be avoided, so I am making it work on my terms and seem to be doing alright so far as I am at a good point in my life.

Regarding the unseen thing - I am 52 and know what people mean. Sometimes I mind sometimes I don’t. Unseen by who though - men? Younger people?

The one thing that does really bother me about it is that I am on my own after a really difficult marriage and horrible divorce. I feel like my ex, who did not care about me for so many years, stole the years when I could have attracted someone kinder and had a loving relationship.

People talk about meeting people in their 50s but if almost no one gives you a second glance (other than occasionally) and (some) younger people view you as a kind of alien, how does it happen? Genuine question to anyone who has advice on this .

(Not sure why I had to put unseen in bold twice. It must be playing on my mind too.)

@changeyourname11111

Regarding the unseen thing - I am 52 and know what people mean. Sometimes I mind sometimes I don’t. Unseen by who though - men? Younger people?

The one thing that does really bother me about it is that I am on my own after a really difficult marriage and horrible divorce. I feel like my ex, who did not care about me for so many years, stole the years when I could have attracted someone kinder and had a loving relationship.

People talk about meeting people in their 50s but if almost no one gives you a second glance (other than occasionally) and (some) younger people view you as a kind of alien, how does it happen? Genuine question to anyone who has advice on this .

Have you tried internet dating for the over 50s? Also friends of friends. I know lots of single males in their 50s

35 is young.
It doesn't bother me in my head I'm still young as long as I'm mobile I'll be okay.
I am 41 it isn't old.
It is the phase of ill health, bone issues, pain that I'm not looking forward too.
My DM was crippled with pain even walking by 62 with bone and muscle conditions she was in constant pain for 7 years which cause her to pile on the weight causing more pain and she died of hypoventilation obesity and covid.

I advise people to not waste their time. Each decade is different and you don't get that time back. A lot of people enjoy different things as they get older, than they used to. I don't want the holidays now, in my 50's that I did in my 20's because I was more frivolous. I'm sorry that I didn't do the whole Ibiza type thing and do Amsterdam in my 20's. I shagged loads in my 30's, which I advise people to do, drink and shag because after 45 your body is different.
I feel sad for young women who are suffering from anxiety, it's eating their life away.
You do run out of time, but you won't appreciate that yet.

@changeyourname11111, is that your personal experience, or are you feeding into what other people think? If you have friends, go out and you'll find lots of single men in their 50's wanting women of a similar age. Internet dating is different, you do get them wanting younger women. But there are over 50 dating sites.