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Original poster

To embrace getting older?

164 replies

donemeover · 29/10/2021 19:43

I don't know why older people always talk to younger people as though they're jealous and wish they were young again.

Saying things like 'these are the best years of your life when you're young' isn't how I feel. Youth is full of ignorance and insecurity a lot of the time and uncertainty that I really didn't enjoy.

Getting older for me feels liberating, I've accomplished things and am proud of it that I couldn't have down when I was young. I have less test idiot men to content with approaching me as I get older, I am more confidence, I have less social anxiety, and I am frankly starting to give much less fucks about other people and what they think/how they receive me.

There are Many benefits to ageing, I don't see the majority of them as a massive disadvantage.

Also - I'm not fussed about when my days are over really and I die. I don't want to live forever!

Anyone else with me on this or am I weird?

OP posts:
Original poster
donemeover · 29/10/2021 21:27

@TravelLost I find them reassuring, particularly older posters who still feel this way into their 50s and beyond. I hope i continue to embrace as the years go by and I find it reassuring from other posters that it's posssible.

OP posts:
TheVanguardSix · 29/10/2021 21:31

You can have life experiences that suck the youth out of you when you should be in the prime of your life, OP. I felt very old at 35... hard done by. Lots of hard knocks came my way between 30 and 35 and it wasn't pretty. I actually think though, in hindsight, that this made getting older much, much easier. With age comes the ability to roll with the punches. And learning that at 35 is to your benefit. Ignore the haters.

Femnisaurus · 29/10/2021 21:32

late 60's here - so far every decade has been better than the last. Retirement after a very stressful and demanding job (which I loved at the time) is wonderful, I'm doing all the things I never had time to do when I was working / bringing up DC. Got divorced in my 50's so can totally please myself. Bliss.

One of my best friends died in her 30's, another before she got to 50, getting older is a privilege.

Keep on enjoying your ageing OP

LucentBlade · 29/10/2021 21:33

Between 30 and 40 was my favourite decade. Married, had DS bought and paid off mortgage in 7 years, career at its peak.

Unfortunately menopause at 48 affected me quite badly.

I was very fit for my age at my NHS age 50 check up they remarked on my excellent health. The decline from 52 to now 55 was marked. Genetics hey the absolute bastards.

I think mid forties is when ageing starts to kick in.

ElftonWednesday · 29/10/2021 21:35

I feel like that and I'm 46 OP. Been there, done that, I've enjoyed every age and have no desire to be younger.

MacMahon · 29/10/2021 21:35

I loved getting older in my 30s - they were great.

Menopause and realising you are middle-aged in your 40s? Not so much.

Original poster
donemeover · 29/10/2021 21:41

@Sittingonabench yes that's exactly what I mean. I am who I am and people can take it or leave. You're right..

I never had that kind of self assurance when I was younger - that's what I mean about embracing some of the advantages of getting older as I think it's an uncommon mindset in young people (young as in under 35)

OP posts:
BlueFlavour · 29/10/2021 21:50

I’m so relieved I’m older. I wouldn’t be young again if you paid me Grin
I’m with you @donemeover

Abracadabra12345 · 29/10/2021 21:58

I’m 63. I have much more freedom than I had when younger and the time and opportunities to travel. I love my life now and I was definitely more tied down in my 30s

NewUser2021 · 29/10/2021 22:30

35!!!! GrinGrinGrinGrin

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

comingintomyown · 29/10/2021 22:49

Sorry I’m with 35 🤣🤣🤣

DoesHePlayTheFiddle · 29/10/2021 22:59

@PricklesTheHedgehog

35 🤣🤣🤣
This!
darkn · 29/10/2021 22:59

yes but I hear so many people my age saying this to younger people, I don't understand it

it's because it's human nature to look back at the past and think it was better/easier etc. Call it the rose-tinted glasses effect. I often think I want to be 22 again but looking back in reality I was miserable back then.

ManifestingWisdom · 29/10/2021 23:08

I know what you mean and the fact that you're only 35 is not the point.

At 35 I was already thinking, well, I'm not pretending I enjoy clubbing til 3am, because I don't.

People do have this weird ''worship'' of youth. I think i get it when it's a protectiveness, but often it's a blanket kneejerk reverence of youth ''oh you're so yuuuuuuung'' like that in itself is unusual or interesting or impressive.

I am 51 for context and luckily (another plus of ageing) I'm now drawn to individuals for their actual personality. I was far more in need of belonging to a tribe when I was younger. i needed my tribe to tell me who I was. I was just like everybody else in my tribe. Treading carefully to fit in.

BurnedToast · 29/10/2021 23:09

I like the fact I'm more accepting of me. I've realised all the times I turned down party invites , stood bored and feeling like a spare part in a pub, felt a sense of dread at a 'work do' or felt like a loser because I didn't have a big group of friends was not because I was some sort of weirdo. But, I'm just not very sociable because I don't need to be. That has been very refreshing.

Xmasbaby11 · 29/10/2021 23:11

Well i felt like that at 35, but I'm 45 and life is harder work! I feel like I'm ageing fast!

2 Dc under 10, 1 with ASD, still v demanding
Mid life crisis with work, still decades to go, can't afford to retrain
All our parents in their 80s with various health problems
Perimenopausal and often irritable
Just generally tired all the time as all my energy goes on work, home, kids, parents v little for dh, myself, friends, hobbies

Plus I see how hard ageing is for our 80somethig parents. One with dementia, one lung problem, one going blind, the other depressed. It's no walk in the park getting old, at least only for very few people

I am of course grateful to have my lovely dh and dc and that my parents are still around and i am able to see / support them to some extent. But there's more stress in my life, not less.

ManifestingWisdom · 29/10/2021 23:15

Oh and one thing that really makes me think ''Reeeeeeally now'' is when older adults say ''I still feel 25!''. I feel like a completely different person.

At 25 I identified with the mask I presented to the world, although i didn't realise that. I felt a lot of anxiety and self-doubt, and a lot of worry about the future, would I ever be a mother? i agonised over the stupid things I'd said and done, that day and 3 years ago. I took things more personally. I was less resilient. I was probably more extravert though, which at the time I saw as a proof of being sane and emotionally healthy so I didn't even know how lacking in self-awareness I was, how needy and fragile i was.

Now I see being able to spend a lot of time on my own as more healthy, but still being brave enough to go somewhere on my own.

One thing is for sure, I do NOT feel 25!!

unknownstory · 29/10/2021 23:22

@TheMagicDeckchair

Your 30s is a great decade, as you have much more confidence and less insecurity than in your 20s and you’re probably much better off financially, more settled etc, but with all the benefits of still being young.
I loved my 30s for these reasons. I cared less & had more money. I had an exciting job and no kids!!
Laiste · 29/10/2021 23:27

I felt old at 35.

My DCs were 15, 13 and 11, i'd just left my 1st husband, moved 150 miles away from where i grew up, was on my second property - renovating an ancient cottage - had 5 part time jobs and was 16 years into a mortgage Grin

Now i AM starting to get old (nearly 20 years later) i realise that at 35 i was in the prime of my life physically but was, honestly, quite naive about a lot of things.

Youth is not just a state of mind. And health isn't always down to how much effort you put in.

RobertaFirmino · 29/10/2021 23:35

I'm 45 and I quite like it. Admittedly, I'm on HRT but the older I get, the less of a shit I give. I was never a vain person to begin with so don't mind the lines - they are simply a fact of life. I certainly wouldn't want to be 21 again, not with university fees (was lucky enough to start in the last year it was free), social media pressures and the general shitty state of the world.

Even being diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis four years ago was welcome. I'd known something was wrong for years and years but was never taken seriously. Diagnosis proved that I wasn't some moaning hypochondriac and means I now know the best ways to help myself.

Yes, loved ones have died and will continue to do so. That's what people do though - again, it's a fact of life. I'm not too worried about dying myself, I've had a great life and will keep having a great life.

XenoBitch · 29/10/2021 23:38

I am early 40s and wish I was young again. Maybe then, I could have made better life decisions, engaged more with the help I was given.
Now I am single, stuck on UC with no prospects at all. I hate this life.

Cheeseplantboots · 29/10/2021 23:47

😂😂😂. 35!?1. Yep agree come back when you’re 50 +. I felt and looked great at 35! Now I’m 50, everything creeks and aches, the menopause has been a crippling bitch.

I’m very jealous of young people. I don’t want to be 20, 30, 40 etc I’d just like to feel normal!

dayslikethese1 · 29/10/2021 23:53

I was really stressed in my early 20s, trying to start a career, pay rent etc. I was convinced everything would go terribly but it wasn't as bad as I thought. I'm happier now for sure though life was more exciting/unpredictable then in a way. But I wouldn't go back.

Bringonthepjs · 29/10/2021 23:58

Not sure what to say really, def thought OP would be at least late 50"s early 60's when I clicked on thread. 35 I did not expect ....

Skyline24 · 30/10/2021 00:17

Not weird at all and it seems that a lot
Of people haven't understood this thread going off their responses 🙄.
I'm 34 and feel exactly the same , I do think it depends though if you have achieved the things you wanted to achieve.
I certainly would not want to be young and so Insecure again!
I've stopped caring about what others think of me and it is so liberating!