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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not invite people round cos the bastards just won't leave?

156 replies

Blahdyblahbla · 29/10/2021 18:08

I used to enjoy having people over and visiting friends and family at home as I've young dc and restaurants etc just don't work.

But lately people just don't bloody leave. I specifically invite early and say "dc need to be getting ready for bed at 7 so it'll be an early finish" but no fucker leaves. There are talks about leaving in 5 minutes etc, but no one ever does.

I end up having to be either be really rude and saying you have to go now, or dealing with overtired / wired dc and company that just drags on.

I'm really aware of not overstaying my welcome when I go places so find it stressful when others don't.

Do I need to give up on people forever and become a recluse?!

OP posts:
MollyGaves · 29/10/2021 21:47

Do as a friend of mine does and says

“I’ll just get your coat” and then opens the front door.

He’s always drunk quite early, we go and finish our evening somewhere else 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Kassalah · 29/10/2021 22:08

Just announce "Stir your stumps, it's time to go" and laugh whilst gently moving them towards the front door...

teensandtoddlers · 29/10/2021 22:28

On multiple occasions, DD has been known to tell people the car park is about to close once it gets to around 8 - they're soon in a rush to leave!

(it's actually doesn't close but visitors don't know that...)

diamondpony80 · 29/10/2021 22:35

I invite only a very select few people around my house. They're the ones I don't mind staying as long as they like. Although to be fair most leave at a reasonable time.

immersivereader · 30/10/2021 03:09

We had guests arrive at 5pm for dinner. Fine. It got to 11.30pm Hmm and the wife was showing me pictures of their holiday to Patagonia when she suddenly said : 'You look really tired!' in a surprised voice.

Ya think?

immersivereader · 30/10/2021 03:13

My friends just give them the empty milk bottles and tell them to put them out on the way.

They don’t even have a milkman

^

😂😂

wombatspoopcubes · 30/10/2021 04:57

"Would you like another cup of coffee before you go?"

SixQuidGames · 30/10/2021 07:07

This is why I hate having mil round. She will come for lunch and still be there at 9pm.

YogaLovingMum · 30/10/2021 07:14

I used to have this with a ladies club event I’d host. Invitations would have start and end time, particularly ended with enough time for me to collect the DC. People would just not leave

I found setting alarms on my mobile worked. An alarm 10 minutes before the designated end time at which I’d jump up and say, “oh my, where’s the time gone! Only ten minutes to x:00, must start clearing up.”

Then alarm at end time in case of any one lingering where upon I’d grab their coat, mine and my car keys saying, “really must dash, need to collect the children.”

This worked all the time because it was my phone giving the alarm

magicstars · 30/10/2021 07:37

I have some (lovely) friends who really don't know when to leave. Before they come round I make sure to tell them what time I need them to leave, ie the kids go to bed at 8pm so I'll be busy with them for a couple of hours. I then give 'warnings' which I direct at the kids, but are actually for the guests- '30mins left to play then we'll be going upstairs to bed & friends are going home'. This works a treat!

If the DC aren't involved then I like to have another specific reason for ppl not to outstay their welcome, such as I'm going out at x time. Once DP told his parents he needed to go out shopping- when they asked what for he replied honestly 'chocolate' 😂

tanqueray10 · 30/10/2021 07:42

Yep i’m with you OP. I had a small halloween party yesterday for 10 children. Specified on the invite the end time as we were going out for dinner last night and they were all still sitting there chatting whilst I was trying to clear up to give them the hint that it was time to leave!!

Thataintright · 30/10/2021 08:13

We once told them we were going out, drove to the nearest roundabout, checked they'd gone their way and went back home!!

This has made me laugh out loud! Grin

BigYellowHat · 30/10/2021 08:17

This is exactly why I prefer going to other peoples houses as we’re in control of when we can leave. We’ve got one couple friend who are like this. Last time they kept saying ‘ooh we must go’ (and didn’t’ I was practically asleep on the sofa by the end! It’s not to say I didn’t have a great night but I have to take a tablet for my condition at 9.30pm on the dot and it might as well be a sleeping tablet. I’m not good company after it!

hopeishere · 30/10/2021 08:26

SiL and her partner on Christmas Day. Would not shift from our sofa. I was wrecked. I had a shower and got my pjs on. I just wanted to lie down and chill not make chit chat. DH wanted to watch tv. They left eventually but it really puts me off inviting them again.

Thataintright · 30/10/2021 08:31

I wonder whether it's more to do with personality type rather than overstaying?

My best friend and my sister just love having people over, all hours of the day and night. They both have multiple kids, work full time, partners.. But just never seem to tire of it.

Times when I've been to either of their houses and announced that I was going, it's always 'No, stay for tea, I'll pop to the shop and get extras". They are always trying to get me to stay!

And, trust me, I am not an exciting guest! Grin

I find it mind-boggling Grin

MayorGundersonsDogRufus · 30/10/2021 08:37

OP - I'm just very direct with people if I need them to go, "Well, it's been wonderful having you, but I'm going to have to chuck you out now because (I'm tired/we've got an early start/xx is happening in the morning). Let me get you your coat/call you a cab, etc"

I don't seem to have mortally offended anyone yet.

TheTurn0fTheScrew · 30/10/2021 09:05

this thread is a nightmare for the overthinker. Anyone else mentally revisiting everywhere they've been for the past 20 years and trying to identify subtle cues to leave that they've missed?

I think houses need to be installed with some sort of traffic light system to help guests determine if they're about to leave indecently quickly, hit the sweet spot or if they've overstayed their welcome.

Benjispruce4 · 30/10/2021 14:38

MIL always stays too long. It’s such a shame becoming it puts me off inviting her over. She’ll text and say she’s in the area (live in same town) and is it ok if she pops in. She pops in…. For 4 hours on a Saturday afternoon!!!! We’ve been stung so many times that we now have to lie about being busy or arrange to meet out so we can leave. She just doesn’t pick up on cues. Once DH stood up in an attempt to get her to leave, and said he had to go to B&Q, she said she’s stay and keep me company!!! Nooooooo!!!!

HairyScaryMonster · 30/10/2021 14:42

One of us starts putting the kids to bed regardless. The guests either leave or accept the interlude. I have no shame in saying "sorry I'm going to have to kick you out now" at 10ish.

Benjispruce4 · 30/10/2021 14:44

My DM had family guests one Christmas that stayed night after night. Mum and Dad cooked and cleaned up after them until NYE!! I was a young teen and thought it was great having uncle and aunty stay and didn’t really get my mum and dad stressing in the kitchen. They were practically running a B&B! When they left my parents vowed to never have them again and they never did! Mum was too polite and accommodating and her Irish upbringing made her feel she needed to feed everyone round the clock and they were only too happy to accept!

dayswithaY · 30/10/2021 18:15

I also think it's to do with the over stayer not wanting to seem rude. For example MIL will stay rooted in her seat, sometimes not speaking for hours. It's as if her presence in our house is enough on its own and she thinks if she leaves after two hours we will think she's just dashed in and out and not spent time with us.

They are always the last to leave, one time she actually had somewhere else to go and left the same time as everyone else. She kept saying "Are you sure you don't mind if I leave?" Over and over.

I wanted to say "Nothing would make me happier, please go!"

rainraim · 30/10/2021 19:05

@itsgettingwierd your mean. I would never dream of giving my child food whilst there's 2 other children present, it would've been better if you told them to get ready to leave, even hand their coats to them, open the front door

middleager · 31/10/2021 10:54

Following on from my other post, PILs came last night.
They always seem to leave at 1am, even if they come at 3pm, so we asked them round for 8pm.

When they arrrived, they said a friend had visited them the evening before and stayed until 1am. They were shocked it was so late. I said; "1am? That's so late! Bet you were exhausted" and they nodded.

It got to 12.15am at ours and I was knackered. We joked about it being midnight and FIL said "well the clocks go back, so it's only really 11pm!" MIL did say they'd better be off soon.

I went upstairs and took jewellery off etc. Told my teens to come down as PILs would be leaving soon.

Teens and I went downstairs. MIL then began telling three different long stories, each time she was about to go.

They eventually went at 12.45am. After this thread, I am now going to go to theirs in future or meet on neutral territory!

WhatAShilohPitt · 31/10/2021 21:49

I once read that you should start asking people about their plans for the next day, turning the lights up brightly and clearing away. No more drinks offered an hour before you want them to leave. If all else fails, say, ‘well, it’s been lovely to see you. I must do xyz now,’ and stand up and move towards the door. Some thickos need it spelling out.

ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba · 31/10/2021 21:52

"well, I have to do my naked yoga now" should clear the room