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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not invite people round cos the bastards just won't leave?

156 replies

Blahdyblahbla · 29/10/2021 18:08

I used to enjoy having people over and visiting friends and family at home as I've young dc and restaurants etc just don't work.

But lately people just don't bloody leave. I specifically invite early and say "dc need to be getting ready for bed at 7 so it'll be an early finish" but no fucker leaves. There are talks about leaving in 5 minutes etc, but no one ever does.

I end up having to be either be really rude and saying you have to go now, or dealing with overtired / wired dc and company that just drags on.

I'm really aware of not overstaying my welcome when I go places so find it stressful when others don't.

Do I need to give up on people forever and become a recluse?!

OP posts:
Anonymous48 · 29/10/2021 19:48

[quote BunnytheFriendlyDragon]@Anonymous48 Yes exactly. I don't want people over after my child goes to bed as I go to bed then too (young baby) I had already said I wouldn't invite people over who would overstay so you're not really making sense despite the overexcited exclamation marks[/quote]
Then we're in agreement. Don't invite people over after your kids are in bed if you don't want company then.

But it was a good suggestion by the poster who suggested it.

BunnytheFriendlyDragon · 29/10/2021 19:51

@Anonymous48 yes possibly

Sorry if I'm a bit grumpy I'm ready for bed Grin

immersivereader · 29/10/2021 19:53

Totally agree op. Invited guests the other week, they were here for nearly four hours. I'd lost the will to live

redbullandsherrytrifle · 29/10/2021 19:54

I only ever invite people round for Sunday lunch - there usually gone by 5pm and it's lovely.

immersivereader · 29/10/2021 19:56

Now I only do park visits. Then I can leave whenever I choose. I'm the Queen of fake appointments

VividImaginationAgain · 29/10/2021 19:59

Dh tells guests that have overstayed that it was nice to see them but he’s off to use the bathroom and as they will be gone by the time he comes down he will say cheerio now …….and then disappears.

I quietly die with embarrassment.

VikingLady · 29/10/2021 20:02

I'm slightly terrified this is me. When I'm a guest I always tell the hosts that I'm not great at social cues, so when it's time to go they should tell me outright. I won't pick up on all these hints!

I do ask when they want me gone though. And bring wine/cake/fruit/kids entertainment etc as appropriate. But I've had friends who want guests to stay ages and ages. It's too complicated!

canigooutyet · 29/10/2021 20:05

Lovely to see you, must do it again soon. Would love to natter more but we have stuff that needs doing. Whilst giving them their coats/ushering them out of the door.

Anyone need to use the loo before you go?

Blimy is that the time already?

So what you guys having for dinner? Need to get started on ours, didn't plan for dinner guests lol.

Time for you to fuck off now.

isthismylifenow · 29/10/2021 20:09

Curfew! The one covid restriction that wouldn't bother me if it stayed.

Ooh look at the time, you lot better be off if you're to be home by 9pm (10pm, 11pm or whatever the level we were on and curfew time)

And here i thought I was the only fan....

DDMAC · 29/10/2021 20:09

My brother always tells me what time we’re to arrive and what time to leave!

GingerScallop · 29/10/2021 20:10

@DrManhattan

Turn the lights off
Grin
HauntedVag · 29/10/2021 20:15

@honeylulu

My FIL used to go and get people's coats out of the hall cupboard, hand them out and say firmly "there you are, nice to see you, you'll be off now" when he'd had enough. MIL used to say it was embarrassing but I think it was rather excellent!

Excellent work FIL!

RicherThanYew · 29/10/2021 20:15

Its worse when your visitor doesnt drink tea/coffee/soda/water and won't accept any food because they're vegan when they're with company (but eat fish, chicken and chocolate when they're not) AND they refuse to sit down so they follow you around the kitchen and living room while you're trying to get on after 3hrs Angry dearest cousin of mine, this means you.

Familycourtdrama · 29/10/2021 20:16

No fuckers leave 😂😂

whoopy1 · 29/10/2021 20:16

I stopped inviting my brother round. He works away, so when he is at home he doesn’t need to worry about getting up in the morning. He is also a very heavy drinker, to the stage he always brings a bottle of whatever spirits he happens to be drinking, as he knows he would never get enough alcohol to satisfy him at anybody’s house.

The last time he visited was when I was having a Boxing Day buffet for any family that wanted to pop in afternoon or early evening. It was obvious that he had already been drinking when he arrived at 5pm and had fallen asleep in a chair by just after 7pm. He finally woke up at 11pm after everyone else had left, except him and his wife, and wanted to start drinking again! It took till after 1am to get rid of them both. I was working the next morning at 7am (which they both knew) so was not amused. They have never been invited back.

lottiegarbanzo · 29/10/2021 20:17

Just put the kids to bed. That doesn't take two of you - which is probably why they don't understand it as 'leave', rather as 'I shall be a little less sociable after his time (but DP will entertain you)' or vice versa.

I think we've all lost our social skills a little over the last 18 months and become a little too desperate for company.

That and alcohol makes people feel they are fascinating.

HauntedVag · 29/10/2021 20:18

We have a pair of friends like this. Even if you said can you please leave now because I'm tired they'd still stay. They've fallen asleep on the sofa before and tried to just stay. They have a perfectly fine house of their own.

We don't invite them anymore. They asked earlier this year why we don't invite them anymore, DH replied because you don't leave when we ask you to (by 11pm). They looked most offended.

maslinpan · 29/10/2021 20:18

If you smile whilst saying, right, It's time to kick you out now, that always works for me. And I stand up and start heading for the front door.

HauntedVag · 29/10/2021 20:19

@MysweetAudrina

We have friends and as soon as we go into the house he tells everyone what time they need to leave at. We deliberately stay longer to wind him up.
Why?

Are you my friends that we've stopped inviting to dinner?

Cattenberg · 29/10/2021 20:21

@harriethoyle

We had an afternoon party recently which finished at 6pm. At 8pm I said to the remaining stragglers "are you walking home now or shall I call you a taxi?!"

Worked a treat!

Yes, calling a taxi ought to work. Who wants to hang around once the meter’s running? Every minute of dawdling will cost them.
shouldistop · 29/10/2021 20:21

We've had that quite a few times and I've just started running the kids baths and starting their bedtimes while people are still here. They usually start getting ready to leave then.

Anonymous48 · 29/10/2021 20:23

[quote BunnytheFriendlyDragon]@Anonymous48 yes possibly

Sorry if I'm a bit grumpy I'm ready for bed Grin[/quote]
Smile

HauntedVag · 29/10/2021 20:26

[quote BunnytheFriendlyDragon]@Anonymous48 What are you on about? We're talking about having people over but then overstaying.

My point was I won't have them over if I think they'll overstay. HTH.[/quote]

Same. I've stopped inviting people who don't leave when you ask them to.

A couple of our friends would still be on our sofas at 2pm the next day after being invited for dinner at 7. They're 40 odd.

I no longer want to stay up all night getting pissed then have overgrown teenagers asleep on my sofas. I want my guests to piss off nicely by 11pm latest.

Chesneyhawkes1 · 29/10/2021 20:26

Totally agree. A few hours fine, 6 - 7 hours, go home will you. I've got other stuff I want to do!

LadyMonicaBaddingham · 29/10/2021 20:29

I offer them a bed for the night... We thankfully have a garden lodge perfectly ready for unexpected guests so if be they don't get the hint I leave them to it 😉