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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not invite people round cos the bastards just won't leave?

156 replies

Blahdyblahbla · 29/10/2021 18:08

I used to enjoy having people over and visiting friends and family at home as I've young dc and restaurants etc just don't work.

But lately people just don't bloody leave. I specifically invite early and say "dc need to be getting ready for bed at 7 so it'll be an early finish" but no fucker leaves. There are talks about leaving in 5 minutes etc, but no one ever does.

I end up having to be either be really rude and saying you have to go now, or dealing with overtired / wired dc and company that just drags on.

I'm really aware of not overstaying my welcome when I go places so find it stressful when others don't.

Do I need to give up on people forever and become a recluse?!

OP posts:

ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba · 29/10/2021 18:37

I wouldn't ever tolerate that. if people didn't get "the time to leave" clues I'd tell them to go.
But we usually discuss the period of stay (from - to) so it's not a problem.
and if we are having a particularly good time and happy to adjust sometimes there's room for it so all we need is to say it!

You could get a pub bell and ring it then say "10 mins warning, then I need you to leave please"

InFiveMins · 29/10/2021 18:37

YANBU. I have genuinely stopped inviting people round because they overstay their welcome. Would be really happy to see people for a coffee at mine for an hour a few times a week, but they end up staying for hours!

worriedatthemoment · 29/10/2021 18:38

But equally don't invite people round if you don't want its simple
If we invite people for dinner i expect they will stay until late like if we went out
If a party and set time then Expect those times
Someone coming over for coffee an hr or 2 unless we decide to make it longer

ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba · 29/10/2021 18:39

@LadyTiredWinterBottom2

...this is why l don't have people around at Christmas

Why do they think l want to be running around after them at 10pm when l've been cooking tidying and entertaining all day?!

why would you entertain and run around people? are a hotel clown? let your guests help themselves to stuff and ask them to make you a cuppa!

Badlytornfrube · 29/10/2021 18:44

I have had this. I said that I needed to start dinner and my friend asked what we (including her and her DC) we’re having. The brass neck of some people. She had been in my house since 10am.

MysweetAudrina · 29/10/2021 18:44

We have friends and as soon as we go into the house he tells everyone what time they need to leave at. We deliberately stay longer to wind him up.

blink1eight2 · 29/10/2021 18:45

@MysweetAudrina

We have friends and as soon as we go into the house he tells everyone what time they need to leave at. We deliberately stay longer to wind him up.

Urgh. Why would you do that

Somersetlady · 29/10/2021 18:47

@ApricotShandy I’ve been to more than one party hosted by Jilly Cooper and have never witnessed this🤷‍♀️

Stovetopespresso · 29/10/2021 18:50

I'm a huge over-stayer, just don't give me wine!

luckily I don't have boring friends and like them staying too.

hmm this doesn't always apply to the in-laws but I put a brave face on it for the sake of politeness.

Somersetlady · 29/10/2021 18:51

I think this is worse post covid lockdown too OP.

I met a new Mum at school gate. Just moved to the area dc in same class. I invited her over for a cup of tea after school.

So home by 2.10pm she WOULD NOT LEAVE.

No amount of bluntness seemed to work. Eventually ended up saying I’m ever so sorry but if I don’t get my DC through their bedtime routine now then I will pay for it tomorrow.

I will not be inviting her again 🤣

ItsAllMumboJumbo · 29/10/2021 18:52

@MysweetAudrina

We have friends and as soon as we go into the house he tells everyone what time they need to leave at. We deliberately stay longer to wind him up.

Why would you do that?

Rattysparklebum · 29/10/2021 18:54

My MIL was like this, I remember one night it got to 10.30pm and I told her she needed to leave now as we were going to bed, she suggested we could go to bed and she would let herself out when she was ready .

Overitallnow · 29/10/2021 18:57

Ugh I'm the same now with people staying over. I didn't used to mind but now I just can't be arsed to wash the sheets for a one night stay. And the spare room is now DH's WFH room and he sleeps in there when he's SNORING LOUDLY . But still I get "overitall" I'm in town for a night can I just crash at yours. NO!!!!!

SlugRose · 29/10/2021 18:59

I'm not sure whether this was particularly meant to be funny or not but it really made me laugh! should make them a nice mug of horlicks instead

SlugRose · 29/10/2021 18:59

@Overitallnow

Start charging

ApricotShandy · 29/10/2021 19:01

@Somersetlady Maybe you're just polite and left before it was necessary? It was in The Times written by Jilly herself and re-reported here: www.houseandgarden.co.uk/article/jilly-cooper-hostess-advice

Userguaranteed · 29/10/2021 19:02

@DrManhattan

Turn the lights off

😅

JurgensCakeBaby · 29/10/2021 19:04

I usually say, do you have time for one last cup of tea/coffee before you have to head off ? About half an hour before I went them to go.

I have a friend who will create a playlist for BBQs etc and is very clear on arrival once the music is over it's time to go 😁

Sarcobaleno · 29/10/2021 19:05

I thought I was going to agree with you until I read your OP. You and your kids need to learn to adapt if you're ever going to live a less than army regimental life. Give your guests a glass of wine, tell them you're putting kids to bed and you'll see them in 20 mins. Then enjoy child free socialising.

Having said that, the fuckers that hang around after breakfast if they've stayed the night... aaaarrrgghh

thelegohooverer · 29/10/2021 19:05

I’ve always just put the dc to bed at their bedtime. My friends and family are used to it as I’ve always done that. I tend not to entertain on a school night and I’m perfectly happy if my guests will hang on until the dc are settled and we can move on to adult things.

I don’t often have other people’s children in these circumstances but I have no issue in directing them to the tv, toys, etc and declaring upstairs off limits.

If it was late and I want to go to bed, I’d offer the sofa or a bed to our guests.

sofato5miles · 29/10/2021 19:06

My door is always open until the last guest wants to leave. I am 50 and haven't had an over stayer yet. But i like my friends and family 🤷🏻‍♀️

RuggerHug · 29/10/2021 19:07

A slap of your knees as you stand up and loudly with a sigh say WELL. If they don't move use a 'well, we won't keep you'. If that doesn't do it, 'well you won't keep us any later, let's leave it longer until next time'.

Anonymous48 · 29/10/2021 19:09

I really don't understand this. How often are you having people over? I assume that if I have people over to mine - which doesn't happen very often - then they might be here for the rest of the evening. In fact I would hope they would stay until after the kids are in bed so that we can enjoy some kid free time. I can't imagine inviting people over and expecting them to leave by 7!

fourandnomore · 29/10/2021 19:10

I’ve had this - 10.30 start, stayed for lunch as planned, at 4.30 the husband left and the wife and kids stayed so he could have some chill time at home - 5.45 they were all still there now saying they were hungry. I was so shocked I didn’t really know what to do! Never happened before or since though.

harriethoyle · 29/10/2021 19:16

We had an afternoon party recently which finished at 6pm. At 8pm I said to the remaining stragglers "are you walking home now or shall I call you a taxi?!"

Worked a treat!

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