To not invite people round cos the bastards just won't leave?

[Blahdyblahbla]

I used to enjoy having people over and visiting friends and family at home as I've young dc and restaurants etc just don't work.

But lately people just don't bloody leave. I specifically invite early and say "dc need to be getting ready for bed at 7 so it'll be an early finish" but no fucker leaves. There are talks about leaving in 5 minutes etc, but no one ever does.

I end up having to be either be really rude and saying you have to go now, or dealing with overtired / wired dc and company that just drags on.

I'm really aware of not overstaying my welcome when I go places so find it stressful when others don't.

Do I need to give up on people forever and become a recluse?!

You need to be blunter

30mins before you want them to leave mention it. Right let’s tidy up toys etc

Find shoes

Lovely seeing you. Next time we will come to yours

Etc

Kids time to put shoes on

Etc

Why don't you do what I used to do when my first boyfriend would drop me home and stay ages drinking coffee and talking to my DM. I would go upstairs, clean my teeth, wash off my make-up and change into my pyjamas and go downstairs. He would get the hint and go home.

For those agreeing, shall we all be friends and leave each others houses promptly .

For people thinking I'm a terrible host it isn't a case of inviting someone for the evening and asking them to leave at 7. It'll be having friends for Sunday lunch, or having a friend back from school and when the Mum collects inviting them in for a quick coffee or glass of wine. Then they are still there hours later. Or an aunty popping in at 7pm for a quick hello.

My dc are absolute terrors at bedtime if there is anyone here, they think they are missing out on fun so will be up and down the stairs for silly reasons, even more so if one of their friends is still here, understandably.

I look forward to the days when my life is less routine driven, but for now it's a necessary evil, my dc just don't work as free range kids unfortunately.

aah yes. small rowdy children where success of bedtime is like russian roulette.

I used to ask the guests to read them a story when they (dc) came down from their bath.

stay and be useful or feel free to leave. sorted the wheat from the chaff!

My parents once held a New Year’s Eve party and at about 3am my Dad finally got up and said ‘right can you all piss off home now’ and went up to bed. It worked.

My mum used to this. I went to bed in the end!

YANBU @Blahdyblahbla and it is for this very reason that DH and I very rarely ask anyone over now, and very rarely answer the door. And NO we are not afraid to, we just don't WANT to. CBA with most people. Spent so many years trying to please people. Don't do it anymore. If I don't want anyone in my house, I won't have them here. See them on neutral ground yeah, like in a pub or going for a meal, but I don't want anyone in my house. (Apart from adult DC.)

If that means we end up with no-one in our lives in our old age, then so be it. Far better than spending our whole lives entertaining people, and having them invade our sanctuary, and always never knowing when to FUCK OFF!

#sorrynotsorry We spent our 20s and 30s and early 40s entertaining people, including extended family, neighbours, mums of DC's friends etc, and CBA now!

This is why we always meet people in restaurants. I hate feeling trapped and unable to actually tell them to go (I would feel uncomfortable.)

In full agreement OP. Invited a mum and her two (lovely) kids over in the morning, they were still here approaching dinner time 😱 aargh. I'd planned a lunch, but not a full day of company. My youngest (4) and I are introverts and need downtime, so hours of socialising was really making him antsy, she still wasn't taking any hints. I don't get people who don't pick up on the usual social cues - soooo, what have you planned for the rest of your day? Starting to tidy up, etc

My own DM kicks me out at 9 in time for her scandi drama's, that have subtitles and I will talk all the way through 😂. That's fair.

Put kids to bed then have people over! A lot easier. Although some who don’t have kids still linger at like 12 and I’m like erm I will be woken up at 5am please piss off!!

I reduced the amount of seating my house has. They leave so much faster when there is three of them to an armchair, or if they have to sit on the floor. I also refuse to make dcat give up his armchair for anyone.

Op this is what you need :

@IncessantNameChanger - I say this with all the gentle niceness in the world ... nobody wants you in their house at 1am, buy a watch or set an alarm!!!

I specifically invite early and say "dc need to be getting ready for bed at 7 so it'll be an early finish" but no fucker leaves. There are talks about leaving in 5 minutes etc, but no one ever does.

I have some relatives who do this and exactly the same will say "I'll go now"'but doesn't go.

I remember sister coming over when DH and I had been TTC for a while and it was an ovulation day. She wouldn't go home! When I was pregnant and tired, still wouldn't! I would say I'm going to bed. She'll say she's going but doesn't. Even if I go upstairs to get changed she doesn't go! Recently she came round when we have a newborn and I said I'd be going to her with baby at a certain time (may have been 9pm). She still didn't go so I went up to bath baby. Still there and asking if I'll come back downstairs. I said probably not as I only het sleep when he does so no I won't be coming back down to sit with you when baby is asleep!

I have now started telling people they can come but baby goes to bed at 8 pm and I don't have them over in any evening if they won't go home.

@Eilatan2018

Put kids to bed then have people over! A lot easier. Although some who don’t have kids still linger at like 12 and I’m like erm I will be woken up at 5am please piss off!!

Some people want that time to themselves though. Or to go to bed themselves.

On the one hand it’s flattering that you throw a good do but on the other hand very annoying. Formal invitations say things such as ‘Drinks at 6, carriages at 9.’ But who does that if you don’t live in Downton? I can only suggest that you put the BIG light on, music off and start yawning.

@BunnytheFriendlyDragon

Then just don't have people over. It's not mandatory!

I’ve had this disagreement with DH many times! In my view anything past 11pm unless it’s something special is just too much!

Put kids to bed then have people over! A lot easier

Not if you have very small children/babies who breastfeed and wake up frequently. I spend my evenings in my bed because it’s easier as my 1 year old wakes up so much (and the 3 year old joins the party too). I invite people round for LUNCH for this exact reason and it’s insane when we are starting bathtime at 6pm and they won’t fuck off!

@Anonymous48 What are you on about? We're talking about having people over but then overstaying.

My point was I won't have them over if I think they'll overstay. HTH.

[quote BunnytheFriendlyDragon]@Anonymous48 What are you on about? We're talking about having people over but then overstaying.

My point was I won't have them over if I think they'll overstay. HTH.[/quote]
You were responding to a suggestion that the OP invites people over after the kids are in bed!

I'm similar @Justheretoaskaquestion91 baby has had a phase recently falling asleep at 7:30ish so I've been going to bed with baby at 7 for bath and then bed as he feeds for a bit after his bath, it's the way I get sleep too and im already ready for bed then!

@Anonymous48 Yes exactly. I don't want people over after my child goes to bed as I go to bed then too (young baby) I had already said I wouldn't invite people over who would overstay so you're not really making sense despite the overexcited exclamation marks

And also wouldn't invite after that time.

I'm with PPs who invite daytime meet ups