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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

in considering asking my MIL to only come to our wedding reception for an hour or so then take the kids home?

153 replies

KittyLetteItSnow · 11/12/2007 15:28

Shes the only one DS2 will settle with apart from me and even then he will spend the past part of 30 minutes sobbing 'mama'

They are only 18 months and 3 years old and I cannot relax when I cant see them, we had DS2s christening about 3 weeks agao and from the second we arrived at the party hall I wanted to leave, it was crowded and dark with disco lights and i spent the whole night running after them.

I cant do that on my wedding day, especially not in the dress I have,

I know you will say 'can't someone just keep an eye on them at the party for you'

but several people said that at the christening then Id turn round to find them hiding alone near thew toilets - or the person would go to the bar and not be watching them ect.

At theur ages i cant keep them in a buggy all night.

I know its her sons wedding but in all truthfullness shes not taken that much interest and this would be the best and nicest thing she could do for us on the day.

Cant hire a sitter as DS2 is sooo clingy and would just scream for me and DS1 hates unfamiliarity.

OP posts:
LIZS · 11/12/2007 21:35

btw is your mil coming from abroad or have I misremembered ?

exbatt · 11/12/2007 21:41

I think Pollyannas's suggestion is the best one. You will still have a wonderful wedding day, surrounded by your children and your friends and family. Perhaps chat to a few friends and relatives first and say you're a bit worried about how the children will cope, and say/hint how lovely it would be if others took a turn with the children. You really can't ask your mother-in-law to go home after an hour at the reception - although you can of course hope she'll offer if you talk about the logistics of the day!

The thing is, you have chosen to get married at a time when a) you have very young children and b) your children are at a stage with very defined and exacting routines/requirements. That's fine, but it just means you have to accept the stage/age they're at and the fact that you're going to have a different sort of wedding to the one you might perhaps have envisaged. I'm sure your guests will be more than happy to lend a hand. If you say you fancy a dance or two, I can't imagine someone close to you not offering to entertain/dance with the children!

You don't say how big your venue is, but assuming it isn't a massive hall it really shouldn't be hard to keep tabs on two young children. You might even find they are so well distracted by what's happening and being fussed over by their relatives that it isn't an issue. I've never been to a wedding where any children present haven't had a fuss made of them! And when it gets late, hopefully they can cuddle up with someone or crash out on some pillows in the corner - or at that point a trusted relative might even offer to do the honours! I've often found that even children with very strong routines can seem to cope with a one-off 'odd' situation like this, much better than we anticipate sometimes.

Hope you can relax and enjoy it all, and that you have lovely memories of your day, children included.

sallystrawberry · 11/12/2007 22:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cazzybabs · 11/12/2007 22:11

At our wedding dd1 (3 nearly 4) and dd2 (18 months) danced till 1am. They were up all night!

hatrick · 11/12/2007 22:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

UniversallyChallenged · 11/12/2007 22:40

I think you have all missed a crucial point that Kitty made at the beginning of the thread

HER MOTHER IN LAW IS 41

41 I TELL YOU!!

How blooming old does that make you feel? Makes me feel ancient !!

DingdongMaryBonhigh · 11/12/2007 22:49

I'm 41...

NumberSix · 11/12/2007 22:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NumberSix · 11/12/2007 22:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

weirdbird · 11/12/2007 22:55

I understand where you are coming from on the they wont settle for anyone else, we had a good sleeper with our first, our second I am tearing my hair out over, CC just does not work, she just cries and cries and cries till she makes her self sick, she hates the cot, she cries even if you stay in the room.

Will yours fall asleep in the pushchair when they are tired?>

I would take them with you and when they get tired in the evening walk them around till they fall asleep in the hall, then park them in a corner strapped in, if they have fallen asleep with all the noise going on it probably wont wake them up.

Then just take them home with you when you go!
Don't know if that helps at all!

trockodile · 12/12/2007 07:08

I do not know the background on this but I do not think you are being unreasonable. I think if you put it correctly to your MIL (only one you can ask, best present she can give you etc) she may be flattered. They are her Grandchildren and it is your wedding. Perhaps ask her what she thinks you should do and see if she offers? Good luck and hope you have a great day. .

Original poster
KittyLetteItSnow · 12/12/2007 10:13

Shes happy to take them home, DP asked last night and she said 'of course - I wouldve offered if I had known there was a problem'

She will stay for a few hours with my mum watching the boys, then when they have had enough - around 9pm as it starts at 6 - she will take them home.

OP posts:
JingleBelgoHoHoHo · 12/12/2007 10:14

glad it's sorted! enjoy your wedding day

belcantavinissima · 12/12/2007 10:18

brilliant! glad its sorted out- so she didnt think ywbu! lol all that angst over nothing

Dropdeadfred · 12/12/2007 10:18

Thats great that it's all sorted Kitty. What made you change th reception venue btw? I remeber your thread about it being held at your mum's house?

Original poster
KittyLetteItSnow · 12/12/2007 10:20

Not enough romm DDF, and we found a cheaper venue

OP posts:
mm22bys · 12/12/2007 10:46

YABU. Of course your MIL should be at her son's wedding, and for as long as she would like.

I really hate these MIL threads, imagine in 35 years time. How would YOU feel if your DIL asked you to only come to your DS2's wedding for an hour?

So mean!

mm22bys · 12/12/2007 10:47

Oops I really should read these threads in a bit more detail.

It's great it's all sorted...hope you all have a great night...

cantgetcomfy · 12/12/2007 13:05

I'm getting married in August and our 5 year old and the new baby (who will be 8 months then) are both going to be there. I've got 6 neices and nephews who are all similar age to DS1 and they will be there too - I know they will all run roit but want them there to enjoy the day too. Various family and friends have offered to keep an eye on them throughout the day and my mum is going to take our two up to her room when they both start to flag (which will probably be end of night!!)

HolidaysQueen · 12/12/2007 13:42

Hi Kitty -

I don't have DCs (yet - soon to change!) so don't know how difficult that side of it is. But one thing that I don't think people have mentioned is how wonderful you will feel on your wedding day - happy, serene, floating on air, very loved, relaxed, incredibly pleased all your planning has come together etc. It really is the best day of your life! You may find that your response to your DCs running around etc. on your wedding day is therefore very different to your response at the christening and you'll probably be much more relaxed than you can imagine at the moment (esp as you are trying to do final organisations which is very stressful as well as look after two DCs, so you are very very unrelaxed at the moment!).

It's great that your MIL has offered to take the kids home, but rather than set that at 9pm, I think you should both just agree to make the call on the day - if your DCs are doing fine and you find you are relaxed and not getting stressed out then let them (and hence your MIL) stay longer but if not then send them home at 9pm as planned. You may find that they are so excited at being the centre of attention with you (as they undoubtedly will be) and that you and DH are loving having them with you on your special day so much that they will last until you and DH are ready to head home with them anyway.

Hope everything goes well on your big day! Best wishes, HQ xx

noxmasname · 12/12/2007 13:53

I think this is really unfair on your MIL.
She has said yes and has shown that she is a very nice MIL to offer to do it, but dont think for one minute she isnt feeling it - how would you feel if you had to leave one of your DC's weddings? She shoud be there - it is her son getting married and she has every right to be at the whole wedding.

I feel sad for her your friends and your family will still be there and she will have to leave, despite it being her son's wedding.

Its you that made the decision to have children before you got married, you who made the decision to get married knowing you had young children, and you are quite within your rights to make these decisions based on what you want to do, but, as another poster has said, by making these decisions, its your responsibility to make sure you have considered what you are going to do with the children at the wedding.

I dont think asking MIL to leave early is very nice at all - she is the closest family to your DH.

So yes YABU

lisalisa · 12/12/2007 13:55

Message withdrawn

dingdongMegaLegsonhigh · 12/12/2007 14:10

noxmasname - are you Kitty's MIl in disguise? How on earth can you know how she is feeling? In an earlier post Kitty told us her MIL had intended to work that day but later changed her mind.

CoteDAzur · 12/12/2007 14:36

YABU. Very much so.

Your MIL must be an angel to say "Yes" to missing out on her DS' wedding. And for what? Because der DIL doesn't want any other babysitter. So as not to inconvenience herself or her DCs.

dingdongMegaLegsonhigh · 12/12/2007 14:41

Good grief - will you lot give Kitty a break!! It's sorted, her MIL has agreed to help, she used the phrase "of course" that sounds pretty sincere to me.

All family situations are different, we cannot presume to put ourselves in her MIL position. For all we know she might be relishing the thought of escaping the do for an early night with the grand children.