in considering asking my MIL to only come to our wedding reception for an hour or so then take the kids home?

[KittyLetteItSnow]

Shes the only one DS2 will settle with apart from me and even then he will spend the past part of 30 minutes sobbing 'mama'

They are only 18 months and 3 years old and I cannot relax when I cant see them, we had DS2s christening about 3 weeks agao and from the second we arrived at the party hall I wanted to leave, it was crowded and dark with disco lights and i spent the whole night running after them.

I cant do that on my wedding day, especially not in the dress I have,

I know you will say 'can't someone just keep an eye on them at the party for you'

but several people said that at the christening then Id turn round to find them hiding alone near thew toilets - or the person would go to the bar and not be watching them ect.

At theur ages i cant keep them in a buggy all night.

I know its her sons wedding but in all truthfullness shes not taken that much interest and this would be the best and nicest thing she could do for us on the day.

Cant hire a sitter as DS2 is sooo clingy and would just scream for me and DS1 hates unfamiliarity.

But they dont sleep without us,

we are going to a HV run sleep course thing in January as neither of them will sleep in their own beds.

This isnt the issue but its one of the factors and please dont have a go at me over them sleepinbg with us, its not that easy to just 'put them in their own beds' when they cry all night and i get no sleep .

Its being worked on after the wedding, i have enough to cope with without no sleep too!

could you do an hour, dh an hour, mil an hour, anyone else you trust an hour?
i do know what you mean about leaving them with strangers i cant do it either..

it does seem a bit unfair to ask her to do it all imho...

only my sisters but they are bridesmaids too.

The thing is DS2 really freaks out, even MIL who had 4 under 6 at one point said she couldnt cope with him like that all night when we wentout for luch.

Im not sure a 16 year old could handle it!

Maybe I'LL just come home and miss the reception, lol!

kitty , i dont think yabu. this is your special day, yours and your DPs and you should be able to relax and enjoy it. it only happens once and you cant get that day back again.

at my wedding, MY wedding (nobody elses note!), my mum had ds1 (who was almost 2) at the ceremony and later on at the reception my friend had him. they sat at the table in front of the main table (cant think what its called now). when the meal had finished at about 7pm my mum and my dad and my grandmother took him home to bed and they stayed at home then. my parents are quite considerably older than yours though and wouldnt have wanted to have been up dancing and drinking the night away. however if they were younger i think i would have done the same thing and she would have been happy with that. is the ceremony/party near where she/you live? could she take them home and put them to bed, wait til they are def asleep and get a babysitter to sit in the house with them whilst she comes back to the party? she would only miss an hour or so that way.

btw if she was happy enough to miss her own sons wedding to go to work then she should be bloody happy enough to miss a small part of it to look after her dgc imo.

I don't leave mine with strangers either as I have MIL round the corner

I would NOT ask her to mind them at my wedding however

where is your reception, what sort of venue etc?

children usually fall asleep on a pile of coats ime in the corner

YABU. But you may have already got that message. I think it might be a bad way to start your relationship with her as your MIL by asking her to miss most of the wedding.

I sympathise because I never left mine with anyone other than CM or my parents or MIL for years! So I do understand how you can't leave them with anyone else (although they might surprise you by being more flexible than you think). But you and DH are going to have to take care of them or let MIL keep an eye on them at the wedding.

oh and i cant believe people are saying you are being selfish! on your wedding day fgs!

BTW I co-slept with all of mine until they were about 3 on and off. I don't think it's odd at all.

Ah now that is a great idea! She could go home and put them to bed and then come back leaving them with a responsible teen!!

You can't expect her to do that tbh. Keep them up late and let them crash out in a corner or her then take them home, it is only for one evening. If needs be get a sitter to look after them at the venue so they are not far away. How late is it planned ot go on for.

am i really the only one who thinks she isnt being unreasonable?!

I thnk a rota of an hour minding them at the wedding shared between various relatives, followed by the 'fall asleep on pile of coats' strategy will work best.

Once they are asleep can they be left with a babysitter? i.e let them stay up partying uintil they are barely conscious, then settle them yourself, then leave them with a minder and return to your reception?

It finishes at 1am,

but not sure i will stay that late.

Its close by car yes,

Kitty is your reception no longer at your mum's house?

Can your mum,sisters, mil and other family members all help?

belcant - not unreasonable to want to not be on childcare duty at her wedding - but unreasonable to want her MIL to miss the reception, yes!
Not really fair on the MIL - it's not her fault the children are particularly hard to get to sleep!

Hmmm can't you plan the reception around them? Or change into some clothes that you can move in?

Mine were a similar age at our wedding and they were fine just running around with a pack of similarly-aged children and picking at food. No one had to look after them at all TBH.

Helium baloons loose around the reception area will distract kids for long periods of time at parties, IME.

This is a day about celebrating your family, it's nicer to make it that way rather than banishing your children and MIL away from the party.

Have you got your own mum going to the wedding? If so why not ask her? If she is then I suspect you feel its not fair, so why is it fair to expect MIL to miss out.
IMO if you have children and feel as you do, either get married bc or wait until they can be left. Don't expect others to pick up the responsibilty.

GOd ... this is the longest ever wedding planning I've ever seen... are you EVER going to get married?

unreasonable to ask IMO

Are there going to be other lo's at the reception? I got married when DD was nearly 2 and there were a few other young ones like her and they had loads of fun playing together.

We took a box of toys etc and they spent most of the time playing quite happily, also all the attention from friends and family took the pressure off me from looking after her all the time, in fact she only got clingy quite late in the evening.

We were the only wedding at the venue so felt safe letting the children get on with their own thing.

Firstly there is nothing wrong with a 3 yr old co sleeping. My ds has just happily gone into his own bedroom at 3yrs1month after 3yrs of smug know it all relatives and friends giving us 'helpful' advice and judging us on our parenting.

Now - your wedding Are you familiar with the lay out of the place? Where can they escape etc? Do they have men on the door (or could you pay someone a small fee to make sure they don't get out of the door?)

My ds has been to planty of family dos with us from crawling to 3yrs old, we let him go hyper and tire himself out running around and enjoying himself, then strap him in his buggy when he is really flagging with a beaker/sweets/anything to entertain him until he gives in and sleeps! Do you have any teenagers going? You could just pay them pocket money to shadow a dc each, ds's cousins often do this for me.

I don't think you can ask mil so I think your best bet will be to make the do as enjoyable for you and tiring for them by getting some help, putting measures in place, etc.

kitty are you near Glasgow? I'd help you if you are. I do think its unreasonable, but I can well understand you wanting a night off, we were the only ones to take the kids to bil's wedding cos we've got sod all babysitters and I hate/wouldn't leave them with a stranger (and they are 6 and 9!!)

TBH you really can't ask your MIL this, she's feel obliged but be gutted at the same time

No, im in manchester.
Thanks though.

What about putting the wedding off til you can really enjoy having the children there and part of it?

Our wedding was a very child-friendly affair - all the kids were the same age (and my mum took my 14mth dd home at about 10pm when she was flagging. I did ask her of course, I don't think it's unreasonable to ask someone close to you to look after your children so you can enjoy your wedding night ) but the whole day was a great laugh of babies playing and although I think my mum took more care of dd than she was expecting ( my fault, should have thought about it), it was a great day because the children were so involved.

FWIW I would never leave dd with a random hired babysitter either - or upstairs in a hotel room. And we sort of co-sleep either so I don't think you are odd at all. You all have to be able to enjoy your wedding day otherwise what's the point?

I didn't mean just leave them in a hotel room - I meant YOU/DH put them to bed in room and then someone else stays with them whilst asleep knowing you are nearby if there is a problem.

I still think you really need to get them used to the occasional other person putting them to bed/being left with - as someone else says, god forbid what if there was a family emergency and not only would there be the emergency itself but you'd be worried sick about your kids.