in considering asking my MIL to only come to our wedding reception for an hour or so then take the kids home?

[KittyLetteItSnow]

Shes the only one DS2 will settle with apart from me and even then he will spend the past part of 30 minutes sobbing 'mama'

They are only 18 months and 3 years old and I cannot relax when I cant see them, we had DS2s christening about 3 weeks agao and from the second we arrived at the party hall I wanted to leave, it was crowded and dark with disco lights and i spent the whole night running after them.

I cant do that on my wedding day, especially not in the dress I have,

I know you will say 'can't someone just keep an eye on them at the party for you'

but several people said that at the christening then Id turn round to find them hiding alone near thew toilets - or the person would go to the bar and not be watching them ect.

At theur ages i cant keep them in a buggy all night.

I know its her sons wedding but in all truthfullness shes not taken that much interest and this would be the best and nicest thing she could do for us on the day.

Cant hire a sitter as DS2 is sooo clingy and would just scream for me and DS1 hates unfamiliarity.

hmm, I don't really see the problem in you putting them to bed and a hired sitter being with them when they are asleep - if you use an agency such as Sitters they are fully vetted and checked out. Having said that I think this is all a hypothetical solution because you are unlikely to find an available sitter for 10 days time.

So you are left with the following scenario:
You CANNOT ask your MIL to do what you propose, it is not fair on her and will do your relationship with her no favours.

Therefore your choices are:

• you let the children run about till they flop out in a corner. Should work but if your 18 mo is anything like mine you need to be prepared for complete hyper-behaviour as the tiredness grows

• you get a room set up at the reception venue with travel cots and YOU/DH put them down (poss later than usual when they are really tired) and once they are asleep have a half-hourly rota involving lots of relatives so you are not singling out your MIL. Write this in advance, check everyone is happy with it.

Don't get stroppy because not everyone's agreeing with you, Kitty. Your children are your responsibility, not your mil's. I'm sure everyone wishes you a wonderful day. but you do come across as a leetle bit over protective - your children may be fine running around on their own at the reception. If you are not happy with that, then you have to make alternative arrangements. I do agree that it seems a bit unfair your mil has to miss her son's wedding reception.

kitty you are beaing a bridezilla

yah that's about it weegle

we can't come up with any other fabulous ideas because those are your choices really, you just need to pick one

Not stupid - that's a bit harsh but maybe thoughtless for not planning this until 10 days before the event.
Travel cot and camp bed advice great and let them 'bop 'till they drop'.
Hope you have a lovely day

She was willing to miss it to be a 'kids club rep' in a holiday club in lanzarote for £2.50 an hour ... until they changed her contract and said they didnt need her after september.

I don't think you are a bad mum - not at all.

Think you're well on the way to being a bad DIL though . If you want her to be the default solution here!

Let them run around and play with the other kids until they collapse.

How big is the 3yr old? How about travel cots in the corner or a playpen or something.

nO WORRIES,

JUST LEAVE IT NOW THANKS.
Ill sort it out.

so the nub of this is that she was prepared to miss the wedding for work, but not to help you with your DCs?

Do you not want your MIL there is that part of the issue.

I love my MIL to pieces. I do, we have difficulties but thats just because were 2 grown women whos views will differ sometimes.

Of course i want her there, its just shes the only one the kids are relaxed with.

yeahyeah

Ineed to go now anyways, go rehersal.

kitty, where are you? am sure a couple of willing MN ers would help out. i would, if i'm local to you. i am a teacher, so fully vetted -lol!

if you can't afford a sitter/ hotel on your wedding night, i'll give you a few £ towards it, if you want to start up a fund. you CANNOT co sleep on your wedding night!

i agree that you shouldve sorted this before, but you need solutions, not a telling off!

i know it'll be a bit of a wrench leaving them with a stranger, but a sitter could just wheel them round till they conk out n the buggy- you neednt subject anyone to a scary/ unfamiliar bedtime routine.

do it, or you'll end up resenting the dc if you let them control your whole day.

Are you still doing the Burlesque thing?

She is probably at the peak of her career, even if it's not exactly stratospheric, and if she needed to be out of the country at the time then you need to be a little forgiving!

Down Fimbo! Basket!

kitty.....calm down.....getting worked up isn't going to help you right now.

you asked if you were being unreasonable, people have answered. unfortunately the vast majority do indeed think you ARE.

they have also jumped on you for your parenting choices re-sleeping arrangements. that is not fair (IMO).

it seems as tho you haven't really thought this thro until recently, altho reading thro the posts it seems as you may not have realised how it would until a recent christening. If that is the case, then just because you have had one bad experience does not mean that your wedding will also be bad.

I personally think it a little unfair for your new MIL to babysit, and miss our on HER darling sons' wedding. You wouldn't in the future I am sure, would you??.

I think that really, your best bet is to let them run free until they crash out. Do you have a very close friend who has DC's similar ages??? If so, maybe she would be willing to keep and eye on them so as you are not on mummy alert.....altho to be fair there will be so many people there anyway I am sure that it won't be an issue anyway. As it is their mum n dad's wedding day they in turn will get lots of attention.....if not more.

and if all else fails, drink lots of champagne until you feel yourself relax completely and it really won't bother you so much that they are not in their normal routine!!!

Sorry, didn't mean it in a bitchy way. Just curious thats all

sorry - wasn't meaning to be fierce with you, Fimbo!

Kitty - perhaps this would be the one occasion in which Medised or Phenagen would contribute to part of the solution?

...

Maybe ask your MIL what she suggests you do and see what happens.

Oh Blu, I was going to suggest drugs but thought better of it