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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

in considering asking my MIL to only come to our wedding reception for an hour or so then take the kids home?

153 replies

KittyLetteItSnow · 11/12/2007 15:28

Shes the only one DS2 will settle with apart from me and even then he will spend the past part of 30 minutes sobbing 'mama'

They are only 18 months and 3 years old and I cannot relax when I cant see them, we had DS2s christening about 3 weeks agao and from the second we arrived at the party hall I wanted to leave, it was crowded and dark with disco lights and i spent the whole night running after them.

I cant do that on my wedding day, especially not in the dress I have,

I know you will say 'can't someone just keep an eye on them at the party for you'

but several people said that at the christening then Id turn round to find them hiding alone near thew toilets - or the person would go to the bar and not be watching them ect.

At theur ages i cant keep them in a buggy all night.

I know its her sons wedding but in all truthfullness shes not taken that much interest and this would be the best and nicest thing she could do for us on the day.

Cant hire a sitter as DS2 is sooo clingy and would just scream for me and DS1 hates unfamiliarity.

OP posts:
Original poster
KittyLetteItSnow · 11/12/2007 16:14

Weegle

i am MORE THAN happy to let someone else mind the kids if i were in hospital ect ... but if that were the case then it would be my mum / dad / mil / sister / gran doing so,

but seeing as though all these people will be at the wedding then the only alternative is a hired babysitter which I wont allow,

Do you see what i mean?

Im fine with my kids not being with me, but I want them to be with someone familiar, which is hard when everyone will want to be at the reception!

OP posts:
Original poster
KittyLetteItSnow · 11/12/2007 16:14

That read nastily, i wasn't being hostile, honest

OP posts:
tori32 · 11/12/2007 16:14
morningpaper · 11/12/2007 16:17

Kittylette, at this stage of your life, you are going to have to accept a degree of compromise when it comes to your ideal wedding

morningpaper · 11/12/2007 16:18

(and mine would deffo be letting the kids run around and join in)

Unfitmother · 11/12/2007 16:19

It's completely your choice and your judgement as to where your dcs sleep and who you leave them with etc. but you can't impose that on MIL.
Why not wait until they're older if you don't want to have to look after them on your wedding day?

tori32 · 11/12/2007 16:19

Kitty just get a babysitter to come round and get to know them a few times before the wedding. and FGS get the sleeping sorted out, cos that seems to be causing the problem more than anything else.

Hint
put children into own beds having explained that that is where they will stay ALL night.
put children back to bed with or without tears every time they get up
Voila! At end of week children do not get out of bed.
Sorry if its patronising but it is that simple.

Original poster
KittyLetteItSnow · 11/12/2007 16:20

Uhhh because im getting married in 10 days and paid for everything?

OP posts:
camillathechicken · 11/12/2007 16:22

i;d go for the MIL settles them to sleep and then someone else sits once they are asleep

or

they run around and fall asleep in the corner at 11 pm

you cannot ask your MIL to miss her son;s wedding reception, the fact she has not offered implies she would really like to go

there will be enough adults to keep an eye on them surely?

morningpaper · 11/12/2007 16:22

What have you been planning to do until now?

Or have you only just thought of it?

Unfitmother · 11/12/2007 16:22

and you're only just deciding what to do with dcs??

camillathechicken · 11/12/2007 16:23

i so knew this would be you kitty, in the nicest possible way

i am very fond of you, but you need to think ahead i hope that sounds less patronising than it reads

DingdongMaryBonhigh · 11/12/2007 16:23

You could hire a sitter to look after him at the reception???

Original poster
KittyLetteItSnow · 11/12/2007 16:24

No tori it isnt.

7pm try and put DS in his cot ... he screams like hes being murdered ...

fast forward 2 hours to 9pm

DS is still crying and screaming ... DS1 keeps getting woken up by this. ..

9.30 pm - DS1 is now just hyperventalating ...

10pm - hes asleep and i try to crawl out of the room without making a sound ...

10.30pm DS2 wakes up again

now either i can...

A- put him in my bed and he will sleep till 8.30

OR go through the previous 2.5 hours again and just lie there all night waiting till 2am when round 3 will inevitably kick off.

not to mention the pain of hearing your baby crying like hes in so much pain ..

and the worry that a neighbour will ring social services because theres been a baby crying at the top of its lungs for hours.

So no, its NOT thats simple

OP posts:
morningpaper · 11/12/2007 16:24

I really don't think you should change your parenting for a wedding so @ tori et all

What's the WORST that could happen if they stay with you? The youngest might be crabby and want carrying around by you or DH for the end of the evening? You can do that in shifts. It will be ok.

camillathechicken · 11/12/2007 16:25

just take the DCs to the reception , it will be fine, the excitement will keep them awake, disrtracted and happy until they keel over

Original poster
KittyLetteItSnow · 11/12/2007 16:25

I was just going to let them be at the party but since we had the christening i realised that isnt possible as i couldnt relax.

OP posts:
bozza · 11/12/2007 16:26

Do you think it would maybe have been a good idea to think about this when you planned the wedding?

morningpaper · 11/12/2007 16:27

I don't think you really have much choice at this stage. Try to make the best of it. You will relax a bit at that time of day - all the stressy stuff will be over and it will be informal and more chilled out. The kids will like the music and people being around. Relatives will give them attention and maybe even take them off your hands without being asked.

Curmudgeonlett · 11/12/2007 16:28

it is your wedding

work out the quietest corner of the room and set up a travel cot and camp bed

allow the children to run round manically until they collapse .. then pop them in the corner and carry on

you will have all relatives looking out for them and you can see them too .. ok they might be out of synch the next day but big deal it's their parents wedding

it's really not a huge issue for one night only

can't wait till your married kitty ... in the nicest possible way

Original poster
KittyLetteItSnow · 11/12/2007 16:29

God yes, how stupid of me for even thinking of getting married at all because my kids are young and need minding.

I really must put my whole life on hold until they are 30.

Am feeling really shit now.

Whys everyone acting like Im a bad mum, im just trying to find a way to make them feel happy and secure whilst i get married.

Anyone would think my OP was ...

Am gettin married innit, can i leave the kids wiv the old perv down the road whilst i get blladdered.

fanks - vicky.

OP posts:
Curmudgeonlett · 11/12/2007 16:30

you're married

camillathechicken · 11/12/2007 16:30

well, you have had some kind advice here

don;t get so in a flap, it will be fine, like all the other issues you;ve had to deal with . it will all come out in the wash

Curmudgeonlett · 11/12/2007 16:30

and here we go again

CodRestYeMerryGentelmen · 11/12/2007 16:30

TERRIBLE idea

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