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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Going on holiday abroad with Covid

172 replies

WillyWollyWandy · 28/10/2021 22:34

I’ve name changed as this is outing.
I tested positive for Covid almost 2 weeks ago. I was due to go abroad with the children for half term to see my sister who lives abroad. But well, best laid plans and all that. Instead I isolated at home for 8 days. For the most part, I confined myself to my room so as not to infect my husband and children. My isolation period has just finished and I’ve been out and about for a couple of days now.
My husband has been going to work every day. He did a PCR around the same time as I tested positive and it was negative.

He is due to go abroad on a golfing weekend, leaving tomorrow and he has a bit of a cold. Says everyone in work has it.
I’ve asked him if he is planning on taking a test and he said no, he doesn’t want to know. Asked him if he’d even consider doing an LFT but he said no. I asked him if he found out he had Covid would he still go and he said yes but it won’t happen because he isn’t going to take a test. “And anyway it’s only flu.”

Full disclosure: I’ve been a bit lax during covid, didn’t always follow rules, was never one for disinfecting my groceries and wore a mask as little as I could get away with.

But even I, as soon as I got it, I was fully compliant. I just think my normally considerate husband is being really selfish for not taking a test because he doesn’t want to miss his golf weekend, potentially infecting everyone on the plane/hotel/the restaurants etc. (I didn’t want to miss my holiday either, but shit happens).
AIBU or am I perched on my moral high horse, misdirecting my anger on missing my own holiday at him?

OP posts:
NailsNeedDoing · 29/10/2021 10:29

That’s good that he’s done the test. He’s absolutely right to go now that he has tested negative. What else is the point of us having free easy access to Lf testing if we can’t use them to carry on with normal life?

IsabellesMissingSock · 29/10/2021 10:32

@Niffler92

Where is he going? I’m just back from Portugal and needed a negative lft and certificate to get on the flight and day two test booked for return.
You don't need to test in the U.K. before going to Portugal.
user1497207191 · 29/10/2021 10:33

@LibrariesGiveUsPower45321

He has a bit of a cold - so he doesn’t have the symptoms of covid. I wouldn’t test in those circumstances either. I might do a lateral flow if I was going to be around anyone vulnerable.
Err? He'll be in crowded airports and on a plane for a couple of hours. It's highly likely he'll be "around" someone vulnerable.

It's arseholes like the OP's husband who spread covid.

friendlycat · 29/10/2021 10:35

Oh well that's that then. All good in the world of selfish WillyWollyWandy's Husband.

But as you say he only cares about those that are his nearest and dearest. Let's hope that he is in the minority of society around you.

He would obviously have no cause for complaint if something happened to one of his nearest and dearest by somebody else behaving in a highly irresponsible and potentially dangerous manner would he? As that's how he himself behaves.

And all for a game of golf.

Original poster
WillyWollyWandy · 29/10/2021 10:40

You can’t admit that you didn’t follow the rules and then get angry with your husband for not following the rules. It’s hypocritical. You don’t get to pick and choose which rules are worth following and then complain when other people do the same

@NailsNeedDoing you make a good point here. It’s something I have asked myself a few times.
That said there are lines I wouldn’t cross. So while I was happy to take the kids out to the park for a socially distanced play date during lockdown, I would not get on a plane and go on holiday if there was a chance I had Covid. I do think there is a difference.
The fact is, my husband doesn’t think he does have Covid so he doesn’t see the issue.
All of the other men going know I have just had Covid and know he has a cold, presumably. I’ve messaged a few of the wives (also friends of mine) and let them know.

OP posts:
Carrotsticks23 · 29/10/2021 11:01

He's a selfish prick. Let's be honest the only reason your DH isn't going a PCR is because he thinks it might be covid.

He still needs a PCR test. It's not just about killing people, he's getting on that plane knowing he risks making people severely ill in a foreign country. He's going to ruin holidays, potentially family reunions, he could easily fuck up his friends weekends. All because he doesn't want to risk missing a bloody golfing weekend. It's just pure selfish behaviour.

Its probably not covid, it is probably just a cold. But he cant know that and therefore for peace of mind he needs a PCR

Carrotsticks23 · 29/10/2021 11:03

OP your husband does think he has covid, hence why he won't do the test

If he doesn't have covid the test will be negative, not a problem. He thinks the test will be positive and ruin his holidat

Original poster
WillyWollyWandy · 29/10/2021 11:11

No he genuinely doesn’t think he has Covid. He thinks he just has a cold. He also thinks the LFT is enough of evidence of that.
But either way, he’s heading to the airport shortly so he won’t do a PCR now.
I must say I do hope he gets pulled in at the airport to do a random test. It’s all I can hope for at this point.

OP posts:
Tryingtryingandtrying · 29/10/2021 11:12

@user1471447863
Actually something like 80% of flu cases are asymptomatic. How do you think it spreads around the world with totally different strains every year.
You will have carried the virus unknowingly. Really we should also test for other asymptomatic viruses before we fly. Esp flu. Which kills tens of thousands every year and could have been avoided with a decent testing regime and some minor interventions such as mask wearing.

NailsNeedDoing · 29/10/2021 11:14

That said there are lines I wouldn’t cross. So while I was happy to take the kids out to the park for a socially distanced play date during lockdown, I would not get on a plane and go on holiday if there was a chance I had Covid. I do think there is a difference.

I see what you’re saying, but you chose to use your own judgment and make what, to you, seems like a safe choice. You can’t complain when others doe exactly the same thing. There might be a difference in the circumstances but that’s irrelevant really, because you aren’t in charge of making the rules.

Either way, your husband is following the rules because he tested negative and is following the result, you chose to completely ignore the rules when it suited you.

Personally I don’t think you did anything wrong by any of your choices but other people would disagree, so whether you’re right or wrong in this situation, you don’t have a leg to stand on when it comes to trying to influence your husbands choice.

middleager · 29/10/2021 11:17

I think you are both being unreasonable for minimising both flu and Covid.
I couldn't get out of bed with either.

Tryingtryingandtrying · 29/10/2021 11:47

@middleager You wouldn't know if you had flu most if the time. It has a high level of asymptomatic cases. Or are you going to pay for twice weekly testing for that too?

BluebellsGreenbells · 29/10/2021 11:51

There’s a lot of viruses that appear to have grown stronger because of lockdowns - we can’t avoid them - we need them to become weaker.

Wearing masks and testing for illnesses when people aren't ill is pointless

ClareBlue · 29/10/2021 11:53

The bottom line he is an adult who has made a decision. The OP can only state her position to him and hopes he respects and acts on it. He has a negative so he can fly. OP said she had a negative with this strain and then positive so the most probable situation is he will be the same if he has it.
Either way it will get worse today and tomorrow and the golf will be no fun.

And, if you are sniffling and coughing it doesn't matter what you have, nobody will want to be near you and be suspicious of you. It won't be fun.
He is not guaranteed to get back on the plane if it gets worse.

Kipperandarthur · 29/10/2021 11:53

You are not being truthful and neither is he by saying he doesn’t think he could have covid. You booked him a PCR test that he refused to attend in case it was positive.

Of course there is a probability he has covid he’s been in a household that has had a positive case.

He’s not a considerate man as you claim. A considerate and responsible adult would have attended the PCR test and if negative fine and if not he would have cancelled.

But oh no not him. A golfing weekend with his buddies far more important. I wonder what his friends and their wives think of him truthfully. I know what I think of the wanker.

Original poster
WillyWollyWandy · 29/10/2021 11:56

@NailsNeedDoing

That’s a really interesting perspective and factually absolutely correct.
I’d still argue that getting on a plane without taking a test is worse than a socially distanced play date but my argument is moot now that he has taken an antigen test and I do feel better that he has done so. And again, you’re right, he is following the rules.
So in fact I’d argue that the rules themselves are wrong, and people should have to show proof of a negative PCR before being allowed to get on a plane.

To the pp, I would in no way minimise flu or covid although as another poster has pointed out, you can get mild or severe strains of either. For me the worry was more to do the spreading of Covid and potentially being responsible for killing someone else in the worst case scenario.

Anyway, thanks for all the thoughts and perspectives.

OP posts:
notimagain · 29/10/2021 12:28

@NailsNeedDoing

That’s good that he’s done the test. He’s absolutely right to go now that he has tested negative. What else is the point of us having free easy access to Lf testing if we can’t use them to carry on with normal life?
Very much agree.

Even the official UK Gov position is to now “trust” a negative LFT for the on/before day 2 on arriving in the UK, yet opinion here is that the DH in question is unreasonable in not opting for a higher standard of testing, outbound, when there is zero testing requirement…..

Tryingtryingandtrying · 29/10/2021 12:37

I think the point was he went against advice to have the day 8 PCR as a contact?

LalalalalalaLand123 · 29/10/2021 12:42

It's appalling behaviour on his part. Really disgusting and irresponsible. That level of selfishness and disregard for other people is quite astonishing.
He needs to do the test and deal with the consequences.

LalalalalalaLand123 · 29/10/2021 12:43

ACKKK sorry didn't RTFT !!!!

notimagain · 29/10/2021 12:51

@Tryingtryingandtrying

I think the point was he went against advice to have the day 8 PCR as a contact?
I may have missed it, if so apologies, I see the DH has done a PCR way back at the start of the story, presumably around the same as the OP did hers…is there advice to do an 8 day one as well?

(TBH I’m imagining what the response here would have been to the demands for testing if the roles had been swopped and also perhaps if the travel wasn’t for golfing reasons…)

elliesmummy19 · 29/10/2021 12:52

It's people like your husband who are the reason I'll never see my brother again and that we had to watching him die via Skype.

Some people have lost loved ones. He's selfish.

NailsNeedDoing · 29/10/2021 13:11

@elliesmummy19

I’m sorry about the loss of your brother and that you weren’t able to be with him?

It is not fair to put that on OP or her husband though. OP’s husband has tested negative. Individuals are not responsible for other people’s reactions to a virus in the middle of a pandemic.

friendlycat · 29/10/2021 13:23

But Nails surely the responsible thing would have been to do the more accurate PCR Test that the OP actually booked for her husband, though he refused to attend.

Anyone can book a PCR test if somebody in the household has tested positive, whether or not they have any symptoms. He does have a cold so potentially he also has symptoms - though not definitely.

Even if he wishes to ignore the safety of others, surely as a courtesy to his golfing mates the responsible thing would have been to attend the PCR test that OP booked for him?

notimagain · 29/10/2021 13:55

So how many layers of extra testing do ‘we” want to impose, just in case? It sounds as if the OP’s partner has already taken an extra test voluntarily….

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