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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Going on holiday abroad with Covid

172 replies

WillyWollyWandy · 28/10/2021 22:34

I’ve name changed as this is outing.
I tested positive for Covid almost 2 weeks ago. I was due to go abroad with the children for half term to see my sister who lives abroad. But well, best laid plans and all that. Instead I isolated at home for 8 days. For the most part, I confined myself to my room so as not to infect my husband and children. My isolation period has just finished and I’ve been out and about for a couple of days now.
My husband has been going to work every day. He did a PCR around the same time as I tested positive and it was negative.

He is due to go abroad on a golfing weekend, leaving tomorrow and he has a bit of a cold. Says everyone in work has it.
I’ve asked him if he is planning on taking a test and he said no, he doesn’t want to know. Asked him if he’d even consider doing an LFT but he said no. I asked him if he found out he had Covid would he still go and he said yes but it won’t happen because he isn’t going to take a test. “And anyway it’s only flu.”

Full disclosure: I’ve been a bit lax during covid, didn’t always follow rules, was never one for disinfecting my groceries and wore a mask as little as I could get away with.

But even I, as soon as I got it, I was fully compliant. I just think my normally considerate husband is being really selfish for not taking a test because he doesn’t want to miss his golf weekend, potentially infecting everyone on the plane/hotel/the restaurants etc. (I didn’t want to miss my holiday either, but shit happens).
AIBU or am I perched on my moral high horse, misdirecting my anger on missing my own holiday at him?

OP posts:
Strangevipers · 29/10/2021 00:01

OP you being worried about him blaming you doesn't sound very healthy

Is he controlling? Because you shouldn't be worried you can't help it if you caught Covid and he has no right to have a go at you

friendlycat · 29/10/2021 00:03

In your original post you said “my normally considerate husband”. Your words.

There is literally nothing considerate about your husband as your posts confirm.

I should imagine his golfing friends are not going to be enamoured with him at all tomorrow turning up at the airport having not tested with recognised symptoms following your positive testing.

If you know the wives fully expect to be condemned and ostracised going forward. If they have any sense they will be reconsidering their friendship with your husband, and no doubt with you as well.

It would be the end of a friendship for me full stop.

Wingedharpy · 29/10/2021 00:09

Would his insurance still cover him if he had to declare he had knowingly had close contact with a Covid positive person (you) but he had not taken a test prior to travelling?

Summerfun54321 · 29/10/2021 00:11

Please everyone let us vulnerable lot finish getting our booster vaccines before everyone stops totally giving a shit 🙏🏻

Happymum12345 · 29/10/2021 00:13

This is one of the main reasons why covid is rampant in the uk. So much of it Is based on trust. Trusting others to do the right thing to thing. Sending children to knowing they’re ill, going out when unwell etc.

Glitterblue · 29/10/2021 00:14

Days 2-5 for DD were like a cold. Day 1 was a terrible headache, followed by bad cold symptoms. The loss of taste and smell came around day 7. She's now on day 10 and wanting to sleep all the time. He needs to take a test, he's being beyond selfish.

Niffler92 · 29/10/2021 00:18

Where is he going? I’m just back from Portugal and needed a negative lft and certificate to get on the flight and day two test booked for return.

user1471522973 · 29/10/2021 00:20

My fit healthy husband died earlier this year from Covid. Leaving me a young widow with 4 children now growing up without their dad. He was on a Ventilator for 3 months and it was horrific!! My children saw him twice in those 3 months. Once when we were called in as they were unsure whether he would make it through the night and again the day he passed away.
Your husband is very selfish and could end up like my husband dead!!!
My husband was at home for a week before he needed an ambulance. I hope your husband doesn't get worse while he's aboard.

Coyoacan · 29/10/2021 00:22

What a horrible prick. I couldn’t be with someone who would wantonly risk the safety of others to suit their own selfishness

I'm afraid I agree and I'm generally really laid back about covid.

Original poster
WillyWollyWandy · 29/10/2021 00:24

To those asking if he is abusive, no he really isn't.
He did however have no sympathy for me when I caught covid before I was due to go away as he said I shouldn't have been going out so it was my own fault. And he's not wrong, I should have probably not have been getting on public transport the week before I was due to go away.
All of that said, he did make dinner for me every night; he does everything around the house and always does.

But I don't think I'm going to convince anyone on this thread how fabulous he is so I'll stop now.

To a pp who said he was displaying underlying arrogance, I think that's. Actually when we got together first, a mutual friend of ours remarked that she was surprised that I'd got together with him as he was pretty arrogant. I told him at the time (madly in love) and he has never forgiven her, to this day. It's probably true, on reflection. He would never rarely put himself out for anyone other than people he cares about. Which is the crux of the matter isn't it. He doesn't care about anyone except those he does care about.
Anyway, I'm going to bed but thanks for all those that have responded. I'll try and convince him tomorrow to just do a bloody test.

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 29/10/2021 01:06

It's because of irresponsible pricks like your husband that I don't think anyone should be able to set foot on a plane without testing.

Has he lied on the passenger locator form as well?

I don't think I'd be too impressed if you try to provide evidence of how 'fabulous' he is either.

MirandaBlu · 29/10/2021 01:21

The country he's going to doesn't require a COVID test, won't test on arrival or ask for a test in x days, and no one will ask him to sign a document at any point (checking in, boarding, on arrival, checking into a hotel, using the golf course) that he has not been in contact with someone who has tested positive for COVID within the past ten-fourteen (depending on the country) days? Or is he planning to lie?

Justheretoaskaquestion91 · 29/10/2021 02:35

Just here to say that a lateral flow test won’t show if you already have symptoms; you need a PCR. For some reason this information is not widespread, although it’s pretty critical!

Redsquirrel5 · 29/10/2021 03:22

DS1 had cold symptoms and a wheezy cough asthmatic. Two LFT negative. GP prescribed antibiotics and steroids and to get a PCR test. He was positive.

We had a friend die from it!

Your husband is being really selfish.

ApolloandDaphne · 29/10/2021 06:28

@Justheretoaskaquestion91

Just here to say that a lateral flow test won’t show if you already have symptoms; you need a PCR. For some reason this information is not widespread, although it’s pretty critical!
That's so not true. I have several friends who had symptoms and had positives on an LFT. PCR then confirmed what they already knew.
Lime37 · 29/10/2021 06:36

Wow I could never be with some one so unintelligent and selfish.

EnjoyingTheSilence · 29/10/2021 06:56

Your dh is an utter arsehole. We’re all sick of this and desperate to get back to normal. He’s incredibly selfish

onelittlefrog · 29/10/2021 06:59

He is being very irresponsible and selfish.

It's also complete denial, not taking a test, like he won't even admit it to himself that he is being a dick.

SapereAude · 29/10/2021 07:07

Presumably Spain, as it's golf.
Yes, it's probably a cold.
Yes, he's a selfish twat.
He does know that on some randomly selected flights all passengers are randomly tested? Fingers crossed it happens to him.

Justheretoaskaquestion91 · 29/10/2021 07:12

@ApolloandDaphne

A doctor told me that a week ago! Maybe it showed for your friends but apparently that’s not usually the case and a negative lateral flow should not be taken as a negative if you have symptoms!

donquixotedelamancha · 29/10/2021 07:15

Tell his friends he has covid. Phone the hotel he's staying at and explain he has covid. Do the same for the airline.

Examine his reaction to you standing up to him carefully. I think you'll find he's not as wonderful as you think.

Being able to consider the needs of others is pretty important. It's not a deal breaker that he struggles with empathy but he needs to be able to evolve.

hanketypankety · 29/10/2021 07:21

Everyone going on at the husband like he's a twat but failing to also acknowledge that the OP admitted that she was one of those people at the height of COVID, when no one was probably vaccinated, who didn't follow the rules and wore her mask as little as she could get away with Hmm

Kingstonmumof1 · 29/10/2021 07:27

If he's going to Spain, he will have to declare that he's not had contact with a covid case in the 14 days prior (although I expect thousands of families have lied on that form this half term)

Justheretoaskaquestion91 · 29/10/2021 07:28

OP admitted that she was one of those people at the height of COVID, when no one was probably vaccinated, who didn't follow the rules and wore her mask as little as she could get away with hmm

She didn’t say she didn’t follow the rules, she said she wasn’t fanatical. Wearing the mask as little as you had to doesn’t understand any way mean she didn’t follow the rules.

FlamingoQueen · 29/10/2021 07:30

Could you say to him to do a test because if nothing else, he will be able to say ‘I told you, I didn’t have it’ when the negative test comes back! If he’s that arrogant, it may work!
All whilst you silently smirk, because it’s a win win for you anyway!

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