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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Going on holiday abroad with Covid

172 replies

WillyWollyWandy · 28/10/2021 22:34

I’ve name changed as this is outing.
I tested positive for Covid almost 2 weeks ago. I was due to go abroad with the children for half term to see my sister who lives abroad. But well, best laid plans and all that. Instead I isolated at home for 8 days. For the most part, I confined myself to my room so as not to infect my husband and children. My isolation period has just finished and I’ve been out and about for a couple of days now.
My husband has been going to work every day. He did a PCR around the same time as I tested positive and it was negative.

He is due to go abroad on a golfing weekend, leaving tomorrow and he has a bit of a cold. Says everyone in work has it.
I’ve asked him if he is planning on taking a test and he said no, he doesn’t want to know. Asked him if he’d even consider doing an LFT but he said no. I asked him if he found out he had Covid would he still go and he said yes but it won’t happen because he isn’t going to take a test. “And anyway it’s only flu.”

Full disclosure: I’ve been a bit lax during covid, didn’t always follow rules, was never one for disinfecting my groceries and wore a mask as little as I could get away with.

But even I, as soon as I got it, I was fully compliant. I just think my normally considerate husband is being really selfish for not taking a test because he doesn’t want to miss his golf weekend, potentially infecting everyone on the plane/hotel/the restaurants etc. (I didn’t want to miss my holiday either, but shit happens).
AIBU or am I perched on my moral high horse, misdirecting my anger on missing my own holiday at him?

OP posts:
Staryflight445 · 29/10/2021 08:36

How can you look at him with love knowing he’s like this?

Would give me the ick and permanently put me off him.

Seahawk80 · 29/10/2021 08:39

@RussianSpy101 things his friends have done like the science museum , aquarium etc, we are in London and I just don't feel safe on public transport anymore, or in crowded indoor places. The weather has been good and we've done lots of things outdoors with friends. It's just one half term and he'll be fine. I'm not super paranoid but having read how serious covid can be in the 3rd trimester I don't want to get it and I don't want to risk having it for delivery. I just feel like sadly other people can't be trusted to think of others and follow the rules / use common sense - like OPs husband.

RedToothBrush · 29/10/2021 08:55

@user9764577436

Your husband is a dick but you aren’t much better. Selfish pair.

You isolating is the only saving grace of your post. But your attitude towards it has given him the impression that it doesn’t matter. So, yea, you have encourage his attitude.

I don't go as far as this, but I do think you have a responsibility here and can't just seethe quietly.

He has a bunch of mates who he's travelling with who might not have as good travel insurance or financial ability to cope if they get stranded abroad with covid.

I would really struggle with that and would be forcing the issue myself if he didn't take responsibility.

Abraxan · 29/10/2021 08:57

@HouseOfFire

Doesn't he need a negative test to travel?
Not for most places now, no.

I'm currently abroad. If fully vaccinated there is no test before you leave and no test to return. We do a paid for LFT by day 2 once home.

I do LFTs for work anyway so did a test a few days before I flew and, as part of his job, Dh did an lft to visit a client in a care home the week we left. However, they were not officially needed and, as Nhs ones, not eligible to be used for holidays anyway. I did feel better than we'd been tested prior to the plane though.

Abraxan · 29/10/2021 09:00

@Justheretoaskaquestion91

Just here to say that a lateral flow test won’t show if you already have symptoms; you need a PCR. For some reason this information is not widespread, although it’s pretty critical!
In most cases the LFT will also show positive. They can be used with symptoms and in most cases they will work, especially in the early days. However they aren't reliable to be used alone to rule out Covid.
Nc123 · 29/10/2021 09:01

I have COVID right now and I had enough had none of the symptoms you’d expect. I’m very tired, slightly shivery and sneezing LOADS - like a very heavy cold when you’re already run down. But I’m double jabbed. I wouldn’t go out and ignore it because I’m not in the business of offing peoples nans or putting people who’ve had cancer in hospital with a much more serious version.

Your husband needs to take a test and not fuck around.

RussianSpy101 · 29/10/2021 09:06

@Seahawk80 that’s your decision not to take him to those places. It’s on nobody else.

Quartz2208 · 29/10/2021 09:07

Your husband is behaving appallingly and is frankly the reason everywhere should currently ask for a negative test regardless of vaccination status to go abroad
Travelling on a plane with even a cold is actually selfish because if he spreads it the amount of testing

Plus I think you are downplaying his emotional abuse to you and how he handle it and how all of this is your fault

Abraxan · 29/10/2021 09:07

Just a quick point regarding flu meaning you couldn't play golf, go away, etc.
.
The statement is actually not true at all.

Influenza is like all other viruses. It can be mild to severe. Just like Covid, some people have no symptoms at all when they have flu.

Flu isn't just the severe end of the virus.

Likewise a cold can be mild to severe. A serious cold can make you bed bound. A mild dose of flu can have you able to function totally normally.

I'd have thought the information we know about the Covid virus would have helped people understand that all viruses can hit in different ways.

Flu does not mean you are unable to function in all, or even most, cases!

AssemblySquare · 29/10/2021 09:08

I’m on my second dose of covid. Both times I started with ‘a bit of a cold’ I have never had the continuous cough or lost my taste/smell. I’m currently bed bound with the most appalling fatigue - wouldn’t wish it on anyone.

And all the bollocks about LFT not working if you’ve got symptoms needs to stop. Everyone in my house has different symptoms, all started on different days and all did LFTs before PCR. The LFTs were all positive!

Seahawk80 · 29/10/2021 09:11

@RussianSpy101 yes it's my decision. Doesn't mean OPs husband isn't being selfish though. Not sure what your problem is.

user1471447863 · 29/10/2021 09:24

It's the people like that who complain the most about being unable to do things/restriction of their freedoms but who then go and do the very things that cause these restrictions to be needed.

He is a selfish idiot, but sadly he is one of many.
And this rubbish that 'it's only flu', where have these people been for the last 18 months? Anyway if you do really have flu, rather than a cold, you'd not be able to get out your bed for a week. A tad more serious than a lemsip and an early night.

ExConstance · 29/10/2021 09:26

In my office we are required to PCR test every week, we have all had negative results for over a year now. We have all had colds, I've had two since August. The symptoms are very clearly cold and to begin with we used to LFT test too, no positives at all. We work in what is currently a very high Covid area.

starrynight87 · 29/10/2021 09:31

He needs to take PCR! The cheek

Rabblesthecat · 29/10/2021 09:45

I'm going on holiday next week

Currently well but even if I wasn't I would have no intention of taking a test before I went.

Thewiseoneincognito · 29/10/2021 09:52

Sorry OP your husband sounds like a selfish pig. I can’t imagine being lumbered with such a pathetic excuse of a man for the rest of my life if his attitude is to be so blasé about potentially infect others with a virus. From what you said about being lax yourself you may be an ideal match.

This behaviour is why we will never move on from Covid, denying its existence gives it further scope to cause more misery.

catndogslife · 29/10/2021 09:57

I doubt the insurance policy would cover your DH for medical expenses abroad if he already had potential symptoms before travel.
Late cancellation would still be covered though.

starrynight87 · 29/10/2021 10:00

@Rabblesthecat

I'm going on holiday next week

Currently well but even if I wasn't I would have no intention of taking a test before I went.

Why?
friendlycat · 29/10/2021 10:03

@Rabblesthecat

I'm going on holiday next week

Currently well but even if I wasn't I would have no intention of taking a test before I went.

So yet another person says if they were unwell they would not take a test but happily get on a plane (?) and infect others all around them.

The utter selfishness of some people is truly staggering.

NailsNeedDoing · 29/10/2021 10:04

You can’t admit that you didn’t follow the rules and then get angry with your husband for not following the rules. It’s hypocritical. You don’t get to pick and choose which rules are worth following and then complain when other people do the same.

jennyohh · 29/10/2021 10:07

[quote RussianSpy101]@Seahawk80 that’s your decision not to take him to those places. It’s on nobody else.[/quote]
Not really, she said she can’t because of the irresponsible twats out there

jennyohh · 29/10/2021 10:13

@Rabblesthecat

I'm going on holiday next week

Currently well but even if I wasn't I would have no intention of taking a test before I went.

At least you will have a shitty holiday if you’re unwell so there’s that 😆
Terriffids · 29/10/2021 10:18

Sorry, but your H is an arrogant, selfish, pompous, thoughtless, inconsiderate and self-centred prick.

If he's so sure that it's not Covid, then why doesn't he take the test?

And if he had real 'flu', believe me, he would know about it and wouldn't be in any fit state to go anywhere. Pathetic-man-flu.

I hope you show him some of the comments on this thread so he can see how it looks to other people.

rainbowstardrops · 29/10/2021 10:24

Even without the fact he's refused to take a test, I'm amazed that he had no sympathy for you missing your trip because 'you shouldn't have gone out' before the trip???? Were you supposed to live like a hermit for two weeks or something?!

Original poster
WillyWollyWandy · 29/10/2021 10:26

@indecisivewoman81

Good morning, yes I got him to do a LFT. It was negative. Incidentally he doesn’t think he has flu, he thinks he has a cold. His comment that “It’s only flu” was in relation to Covid. I had flu back in 2001 and i could get out of bed for a week.

I’m happy he has done the test but equally, when started having symptoms a few weeks back, and I did a LFT, it was negative. The second one had a faint second line and the third one, which I did as I was waiting for my PCR results, had two black lines.
So I’m not wholly convinced. He doesn’t have a temperature he just has a blocked/runny nose.
Either way, he is going and there isn’t much I can do about it.

OP posts: