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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Going on holiday abroad with Covid

172 replies

WillyWollyWandy · 28/10/2021 22:34

I’ve name changed as this is outing.
I tested positive for Covid almost 2 weeks ago. I was due to go abroad with the children for half term to see my sister who lives abroad. But well, best laid plans and all that. Instead I isolated at home for 8 days. For the most part, I confined myself to my room so as not to infect my husband and children. My isolation period has just finished and I’ve been out and about for a couple of days now.
My husband has been going to work every day. He did a PCR around the same time as I tested positive and it was negative.

He is due to go abroad on a golfing weekend, leaving tomorrow and he has a bit of a cold. Says everyone in work has it.
I’ve asked him if he is planning on taking a test and he said no, he doesn’t want to know. Asked him if he’d even consider doing an LFT but he said no. I asked him if he found out he had Covid would he still go and he said yes but it won’t happen because he isn’t going to take a test. “And anyway it’s only flu.”

Full disclosure: I’ve been a bit lax during covid, didn’t always follow rules, was never one for disinfecting my groceries and wore a mask as little as I could get away with.

But even I, as soon as I got it, I was fully compliant. I just think my normally considerate husband is being really selfish for not taking a test because he doesn’t want to miss his golf weekend, potentially infecting everyone on the plane/hotel/the restaurants etc. (I didn’t want to miss my holiday either, but shit happens).
AIBU or am I perched on my moral high horse, misdirecting my anger on missing my own holiday at him?

OP posts:
Notonthestairs · 28/10/2021 23:21

YANBU - travelling on a plane W/o testing is bloody ridiculous.

MistandMud · 28/10/2021 23:22

Won’t he need to test to fly anyway?

Notonthestairs · 28/10/2021 23:22

Is he sharing a room with someone- they should be told at the very least.

jackstini · 28/10/2021 23:28

He's a twat
He needs to test
He has no idea who he could possibly infect at the airport or resort
Golf is not more important that health!

My Covid (& dd & DH) started as 'a bit of a cold' but PCR was positive so the only right thing to do was isolate

If he's clear - fine, go. At least you will be without the knobhead for a few days...

junebirthdaygirl · 28/10/2021 23:30

He is in danger of feeling worse as days go by in a strange country and maybe not able to fly home. When his flight is due. So if he cannot think of others he needs to think of himself.
I just recovered from Covid and began with cold symptoms followed by extreme exhaustion and pains all over. If he gets that exhaustion no way will he play golf. I discovered l had Covid as was due to fly abroad, felt unwell and didn't want to be on a packed plane passing Covid around. My test was positive and l had to stay home.
He is foolish not to take a test for his own sake even. Presumably he has travel insurance and can get his money back. It is disappointing but necessary

PennyRoyal · 28/10/2021 23:30

Where is he going that he won't need (a) testing before going to get a fir to fly certificate and (b) a day 2 test on his return?

PennyRoyal · 28/10/2021 23:31

*fit to fly

Pepperama · 28/10/2021 23:34

Could he live with himself if he ended up giving Covid to someone who was one of the unlucky ones who develops a severe form and dies?

ClareBlue · 28/10/2021 23:37

@junebirthdaygirl

He is in danger of feeling worse as days go by in a strange country and maybe not able to fly home. When his flight is due. So if he cannot think of others he needs to think of himself. I just recovered from Covid and began with cold symptoms followed by extreme exhaustion and pains all over. If he gets that exhaustion no way will he play golf. I discovered l had Covid as was due to fly abroad, felt unwell and didn't want to be on a packed plane passing Covid around. My test was positive and l had to stay home. He is foolish not to take a test for his own sake even. Presumably he has travel insurance and can get his money back. It is disappointing but necessary
Absolutely this. If he is too selfish to think of others at least think of what he could end up in. The cost will be significant too.
InternetAnonymityCanHelp · 28/10/2021 23:37

You can hardly tell what’s Covid and what’s not anymore.
We had it recently- I had a mix of flu/cold symptoms. DH just had an occasional cough (+PCR), DS (23) had a really bad cold ( two negative PCR)
In my view it’s impossible to tell by symptoms and if there’s any concern you should be getting tested.

Cryalot2 · 28/10/2021 23:39

Poor you op.
Your dh is crazy and putting the lives of others at possible risk.
We had covid a year ago and we never had a high temperature, another few friends were the same .
You can never be sure unless you take a test.

friendlycat · 28/10/2021 23:40

@Pepperama

Could he live with himself if he ended up giving Covid to someone who was one of the unlucky ones who develops a severe form and dies?
It would appear so. He’s not affording his golfing friends any decency so why will he care about the general public?

Perhaps if his golfing friends were to know that his wife has recently had covid and that he has refused to take a PCR test that his wife booked for him they may be disinclined to be in his company. Let’s hope so.

Babamamananarama · 28/10/2021 23:41

As a CEV person I find people like your husband incredibly selfish. I am shielding after a stem cell transplant so no restaurants/pubs/holidays for me. My husband is out and about with work, travelling on trains etc and being as careful as possible because a covid infection could kill me if he brought it home. Your husband has no idea who is vulnerable or who has vulnerable family at home so it's extremely selfish not to test because it might scupper a holiday.

thaegumathteth · 28/10/2021 23:42

I couldn't forgive this , I am not usually so dramatic but he's potentially endangering other people for no good reason.

Original poster
WillyWollyWandy · 28/10/2021 23:43

@Briony123
not any more. You only need evidence of having booked a Day 2 Antigen test now, rather than the PCR. Which he has done.
Hopefully if he does have it, if they take his temp at the airport, and he has it, he will be caught.

OP posts:
ClareBlue · 28/10/2021 23:45

There's an underlying arrogance about this. He wants his golf weekend and he doesn't care if he puts others at risk and won't even find out if he is a rusj to others, whilst you cancel a break with the children to follow correct public health advice. Would love to know where he is flying to where he thinks he will get away with this.

friendlycat · 28/10/2021 23:46

OP. Do you know these golfing friends and perhaps their families?
Do you not feel any responsibility to contact them and let them know the situation?

Tryingtryingandtrying · 28/10/2021 23:47

There were 43000 false negatives recently and apparently this had no impact on cases according to government, no repercussions. So one person might think it wouldn't matter really if they were travelling unknowingly positive? Rightly or wrongly the government are undermining their own rules.

Original poster
WillyWollyWandy · 28/10/2021 23:51

It's a country he knows well so the fear of being somewhere strange won't put him off.
The golf buddies all know I've had Covid. They don't know he has a cold though. I don't know what they will say when he shows up at the airport.
Oh I wish he would just bloody test. I will say it to him again tomorrow morning and see if I can persuade him.
The irony of the situation is that if he did have a high temp in the airport and was unfit to fly on that basis, he'd be furious with me for giving it to him in the first place.
I shouldn't have gone out the week I did (when I contracted Covid, I don't know how I did but I had been out and about that week). Or when I was isolating in the house last week, I shouldn't have gone to the kitchen and touched things.
God I'm dreading it.

I won't be able to rest until he comes home, takes the Day 2 test and it's negative.
But until then, I feel like I am complicit in this whole thing because I know he is unwell and yet I have not managed to convince him not to do a test. (could literally be an accessory to murder. Well ok a bit dramatic but I am just really concerned) I only hope that there are no vulnerable people on the flight.

OP posts:
BluebellsGreenbells · 28/10/2021 23:51

What happens if he gets ill abroad? Has he taken insurance out? Has he answered the questions correctly?

Original poster
WillyWollyWandy · 28/10/2021 23:57

We have very good insurance, yes. I know because it covered me 100% for missing our trip.
I don't know what he said on the form and I don't want to ask...

OP posts:
CaptainCabinets · 28/10/2021 23:58

What a horrible prick. I couldn’t be with someone who would wantonly risk the safety of others to suit their own selfishness. I had Covid last October and thought I had a cold at first, until it was pretty clear it was more than that. If you’ve just had it, and now he has symptoms that might be Covid, he absolutely must test. He shouldn’t have been going to work, either.

Ace56 · 28/10/2021 23:58

He’s mad to go abroad if there’s even the possibility of him having covid. What if he gets really ill there and needs to be hospitalised? What if they do a random check at the airport on the way home, he tests positive and then can’t fly? He’ll need to fork out for the cost of a hotel for at least 10 days, or however long it takes him to test negative. Most travel insurances don’t cover extra accommodation costs, only medical bills associated with covid.

ClareBlue · 28/10/2021 23:59

It's hardly your fault that you live in the same house as your husband or went out at some stage. That post paints him as a controlling twat. He is coming across as pretty entitled and abusive from your posts.

Saoirse82 · 28/10/2021 23:59

@Pepperama

Could he live with himself if he ended up giving Covid to someone who was one of the unlucky ones who develops a severe form and dies?
I'd imagine a selfish fucker like this with no moral compass could live with himself quite easily if he killed someone. He knows this could potentially happen so he obviously doesn't give a shit. OP I'm sure you're disgusted with him, if this was my DH I'd never look at him the same again, I would be rethinking our whole relationship because he would be someone I didn't recognise and just so incredibly selfish. Your 'D'H could at worse kill someone and at best ruin plans for many many people.