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Original poster

Absolutely livid with ML- what would you do ?

394 replies

fussytodd · 28/10/2021 12:32

So I'm staying with in laws for a couple of weeks.

I did some washing and accidentally put a wool jumper in with the general load at 40. It shrunk. I left it on the side in the laundry room to dry and then assess the damage.

Today mother in law comes up to me, holding just the jumper and goes:

' what happened here ?you must have washed this wrong. You need to wash it on a wool setting '

I reply :

' I know. I just didn't see it and put it in with other stuff at 30. That's a shame, oh well'

She says again : ' yeah but you can't wash it at 30, you can only wash it on a wool setting '. I again replied that I know that but I didn't see it and oh well.

To which she goes: ' well this is a hundred pound jumper '. It's her sons jumper, not hers...

So I just went, well what do you want me to do ?

Back story is that it has happened to me before that I've accidentally shrunk a jumper and it's come up as a joke in front of her before. Even so, am I right that I don't deserve to be scolded by her over this ? It's my money and my stuff. So what if I occasionally make a mistake.

I'm so angry, I can't look at her.

OP posts:
Waahingwashingwashing · 28/10/2021 14:28

You’re not well and your reacting more than you might because you’ve been stuck in her house and you’re rubbing each other up the wrong way.

I can see both sides

milkyaqua · 28/10/2021 14:29

So. Much. Aggro. Must be a lot of jumper spoilers on here...

Thepennysjustdropped · 28/10/2021 14:30

I agree with the pp. It looks as if you didn't take enough care, and then you shrugged. It's not a 99p mug, or even an accident. It's happened before and you've done it again. I'm not surprised she was annoyed. Sorry, OP, that she treated you like a child, but try to see it from her pov.

CovidPassQuestion · 28/10/2021 14:31

You can unshrink some woollen items, more likely if it's lambswool rather than merino I think. You soak in lukewarm water and conditioner- a quick Google will show the method.

2Two · 28/10/2021 14:31

@BeyondMyWits

A £100 jumper is a big deal to some of us. To have done it twice... and respond with an "oh well" at that level of careless behaviour would make me cross if I was your mil too. What a waste.
Even if it wasn't your jumper and the person you were cross with had paid for it?
ChargingBuck · 28/10/2021 14:32

@milkyaqua

That's funny, I'm finding it hard to understand how you imagine OP's laundry skillz have any relevance to the issue?

Wtf! She managed to put a large jumper in the wash without noticing. More than once. I find that relevant. Clearly, she has no idea how to rectify the situation. The question in the thread title was, "What would you do?"

I would do as said, above.

That's fine Milky.

You would deal with the jumper. Maybe you'd like to sponsor OP on an Advanced Laundry Course, as you are so invested in her lamentable skill set.

However, I would deal with the problem, & have already posted my "what would you do" upthread.

PS the problem isn't the jumper.

milkyaqua · 28/10/2021 14:33

PS the problem isn't the jumper.

Well... that's a lot of projection on your part, really, isn't it, ChargingBull. You seem a little over-invested in this thread.

TheDuchessOfDork · 28/10/2021 14:33

I too have a DH and In Laws who must ascertain who is criminally responsible for accidents and then dissect the incident with deliberations lasting far longer than necessary.

I am much more 'oh well!'. Regardless of if it's a £2 mug or a £100 jumper, accidents happen. I scraped MY car once on next doors garage. I was massively pregnant, boiling hot with it being the height of summer and being almost ready to give birth and I was going to the shop for a bag of ice to eat. I stupidly wasn't paying full attention and swung the nose of the car slightly too early as I was reversing off and scraped the side of it on the edge on next doors garage. Left a scuff on the car (about an inch or so) and a scuff on the brick.

I went and told the neighbour, apologised for the scuff on his brick and offered to pay to repair it. He very kindly told me it was a scuff on a brick and laughed it off, said don't bother yourself about it. I then told DH I'd scuffed the car when he got home, admitted I'd been dozy and made a mistake and told him I'd arranged for my friend (who does it for his job) to sort the scuff mark out.

Omg the low level but continuous nagging that I endured for that. DH moaned like hell, and my FIL (who was with DH when he got home) conducted a forensic examination of my car, the brick then proceeded to try to give me a demonstration of how to correctly reverse my car off of my drive without scuffing it. I say try because I walked off and went into the house.

This was despite the fact that I'd never scuffed the car in the seven years previous to this living here (and haven't since!).

It intolerable and I told them, non too politely that I didn't appreciate being told off like a child and regardless it was my car anyway so it was none of their bloody business! I believe I also said 'so bloody what, I scraped the car I didn't run someone over, get over it!' because I was so pissed off.

So I get you, OP. Just tell her to mind her own business.

heather2908 · 28/10/2021 14:34

She could have explained that it was her money and her problem, or raised it with her. At the end of the day, this MIL is putting the family up so can’t be that much of nasty MIL. I understand the frustration (my MIL can’t stand me) but making a comment about a £100 jumper just seems a bit ridiculous.

2Two · 28/10/2021 14:34

@Viviennemary

You were careless and unapologetic for your mistake. That must be extremely irritating for the people around you. Unless it was your own garment you wrecked it needs to be replaced by you.
Why should OP be apologetic to her MIL? It was literally nothing to do with her.

Given that you seem to have been careless enough to misread OP's posts before wading in and telling her off, I assume you will be posting an apology for your mistake?

HollyandIvyandAllThingsYule · 28/10/2021 14:36

A £100 jumper is a big deal to some of us. To have done it twice... and respond with an "oh well" at that level of careless behaviour would make me cross if I was your mil too. What a waste.

It was OP’s money that bought the jumper. It’s has fuck all to do with MIL.

2Two · 28/10/2021 14:36

Well, the OP wasn’t very clear. But better to clarify with OP, as I did.

It says right there in the first post that it was her husband's jumper, and she also explained subsequently that she had bought it for him. So it's difficult to see what was unclear.

bordersroaming · 28/10/2021 14:37

I'd be furious if someone ruined a £100 jumper,

Especially if they didn't immediately own up and offer to buy a replacement

If it was a repeated mistake id be even more furious

sillysmiles · 28/10/2021 14:37

@ChargingBuck I think we can induct @TheDuchessOfDork into our give-a-fuck laundry coven!

EarlGreywithLemon · 28/10/2021 14:37

Would you scold your guests for shrinking a jumper (which is not yours)? Surely not. I wouldn't. I'd try to make them feel better about it if anything.

bordersroaming · 28/10/2021 14:37

The op does not say it's her Dh jumper

heather2908 · 28/10/2021 14:39

Then why post on a public forum if it’s nothing to do with OP and her husband? Usually that means that other people can agree with the OP but as soon as someone disagrees, then it’s an issue.

sillysmiles · 28/10/2021 14:39

@bordersroaming

The op does not say it's her Dh jumper
Yes she does

It's her sons jumper, not hers..

I think it's fairly obvious that the son is the OP's husband

AmDillDandin · 28/10/2021 14:40

@bordersroaming

The op does not say it's her Dh jumper
It quite clearly says it's not the MILs jumper.
KilmordenCastle · 28/10/2021 14:40

@Thepennysjustdropped

I agree with the pp. It looks as if you didn't take enough care, and then you shrugged. It's not a 99p mug, or even an accident. It's happened before and you've done it again. I'm not surprised she was annoyed. Sorry, OP, that she treated you like a child, but try to see it from her pov.
But it has nothing at all to do with her! It's not her jumper, she is in no way disadvantaged by OP's mistake. She's entitled to an opinion but it's best to just keep that opinion to herself.

Would you seriously tell a grown adult off for a harmless mistake that had no repercussions whatsoever for you, literally did not affect you in any way?

ChargingBuck · 28/10/2021 14:42

@Thepennysjustdropped

I agree with the pp. It looks as if you didn't take enough care, and then you shrugged. It's not a 99p mug, or even an accident. It's happened before and you've done it again. I'm not surprised she was annoyed. Sorry, OP, that she treated you like a child, but try to see it from her pov.
But Penny - why do you credit the MiL with entitlement to express a pov?

Not her jumper.
Not her mistake.
Not her problem.
Not her business.
Certainly not her remit to follow OP upstairs to tell her off for making a mistake with her own (DH's) property.

I'm genuinely curious - if OP was your mate, staying with you, & this happened at your house, would you be annoyed with her? Somehow, I doubt it. I think you'd be far more inclined to commiserate, to notice that OP already knows she has messed up, & doesn't need her nose rubbed in it.

So unless you would behave like MiL in those circumstances (in which case you're weirdly controlling & not much of a mate), then you agree that 2 adult women friends would not behave like this.

In which case - why are you defending the MiL's behaviour? These are also 2 adult women. Is it that you instinctively feel that MiL has some kind of seniority, & that OP 'ought' to defer to it?
I hope not, because that's fucked up.

HollyandIvyandAllThingsYule · 28/10/2021 14:42

@bordersroaming

I'd be furious if someone ruined a £100 jumper,

Especially if they didn't immediately own up and offer to buy a replacement

If it was a repeated mistake id be even more furious

You’d be furious if someone ruined a jumper that they had bought? And they’d need to ‘own up’ like a child when it’s fuck all to do with you? Hmm
Hankunamatata · 28/10/2021 14:43

Was your dh pissed off and moaned to mil?

darklady64 · 28/10/2021 14:43

Oh dear OP. You sound about at the end of your patience. My MIL would SO do this - it's the taking time to actually come and find you to point out what you've done wrong that makes me grit my teeth. On top of that, you're not feeling on top form.

It's probably for the best that you're going home in a couple of days. I can see how you are irritated, but I can also see how she might be a bit annoyed at your "oh well" - even if it was your jumper and not hers. I think the visit has gone on long enough for both of you. Try and let it go - she's not going to change!

2Two · 28/10/2021 14:43

@Sceptre86

Well you should have washed it on a wool setting. When she asked you what had happened you could have acted nicely instead of going on the defensive. She doesn't have to allow you to stay in her home and being ill in pregnancy is not an excuse for acting rudely which you did. I'd give the women a wide berth and no doubt she will do the same with you.
Oh, FFS, OP has made it 100% clear that she knows she shouldn't have washed the jumper on that setting. What on earth is defensive about OP's response? Are you reading something that isn't there?

OP didn't do anything rude. On the other hand, marching upstairs to tell OP off in front of another person about something that was none of MIL's business was bloody rude.

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