Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Absolutely livid with ML- what would you do ?

394 replies

fussytodd · 28/10/2021 12:32

So I'm staying with in laws for a couple of weeks.

I did some washing and accidentally put a wool jumper in with the general load at 40. It shrunk. I left it on the side in the laundry room to dry and then assess the damage.

Today mother in law comes up to me, holding just the jumper and goes:

' what happened here ?you must have washed this wrong. You need to wash it on a wool setting '

I reply :

' I know. I just didn't see it and put it in with other stuff at 30. That's a shame, oh well'

She says again : ' yeah but you can't wash it at 30, you can only wash it on a wool setting '. I again replied that I know that but I didn't see it and oh well.

To which she goes: ' well this is a hundred pound jumper '. It's her sons jumper, not hers...

So I just went, well what do you want me to do ?

Back story is that it has happened to me before that I've accidentally shrunk a jumper and it's come up as a joke in front of her before. Even so, am I right that I don't deserve to be scolded by her over this ? It's my money and my stuff. So what if I occasionally make a mistake.

I'm so angry, I can't look at her.

OP posts:
Cranncat · 28/10/2021 14:45

Tell your MIL you're doing it on purpose to make expensive jumpers for toddlers or leprechauns.

HoardingSamphireSaurus · 28/10/2021 14:46

OP does state that the jumper belongs to her DH and that she was the one who bought it for him!

See All - great function!

Marcipex · 28/10/2021 14:46

Ffs
Totally ott
It’s a pity but now it fits little Reggie.

ChargingBuck · 28/10/2021 14:47

@milkyaqua

PS the problem isn't the jumper.

Well... that's a lot of projection on your part, really, isn't it, ChargingBull. You seem a little over-invested in this thread.

But not as invested as you are in another woman's domestic prowess. Odd, innit?

Also can't see any projection going on from my side.
OP has a problem. I agree with her that it is her straw-that-broke-the-camel's-back MiL.
You disagree. The only projection going on is your assumption that OP should value a jumper over her own dislike of being followed upstairs & berated over a non-event.

IveGotASongThatllGetOnYNerves · 28/10/2021 14:48

Furious? Own up?

Hey mil I'm so very very sorry please accept my apologies. While doing my washing I accidentally washed a jumper I bought for my husband on the wrong setting and it shrunk. Please forgive me.

🙄

milkyaqua · 28/10/2021 14:49

But not as invested as you are in another woman's domestic prowess.

What on earth are you talking about? This must be your twentieth post on this thread. Get help.

ShirleyPhallus · 28/10/2021 14:50

I don’t think I could have expected such a level of prissy, school-marmish scolding in a bossy girl guide way on any thread. But then I remember this is a thread about shrinking a jumper and if there’s one thing that pisses off MN, it’s not doing laundry to their standards

dapsnotplimsolls · 28/10/2021 14:51

Does your husband know? Does he care? If he doesn't know, tell him before she does!

AmDillDandin · 28/10/2021 14:51

@ShirleyPhallus

I don’t think I could have expected such a level of prissy, school-marmish scolding in a bossy girl guide way on any thread. But then I remember this is a thread about shrinking a jumper and if there’s one thing that pisses off MN, it’s not doing laundry to their standards
I bet she can't even keep her whites white
ShirleyPhallus · 28/10/2021 14:52

@AmDillDandin how often do you reckon she changes her bed sheets?

Dirty bitch.

BasiliskStare · 28/10/2021 14:56

If furious I would not be saying stay with In Laws for a few weeks - if you are then there has to be some give and take & this one seems the give. It depends on the circumstances , obviously - and depending on what those are - is it worth you getting furious or arguing over an expensive jumper. Or can the situation calm down - or is it intolerable. IF Dh is on your side I would try to get over it. and then get home when you can . Difficult to know whether this is a holiday type thing or you are staying with them longer. Anyway - Keep calm - no jumper is worth getting too stressed about

ChargingBuck · 28/10/2021 14:58

@milkyaqua

But not as invested as you are in another woman's domestic prowess.

What on earth are you talking about? This must be your twentieth post on this thread. Get help.

Milky, please, pleeeeeeease help me.

I'm not sure how many times I've posted on this thread, but according to you this must be the 21st.

What happens now, is there a set number, or do I get leeway after this initial warning?
If I exceed the allocated quota, do you direct me to a special clinic, or can I do a an on-line course if I pay a fine? Or is it a re-education camp? Do I have to make my own way there, or will you be sending a SWAT squad with an armoured vehicle?

Sorry for all the questions, but you did offer help, & I seriously need to know how many jumpers to pack. Thanks.

Ellieraincloud · 28/10/2021 14:58

I understand this OP my ex mil was a bloody nightmare. I used to tell her to mind her business in the end and she used to scream at me down the phone.

2Two · 28/10/2021 14:58

I recommend that you learn how to read the labels and do the laundry with more care, or leave your partner/husband's jumpers for him to do, or your MIL, rather than ruining them

Patronising much, @TellingTheTimeForTrumpton? OP's made it perfectly clear that the issue wasn't reading the labels, it was simply that she accidentally picked up the jumper with other washing.

Whether or not, overall, your MIL is a bit much, or you are, is hard to tell from this story. Do you tend to damage things accidentally or due to carelessness, or be dismissive of wasting money that (presumably) her son has spent on his clothing or whatever else, regularly?

It's hilarious when people come on here to tell an OP off for being careless when they themselves demonstrate a distinct lack of care in basic reading.

Dontgetyerknicksinatwist · 28/10/2021 15:01

It’s a power struggle and your mil is trying to assert herself over you. I know because I put up with the same treatment from mine for 20 years. I tried to get mine to like me and treat me with a bit of decency but she just could not let go of it so I gave up and totally disengaged. She played the victim and acted like I was being mean and got sil involved but I knew their sentiments were all fake. If she wants to see my husband or the children she can but I don’t bother anymore and its been bliss.

2Two · 28/10/2021 15:03

@heather2908

Saying “oh well” to a shrunken £100 jumper really smacks of first world problems and entitlement.
Not when you're being told off by someone whose business it definitely isn't. Seems to me a good way to avoid telling her to fuck off.
2Two · 28/10/2021 15:06

@smoko

I was taught to only wash clothes in cold water - never once had a shrinkage or colours staining!

To be fair if MIL has seen on 2 separate occasions you shrinking wool & this was $100 you look quite silly & wasteful.

But why was it her business? Not her possessions, not her money. Plus, of course, there is no way the jumper was still worth £100.
jamandmarmalade · 28/10/2021 15:08

i really think there is more to this than a jumper. The jumper is a red herring. Albeit a very small herring now.

Yes it is your money and not really her business but have there been other incidents (non-jumper related) where she has been in the cross fire or bailed you out given you a roof over your head?

I am trying to give the benefit of the doubt to both sides because I don;t think this is about shrinking items. More about MIL control/interference or your cavalier attitude to expensive items.

For example has she loaned you and her son money or given you a roof over your head whilst you shrink expensive items?

Is there some other issue @fussytodd

2Two · 28/10/2021 15:09

@milkyaqua

That's funny, I'm finding it hard to understand how you imagine OP's laundry skillz have any relevance to the issue?

Wtf! She managed to put a large jumper in the wash without noticing. More than once. I find that relevant. Clearly, she has no idea how to rectify the situation. The question in the thread title was, "What would you do?"

I would do as said, above.

And it's entirely obvious that the question relates to what we might do by way of a reaction to MIL, not a plea for laundry tips.

OP hasn't even said that she didn't know what to do about the jumper, at that point she had simply put it aside to dry before assessing the damage.

2Two · 28/10/2021 15:11

@Thepennysjustdropped

I agree with the pp. It looks as if you didn't take enough care, and then you shrugged. It's not a 99p mug, or even an accident. It's happened before and you've done it again. I'm not surprised she was annoyed. Sorry, OP, that she treated you like a child, but try to see it from her pov.
Could you explain exactly what right OP's MIL had to be annoyed about damage to something that wasn't hers and that she hadn't paid for?

Or could it be that you didn't take enough care reading the OP?

Iamnotminterested · 28/10/2021 15:12

10 pages? Sheesh. That's time I won't get back.

I agree wholeheartedly with the poster who mentioned it being a power struggle with the MIL trying to assert her authority. My MIL has been doing this in PA way for years and years, to the point where I never want to see the woman again.

Waahingwashingwashing · 28/10/2021 15:13

Why are you staying with your in laws?

KarmaStar · 28/10/2021 15:13

Yabu ,there's no way you should be this 😠.
Calm down.
You're " oh well" attitude over a very expensive jumper probably perplexed her.
Go make you both a cup of tea.

2Two · 28/10/2021 15:13

@heather2908

She could have explained that it was her money and her problem, or raised it with her. At the end of the day, this MIL is putting the family up so can’t be that much of nasty MIL. I understand the frustration (my MIL can’t stand me) but making a comment about a £100 jumper just seems a bit ridiculous.
Isn't that a bit of a leap? We don't know whether this is a case of MIL putting the family up or MIL demanding that they come to stay.
Firstruleofsoupover · 28/10/2021 15:14

If you were pregnant and not very well in my house, and you accidentally shrank a nice jumper of your husbands that you had spent a lot of money on, I would sit you down and say what a shame and how sorry I was that something so frustrating had happened.

So there.

Swipe left for the next trending thread