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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Absolutely livid with ML- what would you do ?

394 replies

fussytodd · 28/10/2021 12:32

So I'm staying with in laws for a couple of weeks.

I did some washing and accidentally put a wool jumper in with the general load at 40. It shrunk. I left it on the side in the laundry room to dry and then assess the damage.

Today mother in law comes up to me, holding just the jumper and goes:

' what happened here ?you must have washed this wrong. You need to wash it on a wool setting '

I reply :

' I know. I just didn't see it and put it in with other stuff at 30. That's a shame, oh well'

She says again : ' yeah but you can't wash it at 30, you can only wash it on a wool setting '. I again replied that I know that but I didn't see it and oh well.

To which she goes: ' well this is a hundred pound jumper '. It's her sons jumper, not hers...

So I just went, well what do you want me to do ?

Back story is that it has happened to me before that I've accidentally shrunk a jumper and it's come up as a joke in front of her before. Even so, am I right that I don't deserve to be scolded by her over this ? It's my money and my stuff. So what if I occasionally make a mistake.

I'm so angry, I can't look at her.

OP posts:
2Two · 28/10/2021 14:14

@HeartsAndClubs

Absolutely none of MIL's business though if in future your child’s partner were to ruin something expensive of theirs and then just shrug it off with a “oh well,” wouldn’t you as their mother, be concerned about what kind of relationship it was?
Nope. Especially when my child didn't pay for the item in question. I hope I would have the sense to work out that accidents happen and no-one's perfect.
AmDillDandin · 28/10/2021 14:14

@Ragtag1999

Christ.. sorry masterbating
Too try hard. Name change and have another go, but with less ... desperation
EnidFrighten · 28/10/2021 14:15

Incidentally, you can make lots of things from felted jumpers. Make MIL a nice hot water bottle cover out of it for Christmas!

Ragtag1999 · 28/10/2021 14:16

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

2Two · 28/10/2021 14:16

@ittakes2

I think you are blowing this up out of proportion. She is not scolding you like a child she is trying to explain to you what you need to do differently with wool. If this is the 2nd time its happened she prob assumes you don't know - not everyone does. I think if she is older too she might not be as aware as your generation that she needs to check her tone when speaking to adults. I am guessing she speaks to others like this too - unless you are telling us its just you than this is a different story.
Why on earth would she assume that, given that OP acknowledged that she'd accidentally let the jumper get in with the wrong wash? It's not like OP was standing there gormlessly wondering how on earth the thing had got shrunk, she had demonstrated that she knew why and she also knew what she should have done to avoid it.

And please pack in the casual ageism. Older people are just as capable as younger ones of knowing how to check their tone.

Milkshake54 · 28/10/2021 14:17
Flowers

I know how hard (some) MIL’s can be and to add on top pregnancy, hormones and HG ❤️.

milkyaqua · 28/10/2021 14:17

I find it hard to understand how you could "accidentally" put a man's woollen jumper in the wash. It's not a g-string. How could you not notice something that size?

Yogawankonobi · 28/10/2021 14:19

Half of the people replying on here sound like they could be op’s MIL Grin

Your anger is slightly ott but I’m guessing that you have a lot more going on with her!

heather2908 · 28/10/2021 14:20

Saying “oh well” to a shrunken £100 jumper really smacks of first world problems and entitlement.

2Two · 28/10/2021 14:20

Maybe because you were behaving like a child? Why do you claim it was your jumper when it clearly wasn't?

Huh, @JudgeJ? Where has OP claimed that it was her jumper? And where on earth do you get the evidence that OP was behaving like a child? At the point that her MIL came up bearing the jumper all ready to interrogate OP, there is no suggesting that OP was doing anything other than inoffensively minding her own business.

sillysmiles · 28/10/2021 14:22

At the start I thought your anger was OTT but having read all these posts for people driving home how much of a terrible person you are, I'm right there beside the person who wanted to boil wash the other posters.

2Two · 28/10/2021 14:22

@ShinyHappyPoster

I think if you're someone who looks after your possessions then its difficult to relate to a mindset of saying 'oh well' when you shrink a £100 jumper. DH shrunk one of my dresses once. He apologised and bought me a replacement. Did someone else buy your DH the previous jumper that you shrunk? I'm wondering if MIL thinks you're being deliberately careless.

Also, and not peculiar to this thread, but I really hate this new trend for OPs to post conversations like they're an A level drama student. I don't think it adds anything and makes everything seem artificial.

OP has already explained that she bought the jumper.
JesusIsAnyNameFree · 28/10/2021 14:22

@heather2908

Saying “oh well” to a shrunken £100 jumper really smacks of first world problems and entitlement.
Sure. But it has nothing to do with anyone but the OP and her husband.
milkyaqua · 28/10/2021 14:22

@MadameGazellee

I don't understand why you're angry with her?
Me, neither. I'd be asking her if she had any tips for de-shrinking the jumper.
Mummyoflittledragon · 28/10/2021 14:24

All these people telling you off. Ffs. No YANBU.

Well on the plus side it’ll be too big for your baby so you can keep it for them. Wouldn’t want your hard earned money to go to waste now would we?! Wink

ChargingBuck · 28/10/2021 14:24

@milkyaqua

I find it hard to understand how you could "accidentally" put a man's woollen jumper in the wash. It's not a g-string. How could you not notice something that size?
That's funny, I'm finding it hard to understand how you imagine OP's laundry skillz have any relevance to the issue?
IamtheDevilsAvocado · 28/10/2021 14:24

@Sickoffamilydrama

I kind of know what you mean OP my DH has to ascertain who is criminally responsible if something gets broken. After many years I think I've managed to get him to stop. It's frustrating enough when you do something without someone then making it into a drama.

My DMiL does the same if she comes round and something has been broken which isn't often she asks and asks DH until she has all the details to ascertain who is criminally responsible as well.

I do rather angrily want to scream it's a mug the handle snapped or it got knocked it's a fucking accident not a murder! But that's probably not the most function response.

I'd find this bloody irritating... My ex mother in law would do that...

It was if she was a prowling executioner waiting for one of us (me!) to slip up then wham! To tell us off to show us how utterly hopeless we were at life as a mug got broken... Grin.

In the end i started treating it as a joke...

Either.... Yes the culprits have been summarily exécutéd and we've buried the bodies...

Or
Oh my... Shocked look... Better cancel my day so we can find the culprit... And retrieve the 99p they now owe me for the mug...

Mostly I would just shrug my shoulders and change the subject...

Drove her maaaad though... That I wasn't as fascinated /obsessed with a chipped mug/plate etc.

smoko · 28/10/2021 14:24

I was taught to only wash clothes in cold water - never once had a shrinkage or colours staining!

To be fair if MIL has seen on 2 separate occasions you shrinking wool & this was $100 you look quite silly & wasteful.

HesterShaw1 · 28/10/2021 14:24

@heather2908

Saying “oh well” to a shrunken £100 jumper really smacks of first world problems and entitlement.
Or it might smack of being so pissed off with the MIL and her criticising, she wanted to minimise it.

I do similar things when my mother gets hyper critical. I minimise them and pretend it's no big deal because I don't want to give her the satisfaction.

Is it me, or has AIBU got extra vicious the last few days?

2Two · 28/10/2021 14:25

@Nocutenamesleft

You shrunk a £100 jumper. You didn’t at any point apologise or even tell anyone what you did

Then you’re so angry you can’t even look at the person who said. Hang on a min, This jumper has shrunk. What did you do?!

Ummmm

Why should OP tell anyone other than her husband? And how do you (or indeed how did his mother) know she hadn't told him or apologised to him? In any event she said she was waiting till it dried to assess the damage properly, which is a perfectly sensible thing to do.
milkyaqua · 28/10/2021 14:26

That's funny, I'm finding it hard to understand how you imagine OP's laundry skillz have any relevance to the issue?

Wtf! She managed to put a large jumper in the wash without noticing. More than once. I find that relevant. Clearly, she has no idea how to rectify the situation. The question in the thread title was, "What would you do?"

I would do as said, above.

ChargingBuck · 28/10/2021 14:26

@heather2908

Saying “oh well” to a shrunken £100 jumper really smacks of first world problems and entitlement.
Nah. It smacks of an annoyed & poorly pregnant woman doing her darndest not to say "oh do fuck off with your unhelpful scolding you judgemental twat".

"Oh well" is a commendably bland response to provocation.

2Two · 28/10/2021 14:27

@AuntMargo

Why are you so angry with her, she only made a couple of comments. Chill out and be more organised and aware of what your doing next time you wash, mixing an adult size wool jumper in a load of washing is clearly careless.
Well, no. She took it on herself to pick up out of the laundry room a jumper which wasn't hers, go upstairs to seek OP out, and demand an explanation in front of OP's SIL. And, having been told what had happened, she wouldn't leave it there, but kept banging on about it. It's more than a couple of comments.

OP has already acknowledged this was careless, so why do you feel the necessity to point it out yet again, @AuntMargo? Have you never had an accident?

ChargingBuck · 28/10/2021 14:28

@sillysmiles

At the start I thought your anger was OTT but having read all these posts for people driving home how much of a terrible person you are, I'm right there beside the person who wanted to boil wash the other posters.
Me too Silly, but I'm leaning toward a protracted Cold Wash, to cool their ardour.
KilmordenCastle · 28/10/2021 14:28

@heather2908

Saying “oh well” to a shrunken £100 jumper really smacks of first world problems and entitlement.
What do you think OP should have said to her MIL then? Bearing in mind that it wasn't MIL's jumper and OP hadn't even told MIL about the shrunken jumper. MIL found it and brought it upstairs to OP to tell her off about it.

I'm sure OP is annoyed with herself , I'm guessing she has already or will apologise to her DH about it. What punishment do you think the OP should be inflicting on herself because of an accident?

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