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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Changed nappy on restaurant table

251 replies

Badlytornfrube · 28/10/2021 08:17

I went to an independent pizza place for lunch with a friend. Her 4 month old did a poo. The restaurant only had one tiny toilet with no changing space. My friend used the empty table next to us to change her baby. I was mortified and other customers watched us, I think one was filming us surreptitiously. Am I wrong not to want to go to lunch with her again. Fwiw I have 3 small children and I would have changed them outside.

YABU: she had nowhere else to change the baby
YANBU: that was a disgusting thing to do

OP posts:
julieca · 28/10/2021 12:41

Some mums become so used to their babies poo and wee that they forget that others see it as simply as wee and poo.

Northernparent68 · 28/10/2021 12:46

@arethereanyleftatall

I would have asked the waiter where they would like me to change my baby if the toilet was too small. A table is disgusting, and outside too cold at the moment.
That sort of passive aggressiveness is n’t acceptable, the waiter is nt responsible for the size of the toilet.
Chelyanne · 28/10/2021 12:53

Crap restaurant, I wouldn't go there again. A small space is no excuse for not providing facilities these days, what about disabled customers?

Changing a baby on a public toilet floor is disgusting even with the fold out mat. I would have taken baby to the car to change not where lots of people were enjoying a meal. I would go out for a meal with that friend again but choose a baby friendly restaurant.

julieca · 28/10/2021 12:55

@Chelyanne lots of places do not have disabled toilets.
In fact you don't have to have a customer toilet at all if there is a nearby public toilet.

Mynameismargot · 28/10/2021 12:59

I personally wouldn't do it but I wouldn't shun your friend forever for doing it like some people are suggesting. She is a new mum and just learning. I would have offered to bring the child to the bathroom and change it on my lap for her. It might have not even occurred to her that you can do that.
Changing babies in public places, even going to the toilet yourself when you have a pushchair can be a really steep learning curve.

1forAll74 · 28/10/2021 13:00

Awful behaviour, the staff should have complained about this, and also any customers near by, to shame the woman a bit.

NotPersephone · 28/10/2021 13:01

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

OnceuponaRainbow18 · 28/10/2021 13:07

Hmmm tricky situation. I would have done it on the floor outside the toilets- on a portable changing mat!!

But shitty the restaurant doesn’t have the correct facilities

AuntMargo · 28/10/2021 13:07

She is a disgrace. She could have used pushchair, or car or even her knee !

Lotusmonster · 28/10/2021 13:11

Faeces potentially On a dining table…yum! I know Italians are family friendly but not to that extent!

NoDecentHandlesLeft · 28/10/2021 13:46

Vile.
I would have finished quickly and left (within 5-10 minutes, which I think is a reasonable amount of time, after all if you are shopping you'd need to find a baby change). Or if really necessary I would have still used the toilet with a changing mat on the floor if necessary- grim, but less grim than the table.
No way would I have changed my baby in a place where people are eating. Disgusting.

NoDecentHandlesLeft · 28/10/2021 13:47

@Chelyanne

Crap restaurant, I wouldn't go there again. A small space is no excuse for not providing facilities these days, what about disabled customers?

Changing a baby on a public toilet floor is disgusting even with the fold out mat. I would have taken baby to the car to change not where lots of people were enjoying a meal. I would go out for a meal with that friend again but choose a baby friendly restaurant.

Changing baby on the floor is the toilet is disgusting, but it's less disgusting than a table where people eat.
Metallicalover · 28/10/2021 13:47

I would have been mortified! I would have walked out if that was my friend. It's disgusting! Many times I've changed my daughter or niece in her pram. Position yourself near the toilet and do it there. Also she could have sat on the toilet and changed the baby on her knee. Always an option!

Metallicalover · 28/10/2021 13:52

Also where did she wash her hands?!!

Northernparent68 · 28/10/2021 13:56

@Chelyanne

Crap restaurant, I wouldn't go there again. A small space is no excuse for not providing facilities these days, what about disabled customers?

Changing a baby on a public toilet floor is disgusting even with the fold out mat. I would have taken baby to the car to change not where lots of people were enjoying a meal. I would go out for a meal with that friend again but choose a baby friendly restaurant.

The restaurant probably rent their premises and can’t afford to rent a bigger space. They may not be allowed to alter the layout or it may not be structurally viable.
Rosebel · 28/10/2021 13:58

It's disgusting. Although I'm not surprised she didn't want to change the baby outside as it's bloody cold.
I would have done it in the pushchair by the toilet and with the baby facing away from others eating.
I'd not be happy about a random stranger filming but if you chose to change your baby in public that's a risk you take.

SleepingStandingUp · 28/10/2021 14:13

@marilynmason

So it's revolting to change a baby on a table but you'd happily put a baby on a public toilet floor....Ok

if a mat is used what is the problem? The mat can be washed so no harm is done.

The mat is unlikely to be large enough for baby and you so you're still kneeling in the pee from Dave's leaving do even if you manage to stop your child flopping his arm out and touching the floor then chewing his hand whilst you're wrapping up the dirty nappy etc. Let alone rolling over. So now you've got Dave's leaving do's pee all over the mat you're carefully folding to keep the germs on the inside, your knees / legs and baby's hand and face. Nice.
LaurenKelsey · 28/10/2021 14:24

Over 100 of us believe this is okay according to YABU voting. Seriously, are there people out there who think it’s okay to change a shitty nappy on a restaurant table? Good grief.

PumpkinsandTea · 28/10/2021 14:31

@DaisyNGO

I have a friend who did this with a non poop nappy

I was furious and stopped her before she started

DC were sat looking confused because I don't really get angry about anything. I don't shout but it's a change of demeanour I guess

She was quite embarrassed and didn't actually go through with it

I saw a pooopy nappy being changed in a coffee shop chain. I hate those places anyway but that was the last straw, we don't go any more.

You don't get angry about anything? Hmm

Confused I'm all for a bit of poetic licence but come on....

PumpkinsandTea · 28/10/2021 14:35

@TheFairyCaravan You would refuse to pay for your meal that you'd already tucked in to, because of what another customer was doing? The restaurant can't do much but ask them to stop - they couldn't force her to!
Just because somebody else is behaving badly, does not give you the right to bag yourself a free lunch

smoko · 28/10/2021 14:35

The “changing baby on the cafe/restaurant table” is a childfree forum cliché.

With the filming would be thinking it could end up on TikTok or at the very least shared around by people & your friend is now laughing fodder.

I would complain to the manager if saw that & depending how drunk might call you were a disgusting pig if saw that

Thankfully have never witnessed this in real life before

Don’t think I could be friends with someone so unaware of basic hygiene

grey12 · 28/10/2021 14:45

[quote PumpkinsandTea]@TheFairyCaravan You would refuse to pay for your meal that you'd already tucked in to, because of what another customer was doing? The restaurant can't do much but ask them to stop - they couldn't force her to!
Just because somebody else is behaving badly, does not give you the right to bag yourself a free lunch [/quote]
The restaurant can kick someone out for bad behaviour...

Gardenlass · 28/10/2021 14:53

It is really not acceptable to use a restaurant table for changing a baby's nappy. Breastfeeding in a restaurant, fine, but a nappy change is awful.

TheFairyCaravan · 28/10/2021 15:08

[quote PumpkinsandTea]@TheFairyCaravan You would refuse to pay for your meal that you'd already tucked in to, because of what another customer was doing? The restaurant can't do much but ask them to stop - they couldn't force her to!
Just because somebody else is behaving badly, does not give you the right to bag yourself a free lunch [/quote]
Yes I absolutely would refuse to pay because I wouldn’t finish my lunch. I’d up and leave. The restaurant staff should have put a stop to it. If I wanted to eat my lunch amongst shit, I’d sit in the toilets not the main restaurant.

grapewine · 28/10/2021 16:33

Yes I absolutely would refuse to pay because I wouldn’t finish my lunch. I’d up and leave. The restaurant staff should have put a stop to it. If I wanted to eat my lunch amongst shit, I’d sit in the toilets not the main restaurant.

I have to agree with this. I'd leave too. It's just gross.