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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Changed nappy on restaurant table

251 replies

Badlytornfrube · 28/10/2021 08:17

I went to an independent pizza place for lunch with a friend. Her 4 month old did a poo. The restaurant only had one tiny toilet with no changing space. My friend used the empty table next to us to change her baby. I was mortified and other customers watched us, I think one was filming us surreptitiously. Am I wrong not to want to go to lunch with her again. Fwiw I have 3 small children and I would have changed them outside.

YABU: she had nowhere else to change the baby
YANBU: that was a disgusting thing to do

OP posts:
marilynmason · 28/10/2021 11:43

I remember a couple of my mothers group friends used to change their babies nappies in the library where we sometimes hung out. I was so embarrassed by it - there were change tables they could have used in the bathrooms

that wouldn't really bother me to be fair but a restaurant is totally different as it's serving food.

autummvibes · 28/10/2021 11:44

Completely unacceptable.
I managed to change a 9 month old across my lap in a plane toilet who had explosive diarrhoea. You do what you have to do. On a restaurant table is never ever OK. She should have been asked to leave.

Drivingmisspotty · 28/10/2021 11:45

I agree it is not good to change on a restaurant table. But if I can kind of see how you would end up doing it - at 4 months half your life is changing nappies and you get desensitised to it I think. Then add in PFB syndrome and not wanting them to get cold. Maybe she didn’t completely think it through from a place of sound mind!

grapewine · 28/10/2021 11:47

I would not go out with her again. I would also have asked her wtf because that's just disgusting and disrespectful to everyone else there.

LaBellaTrix · 28/10/2021 11:48

I would - and have done so - change my baby on the toilet seat lid, or on my lap in the toilet cubicle. Using a dining table as a changing area is disgusting. I'm surprised the staff didn't intervene and tell her to go elsewhere.

marilynmason · 28/10/2021 11:51

So it's revolting to change a baby on a table but you'd happily put a baby on a public toilet floor....Ok

if a mat is used what is the problem? The mat can be washed so no harm is done.

marilynmason · 28/10/2021 11:58

Both the empty table and the toilet floor are wildly inappropriate! Men pee on unisex toilet floors; people are eating at nearby tables

only if it is around the actual toilet bowl, I've yet to visit any toilet floor where there is urine all over the floor in every inch of it and I have cleaned toilets for a living since 1979.

itsgettingwierd · 28/10/2021 11:58

[quote Badlytornfrube]@SausageSizzle she chose it and was fully aware that it doesn’t have a changing table. I think that makes it worse.[/quote]
I was going to say in future I'd choose more child friendly places.

As above poster said you can get a table that folds down over the toilet.

But if she chose it she should have been prepared for needing a nappy change.

A table in the middle of where people are eating is not the place to change

Fivebyfive2 · 28/10/2021 12:02

@marilynmason, I wouldn't have changed my baby on a restaurant table but come on 'put it on sm, she deserves to be shamed'?! Ffs the woman was probably just in a tizz, no car, cold outside, didn't think it through. I don't agree with the table changing but u hate this 'let's shame everyone for every little mistake' it's stupid, unkind and, unless you've never done an in thought out, silly thing in your life, just hypocrisy tbh.

DreamingofGinoclock · 28/10/2021 12:04

Like others never ok to change nappy on a restaurant table ... especially given it was a poo (although also unacceptable if it was a wee) ... Easiest option would have been to change in pram ...lay it flat stick change mat under baby and hey presto ...could have wheels the pram outside to do this!

KaycePollard · 28/10/2021 12:06

She should have asked staff for a safe place to change her baby that didn’t put other customers or staff at risk.

I know that when you have a baby in nappies you get pretty blasé about baby poo but you can’t expect other people to share your attitude.

takenforgrantednana · 28/10/2021 12:08

@Badlytornfrube

I went to an independent pizza place for lunch with a friend. Her 4 month old did a poo. The restaurant only had one tiny toilet with no changing space. My friend used the empty table next to us to change her baby. I was mortified and other customers watched us, I think one was filming us surreptitiously. Am I wrong not to want to go to lunch with her again. Fwiw I have 3 small children and I would have changed them outside.

YABU: she had nowhere else to change the baby
YANBU: that was a disgusting thing to do

at 4 month old i presume she was in her pram? change her in that! no no no to on the table and im surprised that the restaurant didnt say anything
TheFairyCaravan · 28/10/2021 12:11

@Badlytornfrube

This is my friends first child and she is a little obsessed, as I was with my first.
What a pity she’s not obsessed with hygiene and the consideration of others.
Welshiefluff · 28/10/2021 12:12

Always come prepared with a change mat and use the toilet floor if needs be.

itsallgoingpearshaped · 28/10/2021 12:13

@biddlybop

I think one was filming us surreptitiously.

Am I the only person more concerned by this....

She shouldn't have done it on the table, in these situations I'd do it on my lap or in the pram. But a stranger filming a baby having their nappy changed is a bigger issue to me than a nappy being changed on a table, as long as the table was thoroughly disinfected after. If she didn't have a pram with her and was mid-lunch, then honestly as long as the table was cleaned, I don't think I'd have cared too much. A 4 month olds poo is also very different to the poo of a 1 or 2 year old, it's mostly milk, so doesn't smell the same and won't have stunk the place out.

I suspect the video will end up on the internet showing how utterly thoughtless and gross some people are.
MrsMiddleMother · 28/10/2021 12:14

That really is disgusting. I've changed my babies many times in their prams, half the time I actually prefer it. If it was really cold I would have stood next to the toilet and changed baby there. No need on a table in front of everyone eating

pinkstripeycat · 28/10/2021 12:15

What’s wrong with her sitting on the closed toilet seat and laying the baby in her lap? You can do this with a much older/bigger baby aswell!

sarahc336 · 28/10/2021 12:19

God I'd have never done that, think I'd have done it in the tiny loo on the floor. It's not great when the baby changing facilities are terrible not god no not on top of a table when people are still eating 😬😬😬😬😬

TiredMummyZZZ · 28/10/2021 12:22

It’s not ideal but I’d have been more disgusted by a stranger taking photos of a baby having a nap or changed - why isn’t your anger directed at them?!

I’m sure if she thought there was an other option she wouldn’t have been forced to change the table but there’s no way I would change my baby outside when it’s this cold or put my baby on a public toilet floor!

If you’re that bothered by it next time you go to a cafe choose one that has baby changing facilities.

Restawhile · 28/10/2021 12:27

Disgusting

HurrahWuff · 28/10/2021 12:30

Wow Envy (not envy) I saw someone change their toddler on a bench at one of those pub table/bench things the other day and thought that was a bit grim considering her daughter had told her there was a changing table in the toilets. But on a table? In a restaurant? Confused

Marvellousmadness · 28/10/2021 12:35
Envy
marilynmason · 28/10/2021 12:36

I suspect the video will end up on the internet showing how utterly thoughtless and gross some people are

this. why does every mn thread become derailed?

TheFairyCaravan · 28/10/2021 12:36

I’m sure if she thought there was an other option she wouldn’t have been forced to change the table but there’s no way I would change my baby outside when it’s this cold or put my baby on a public toilet floor!

She was not forced to change her baby on the table. She chose to. She had other options like changing the baby on her lap in the toilet or asking the staff for somewhere to do it. It’s disgusting as is trying to justify it.

Franklin12 · 28/10/2021 12:41

I went to a wedding in a church many many years ago and one of the guests insisted on sitting in one of the front rows so her baby could see what was going on (baby was 6 months!).

As the wedding hadnt started she proceeded to change her baby on the bench and made odd comments randomly about not wanting to miss the bride coming in.

It was totally self absorbed and inappropriate but I am sure she had convinced herself it was the right thing to do to ensure baby and herself didnt 'miss' anything.

Some people are just clueless and up themselves!

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