Where does everyone stand?

[pumkinbump]

Posting here for traffic.

Married 7 years.

1 child age 6yrs.

Her - forever unemployed by choice. Cheated throughout marriage. DNA test needed on baby as didn't know who the father was. Left 8 months ago with be with someone else which was likely going on before the split. On benefits. Child is autistic so gets a mobility car which she has.

Him - full time worker. Paid for deposit on house. Paid every bill and mortgage payment for the duration of the relationship. Has their son 4/5 nights out of 7 as she doesn't want to. Pays her £100 a month despite this, plus extra for shoes, clothes etc.

He is terrified that she's going to claim half of the house in divorce.

Does anyone have any advice where he would stand on this?

Thanks in advance.

[quote whatisthisinhere]@Getyourarseofffthequattro
There so many holes though
All us parents of children with Sen know the realities of parenting in our circumstances
[/quote]
Ah yes because every experience is the same.

When it's a universal experience, there will,be commonalities. I would have thought that was obvious.

@whatisthisinhere

When it's a universal experience, there will,be commonalities. I would have thought that was obvious.

Well yes, but you don't work so how can you be so sure no job can allow it?

There may be commonalities, just because one aspect is different doesn't mean it's untrue.

What's your issue with this? Because you seem to be accusing me of all sorts with absolutely no evidence to support it?
Im responding to your misogynistic bile

[quote whatisthisinhere]@Getyourarseofffthequattro
Do you have anything other to offer than to include me in your attacks on single mothers, than I'm "projecting"?
Just because she has a new partner does not impact on her child. How is it relevant to her parenting, or to this post? Next you'll be suggesting she should be tested in case she is a witch. [/quote]
How does it not impact the child? The routine the child knew and relied on has been smashed to smithereens. I'm sure it would be impact any child, but especially a child with autism when he goes to stay with her and her new boyfriend after 8 months after the split. I suppose its fine too to introduce children to new partners so early on now is it?

@whatisthisinhere

What's your issue with this? Because you seem to be accusing me of all sorts with absolutely no evidence to support it? Im responding to your misogynistic bile

Please can you quote my misogynistic bile?

Couple of questions

1. How many times has she let dad down at the last minute re: Sat childcare? Were there any reasons given?

1. Has she ever done a sat childcare as asked?

1. How many days over the 13 week holiday does the dad cover?

1. Were my calculations which suggested mum has him 47% of waking hours correct?

@BoredZelda

Because its about a woman rather than a man?

Ah, is that the angle you were going for?

No, it's because she sounds like the typical cartoon villain of a fekk-less woman we are supposed to believe exist all over the place, the total chav.

I'm not sure how you fell for it.

I wasn't going to any angle. I can imagine what would be said if this were about a man though. I've been on mumsnet long enough to know that.

I suppose its fine too to introduce children to new partners so early on now is it?

Some people think not. Some people think it is OK. I guess she had known him for a lot longer than 8 months to it sounds like there was good reason to think this would be a long-standing relationship.

@whatisthisinhere

Also, still waiting for an answer to my question. Who does appointments and meeting relating to the child's needs?

Both I said. They do it together.

@Getyourarseofffthequattro
Well yes, but you don't work so how can you be so sure no job can allow it?
I don't work, because of the combination of all aspects, including the time needed for things like meetings
You seem to know the man in this case. Is it you?

[quote whatisthisinhere]@Getyourarseofffthequattro
Well yes, but you don't work so how can you be so sure no job can allow it?
I don't work, because of the combination of all aspects, including the time needed for things like meetings
You seem to know the man in this case. Is it you?
[/quote]
Right, so how can you say how hard it is to get time off?

I don't know this man at all. I stated that in all my jobs this would have been possible.

Please report me if you think I am sick puppeting.

Your baseless accusations are frankly getting a bit weird now.

@whatisthisinhere

Ok So he takes time off work for these meetings, which often take hours out of the day? Can I ask what job he has? Because I can't work and attend

Obviously I'm not going to say what his job is here. I will say he has a very understanding boss, as he's had to take time off to look after his child because the mother sometimes has a headache.

@User135644

Women really can do no wrong on MN. No end of LTB posts for the slightest thing though.

I can’t follow Mumsnet anymore. It’s gone completely off the rails.

I can’t work out if this thread has gone the way it has because A.) posters will always attack a poster, whatever the subject of their thread, or B.) men are always deemed to be wrong, or C.) they’re attacking the OP even though she’s a woman because she’s defending a man against a seemingly feckless woman, who can’t be feckless because she’s not a man. Or something.

If the gender roles were reversed then the furore against the man would be untold, however. I’m fairly sure that is the case.

I actually think this place may be damaging my own mental health. it’s exhausting and so toxic at the moment.

@pumkinbump
*
How does it not impact the child? The routine the child knew and relied on has been smashed to smithereens. I'm sure it would be impact any child, but especially a child with autism when he goes to stay with her and her new boyfriend after 8 months after the split. I suppose its fine too to introduce children to new partners so early on now is it?*
But the child has a new routine, does he not? I would think after 8 months of shared care between both parents, and the same routine week on week that he is fairly settled? If not, then perhaps it should be revisited. I suggest parents go to mediation and then to court to sort this out.
The fact she has a new boyfriend is really not relevant.

@Fanackapansy it’s both b and c on this thread

For those challenging how he can attend appointments, I’m a divorced dad of disabled kids. I attend almost all appointments, which yes sometimes take hours, or half days.

I have a lucky combination of an employer who understands this, and the seniority that people arrange meetings around my availability (like another poster said). It does happen

I don't think it's any of those fanack. People are being asked to join in the character assasination of a mother who it appears, until recently, was doing much more childcare than her husband, on the basis of very little relevant information. These threads are always harder when the needed facts are not provided (not a criticism, it is often hard to get it all down on paper). I see the toxicity as the unjustified attack on the mother tbh.

[quote whatisthisinhere]@pumkinbump
*
How does it not impact the child? The routine the child knew and relied on has been smashed to smithereens. I'm sure it would be impact any child, but especially a child with autism when he goes to stay with her and her new boyfriend after 8 months after the split. I suppose its fine too to introduce children to new partners so early on now is it?*
But the child has a new routine, does he not? I would think after 8 months of shared care between both parents, and the same routine week on week that he is fairly settled? If not, then perhaps it should be revisited. I suggest parents go to mediation and then to court to sort this out.
The fact she has a new boyfriend is really not relevant.
[/quote]
It is relevant. It's introducing a new person to their life who is a big presence!

If it was a man you'd 100% agree. The sheer amount of threads on here about "I don't want my kids near my exs new girlfriend" but you think it's aok to have a new bf live with the child as well as the normal routine going out the window?

Would you in all seriousness want that for your child? Would it be good for them?

@BillMasen
But why not believe this op when many many others are believed when they say they have the kids more. They’re never challenged

You are determined to see this from a men's rights activist's point of view but there is zero logic to the idea that someone can work full-time and also be the primary carer for a severely-autistic child.

My dd is the single mother of an easy neuro-typical child and even so needs help from the rest of the family to be able to work full-time.

[quote whatisthisinhere]@pumkinbump
*
How does it not impact the child? The routine the child knew and relied on has been smashed to smithereens. I'm sure it would be impact any child, but especially a child with autism when he goes to stay with her and her new boyfriend after 8 months after the split. I suppose its fine too to introduce children to new partners so early on now is it?*
But the child has a new routine, does he not? I would think after 8 months of shared care between both parents, and the same routine week on week that he is fairly settled? If not, then perhaps it should be revisited. I suggest parents go to mediation and then to court to sort this out.
The fact she has a new boyfriend is really not relevant.
[/quote]
I'm sure you know better than anyone that changes to a child's routine with autism can pretty much mean their world is ending.

@Getyourarseofffthequattro
No, it's not relevant at all

[quote Coyoacan]**@BillMasen
But why not believe this op when many many others are believed when they say they have the kids more. They’re never challenged

You are determined to see this from a men's rights activist's point of view but there is zero logic to the idea that someone can work full-time and also be the primary carer for a severely-autistic child.

My dd is the single mother of an easy neuro-typical child and even so needs help from the rest of the family to be able to work full-time.[/quote]
So your dd can do both, but a man can't? I'm confused.

[quote whatisthisinhere]@Getyourarseofffthequattro
No, it's not relevant at all
[/quote]
It absolutely is.

You didn't answer my question. Would you want this for your child?

@Whatiswrongwithmyknee

I don't think it's any of those fanack. People are being asked to join in the character assasination of a mother who it appears, until recently, was doing much more childcare than her husband, on the basis of very little relevant information. These threads are always harder when the needed facts are not provided (not a criticism, it is often hard to get it all down on paper). I see the toxicity as the unjustified attack on the mother tbh.

If there’s so little information, why does anyone have to attack anyone? These threads are never useful, they’re just toxic pile-ons which benefit no one except presumably a few posters who seem to get a thrill from sticking the boot in for the sake of it, or for leaving a comment so aggressive it gets picked up by the OP/other posters.

@Whatiswrongwithmyknee

I don't think it's any of those fanack. People are being asked to join in the character assasination of a mother who it appears, until recently, was doing much more childcare than her husband, on the basis of very little relevant information. These threads are always harder when the needed facts are not provided (not a criticism, it is often hard to get it all down on paper). I see the toxicity as the unjustified attack on the mother tbh.

If this was to get people on board with a character assassination, I'd have posted more about her cheating, bad behaviour and selfishness in the opening thread.