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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DP ate my food😡

237 replies

heebiejeebies45 · 27/10/2021 18:14

I need to hear people's opinions as I really don't know if my hormones are taking over or not!

Hopefully this isn't a long one but want to add extra info so I don't drip feed.
I had my first baby in May and both baby and I were in hospital for 7 days due to a bad labour (ended up having 3 surgeries, lost 2L of blood, baby got really ill etc.) Over the course of 4/5 weeks I was in and out of the hospital weekly due to all of these issues once discharged. When DP would stay overnight in the hospital with me, he would bring me this chicken and rice box to eat for lunch which was absolutely amazing. I later found out it was a Filipino food stall which served street food in DPs area and there wasn't one near me.

Fast forward to now, I'm currently 14 weeks pregnant with our second baby and the hospital I'm having the baby in is very close to the food place DP would get this rice box from. Whenever I have a hospital appointment (which isn't often) I go to the food stall and buy both of our orders.

Today DP wanted something different and asked for a burrito. When I got home we saw it wasn't actually a burrito and his order was done incorrectly. Even though it wasn't what he ordered, he tried it and liked it so ate all of it. I asked if he wanted some of mine (we usually get the same rice box) and he said yeah so I poured a bit out of my box and put it in his. He then finished his food and came over bothering me for some more of mine. I was jokingly saying, 'go away you've had your own' but let him take a mouthful.

I always get a large and always save half for dinner as I can never finish it all at one time. I put the box down on the table and never thought anything of it. Fast forward a couple of hours and I start getting hungry again so I go to the table to get my rice box but it isn't there. I go into the kitchen and see it on the side, picked it up and it was as light as a feather! Opened it up and there was honestly no more than 2 mouthfuls left in the box.
I had left nearly half! I go over to DP and say 'where the hell is my food, why did you have some, I never said you can have some' etc. He starts saying 'yes you did' then eventually said sorry because he knows he ate it without asking me. I had to go to the front door for fresh air because I was genuinely upset.

I know this is going to sound silly but I really do love that food. I rarely have it as it isn't close to where I live and DP knows I was saving that for dinner. He has form for this too as last time I was pregnant, I put down a container of chow mein near the side of the bed to get a drink, when I looked over, DP had finished all of my chow mein!

I told him to go home (he was going home today anyway but told him to go earlier) I was so pissed off. All a pregnant girl wanted to do was sit down at eat her food for dinner, is that so much to ask?!
Did I overreact or is he just a food thief?

OP posts:
Marelle · 27/10/2021 22:25

Marelle Is he fat too?
What has this got to do with anything?
If he’s also fat then he clearly has deeper problems with controlling his food intake. I knew someone whose dad was like this and the kids learned to literally inhale food otherwise the dad would greed it off them, so they would eat insanely fast to get it down them before he took it.

mswales · 27/10/2021 22:27

So much judgement on couples with children that don't live together, why?? Honestly think so many couples would enjoy having separate houses to go to if it was an option, in fact it would probably massively benefit a lot of relationships and prevent break-ups. This is not a "young person living with parents" thing necessarily. I am having a second baby at 40 with a partner I don't live with. We operate as a family unit, do a lot together, co-parent but have our own spaces, our own freedom and a great chunk of childfree time every week. We get on with each other SO much better now we are not living together. The only downside for me is the financial one - you have to pay for two households.

There are many set ups which can create stable loving environments for children, not just the conventional ones! And as the OP says, a happy stable relationship with parents living apart is a world better than a toxic relationship with parents living together.

XiCi · 27/10/2021 22:27

So the fact that DP works and provides for his family, keeps a roof over our head, puts food on the table AND sees his child way more than said person who works away, that's different because he doesn't actually live with us? Yet he sees DC more and does everything else the partner who works away does?
Most people who work away from home do so because they have no choice. They are forced to for economic reasons. Where's your DP chooses to live with his mum whilst his partner and children are just 40 mins away. You would have to be a fool to think that's the same scenario. Great for your boyfriend though to have the life of a single guy and pop in and play Disney dad whenever he likes.

Overitallnow · 27/10/2021 22:30

Weird set up

Blondeshavemorefun · 27/10/2021 22:35

So you moved to a place after having first dc but dp didn’t move in

It’s now too small as moving again

But then dp will live with you ?

I’m in awe getting preg so soon after giving birth

I had scary after labour, as placenta didn’t all come away, floor was literally drenched in blood, rushed for surgery, 4 blood transfusions

Was warned not to get preg for a year plus to give body chance to recover

But

Yes obv no man should eat preg ladies food

Be careful with rice esp as preg

Onairjunkie · 27/10/2021 22:35

I’m guessing his mum lets him eat/do whatever he wants and will never be mad at him (I’m imagining Pamelaaar and her ‘little Prince’), and he’s yet to learn that adults can’t just help themselves and then lie. I’m not surprised you don’t want to live with him yet. I’d keep the arrangement you have.

kittenkipping · 27/10/2021 22:37

He's a greedy twat. He needs a right telling off and shouldn't do it again . What a selfish thing to do to his pregnant partner.

As an aside- Your living situation is neither here nor there and (although you've been very clear that you aren't on benefits op) you would not be committing benefit fraud if you were claiming. That is posters trying to slap the "worst" of characteristics upon op- criminal awful claimants etc. If op were claiming it's deserved as is clearly stated and those same posters are decrying as some form of virtue failure- HE ISNT LIVING WITH THEM. No lie. No fraud. I wish the hatred and vilification of claimants would stop.

Rooroobear · 27/10/2021 22:37

Hahahaha good old mumsnet!! You’re young, you don’t live with your partner, you’re pregnant again so soon = a scrubber on benefits who shags about and can’t provide a stable life for one child let alone two!!! Omfg people WE ALL SHIT AND GUESS WHAT IT ALL STINKS!!!!
You do you op, sounds like you’ve got it sorted to me, keep eating in bed and sleeping with your partner even if he’s living at home (god forbid - shocked face) and living apart if that works for you, make him stock your fridge up of everything you crave and be happy about it!!!

Original poster
heebiejeebies45 · 27/10/2021 22:40

@XiCi

So the fact that DP works and provides for his family, keeps a roof over our head, puts food on the table AND sees his child way more than said person who works away, that's different because he doesn't actually live with us? Yet he sees DC more and does everything else the partner who works away does? Most people who work away from home do so because they have no choice. They are forced to for economic reasons. Where's your DP chooses to live with his mum whilst his partner and children are just 40 mins away. You would have to be a fool to think that's the same scenario. Great for your boyfriend though to have the life of a single guy and pop in and play Disney dad whenever he likes.
You're missing the point.

Whether a parent is away because they work away for days/weeks/months/years at a time or a parent is away because they don't live at the house with the DC, there is an absence no? People have said we're not providing a stable home because of the absence when DP is not in the house.

A PP has said her DH would leave for work on Monday morning and come back Friday night. Due to that absence, does that mean that's deemed as an unstable environment for their DC too then? And if not, then what's the difference (in the fact that there's absences in both households but one is deemed unstable but the other isn't, not the differences in the reasons for the absence)

OP posts:
Garriet · 27/10/2021 22:40

When I was 8 months pregnant I was eating food wherever I felt comfortable so yes I was eating chow mein in bed

Surely one of the few perks of being an adult is being able to eat food in bed whenever you damn well like.

SillyLittleBiscuit · 27/10/2021 22:42

I’d be really bloody annoyed if someone ate the takeaway I’d been saving for later. Pregnant or not. OP, I hope you get another rice box soon.

The leaping to conclusions about everything else is ridiculous.

Original poster
heebiejeebies45 · 27/10/2021 22:49

@mswales

So much judgement on couples with children that don't live together, why?? Honestly think so many couples would enjoy having separate houses to go to if it was an option, in fact it would probably massively benefit a lot of relationships and prevent break-ups. This is not a "young person living with parents" thing necessarily. I am having a second baby at 40 with a partner I don't live with. We operate as a family unit, do a lot together, co-parent but have our own spaces, our own freedom and a great chunk of childfree time every week. We get on with each other SO much better now we are not living together. The only downside for me is the financial one - you have to pay for two households.

There are many set ups which can create stable loving environments for children, not just the conventional ones! And as the OP says, a happy stable relationship with parents living apart is a world better than a toxic relationship with parents living together.

I 100% agree with you. It's so nice and refreshing having your own space but still feeling like you have your own little family, it's like the best of both worlds. Really happy to hear that works for you and your partner and congratulations on the pregnancyThanks

Someone actually commented saying 'Great for your boyfriend though to have the life of a single guy and pop in and play Disney dad whenever he likes' just because we don't live together. Such unnecessary untrue comments just because we've currently picked a lifestyle that people don't agree with

OP posts:
Sparklfairy · 27/10/2021 22:53

@Garriet

When I was 8 months pregnant I was eating food wherever I felt comfortable so yes I was eating chow mein in bed

Surely one of the few perks of being an adult is being able to eat food in bed whenever you damn well like.

Exactly! I live in a tiny studio, no space for a table or even a sofa. My bed is my desk (WFH), dining table, sofa, and, well, bed!
Gintime74 · 27/10/2021 22:58

Can somebody tell me how to finance 2 homes for a family so that I can live apart rom DH but still maintain our relationship and family? Sounds bliss but I don’t see how any working class couple can manage it? Our bills and mortgage for 1 home take 75% of our joint earnings.

XiCi · 27/10/2021 23:01

Just boot him back to his mum Gintime74 Grin

LittleDoritt · 27/10/2021 23:01

I would have cried. And your set up sounds lovely. I have my own greedy bastard DH and I'd love a couple of days space at the end of the week (to eat chow mein in bed in peace).

Original poster
heebiejeebies45 · 27/10/2021 23:06

@Rooroobear

Hahahaha good old mumsnet!! You’re young, you don’t live with your partner, you’re pregnant again so soon = a scrubber on benefits who shags about and can’t provide a stable life for one child let alone two!!! Omfg people WE ALL SHIT AND GUESS WHAT IT ALL STINKS!!!! You do you op, sounds like you’ve got it sorted to me, keep eating in bed and sleeping with your partner even if he’s living at home (god forbid - shocked face) and living apart if that works for you, make him stock your fridge up of everything you crave and be happy about it!!!
😂😂 a scrubber on benefits who shags about and can’t provide a stable life for one child let alone two!!! This is literally it!

I forgot people take any little information you give to start projecting and running their agendas against you lol. I'll definitely tell him to go Asda's before he comes back over on Friday😂 it's the least he can do!

OP posts:
MushMonster · 27/10/2021 23:06

He did go out and got you some food for dinner and then got you the chicken rice box again, didn't he?
I hope so. You should never take a pregnant's woman food!

Original poster
heebiejeebies45 · 27/10/2021 23:07

@XiCi you didn't answer the question?

OP posts:
AveryGoodlay · 27/10/2021 23:09

I had to go to the front door for fresh air because I was genuinely upset. That is a very big overreaction imo. I can understand being annoyed but being so upset you need to leave is weird.

That said MN is weird when it comes to food. I once posted about my partner eating a meal for 5 people and MN decided that because the man ate that much then me, the woman, wasn't providing enough food. I'm talking a curry of six chicken breasts and plenty of vegetables plus rice and naan breads!

Mamathebest · 27/10/2021 23:20

MN is a very weird place. OP did not ask for any advice about her living arrangements or has anything negative to say about it. In fact she seems happy. Why all the bitterness and judgement I don’t know?? Such bitchy comments and leaping to some crazy answers. Why does living full time together suddenly make a relationship better or ideal? It’s almost like people can’t understand what works for you may not work for another couple.

This site is getting crazier and angrier everyday.

ikeepseeingit · 27/10/2021 23:28

So many grumpy judgemental people on this thread giving unsolicited and completely redundant 'advice' 😂 You do you OP! You sound happy, I'm not sure some people here understand what that means.

On the note of your partner eating all your food, UGH. He definitely owes you a trip to the rice place or a full fridge of your cravings!! Put in place a boundary that is enforced with immediate effect. Something like, if he eats your food without asking, he goes out to buy you it again at the earliest possible chance, meaning right then and there if the rice place is open. I imagine it will not happen often after that! 🤣

Offmyfence · 27/10/2021 23:29

If you'd lived together prior to pregnancy, you may have realised he doesn't priories you over his own wants.

@heebiejeebies45 imagine though when he does live in, you aren't visiting the hospital then you'll have no rice boxes!

It's really not a big deal, but it is concerning that you know so little about him, but you've got two children with him.

Offmyfence · 27/10/2021 23:30

@ikeepseeingit

So many grumpy judgemental people on this thread giving unsolicited and completely redundant 'advice' 😂 You do you OP! You sound happy, I'm not sure some people here understand what that means.

On the note of your partner eating all your food, UGH. He definitely owes you a trip to the rice place or a full fridge of your cravings!! Put in place a boundary that is enforced with immediate effect. Something like, if he eats your food without asking, he goes out to buy you it again at the earliest possible chance, meaning right then and there if the rice place is open. I imagine it will not happen often after that! 🤣

But surely it f they'd lived together she would've realised his was "ugh"?

It's harder to keep up a pretext when living together?

Original poster
heebiejeebies45 · 27/10/2021 23:34

@Offmyfence

If you'd lived together prior to pregnancy, you may have realised he doesn't priories you over his own wants.

@heebiejeebies45 imagine though when he does live in, you aren't visiting the hospital then you'll have no rice boxes!

It's really not a big deal, but it is concerning that you know so little about him, but you've got two children with him.

It's concerning that I know so little about him? What are you even talking about, I've already said he always takes my food which I find annoying. I've always known this about him because he's been like this for years but I thought he'd at least spare my rice box. You're really just making things up
OP posts: