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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DP ate my food😡

237 replies

heebiejeebies45 · 27/10/2021 18:14

I need to hear people's opinions as I really don't know if my hormones are taking over or not!

Hopefully this isn't a long one but want to add extra info so I don't drip feed.
I had my first baby in May and both baby and I were in hospital for 7 days due to a bad labour (ended up having 3 surgeries, lost 2L of blood, baby got really ill etc.) Over the course of 4/5 weeks I was in and out of the hospital weekly due to all of these issues once discharged. When DP would stay overnight in the hospital with me, he would bring me this chicken and rice box to eat for lunch which was absolutely amazing. I later found out it was a Filipino food stall which served street food in DPs area and there wasn't one near me.

Fast forward to now, I'm currently 14 weeks pregnant with our second baby and the hospital I'm having the baby in is very close to the food place DP would get this rice box from. Whenever I have a hospital appointment (which isn't often) I go to the food stall and buy both of our orders.

Today DP wanted something different and asked for a burrito. When I got home we saw it wasn't actually a burrito and his order was done incorrectly. Even though it wasn't what he ordered, he tried it and liked it so ate all of it. I asked if he wanted some of mine (we usually get the same rice box) and he said yeah so I poured a bit out of my box and put it in his. He then finished his food and came over bothering me for some more of mine. I was jokingly saying, 'go away you've had your own' but let him take a mouthful.

I always get a large and always save half for dinner as I can never finish it all at one time. I put the box down on the table and never thought anything of it. Fast forward a couple of hours and I start getting hungry again so I go to the table to get my rice box but it isn't there. I go into the kitchen and see it on the side, picked it up and it was as light as a feather! Opened it up and there was honestly no more than 2 mouthfuls left in the box.
I had left nearly half! I go over to DP and say 'where the hell is my food, why did you have some, I never said you can have some' etc. He starts saying 'yes you did' then eventually said sorry because he knows he ate it without asking me. I had to go to the front door for fresh air because I was genuinely upset.

I know this is going to sound silly but I really do love that food. I rarely have it as it isn't close to where I live and DP knows I was saving that for dinner. He has form for this too as last time I was pregnant, I put down a container of chow mein near the side of the bed to get a drink, when I looked over, DP had finished all of my chow mein!

I told him to go home (he was going home today anyway but told him to go earlier) I was so pissed off. All a pregnant girl wanted to do was sit down at eat her food for dinner, is that so much to ask?!
Did I overreact or is he just a food thief?

OP posts:
steff13 · 27/10/2021 20:02

It would have annoyed me a little bit but not too much. Look on the bright side; maybe he'll get food poisoning and learn his lesson.

Original poster
heebiejeebies45 · 27/10/2021 20:04

@SpidersAreShitheads

You've obviously got a set-up that works for you OP, and that's great.

However you also said: he does a big chunk of the parenting and I'm so grateful.

Not to be pedantic but it's not your sole role to do the parenting. As women we're taught we need to be grateful for whatever crumbs of parenting the men manage to do. You jointly choose to have a baby, and to cap that, you've been very unwell and now you're pregnant. It's good to hear that he does a reasonable share when he's at your house - but that's actually his responsibility, not something to be grateful for.

Not trying to bash you in the slightest OP, I just think it's really important what language we choose to use.

I completely agree with you and as much as DD is as much his responsibility as she is mine. The reason why I'm so grateful is because I've seen how difficult it is when my friends have kids and their child's father is AWOL or simply not pulling their weight. Being on MN has also shown me how many people are in awful situations with DPs/DHs expecting women to look after the kids/cook/clean with minimal help and so many other expectations.

So as much as it's his responsibility, I still appreciate him and how much he does because so many men don't pull their weight. People say don't applaud a fish for swimming but I definitely appreciate what I have and don't think there's anything wrong with that

OP posts:
MrsSkylerWhite · 27/10/2021 20:04

Wondering why don’t you live together?

Do you normally reheat the leftovers? Please be really careful with reheated rice.

Sorry, missing the point, I know, but worrying about you and the rice now Smile

BunNcheese · 27/10/2021 20:05

@Sleepinghyena

You must have been pregnant agin within 2/3 months of your first being born.... With a man you don't even live with. Who is a greedy thoughtless shit. Good luck with that then!
I this is harsh but very true. I too made a similar mistake!
MiddleParking · 27/10/2021 20:06

I really need to hear more about the guy who ate fourteen portions of bolognese in one day.

Original poster
heebiejeebies45 · 27/10/2021 20:06

@Bluntness100

Curious, and you don’t need to answer, but How come he takes the kids to his mums to give you a break? And not to his place? How come you don’t stay with him, does he live with his mum?

Are you both very young?

@Bluntness100 you the hit the nail on the head with this one. We're both under 25 so both young and yes he does still live at home. Not going to go into too much detail as I'm not trying to give people more information to bash us but wanted to answer your question
OP posts:
Hoppinggreen · 27/10/2021 20:07

@Melawati

You had a baby in May and you’re 14 weeks pregnant now with your second?
And they don’t live together. Chicken and rice doesn’t sound like the biggest issue here
Bluntness100 · 27/10/2021 20:07

Thanks op 🙂

LagunaBubbles · 27/10/2021 20:08

Yes it's not unheard of of people getting pregnant within a few months of having a baby. Many women have 2 kids under 2 or kids that have only a 11/12 month age gap or have you never heard that before?

Hmm
Nomoreusernames1244 · 27/10/2021 20:09

I put down a container of chow mein near the side of the bed to get a drink, when I looked over, DP had finished all of my chow mein!

How fast does he eat to finish a chow mein while you get a drink?

I dunno. Just from another pov I’d assume food out for several hours after we’d started to eat was finished with, and bin it when I cleared up- or finish it off if I was very hungry.

If you want to keep it for later it goes in the fridge then everyone else knows not to clear it away.

SpidersAreShitheads · 27/10/2021 20:10

@Fetarabbit Agree 100%. I'm so glad you commented - I was beginning to think that I was the only person who felt like this. The word is completely overused to a ridiculous extent, I find it really frustrating - and it's an insult to the cases where it genuinely applies.

BurbageBrook · 27/10/2021 20:10

I’d be telling him he needed to bring me the exact same meal the next day.

Sparklfairy · 27/10/2021 20:11

@MiddleParking that man could eat. He gave me the kicked puppy look and blamed me for making it so delicious he simply couldn't stop himself for going back for more all fucking day

Fetarabbit · 27/10/2021 20:11

People have all sorts of set ups, I'm not sure why some are so judgemental, if it works for you OP then it's not an issue. Having 2 parents living under one roof doesn't mean stability or whatever else by default.

Fetarabbit · 27/10/2021 20:12

[quote SpidersAreShitheads]@Fetarabbit Agree 100%. I'm so glad you commented - I was beginning to think that I was the only person who felt like this. The word is completely overused to a ridiculous extent, I find it really frustrating - and it's an insult to the cases where it genuinely applies.[/quote]
Yes it's annoying and minimising isn't it, it seems to be used loads on here, along with narcissist!

tickledtiger · 27/10/2021 20:16

Selfish bastard.

MiddleParking · 27/10/2021 20:17

[quote Sparklfairy]@MiddleParking that man could eat. He gave me the kicked puppy look and blamed me for making it so delicious he simply couldn't stop himself for going back for more all fucking day[/quote]
FOURTEEN portions of bolognese though! How was your plumbing after that?!

Original poster
heebiejeebies45 · 27/10/2021 20:18

@CiaoForDiNiaoSaur

My then DP did this when I was pregnant with DC2. Im sure baby was laying on my stomach so i could only manage small portions but had to eat often. I left my dinner in the kitchen and told him I'd finish it when I was hungry again. The greedy bastard ate the lot.Angry
Ffs I'm so done with men eating food that doesn't belong to them😂 can't they get their own?!
OP posts:
Heartdogs · 27/10/2021 20:19

All this living separately with a child and another on the way and fighting over rice is weird.

BeaLola · 27/10/2021 20:20

It's annoying sure but there are more important things surely ?

Sparklfairy · 27/10/2021 20:23

@MiddleParking please don't make me revisit traumatic memories of the plumbing Grin

Fourteen portions was not a big deal to him. And he knew some was for me, for a number of days and he simply did not care he'd left me with no dinner and no warning. This was a man who would have the platter for two at nandos - whole chicken, four sides, plus cheesecake for dessert. It came with two drinks so should have been a clue? When I pointed this out he pulled a sad face and said, 'but they're only small chickens Sparkl Sad' Then we'd go across the road to the cinema and he'd be weighed down with armfuls of snacks trying not to drop them while finding his seat Confused

It got expensive, as he wanted to split food 50/50, 'as that's part of living together'.

SunshineCake1 · 27/10/2021 20:24

@Bluntness100

Curious, and you don’t need to answer, but How come he takes the kids to his mums to give you a break? And not to his place? How come you don’t stay with him, does he live with his mum?

Are you both very young?

Clearly you think he can't care for his child alone but maybe it is because his child loves to see their grandparent and she loves to see them too.
DameMaureen · 27/10/2021 20:25

A 5 month old baby cannot "adore her father " - it's just not possible . Also I think you are going to have more problems on your hands than worrying about who eats some food . If you're out gasping for air over this then good luck .

AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken · 27/10/2021 20:27

@SunshineCake1
Nah. OP has already confirmed he still lives with his mummy.

NotSorry · 27/10/2021 20:28

Only 12 months between my eldest 2 - it was tough at times, but in other ways it was easier, we had nowhere to get to as they weren't old enough for pre-school so if we were having a bad day, it really didn't matter. You'll be fine OP and yes I'd have cried if my food had been eaten too.