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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DP ate my food😡

237 replies

heebiejeebies45 · 27/10/2021 18:14

I need to hear people's opinions as I really don't know if my hormones are taking over or not!

Hopefully this isn't a long one but want to add extra info so I don't drip feed.
I had my first baby in May and both baby and I were in hospital for 7 days due to a bad labour (ended up having 3 surgeries, lost 2L of blood, baby got really ill etc.) Over the course of 4/5 weeks I was in and out of the hospital weekly due to all of these issues once discharged. When DP would stay overnight in the hospital with me, he would bring me this chicken and rice box to eat for lunch which was absolutely amazing. I later found out it was a Filipino food stall which served street food in DPs area and there wasn't one near me.

Fast forward to now, I'm currently 14 weeks pregnant with our second baby and the hospital I'm having the baby in is very close to the food place DP would get this rice box from. Whenever I have a hospital appointment (which isn't often) I go to the food stall and buy both of our orders.

Today DP wanted something different and asked for a burrito. When I got home we saw it wasn't actually a burrito and his order was done incorrectly. Even though it wasn't what he ordered, he tried it and liked it so ate all of it. I asked if he wanted some of mine (we usually get the same rice box) and he said yeah so I poured a bit out of my box and put it in his. He then finished his food and came over bothering me for some more of mine. I was jokingly saying, 'go away you've had your own' but let him take a mouthful.

I always get a large and always save half for dinner as I can never finish it all at one time. I put the box down on the table and never thought anything of it. Fast forward a couple of hours and I start getting hungry again so I go to the table to get my rice box but it isn't there. I go into the kitchen and see it on the side, picked it up and it was as light as a feather! Opened it up and there was honestly no more than 2 mouthfuls left in the box.
I had left nearly half! I go over to DP and say 'where the hell is my food, why did you have some, I never said you can have some' etc. He starts saying 'yes you did' then eventually said sorry because he knows he ate it without asking me. I had to go to the front door for fresh air because I was genuinely upset.

I know this is going to sound silly but I really do love that food. I rarely have it as it isn't close to where I live and DP knows I was saving that for dinner. He has form for this too as last time I was pregnant, I put down a container of chow mein near the side of the bed to get a drink, when I looked over, DP had finished all of my chow mein!

I told him to go home (he was going home today anyway but told him to go earlier) I was so pissed off. All a pregnant girl wanted to do was sit down at eat her food for dinner, is that so much to ask?!
Did I overreact or is he just a food thief?

OP posts:
RosieGuacamosie · 27/10/2021 19:00

I’m not surprised at this level of selfish behaviour from a man who is happy to swan off back to his bachelor pad 3 nights a week and let his pregnant girlfriend do all the donkey work.

Let me guess, he doesn’t pay towards your place either?

Original poster
heebiejeebies45 · 27/10/2021 19:01

You got pregnant within weeks while in and out of hospital still, with a man you don’t live with.

I have to laugh at comments like this because DP has been my partner for years. Just because we don't live together comments like this seem like I've just got pregnant by some random person I'm having casual sex withConfused

Well yes to best provide a stable home environment for your children as well as teaching them about what " normal" stable relationships look like?

Poor kids. You've deliberately started their lives without a dad on hand, whilst recovering from a very traumatic previous delivery, which is risky to you. You've definitely got bigger problems than a tub of rice

Two similar comments from different posters. It's interesting that this has been said as I have a close friend who had a baby 8 months before me. Her and DP live together with their child and have such a bad relationship. They're both not happy and all in all it's just not a good situation. On the other hand, DP and I don't live together. We have a great relationship, DD is only 5 months old and has such a loving relationship with her dad where she absolutely adores him. People are assuming because we don't live together we are providing an unstable home for our kids etc. No one bats an eyelid when a couple are living together tho, regardless of whether it's a toxic environment for DC or not.

It's as if he comes around once every two weeks or something lol. As I've previously said, DD and I have just moved here in July and will be moving again as we'll need a bigger place once DC comes along. For all those that are clearly worried, we will be living together then.

As a PP said, different things work for different people. It's not that difficult to understand

OP posts:
toomuchlaundry · 27/10/2021 19:01

How much parenting does he do as he doesn't actually live with you?

Unanananana · 27/10/2021 19:06

You shouldn't leave rice out on the side for hours. It should be cooled quickly and put in the fridge if you must save it though it should be eaten fresh or binned. Maybe brush up on your food safety before you do yourself some harm.

He did you a favour eating it as food poisoning is grim, and probably risky when you are pregnant.

NavigatingAdolescence · 27/10/2021 19:08

@heebiejeebies45

You got pregnant within weeks while in and out of hospital still, with a man you don’t live with.

I have to laugh at comments like this because DP has been my partner for years. Just because we don't live together comments like this seem like I've just got pregnant by some random person I'm having casual sex withConfused

Well yes to best provide a stable home environment for your children as well as teaching them about what " normal" stable relationships look like?

Poor kids. You've deliberately started their lives without a dad on hand, whilst recovering from a very traumatic previous delivery, which is risky to you. You've definitely got bigger problems than a tub of rice

Two similar comments from different posters. It's interesting that this has been said as I have a close friend who had a baby 8 months before me. Her and DP live together with their child and have such a bad relationship. They're both not happy and all in all it's just not a good situation. On the other hand, DP and I don't live together. We have a great relationship, DD is only 5 months old and has such a loving relationship with her dad where she absolutely adores him. People are assuming because we don't live together we are providing an unstable home for our kids etc. No one bats an eyelid when a couple are living together tho, regardless of whether it's a toxic environment for DC or not.

It's as if he comes around once every two weeks or something lol. As I've previously said, DD and I have just moved here in July and will be moving again as we'll need a bigger place once DC comes along. For all those that are clearly worried, we will be living together then.

As a PP said, different things work for different people. It's not that difficult to understand

My husband of 8-9 years worked away 5.5 days a week when DD was born. Your baby is getting a lot more daddy time than mine did!
PeterIsACockwomble · 27/10/2021 19:10

Is your partner a Beagle?

ittakes2 · 27/10/2021 19:13

I would be careful about going back to rice left out and then eating it.

HazelandChacha · 27/10/2021 19:14

@EnjoyingTheArmoire

Totally off topic, but you really shouldn't be leaving cooked rice out on the side, it's quite risky if it's not cooled and heated properly.

The last thing you need is rice related food poisoning, especially as you're pregnant.

This is what I was thinking too!

Uncooked rice can contain spores of Bacillus cereus, bacteria that can cause food poisoning. The spores can survive when rice is cooked. If rice is left standing at room temperature, the spores can grow into bacteria. These bacteria will multiply and may produce toxins (poisons) that cause vomiting or diarrhoea
www.nhs.uk/common-health-questions/food-and-diet/can-reheating-rice-cause-food-poisoning/

Cameleongirl · 27/10/2021 19:16

MY DH eats everything in sight, as do my two teenagers. If I really want to save something, I put a note on it saying, "Don't Touch" and often illustrate it with a skull and crossbones to show the extent of my wrath if anyone does. Grin

Original poster
heebiejeebies45 · 27/10/2021 19:16

@toomuchlaundry

How much parenting does he do as he doesn't actually live with you?
Some may say he does more parenting than me! He's been extremely hands on from the start and is an amazing dad. He often takes DD round to his mum's to give me a break for the day. I've been able to maintain my social life as I still see my friends for a meal out here and there. I'll be out this Saturday enjoying VenomGrin When he's here he's constantly looking after DD, he does the morning shifts so I'm able to have a lie in. The list really goes on. As I've said he stays 4/5 out of 7 days. Not once every week lol he does a big chunk of the parenting and I'm so grateful
OP posts:
TheCuntessOfMiddlesex · 27/10/2021 19:19

@Marelle

He’s greedy. Is he fat too? His lack of control around food needs to be addressed because it’s obviously a problem.
Eh??
BarbaraofSeville · 27/10/2021 19:19

I was wondering how long it would take for the rice police to turn up.

I've probably eaten reheated rice that's been sitting around at room temperature for a few hours about twice a week for the last 25 years and have never been ill from it, so the risk can't be that great.

girlmom21 · 27/10/2021 19:19

Does he often tell you you've said things you haven't actually said?

fourandnomore · 27/10/2021 19:19

I’d have been cross too but my DH would have realised his mistake and offered to replace it. Ignore the derailers, I have lots of friends with children with small gaps and their kids have wonderful relationships - also agree that your relationship is much more important than whether you live together.

Original poster
heebiejeebies45 · 27/10/2021 19:20

So he ate his own meal, then some of yours, then mithered you for more, THEN when your back was turned he stole almost all of what was left.

This is literally it😑 so unnecessary and inconsiderate. Especially as he knows I'm pregnant and that's all I ever crave. It's not like I could go on Deliveroo and order it or anything like that, I think that's what made it worse too

OP posts:
TheCuntessOfMiddlesex · 27/10/2021 19:21

@santabetterwashhishands

I hope your not claiming to live alone while mr greedy stays and plays the system 🤔
Good point
Thehop · 27/10/2021 19:22

Completely unrelated, but i have 12 months between my boys @heebiejeebies45 and it’s absolutely brilliant. Yes the end of pregnancy was knackering but aren’t they all? They’re great friends now and they’ve always got someone to play with!

Melawati · 27/10/2021 19:23

Melawati
You had a baby in May and you’re 14 weeks pregnant now with your second?

Yes it's not unheard of of people getting pregnant within a few months of having a baby. Many women have 2 kids under 2 or kids that have only a 11/12 month age gap or have you never heard that before?

Well yes, I had two under two myself and it was very hard work. Can’t imagine having felt like it barely a month after having had several major surgeries, DD1 in hospital for weeks and losing litres of blood, with a partner who wasn’t 100% on board. Good luck with it all.

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 27/10/2021 19:23

@tiggerwhocamefortea

sorry is there some sort of handbook that says you have to live together when having kids?

Well yes to best provide a stable home environment for your children as well as teaching them about what " normal" stable relationships look like? 🤷🏻‍♀️

Bollocks does living together = the most stable relationship model. In fact I'm sure a lot of relationships would be stronger if the woman could tell the man to fuck off home once in a while.
ejhhhhh · 27/10/2021 19:23

I actually love the sound of your set up OP. If I'd have realised just how much I need my own space, and had the financial resources to do so, I think I'd be happier couples up but with separate households. I do love my DH, I really do, and he's a good partner and a good dad, but I still have a niggle that I'd rather live on my own with my children. I think that's just me, I don't think a different relationship would be any different. I enjoy being in a relationship, I really do, but I have that longing for "a room of one's own". You do you OP.

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 27/10/2021 19:24

@stingofthebutterfly

Poor kids. You've deliberately started their lives without a dad on hand, whilst recovering from a very traumatic previous delivery, which is risky to you. You've definitely got bigger problems than a tub of rice.
Oh stop
SilverBirchWithout · 27/10/2021 19:24

I certainly wouldn’t live with someone who stole my food. You need to set firm boundaries Grin

Roselilly36 · 27/10/2021 19:25

That was the sort of thing that would have upset me when I was pregnant. I sobbed, when DH used up the last of the real butter on his toast to leave me with the utterly butterly or whatever it was called.

Walkingalot · 27/10/2021 19:25

I'm not sure if it's a light hearted thread or not. Yes, I'd have gone ballistic, pregnant or not. Read him the riot act and tell him to never do it again!

Nocutenamesleft · 27/10/2021 19:25

I’m not going to post about your problem

Just please please be careful. Rice is one of the easiest foods to either get very sick from. Or very unwell from food poisoning!

So be so careful with rice. Personally I never reheat it. Nor would I eat it after it being left out for more than 45 mins.