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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DP ate my food😡

237 replies

heebiejeebies45 · 27/10/2021 18:14

I need to hear people's opinions as I really don't know if my hormones are taking over or not!

Hopefully this isn't a long one but want to add extra info so I don't drip feed.
I had my first baby in May and both baby and I were in hospital for 7 days due to a bad labour (ended up having 3 surgeries, lost 2L of blood, baby got really ill etc.) Over the course of 4/5 weeks I was in and out of the hospital weekly due to all of these issues once discharged. When DP would stay overnight in the hospital with me, he would bring me this chicken and rice box to eat for lunch which was absolutely amazing. I later found out it was a Filipino food stall which served street food in DPs area and there wasn't one near me.

Fast forward to now, I'm currently 14 weeks pregnant with our second baby and the hospital I'm having the baby in is very close to the food place DP would get this rice box from. Whenever I have a hospital appointment (which isn't often) I go to the food stall and buy both of our orders.

Today DP wanted something different and asked for a burrito. When I got home we saw it wasn't actually a burrito and his order was done incorrectly. Even though it wasn't what he ordered, he tried it and liked it so ate all of it. I asked if he wanted some of mine (we usually get the same rice box) and he said yeah so I poured a bit out of my box and put it in his. He then finished his food and came over bothering me for some more of mine. I was jokingly saying, 'go away you've had your own' but let him take a mouthful.

I always get a large and always save half for dinner as I can never finish it all at one time. I put the box down on the table and never thought anything of it. Fast forward a couple of hours and I start getting hungry again so I go to the table to get my rice box but it isn't there. I go into the kitchen and see it on the side, picked it up and it was as light as a feather! Opened it up and there was honestly no more than 2 mouthfuls left in the box.
I had left nearly half! I go over to DP and say 'where the hell is my food, why did you have some, I never said you can have some' etc. He starts saying 'yes you did' then eventually said sorry because he knows he ate it without asking me. I had to go to the front door for fresh air because I was genuinely upset.

I know this is going to sound silly but I really do love that food. I rarely have it as it isn't close to where I live and DP knows I was saving that for dinner. He has form for this too as last time I was pregnant, I put down a container of chow mein near the side of the bed to get a drink, when I looked over, DP had finished all of my chow mein!

I told him to go home (he was going home today anyway but told him to go earlier) I was so pissed off. All a pregnant girl wanted to do was sit down at eat her food for dinner, is that so much to ask?!
Did I overreact or is he just a food thief?

OP posts:
mcmooberry · 27/10/2021 19:25

No you didn't overreact, I would have been fuming too, he should 100% have been sent out to buy more of it (if it's not just a lunchtime-only outlet)

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 27/10/2021 19:27

@heebiejeebies45 - I’m still not over dh eating all the crispy skin from the gammon joint, back when we were dating - and we have our 30th wedding anniversary next year! (Lighthearted)

Sparklfairy · 27/10/2021 19:27

OP I couldn't bear this. Years ago I was living with a man who didn't work (he was a 'music producer' apparently, except that actually meant just tinkering around on a keyboard all day). I worked full time in a stressful job. On a weekend I batch cooked the equivalent of 16 portions of bolognese, some to eat in the week, some to freeze.

We ate it Sunday night, I went to work the next day. When I came home it was ALL gone. 14 portions. I had no dinner. He'd eaten all the food for both of us to last a few days, and hadn't even gone to the supermarket to get anything in and 'couldn't afford' a takeaway.

As you can tell, I'm still annoyed about it Grin

IveGotASongThatllGetOnYNerves · 27/10/2021 19:29

@heebiejeebies45

He's a selfish nob, but mn'ers will concentrate on the fact that you aren't living together.

You didn't lie there😂 @DontBiteTheBoobThatFeedsYou I forgot people like to pick up on things that have nothing to do with the post!

You must have been pregnant agin within 2/3 months of your first being born.... With a man you don't even live with. Who is a greedy thoughtless shit. Good luck with that then!

@Sleepinghyena sorry is there some sort of handbook that says you have to live together when having kids? DD and I have only just moved in to our new flat at the end of July. DP lives 40 mins away and stays over 4/5 out of 7 days. We have a lot of support from close family so it works for us

Don't worry about it. I've noticed a tendancy for people to assume couple with children but not living together = benefit fraud.
authenticforgery · 27/10/2021 19:30

No but he actually sounds like a greedy labrador.

TotallySuper · 27/10/2021 19:31

@Boudiccasback

Why don’t you live together?Confused
I would imagine it's for benefits reasons
SpidersAreShitheads · 27/10/2021 19:32

You've obviously got a set-up that works for you OP, and that's great.

However you also said: he does a big chunk of the parenting and I'm so grateful.

Not to be pedantic but it's not your sole role to do the parenting. As women we're taught we need to be grateful for whatever crumbs of parenting the men manage to do. You jointly choose to have a baby, and to cap that, you've been very unwell and now you're pregnant. It's good to hear that he does a reasonable share when he's at your house - but that's actually his responsibility, not something to be grateful for.

Not trying to bash you in the slightest OP, I just think it's really important what language we choose to use.

Creepypastard · 27/10/2021 19:34

I'm quite shocked at all the negative comments about OP not living with her partner, it sounds like they have a wonderful relationship (aside the rice thievery! ).

What about partners who work away? Is that unfair on children also?

Original poster
heebiejeebies45 · 27/10/2021 19:39

@Melawati

*Melawati You had a baby in May and you’re 14 weeks pregnant now with your second?*

Yes it's not unheard of of people getting pregnant within a few months of having a baby. Many women have 2 kids under 2 or kids that have only a 11/12 month age gap or have you never heard that before?

Well yes, I had two under two myself and it was very hard work. Can’t imagine having felt like it barely a month after having had several major surgeries, DD1 in hospital for weeks and losing litres of blood, with a partner who wasn’t 100% on board. Good luck with it all.

Wow the actual cheek. DP couldn't have been more supportive during such a traumatic time for both me and baby. 'With a partner who wasn't 100% on board.' So because we don't live together he isn't 100% on board. Okay thank you👍
OP posts:
SparklyGlasses · 27/10/2021 19:39

He is definitely BU. He knew the food was hard to get, he knew you loved it and were saving it and he ate it anyway. And eating your chow mein when you got up to get a drink is worse!

I'm also part of a "living apart with a baby" couple. In our case due to DPs work and house location and house not being ready to sell. I do understand why people would assume benefit fraud though (on here at least - hoping people don't think that about us IRL!) without knowing all the details - it's expensive not to mention time consuming to maintain 2 homes so I think it can be a bit baffling as to why anyone would do it!

BashfulClam · 27/10/2021 19:41

He sounds like a labrador ffs! I echo pp my about rice safety, if you keep it in future put it in the fridge with dp under strict instructions not to touch a morsel of it. I refuse to share snack etc with DH, if we are sharing a big bag of crisps he wolfs down handfuls without tasting them. I get about 3 crisps and he wolfs the rest before I have a chance. There is no sharing due to similar behaviour for other food items. I once bought myself a share bag of ringos and went to get them the next day, they been bloody opened half eaten and the bag left open so they were all soft. I was looking forward to them. I was so raging I tipped the soft remains over his head!

Winterlights1 · 27/10/2021 19:44

Did he buy the food for you? If so he should have bought you at least the double if it’s far away and he knows you love it.

HikingforScenery · 27/10/2021 19:45

That’s so disrespectful. I’d not be happy at all. He needs to understand this behaviour is not to be repeated

SpeakingFranglais · 27/10/2021 19:47

I also think you have problems than a greedy bastard that ate your rice box.

Original poster
heebiejeebies45 · 27/10/2021 19:47

@ejhhhhh

I actually love the sound of your set up OP. If I'd have realised just how much I need my own space, and had the financial resources to do so, I think I'd be happier couples up but with separate households. I do love my DH, I really do, and he's a good partner and a good dad, but I still have a niggle that I'd rather live on my own with my children. I think that's just me, I don't think a different relationship would be any different. I enjoy being in a relationship, I really do, but I have that longing for "a room of one's own". You do you OP.
This is it! I really enjoy my own space and I love DP but in small doses😂 one time we spent a week together and it just felt never ending. I love knowing I have a couple/few days to myself at the end of the week. Currently pregnant with our second so I know this probably won't be feasible in the future but just enjoying it for the time being lol. I wish we had the finances to continue this in the future as I'm in agreement with you. I think I'll have that same niggle of just wanting to live with the kids only!

@CloseYourEyesAndSee I really agree with this😂 'In fact I'm sure a lot of relationships would be stronger if the woman could tell the man to fuck off home once in a while.' That little break away is so nice and so needed sometimes

OP posts:
Cherrysoup · 27/10/2021 19:50

I don’t like the sound of the lying. Does he often gaslight you? I think it was hugely inconsiderate of him to eat the rest, knowing how much you like it/pregnancy cravings.

My Dh and his brother are 11 months apart, I think it’s lovely, they are very close.

Original poster
heebiejeebies45 · 27/10/2021 19:51

@Thehop

Completely unrelated, but i have 12 months between my boys *@heebiejeebies45* and it’s absolutely brilliant. Yes the end of pregnancy was knackering but aren’t they all? They’re great friends now and they’ve always got someone to play with!
Really love hearing that! I can't wait to see the bond between our two and hope they're also super closeSmile
OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 27/10/2021 19:52

Curious, and you don’t need to answer, but How come he takes the kids to his mums to give you a break? And not to his place? How come you don’t stay with him, does he live with his mum?

Are you both very young?

Catlover77 · 27/10/2021 19:53

@BarbaraofSeville

I was wondering how long it would take for the rice police to turn up.

I've probably eaten reheated rice that's been sitting around at room temperature for a few hours about twice a week for the last 25 years and have never been ill from it, so the risk can't be that great.

Exactly what I was thinking. I heat it again in the microwave for a good few minutes and never had any issues
Original poster
heebiejeebies45 · 27/10/2021 19:56

@Roselilly36 @SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius I'm laughing seriously hard at these stories😂😂 it really does stick with you when someone finishes something you've had in mind😂

@Sparklfairy Shockthat really takes the piss! 14 portions?? He's definitely a maniac😂

OP posts:
HunterHearstHelmsley · 27/10/2021 19:57

This sounds like my mother! If I offer her a bit of food I have to say "that doesn't mean you can have all of it"! Otherwise, I'll go to eat whatever it is (leftovers, multipack of crisps, medieval feast), and it will be gone. With cries of but you said I could have it!

Cas112 · 27/10/2021 19:58

Being angry about someone eating your food either whilst your pregnant or not is justified in my eyes haha! I hate it 😂

CiaoForDiNiaoSaur · 27/10/2021 20:00

My then DP did this when I was pregnant with DC2. Im sure baby was laying on my stomach so i could only manage small portions but had to eat often. I left my dinner in the kitchen and told him I'd finish it when I was hungry again. The greedy bastard ate the lot.Angry

Ricebaffle · 27/10/2021 20:00

I never understand the hysteria about cooked rice. (I have seen rice cooked and drained like pasta though. Now that was a shock!)

I grew up on a diet that consists of a lot of rice. It was always very well cooked. Im very confident about the way I cook and reheat rice. Sometimes, it’s been left out for hours. Nobody ever got food poisoning from eating reheated rice in my family. I imagine rice from a Filipino place would cook rice very well too.

Saoirse82 · 27/10/2021 20:01

@BarbaraofSeville

I was wondering how long it would take for the rice police to turn up.

I've probably eaten reheated rice that's been sitting around at room temperature for a few hours about twice a week for the last 25 years and have never been ill from it, so the risk can't be that great.

You're much more at risk when pregnant though, that's why it's recommended you don't eat certain foods.