Being drove insane on the postnatal ward

[TrappedWindArse]

I gave birth yesterday via section, had a nasty hemmorage and am now stuck on the postnatal ward with a very lethargic and jaundice DS. I haven't slept properly in days. 20 mins here and there. I'm fucked.

There's a seemingly pleasant couple in the bay opposite me with their own newborn who is quite difficult to settle, so they do have my sympathy.

The problem is the dad has adopted a method of trying to sooth the baby by making that noise you make when you're trying to beckon a cat "click click pspspsps click click pspspsps"

Obviously it doesn't work, but that doesn't deter him.

Now imagine that on loop constantly, alongside not instead of, the poor grizzly newborn. All night long. Into the morning, then afternoon.

"Click click pspspspspspsps"

Another lady on the ward kindly introduced the mum to white noise on YouTube. It helps the baby a little, hurrah, mum is very thankful, but the dad is still doing that bloody cat noise.

WIBU to strangle him and cite temporary insanity due to hormones and extreme provocation? or at the very least ask him to bloody stop it

Eugh flashbacks from my time on a postnatal ward! I had a lady opposite me who was singing Christian praise Jesus songs along with music from her mobile loudly from 6am until she went to bed. I could have cheerfully murdered her and the midwives did bugger all about it. I wasn't allowed to turn the bright light above my head off to rest during the day because 'its daytime we keep the lights on dear' FFS. I was stuck there for a week and was so so relieved to get home. You have my utmost sympathy.

Congratulations!

But you have my sympathy. I've spent a total of 7 days (cumulatively) on postnatal wards and they were hellish. Worst for me was the noise of people eating. I have severe misophonia so being bed bound next to people making wet, sloppy chewing sounds drove me insane.

The previous poster who described postnatal wards as a great form of contraception was spot on. I wouldn't want to go though any of it again.

@TrappedWindArse

I gave birth yesterday via section, had a nasty hemmorage and am now stuck on the postnatal ward with a very lethargic and jaundice DS. I haven't slept properly in days. 20 mins here and there. I'm fucked.

There's a seemingly pleasant couple in the bay opposite me with their own newborn who is quite difficult to settle, so they do have my sympathy.

The problem is the dad has adopted a method of trying to sooth the baby by making that noise you make when you're trying to beckon a cat "click click pspspsps click click pspspsps"

Obviously it doesn't work, but that doesn't deter him.

Now imagine that on loop constantly, alongside not instead of, the poor grizzly newborn. All night long. Into the morning, then afternoon.

"Click click pspspspspspsps"

Another lady on the ward kindly introduced the mum to white noise on YouTube. It helps the baby a little, hurrah, mum is very thankful, but the dad is still doing that bloody cat noise.

WIBU to strangle him and cite temporary insanity due to hormones and extreme provocation? or at the very least ask him to bloody stop it

In your state of body, and state of mind, I need to commend you for have enough patience not to shout 'For God's sake! He's not a cat!!!' Most likely you would make a few people giggle in there.

Yes. But they were allowed on the labour ward, and would then insist they wouldn’t leave once the baby was born.

Ahh. Gotcha!

I don’t meant gotcha! I mean, I got you now- I understand

Postnatal was lovely during lockdown, DP wasn't allowed in which was a shame but no other partners were either! It was hell when I had my first with other peoples visitors.

Definitely cry, say you are feeling really not great and you can't manage and then cry some more. Hopefully they'll move you to a quieter corner

Tell them he is persistently coughing.. that’ll get shot of him 🤣 my bad

My first night on the postnatal ward I entered at midnight to everyone sleeping and my DD screaming. I felt awful, I was hysterical as DP had just left (couldn’t stay cos of covid) and I felt out of my depth and disturbing everyone. After a cry and a cuddle from the midwife we settled down, then the woman next to me started snoring, I genuinely thought she was going to inhale the curtains it was so loud. The heat was absolutely unbearable too, I felt like I was going to pass out. Luckily I was able to transfer to the midwife lead unit the next day and it was like a bloody hotel compared to wards. But honestly looking back it wasn’t that bad it was just a combination of hormones and tiredness.

Why are the wards so hot?! It’s absolutely unbearable, it was the main reason I asked for an early discharge.

Just say to cat man "Look, it's blatantly not working, if anything it's making him cry even more and frankly I'm not surprised. Now STFU."

Fgs. Get these men of these wards.

Congrats!!! I went home next day cos I had NO sleep on the postnatal ward!! Literally sat staring at my baby from 9pm til 9pm the next day was very... tiring..... yes defo ask for side room.... if not.. ear plugs????

One thing I will never understand about the UK is WHY do they allow people to be disruptive on a postnatal ward? (Other than the babies themselves, obviously :). I gave birth abroad in a place where all rooms are single or double occupancy with private bathrooms. You are allowed no more than two visitors at a time and in double rooms they don’t even allow husbands to stay overnight.

I know the midwives don’t have lots of time to police behavior on the wards but it is their job to take care of the patients. I just can’t see how it is good for the mums and babies to be in a chaotic, stressful environment at such a vulnerable time. I would think it would make everyone’s lives easier to have a modicum of calm on the ward. Why dont the hospitals set and enforce rules around this?

And this is exactly why we need the good old fashioned stern Matron noticing it and having a firm/discreet word in his ear (Nurse Crane from CTM springs to mind - plus stopping this nonsense of having Dads around 24/7 too, just allow poor women some peace.

All these stories show the awful experience women are put through, at a time that's supposed to be lovely, a calm time for bonding with your newborn, and possibly after a traumatic birth. It just screams of underfunding.

They mostly centred around how we were denying dads the bonding opportunity of when they were newborns, it was sexist to only allow one gender of parent to visit the baby, we were isolating mums in a vulnerable time, they’d rather their partners help with personal care like showering after a section than staff.

@IDontDrinkTea - this had me frothing at the mouth. Especially the bit where the man threw the bin at you. WTF? But it's the sexism allegation makes me madder than the rest. It's sexism that decrees female patients are the ones have to suffer through this. Because the wants of other females to have their males present trumps the needs of potentially vulnerable patients.

Fgs. Get these men of these wards.

There is nowhere we can go these days where they are not clamouring for access to what should be exclusively female spaces, particularly those which are needed because we're at our most vulnerable. Nowhere.

And unfortunately if there were, that need would likely be circumvented by the breed of [ridiculous] woman clamouring 'But what about the men?' and claiming exclusion of males to the absolute detriment and discomfort of other females is 'sexist'.

For. Fuck's. Sake. I'm off for a before I start to see red mist rising

I was dreading my postnatal stay as was during hard lockdown and therefore no visitors at all for the duration. It was actually incredibly peaceful and I slept well on the whole.

I hate men being on postnatal wards. I know all the arguments for them being there but I felt vulnerable and my space invaded.

Oh, God. This takes me back.

First baby, horrible section. I just wanted to hold her and then get some sleep. But the fuckwit I'd got myself pregnant to wouldn't fucking go home. And then his fucking sister turned up. And his fucking mother. And he still wouldn't fucking go home when I was off my tits on morphine until the HCA suggested very calmly that, as she was there with a bowl and cloth to clean the blood off my behind, nether regions, top half of my thighs and stomach, that it would really be a good time for the three of them to go home, as this really wasn't an acceptable replacement for Eastenders. (I'd known her since I was 4, I still feel really grateful for that brief moment of dignity).

Thankfully, I got moved into a side room about half an hour later because the addict mother next to me was finally in early labour (she'd complained at me that she'd been in agony because she was in labour from seven weeks and the c's wouldn't give her any fucking Pethedine) and then started shouting that if they took this one too, she'd just have another because after 8 children, they should realise that God wants her to have more.

Yay. Perhaps I'd get some time with my baby and then some sleep.

But no - the fuckwit crept back up to the ward at 10.30pm by tailgating another couple and persuaded the midwife to let him in as 'I can't disturb anybody, she's in a private room and I need to see my baby'. He appeared with NO FOOD, no clean clothes, no soap and then proceeded to insist upon the big light being on all night so he could read, not looking at his baby or me once.

Second one, much easier. The ex fucked off when they told him it was time for me to have something to eat and he could come back in again at 11 the following morning, so the doctors could do their rounds without men getting in the way. So peaceful. So lovely.

@MarieIVanArkleStinks I agree entirely with your sentiment but wards would have to be adequately staffed. If you've spent a long time listening to your baby cry and in too much pain (or hooked up to a catheter and still anaesthetised) to move, and not had a hcp respond to your genuine call for help, or been treated with utter disdain because you they have had to give you that help, you would understand why someone might want someone present who could help and who could advocate for them and the baby when they are vulnerable.

Visitors not allowed to stay in my hospital. Strict visiting hours and only 2 visitors at a time

Postnatal wards are like hell on earth. I lost my shit when I had my last baby and got moved to a private room.

Each 4 bed bay had one toilet/shower room to share.

I gave birth at 7pm and moved to the ward during the night.

There was a woman ignoring her crying baby.

A woman snoring like an actual warthog.

A woman on her phone and loudly texting with the key tones on.

I was utterly exhausted and had to sleep with headphones on playing white noise to drown it all out.

The next day I got the news that we'd be there for at least a week as we both needed IV antibiotics.

I decided to go for shower and walked into the shower room to a bed pan filled with bloody piss sat on the top of the toilet, and a used maternity pad stuck to the floor. Drops of blood in the shower.

I loudly told the staff I would be complaining to whoever is most senior and said the women/woman on the ward who left the shower in that state are an absolute disgrace and should be ashamed of themselves.

I was quickly shifted to a room on my own and treated very very nicely for the rest of my stay.

It's hard after giving birth but there's no excuse to be a scruffy bitch in a shared area like that. And the staff need to keep on top of hygiene especially when patients are being treated for infections.

First born we had no partners stop over night. It was an eye opener 2 years ago when i was wheeled into the ward, every woman had their partners there and i felt a right prat as mine was looking after the other child as i thought you did!! After a quick 3 hour birth, 1.4 litre blood loss, no transfusion, half the blood saturated over my clothes still, i felt awful trotting around nipping to the loo with the ward so full. The worse thing is the partners. I asked for a side room but no avail. Cried with relief going home but you have to look back and smile. Had a snorer next to me too!

@RobinPenguins

Postnatal is the seventh circle of hell.

Unfortunately I can't help you OP, but this is the untold truth of birth.

With my first I stayed in over night, with the other 4 I went home straight from the delivery room after 4-6 hours, thankfully.

My DIL has just spent 3 days on the ward and it was an awful experience for her.