Being drove insane on the postnatal ward

[TrappedWindArse]

I gave birth yesterday via section, had a nasty hemmorage and am now stuck on the postnatal ward with a very lethargic and jaundice DS. I haven't slept properly in days. 20 mins here and there. I'm fucked.

There's a seemingly pleasant couple in the bay opposite me with their own newborn who is quite difficult to settle, so they do have my sympathy.

The problem is the dad has adopted a method of trying to sooth the baby by making that noise you make when you're trying to beckon a cat "click click pspspsps click click pspspsps"

Obviously it doesn't work, but that doesn't deter him.

Now imagine that on loop constantly, alongside not instead of, the poor grizzly newborn. All night long. Into the morning, then afternoon.

"Click click pspspspspspsps"

Another lady on the ward kindly introduced the mum to white noise on YouTube. It helps the baby a little, hurrah, mum is very thankful, but the dad is still doing that bloody cat noise.

WIBU to strangle him and cite temporary insanity due to hormones and extreme provocation? or at the very least ask him to bloody stop it

The postnatal ward is the best contraceptive. I had PTSD from the things that happened on that ward. It was hell.

Brings it all back. Nearly 30 years ago. In a huge Nightingale ward with DS1. Ward was full when I arrived so we were shoved in at the end. All the other mums smoked and would disappear to the smoking room.
Constant visitors and zero privacy.
I was the only one attempting to breastfeed so they complained about me keeping them awake. It was so horrific that I wanted to discharge myself minus DS1. It’s a wonder I ever went on to have DS2.

Trying to enforce it was a nightmare too. My role means I’m usually the most senior person on shift. I frequently had men get in my face and say they weren’t leaving and they’d like to see me try and make them. Unfortunately for them, although little old pregnant me might not be able to make them move, I can call security and they’ll do the heavy lifting for me. Although one man did manage to throw one of those clinical waste bins at me before they arrived

Don’t you have to be buzzed into maternity ward?

I feel your pain. I stayed two nights after a section last month. No private rooms available ‘because of covid’ and partners were allowed there the whole time too. One woman had her toddler visit with her dad for three hours and she kept turning off the lights in the room and pulling back everyone’s curtains over and over and they never said anything. She knocked into my baby’s crib and I snapped at them all. Horrible experience.

One woman pressed her buzzer every five minutes throughout the night and kept having a go at her partner. It was awful I cried when they said I couldn’t go home after the first night! The midwives said they much preferred it when partners had visiting hours and then went home.

Stay strong! You’ll be home soon and look back and laugh.. maybe!

@Cuntness

I'm giving birth in a week.

FML.

You don't have to stay! Depending on the time of day you give birth, and whether or not you can pass a certain amount of wee (also of course with no complications for you or baby) then you can be discharged! I gave birth about midday and left at nine, only because my first wee wasn't quite big enough, we got a pizza on the way home 😂

@Fluteyfly

Hence why my next two babies were homebirths!!

I didn't even stay my first baby! And I'm still glad I've chosen a home birth this time around 😂 these stories are something else!

I've had 2 stays on ward, first was fine, second was horrendous, so to any worried posters it's not guaranteed to be bad!

I was so so glad I -very narrowly - escaped the post natal ward. DD was born very premature so she was in NICU. They tried to put me into a postnatal ward with other women and their husband/partners and babies but DH told them how inappropriate that was when my baby wasn't with me and thank goodness they managed to find me a private room. It was bad enough that the first night, I was in HDU after my EMCS and then brought in a woman, very jovial husband and brand new baby around 11pm and I had to listen to the husband laughing and joking with the midwives and them having tea and toast and I hadn't even met my baby yet. Their baby cried all night long. It was torture.

Slightly off topic, but I was very severely anaemic after DD was born and was prescribed chocolate - seriously. The midwives lined up at my bedside every night for some chocolate, and in return they looked after DD over night (she was a premmie though).

@TakeYourFinalPosition

I’m genuinely stunned that so many places allow Dads to stay!

My hospital will not, it’s made me feel really anxious about giving birth. You aren’t allowed to use the private rooms for maternity to avoid a “two tier system of maternity care”, and DH is allowed to be with me from active labour at 4cm until an hour after baby is born; or until I leave the recovery ward if it’s a c section. That’s all. Then they can be around at visiting times, which is currently limited to two hours a day at alternating times to the beds next door, and only one visitor.

Don't feel anxious. Birth and post birth is about you and your baby, once you're in the thick of it you'll only be focusing on one thing and your DH ain't it.

Omg you've taken me back! Worst bit for me was hemorrhage snd 3c tear so couldn't walk very well after transfusion and being in HDU. Son was in NICU several floors away snd they would call me to get me to come down to breast feed. I have no idea how I walked up and down weeping. I was a wreck. And people kept bringing in WHOLE families with takeaways etc it was hell. In the end my DH had to get quite firm that we were leaving when DS came out of NICU afher them not being able to say what the issue wss and because it was weekend no one would discharge him! They then claimed they'd lost out notes ans DH said we're leaving! Then they found them pretty quickly... I will never ever ever forget the utter JOY of being in my bed at home those first few days.

Take it easy though as the anaemia hemorrhage will make it slower to recover and you'll need all your energy to feed so STAY IN BED! Xx

22 years ago and it was much the same. Gave birth around 2 a.m and left that same afternoon in my nightie and slippers as was so desperate to get home and wouldn't wait even for DH to bring appropriate clothing.

@Thefaceofboe

Beg for a side room!! I gave birth 5 weeks ago and had one as I was in for a week, but there were multiple rooms sat empty! Turn on the water works

I agree with this, put some pressure on. Apparently according to a family member who’s a midwife they don’t like women in side rooms because it’s harder to keep an eye on them in case they become unwell. You need sleep and rest in general though, so failing that I’d consider discharging yourself as soon as baby is well enough.

Urgh post natal wards are hellish. Having my second during the winter lockdown was amazing. Only one other mum on the ward, no visitors except for when our husbands came to take us home the following day. The midwives even let us have our curtains drawn round our beds the whole time.

@RachelHasThoseInBurgundy

Trying to enforce it was a nightmare too. My role means I’m usually the most senior person on shift. I frequently had men get in my face and say they weren’t leaving and they’d like to see me try and make them. Unfortunately for them, although little old pregnant me might not be able to make them move, I can call security and they’ll do the heavy lifting for me. Although one man did manage to throw one of those clinical waste bins at me before they arrived

Don’t you have to be buzzed into maternity ward?

Yes. But they were allowed on the labour ward, and would then insist they wouldn’t leave once the baby was born.

Tell them the baby needs feeding. I completely underestimated how much my dd needed feeding when first in the ward so she was understandably hard to settle!

What has gone wrong with our species that we leave newborns in cots to cry?.

@Fluffycloudland77 that's clearly the exception though isn't it. Not 'our species'. I don't know anyone who would leave a newborn to cry.

Many, many (36) years ago when I had my first child, the bed opposite me had the curtains drawn but you could hear the poor lady crying out in pain, the nurses opened the curtains screamed for security and it turned out the bastard man was raping her, less than 12 hours after her baby was born...I always wondered what became of her and her baby. Poor poor woman :(

@YoureAllABunchOfBastards

God, when I had DS1 I was stuck in the corner of the ward. The woman in the next bed shouted all day and snored all night. Then she had a billion visitors who shoved their chairs into my curtain. I couldn't get out of bed easily anyway - c-section- and so on one side I had her and on the other side my way out was blocked by the sodding door. DH came in, spent ten minutes talking to me and then went straight to enquire about a side room. They didn't have one but they did move me to a quieter ward!

Are you me? I was in the corner and had the massive extended family all visiting at once shoving their chairs back against my curtain, knocking DD's fishtank at one point (whereupon I did yell at them), also a 17 year old who spoke in a very loud, very babyish voice at her child when the poor thing cried "No, Rhianna, mummy is very unhappy when oo cry, oo mustn't cry or mummy will be SAD, oo are such a pwetty girl oo mustn't cry" - ad infinitum all night. Thankfully she was gone in 24 hours (I was stuck there for a week after an emergency section and DD's jaundice), but she was replaced by a moody cow who brought in a radio (a fecking RADIO!) and kept it on all night, tuned to a station just loud enough to hear but not loud enough to make out what it was, which was bloody infuriating. I complained and the midwife basically shrugged and said 'what you gonna do'. I was then physically threatened by a father who was trying to get into the maternity ward as I was going out to the loo and when I reported the mad bastard ( he was seriously deranged, shouting and swearing) they looked at me like I'd made it all up.

I ended up having such a panic attack over being stuck in that hellhole that they gave me an EEG for chest pains because I was so stressed... I could not get out of there soon enough.

OP - I hope you're able to escape soon.

Congratulations x
Definitely strangle him 🤣 hopefully he’ll be gone soon.
Everyone saying post natal wards are hell.. agreed! I could bore you with the many irritating things I experienced but what Is up with the mums who snore like fucking pigs right through baby screaming.. like every time ?? That baffles me, I know we are a whole new level of exhausted but wake up 🤣

This is why I had a homebirth with my second. I hated that sodding postnatal ward and was there for ages as DD was badly jaundiced.

For those about to give birth that are really worried reading this, remember that people are more likely to share bad experiences than good ones in a thread like this.

My stays were fine. The first time there was baby that cried all night (mum was struggling with bf) which was frustrating given my baby slept great that first night, but it wasn't her fault. Second night i had a private room.

With my second, there was an annoying when in the ward who was watching tv very loudly, but nothing major, and it was only for a few hours and then i was lucky to get a private room again.

So 4 nights in all - 2 ward and 2 private room. For both i was treated well, had did bright to my bed, jugs of water etc, and they truly encouraged us to use the buzzer.

Every hospital is different.

@thequeenoftarts oh god, I think that must be one of the worse things I've ever read. That poor, poor woman

[quote shouldistop]@thequeenoftarts oh god, I think that must be one of the worse things I've ever read. That poor, poor woman [/quote]
I was only 16 at the time but omg I was so heartbroken for her. She has stayed in my thoughts for all that time, I truly hope she got her happy ever after and he died screaming